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"If I was 9 years old I'd call this a piece of poo" - rave most people who visit this blog

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When your parents start talking grandkids

Me: I use 3 forms of contraceptive for a reason

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I love you sweetheart

If I get everything done before 1pm tomorrow, we're going for beers And we're gonna talk world domination And talk stupid stuff too And maybe some serious stuff

And then I'm gonna kiss you and tell you I love you - But that's a given. BUT U DON'T KNOW WHEN THO

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Me before working customer service: People are reasonable.

Me after working customer service: There are a lot of mental illnesses that go un-diagnosed.

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Bathroom Policy

I used to have a bathroom policy: If you can't pass your class, then you can't pass your lunch. I never told people about this, but I would not allow myself to get up for anything until I had thoroughly completed whatever content I needed to understand. 

I had felt the needed to punish myself. In my mind, I had been a failure for so long. I had convinced myself that if I failed any more, the sky would cave-in on everything. I put so much on myself.

[tw-depression]

I think after tyler durden, erika has said the most memorable quotes i have ever heard. 

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it was that idea that calmed me down from a lot of anxiety. 

for a lot of us, it won’t end well

but for what we have and can do, we need to make the best of it

being self sacrificing all the time, you always fixate on impending doom

sometimes, it’s okay to be selfish

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4 weeks left hissy fit

when your professors are so nice and they expect you to climb Mt. Everest and cure cancer and I know I'm failing their expectations and I just want to quit so badddddddddddddd

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When your S.O. wants to participate in dangerous sports

S. O.: Honey, I want to go skydiving.  Me: If you die I’ll kill you

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Just because it won’t be a happy ending doesn’t mean you can’t have a beautiful story. 

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When you’re sharing a document and one of your homies has 2 midterms tomorrow

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When studying photosynthesis prevents you from getting any direct sunlight and it's 2am and you're thinking: No wonder plants could never get degrees. The educational system is working against them.

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Caramel: Pronunciation Edition

I don’t understand how some people find nothing wrong with their pronunciation of caramel.

It’s not car-mel, it’s ca-ra-mel.

Pronouncing it with two syllables is like rejecting the middle vowel.

What, is the fact that its the middle vowel not good enough for you? Do you use the excuse that you already have a first born “a” vowel to completely reject the second consonant as if it never existed. YOU SHOULD ACKNOWLEDGE ALL OF YOUR CONSONANTS DAMN IT! EVERY ONE OF THEM IS SPECIAL, AND YOU SHOULD PAY RESPECTS AS SUCH.

Seriously, I really hope you never have more than one child - because your favoritism over simple consonants in word families is just atrocious.

[i-cannot-live-without-coffee]

Are you my mother?

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Yes - and I don’t approve that “PORN BLOGS” are the first two words in your blog description. In the adult world, we use more subtle acronyms such as NSFW. It has more grace, darling. 

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See this ring? It meas that I can commit to a human being for the rest of my life, while you can't even commit to a major.

Sick Burn of the Day #delivered

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Not her biggest fan.

Max: (Insert ex-coworker's name) is pregnant -

Me: Of course she is.

Max: - with twins.

Me: Stop.

Max: and their names are Luke and Leia.

Me: Does that mean she wishes to die during birth and for the father of her children to go on and become a dark overlord? How noble. Humanity must really feel the need to praise her now.

Max: I love you.

Me: Good morning to you too.

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Q & A return

Q: You used to have so many followers. What happened?

A: She stopped being obnoxious and started getting serious about school.

Note: But let's not forget your frequent social-media friends-lists cleansing. You have a compulsive need to keep things small and tight.

That's what she said: Yah ya do.

Q: But will you be just as serious this semester as last? Lately you've been having a creative renaissance.

A: Two sketches and a watercolor painting ain't shit.

Note: She also re-visited reading leisurely.

A: Don't be fooled. Once the semester hits she always goes cold turkey.

Q: I wonder, Erika, when you can get back to doing the things you love?

Self: You know, Q, I wonder the same thing. Then again, perhaps running a pretentious blog based on self-conflict was never really what I loved. It was just a hobby to fill in the gaps between clumsy dating and not studying. The purpose of this blog used to be a safe space - carefully labeled under a false name, unprofessional email, and unrecognizable profile picture. It was a place for me to stage the thoughts and ideas I had to an audience whom I had no intention of making real. This place, is a fantasy - and the only reason why I would bother returning is because I want to escape the reality I'm in.

Q: So, what is it that you're running from?

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His Alma Mater

Me: I'm headed to LB to check out the credentialing programs.

Max: Avoid Belflower like hell... and... when you get there, do me a favor

Me: Yes?

Max: Enjoy it.

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#First_world_problems

[sailorbirdie]

I’m in such a fucking foul mood right now

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So is he ^