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gotta love not having a car to drive and needing my mother to drive me home from work, only to have her text me (when I cannot check my phone at work) halfway through my shift telling me to get an uber. I am now $33 dollars in the hole for her crap and unable to go home. Yay!

#shitpost #pissed at my ma #what the fuck #you can’t do that

Sometimes you don’t need a superhero. Two lesbians with anger issues and alien tech, and a gay couple consisting of a French gorilla and a German brain piloting a robot is just as good, if not better.

#my adventures with superman #dc animated universe #two things to improve on tho:#gimme my Kon-el punk baby (not Jon he is a normal child stop making him punk)#and gimme some Brucie Wayne talking to badass Lois #She would clock his shit so fast he’d get whiplash

work cancelled today because the pool deck is flooded. doggy had surgery to remove the sock in his belly (he ate one too many socks, had to face Consequences), and he is recovering. Instead of teaching swim lessons, I am being squished into the couch by eepy baby puppy (he has to take sedatives for two weeks while he heals). I am toasty warm and comfy but I have stuff to do. The horrors of Adulting.

#shitpost #so eepy #Bernie is gonna be okay #he just has to be a chill puppy for two weeks #He tends not to do so hence the sedation #I’m so cozy I might fall asleep #Not great for me but eh #warm and comfy

diyadoesntdowhatshessupposedto

Been home for about 4 hours now but, it is kinda weird to be actively working in a diner when the power goes out.

Like it was clear skies outside right up until my boss shows up and basically right when she comes through the door the heavens release the craziest thunderstorm I’ve been in since I was a child. So she’s like we should start closing cause I think we should go home early and then as I am wrapping the fruit salad the power goes out and I have to try and figure out with the cook whether we should plate my tables food (which finished right before) for here or to go. And then the computers were down cause we had no power and the roof was leaking so my coworkers and I were sitting in a booth in the dark waiting for my boss to figure out how to get the register open to give us our tips so we could go home.

I couldn’t go home the normal way cause a tree fell across the road and took down a power line so I went the other way, but I had to take a longer detour cause there was another fallen tree so I decided to go to my moms house instead. Which ig she called to tell me to do anyway but I must have been driving cause I didn’t see.

diyadoesntdowhatshessupposedto

Update: the powers still out so we can’t open and I don’t have to go in

tiredlazyfrog

solid vibes. I work at a pool so I gotta go in bc we have generators :(

#lifeguard #wish I could stay home today #alas I require money

Taught my first set of swim lessons today!

the kids are great, totally awesome. Side note, they are now learning to do turns by imagining violence against my brother.

kids are great.

#shitpost #lifeguard #swim instructor vibes #the children will never find my tumblr #it is safe here from the Gen Alpha #They make me feel so old

migraine still here, sorry for 5:30am post.

In slightly better news, I am now wearing headphones and sunglasses, looking absolutely fabulous, and being mocked by my sister.

I also took extra strength headache meds.

we gonna see where the day takes us

#shitpost #migraine #I’m just a silly little guy why must I have ow #Dad says I don’t get migraines. tell that to the last FOUR ocular migraines I had in high school #with those I could not see out of my left eye #was lotsa fun #prob have a medical condition but I’m a broke college student who can’t even afford therapy #so we free ballin this shit #despite the two medical providers in my households #and the fact I’m a premed student #maybe I will do some art today if my brain cooperates #any migraine relief tips are appreciated

when you awake with a migraine.

is time for coffee

#shitpost

I have a question, tumblr.

How am I the “strange one” when my sister is over here talking about how hard it is to resist the temptation of making CRYSTAL METH in her chem research lab???

I’m just out here befriending the crows to study their societies and I’M the weird one????

#shitpost #I never volunteered to be the normal one #middle child vibes #nonbinary #she’s a chemistry major and pseudo-grad student #yet she’s fully neurotypical #I’m the one with add and who most people think is autistic #not diagnosed but eh I already got the fast version #that being ADD #wohoo #why the fuck #questions #fuckin chemistry #fuckin chemists #chem major vs pre-med student

More core 4 as convos ive had

Tim: Cassie why you inside? We have work to do

Cassie: boob sweat

Tim: sorry?

Cassie: b o o b. s w e a t.

Kon: do you ever get the urge to just bite your own fingers off?

