Janien

Wandering Through A Grey Dream

[tinybeautifulthing]

The story starts with green eyes mistaken for love Mornings turned to nights Nights turned to days And here goes a warm touch confused with home

Rain pours on windows and your bedsheets become safety nets Walls come falling down with too many “am I good enough"s I watch you walk around the table and the world is peaceful My heart skips a beat and shame makes it harder to love

If I stay, I break it all to little pieces, so push me away Push me away as far as you could.. Because the way I see it, the story ends with green eyes that were once mistaken for love

- GreenEyes always leaves

[tinybeautifulthing]

Life is all about you

When you jump off a cliff to the pit of depression

I see it in your walk

I see it in how you talk

In the way you ignore my existence

How I suddenly become a ghost of a washed out memory

When your arms that once felt like home become a stranger

How you almost fell in love with me.. but you didn’t 

Because depression feels safer. 

The days you jump higher to touch cloud nine 

And I become the center of the universe 

I feel it in the way you caress my skin and press me against yours 

In how I make you laugh 

How your arms are my home away from home 

In sweating bodies peaking and crashing down

 And how I see no world beyond your bed sheets 

In how you almost fell in love me.. but you know..

- Why is depression always feels safer than my embrace in all seasons?

[tinybeautifulthing]

Same old, same old What does this even called? Bored? let me entertain you with my depression stories Wait.. this came out wrong I mean stories of bravery and heroism That time i didn’t kill myself when a guy abandoned me in the middle of nowhere But lets discuss plans to make you stay It’s not getting too late Isn’t it? It’s only 3 in the morning and i feel like discovering the city Some days, I get really busy At times, i cry in the bathroom I don’t work very well under pressure Treasure? Yea, I’d go for a hunt You cross my mind a lot in a day And I don’t know how to make it stop The clock? Because my heart is racing faster than a horse Dolor in Spanish means pain Before you go ahead and judge me insane I tried it to learn the language but I thought I ought to figure out love first Doesn’t it really happen at first sight, does it? I think I’ll just flee to Spain then

- Excuse me, I’m about to Spain

[tinybeautifulthing]

I can feel you creeping in my viens Eyes locked, it doesn’t feel like me.. but it’s me .. and since when it’s hard to express what I feel Your lips are softer than cocunt palm and I dont know what to talk about, so excuse me if I start talking about trees

The weather is nice today but I’d rather discuss art But I love summer and reading by the beach

Have they named every emotion out there? I mean how they write books with only 27 letters Or maybe it should be as simple as two people getting together

What’s your favorite band again? Wait.. what did you learn from this feeling called pain? I like how music possesses my soul Sometimes, I like what drugs do to my brain

But my body is at peace when I’m lyig next to you My favorite concert is definitely the one from the night before I got to show off some moves I learnt at that dance class Lands? I haven’t been around much but Lebanon has the best greens I’m more into the movement of our bodies upon your sheets Isn’t that sweet? But tell me how you got over the love of your life again Aren’t break ups insane? How would I know? I just escape Don’t worry I’m not running away I mean.. not any time soon My favorite is the basic spoon I’m too much? Ah don’t tell me about it I have heard it so many times it still hurts Oh it burns But I got to keep the strong facade To survive the universe Don’t tell me .. let’s just enjoy our state Fate? That’s utter bullshit right there! You’d like to go where? Because I would follow you to cloud 9 and down to the deepest oceans Look! We’re back to talking emotions Not my strongest feature My intellect isn’t too intellectual when it comes to love.. What .. love??????? Shit.

-I like it when I feel things and write about them

[tinybeautifulthing]

I spent my life waiting..

Waiting for my parents to notice my high grades For them to hear my teachers praise me instead of looking the other way

Waiting for my sister to stop panicking To tell me what’s wrong And maybe for a change ask me to stay

Waiting to finish school and run away Somewhere far from home

Waiting to be loved for who I truly am Even tho I have no idea what I’ve become Or who I used to be

Waiting, crying by the phone for a text For someone, anyone, to tell me it’s gonna be okay

Waiting for my traumas to be washed away

Waiting to fall in love with myself But I don’t know what I’ve grown to become Or who I used to be

And only then I will fall in love with you.

[tinybeautifulthing]

I can't get enough of you on Saturdays Tho your arms are like a death sentence But you hold me and it feels so tender Have I ever told you that your embrace is my shelter?

Sundays we are in love I no longer believe it's nothing but imbalanced brain chemicals We have pancakes for breakfast And how come everything feels surreal?

Mondays are anxieties....

I don't want to see your face You disappear for the day And settle for calling these kind of Tuesdays a phase

We are okay.. Has God created the universe on a Wednesday? I also wonder if your arms still feel like a death sentence.. You called mine a broken home

I spend my Thursday morning contemplating on the reasons that make you stay When you always come back when I shove you to walk away

But on Friday I realize I'm so in love with you that I want you gone I must have mistaken your arms for heaven Otherwise, how come I had no nightmares last night?

