Your princess of anime @tinyanimeprincess - Tumblr Blog

Well. Its official.

I've lost my big sister. She hates me. She still wont say it. She's still faking like she loves me. But her actions have shown me the truth. Everyone leaves. Everyone. Even when they promise they won't. They leave anyway. Guess I'm just really that unlovable. I'll just die now.. it's the only way I can make sure I don't bother anyone anymore. Good bye.

#suicide #loss #big sister #gone

My sister has grown to hate me.

At least, that's what it feels like. She pushed me away. Now I'm all alone. I want to die. It hurts too much to keep going. I think she's slowly realizing that she's been faking it all this time. Faking being my best friend and big sister. I'm the only one who needs her. She doesn't need, or even want me. I'm hurting so bad emotionally, I feel it physically. All because the one person who has been my true support, the one person who promised they'd never leave me, has left me. And I dont know why. I dont know what I did wrong. Am I really that unlovable? Am I really that worthless? Why did you leave me? Why did you break your promise? Why did you lie to me? I trusted you. And you left anyway. Why did you leave me alone?

#mental illness #mental health #death #wishing i was dead #sorry im your burden #ill die now #bye #broken #broken promises #alone #depression #bipolar #anxitey #broken heart

whitepeopletwitter

Just a vent...

Slowly coming to the realization that my best friend, who's more like a big sister to me, doesn't have time for me anymore. By default, she doesn't care for me anymore. The only problem is, she's too nice of a person to say it. Which honestly hurts more because it feels like she's forcing herself to be my friend. I miss her, but she doesn't miss me. She's too busy to even think about me. I know its selfish and I'm a jerk for thinking like this, but my feelings are my feelings. I'll never tell her how I feel, I'll just leave her alone and stop trying so hard. That way I'll fade into an afterthought and she won't somehow blame herself. I love my sister, and I hate myself for burdening her.

#vent post #mental health #mental illness #sad thoughts #i miss my sister so much #i want to cry #or die

whitepeopletwitter

tinyanimeprincess

There's no saving some people 🤦🏿‍♀️

guilty-highway

They always leave me.

You always leave me.

Why did I think it would be different this time?

It never is.

You never loved me from the start.

Sometimes you'll feel trapped inside.

#mental health #mental illness #mentally drained #trapped in your own head #it gets better #maybe not now #but it will be okay #Spotify

Some days are shit and that's okay.

#mental health #mental illness #alec benjamin #just because you feel bad about the day doesn't mean you're always going to feel that way.#i swear that im not a cynic #its not as simple as just changing my point of view #it's not my fault #Spotify

deadbyinsidee

Had a conversation with my uncle today. Even though I'm well past the age, I still haven't finished high school. Periodically my family reminds me of how much of a disappointment I am. When I tried my best aat my final 2.5 classes, I failed. I tried again and failed, and I've tried again with the same results. You see, about half way through senior year, I broke. Every thing I had suppressed for years suddenly became too much to bare. I couldn't focus. Every time I tried resulted in a breakdown, me crying, and the only thing I wanted to do was sleep. I've gotten better, but when I go to try again I'm right back to the anxiety, the fear that my best will never be good enough, the fear that, if I fail again, I'll be looked at as an even bigger disappointment than I am now. It hurts... a lot. What hurts more is being told my depression and anxiety are a choice. Being told I chose this state of mind. Being told I'm not trying when I am. Being told that everyone has anxiety and gets down sometimes, which is true, but it's different when there's a chemical imbalance in your brain. Being told that I'm using it as an excuse. Being told I'm choosing to stay down. As if anyone would choose to be this way. As if I actually like the breakdowns, the constant reminder that I'm a failure of a person, the anxiety that just sits in the corner of my mind never shutting up, the near constant state of exhaustion. The conversation with my uncle basically ended with him saying I'm just not trying. He doesn't see the constant battle I wage against myself every single day. He doesn't see, doesn't try to see, how hard it is for me to leave my bed, to stay out of my room and pretend like I'm okay so my mom doesn't lecture me about being lazy. Then they get upset and act like I betrayed them when I talk to literally anyone but them. I genuinely want to give up, to disappear. I want the pain to stop. It's hard when the only pattern you have is one of failure to do simple tasks, like finishing high school. Its not that I don't want to try again, its that if I do, I'll have to face the same failures. And if I fail again, they'll all hate me even more so than they do now. I wish it was as easy as not thinking about it and just doing it.

#depression #mental health #mental illness #mentally drained #tired #i'm tired #anxitey #its a never ending cycle #send help #im tryin so hard #im trying #you dont even understand #you dont see me #my pain is invisible but its still here #it's not the same #it's not my fault #its not as simple as just changing my point of view #how do i make you understand

The Start of the story my mind creates as an escape.

So, I'm terrible at writing stories. So this will be a general outline of my main recurring daydream. The one that usually makes me feel at ease, but depending on my thoughts that day it can get really messed up.

In this dream, I have a boyfriend named Alec, he's a really sweet boy. The back story for him is, we met as kids, we were more like frienmies. We fought like we hated each other, but when it came down to it, we enjoyed each other's company. When we were teens his family moved away and we lost contact, but one day he came back. We linked up with each other, spent time together and soon started dating.

This is the part where you'll all realize I'm a hopeless romantic ad I love sappy love stories.

Our dates mainly consist of watching a movie on the couch together and eating snacks, or pizza, or whatever was for dinner that night. We'd have arguments like any other couple, but we had our way of getting through them. Alec is an oncology RN, he had lost family, including his mother, to cancer and he wanted to be on the side helping others to fight. As hard of a job as it is, he enjoyed being able to help others.

I'll leave off here for now. It's already a long post. I'll keep adding in a separate post. More about the story, and some of its darker spots. I have a strange mind, but I'm used to it.

#maladaptive daydreaming #intrusive daydreaming #mental illness #mental health #storytelling #my story #yall my brain makes characters with whole stories to them.

Soooo, I've just discovered that there are entire communities full of people who day dream as an escape from reality. These people actually have brains that take one thought and run wild, creating a whole story in the process, sometimes good, sometimes bad.

Yall. I'm not the only one who deals with this on a daily basis. There's people who actually understand.

#maladaptive daydreaming #intrusive daydreaming #mental illness #mental health #itsnotjustme

the-diabolic-acid

Psychology is so weird because here I was thinking I was weird for constantly creating and acting through stories when I’m daydreaming and walking around coming up with plots but it’s a thing???? A defined thing by psychologists??????????? Like saying I go through stories in my head is so much less validating than “I deal with maldaptive daydreaming”

Guys it’s a THING

tinyanimeprincess

I'm not the only one who does this?!?! You have no idea how much better I feel knowing its not just my weird brain.

Reality is a lot to deal with. Depression is hard. Bipolar disorder adds a flair I don't need, and anxiety makes it impossible to get the rest I need. So, I daydream. Its more like an escape from reality, I know they're just dreams, not real, but its easier to live inside them when I have nothing else to do. I feel sorry for those who have to deal with me.

#mental illness #mental health #depression #lost in a daydream #daydreaming

Random things about me:

I daydream.... a lot. Maybe I'll share some of those here. They're my escape from reality.

I have depression, bipolar depression, and an anxiety disorder. It's a mess in my head😆

I love making up stories, but writing them down isn't my strong suit. This goes back to my daydreaming habit.

I love anime, it's one of the few things that still brings me joy. Personal favorites: My Hero Academia, Your Lie in April, Naruto, Sailor moon, Maid Sama, Uta no Prince Sama, March Comes in like a Lion, Toradora, Food Wars.... the list goes on.