Cassie: no wtf

Kon: but it is apparently like biting a carrot

Cassie: there is something deeply wrong with you.

Bart: gotta get the zoomies out

Tim: … you’re lying on the floor

Bart: HORIZONTAL ZOOMIES

Tim: don’t do substances, people. Except caffeine. Do all the caffeine.

Kon: please don’t do all the caffeine

Tim: listen after the third monster I am capable of beating god in a fistfight. I like these odds.

bonus batfam:

Tim: sometimes I worry about you.

Dick: aww that’s sweet! I worry about you too!

Tim: more often I worry about those around you. They are subjected to your questionable decisions and likely deserve some sort of compensation for their struggles.

my father: *reaching hand out in a stretch*

my (14 y/o) brother: *attempts to bite*

me: I KNEW YOU WERE FERAL

my brother: IT WAS A JOKE

me: I TOLD YOU HE HAS BITTEN ME

my mum, watching the whole time: WHY ARE YOU BITING YOUR FATHER?! [puppy’s Name], is that who you are now?!

#legit he tried to bite my dad’s arm #he will never know peace #he will never live this down #middle child vibes #my parents have a stabby eldest and a biting youngest #and all I got was mental illness #how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions #shitpost #pride month

Me: wants spicy food

My father: do you want to kill your brother?

Me: May I go cook over a fire instead? He can have wood ash like our ancestors did and stuff it

My father: … you can put the chilies in after you serve your brother

#shitpost #convo with dad #I swear my brother thinks black pepper is spicy #this is sad bc we grew up eating white people food #and I only now get to eat my spicy food #but also I wanna make succotash #give my baby bro some corn beans and squash like the good old days #indigenous #native american #pride month #nonbinary #give that boi some spicy food

fell asleep and forgot day eight. Not great at this

Kon-El is a Leo and nobody can convince me otherwise

#shitpost #kon el superboy #konner kent #kon el #dc superboy #pride month #lgbt pride #lgbtqia

tiredlazyfrog

at this point I’m tired of putting “prefer not to answer” on my job applications when they ask me my gender. Remove the question. I will never answer. My identity is a surprise you find out at the interview when I show up appearing as gender ambiguous as humanly possible in order to disguise the fact I am thousands of bees in a skin suit. No I am not buzzing. There was no option for Hive Insects on the form. This was your decision. I am consequences.

one-hell-of-a-showtime

@theshitpostcalligrapher please

theshitpostcalligrapher

oops i got carried away

tiredlazyfrog

good gods we did not intend for this to get so large. this is glorious. the bees approve.

theshitpostcalligrapher

dude one enbee to another, i'm glad you like it! i'm thinking of adding a fun little bee illustration border hehehehe

tiredlazyfrog

Thank you @wintersoldierfell and everyone who got me to 10000 reblogs!

#10000 reblogs #tumblr milestone #thank you

day seven

doing a pride dragon embroidery to start my foray into beadwork. dropped twelve teeny beads on the floor. it is going well.

#shitpost #pride month #embroidery woes

day six of pride post

I am now the Boat person at work. I do not know why.

#They made me row a boat as an example #I kept spinning #was not great #shitpost #nonbinary #enbee #pride month

day five of daily pride posts to appease the bees:

Started an embroidery that I plan to do beadwork on. Why did nobody ever inform me that I’m not supposed to use the whole fucking bundle when embroidering. it’s so much easier with fewer strands. WHAT THE FUCK

#shitpost #embroidery #embroidery woes #smacked my hand today and have a wicked bruise #pride month #lgbt pride #lgbtqia

finishing up day 4 of pride month posting to appease the Bees.

Yesterday I passed a barber shop that had the following prices listed in their window:

Women:

Men: 25

Tuesday: 35

the three genders of hair: man, woman, or Tuesday.

Rb if you, too, are Tuesday.

Anyways, to all of my lgbtqia+ folks out there, young and not so young:

You are important.

You are worthy of love.

Family is not defined by blood, it is defined by those who prove themselves worthy of that title.

Happy pride.

#shitpost #happy pride 🌈#genderfluid pride #if your parents are assholes about your identity I’m your new gay mom/dad/parent #I will provide dad jokes and teach you how to fold a fitted sheet #I can also teach you to cook and how to take care of your hair #you are loved #you are enough #lots of love

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