[tinybeautifulthing]

Your love is shooting stars burning up through my mind

A lost asteroid in space 

Puzzle pieces never falling into place

My love is like a comet feeding on your fire 

It makes my skin melt

My spine bent

And we are stardust

Your words are like seeds growing flowers around my body 

My words are like nothing at all 

I always catch myself running against your wall

Your touch is like peace 

I can feel every inch in me becoming a little more tender 

My touch is a shuttered island 

Dare I say it makes you shiver

Your lips are sins pressing against mine 

 Scaring me of ever letting go 

 Love, don't let me go

[tinybeautifulthing]

I'm on the floor Surrounded with piles of paper Staring at the door Thinking how much I can become a suffocator I hear him singing from the other room And a melody transcends me to the moon

And I fall back Crashing down Ten million heartbeats per second When it stops And I wish my heart would stop To find my way without you

Lighting up cigarettes Pouring salt on my wounds Am I really trying to find my way without you? Because I find myself hiding in your arms where I don't belong I'm just another mysterious manic pixie dream girl in an indie pop song

And I fall back Crashing down My heart skips ten million beats When I leave And it's too hard to leave

My palms are covered in sweat I'm chasing down your silhouette I'm lost in the dark, in my head

You're the fire under my skin The voices taking over my mind Pulling me back to where it all began When I found my way without you, babe

-Every time I try to move on, I find myself running back to you

[tinybeautifulthing]

"Your story isn't over" #weekend #nofilter #tattooed (at Royal Club Mohamed-Aly)

[tinybeautifulthing]

Your voice is haunting, resonating through the alleys like church bells on a Sunday morning. You’re daunting me, scaring me of stepping out of my shrine, your love is making me blind 

No, I’m not trying to hide 

I’m just keeping my heart safe away from you ..

[tinybeautifulthing]

I'm a little bit dramatic, a little bit of a narcissist and sometimes depressed You also said I was so full of life the first time we met You think my struggles are too small compared to the world That my feelings are invalid but I still can feel It's pathetic when one's perception of life is not too real I'm too intense, too consumed in my own spirals of thoughts Swinging between extremes, pushing buttons of all kinds of moods I interpret life differently It's too black or too white I change my skin like a snake and I can be as mean But I'm too sensitive to whatever you say because all I hear are crazy wicked schemes I'm sorry I don't belong or live in the in-betweens Not too sorry I can't be anyone else but me -Feelings are always valid Photography: @amrmedhat87 #poetry #poetsofinstagram #poetsofig #photography #art #caironights

[tinybeautifulthing]

I'm a little bit dramatic, a little bit of a narcissist and sometimes depressed You also said I was so full of life the first time we met You think my struggles are too small compared to the world That my feelings are invalid but I still can feel It's pathetic when one's perception of life is not too real I'm too intense, too consumed in my own spirals of thoughts Swinging between extremes, pushing buttons of all kinds of moods I interpret life differently It's too black or too white I change my skin like a snake and I can be as mean But I'm too sensitive to whatever you say because all I hear are crazy wicked schemes I'm sorry I don't belong or live in the in-betweens Not too sorry I can't be anyone else but me

-Feelings are always valid

[tinybeautifulthing]

Your love is a phantom passing through my body, whispering coldness into my limb, numbing me... your love is a nightmare.

- About Love

[tinybeautifulthing]

I heard her cries echo through the walls. I found her in the bathroom pouring her soul out of her eyes.. they glowed like comets burning across the room, I asked why and she said "because I'm too scared you might leave and I don't want you to stay".. Her state didn't make any sense and I couldn't fight her little demons dancing around us... So I stood there, watching her helplessly.. till she is worn out.

- State (a series of very short stories)

[tinybeautifulthing]

#SelfLoveAndAcceptancePost I am proud of myself that I can still leave bed everyday, smile, talk to people and have fun. I am proud that I don't succumb easily to depression, anxiety, stress... I am glad I don't cut.. I am proud that I never followed those voices in my head telling my to end my life now... Everyday is a battle. And you gotta learn how to love yourself first

[tinybeautifulthing]

I am stuck in a loop of emotional distortion.. every emotion is a jagged piece, a being on its own, they never fit together; constantly demanding to be deeply felt .. all at once.. My poor brain can't keep up.. so I sedate it..

[tinybeautifulthing]

My heart is breaking over human beings ending their lives, traumatized by the hunger of rulers sucking up young souls while sipping on wine. Sister, we are selling our morals to pay rent, praise the Lord for a couple of cents; I stand there counting the supper pennies and you escape to a letter an old lover once sent. We struggle to happiness but the world doesn’t seem to leave us alone.. I cry blood over bodies getting jailed, tortured till they forget how to scream; strangled in the middle of the night yet still praying for the mysterious savior, and helplessly plead. What kind of a game we are trapped in and why are we here? she says “baby girl, you are too young to question the existence of souls” but what do I do when my organs escape my body and I am as weightless as a feather in a cold winter night, when your figure isn’t here to grab on to and I can’t sleep, ghosts dancing to the sound of my heartbeats around me.. I can feel those ugly fingers around my neck choking me, swearing there would be no more life left in me. Sister, I can’t breathe, anxiety is swallowing all my happy dreams and the pills aren’t doing their magic as the doctor prescribed. There’s something killing me slowly inside. My chest is crashing over my tiny heart trying to stay one more day alive. I can’t see how astonishing the world is and nihilism is the only thing that makes sense to me.. I am filled with rage and hopelessness.. Look around you.. We are only sucking in vibes of hatred and envy, there’s no more love left in this world and only lovers are doomed to suffer.. and I don’t want to suffer alone Sister, don’t leave me alone here.. live with me.. or let’s not live at all…