The Other December 9--Two Years
The Other December 9
Posted on December 9, 2014
He said you were dead and I wanted to put my fist Through the nearest wall I wanted To scream or cry because no words could describe What it means when someone has died How could you, one moment, exist, then suddenly not be anymore, Suddenly, in the blink of an eye How could you? Nothing in me could know what that meant, to be, then suddenly, to not be The days, passed by in a blur, I didn’t speak of it How could I find the words? There was no one to tell anyway There was no one around who knew of the loss we now bore No one 2 years, it’s been 2 years since the day I heard you were gone 2 years since I was sitting in church with no where to run 2 years since that other December 9… People die every day, every hour, but you weren’t just “people” You had a name and a face, a laugh, and a kindness no one could deny though I know I tried Until today Today, Abigail, I remember you. I remember you. Though tears had long since stopped flowing from my eyes Today I remember, today, I cry The one thing you took with you, yet still left behind Was your faith in your God, Jesus Christ I didn’t understand how your parents, your brothers and sisters could cling to hope, could stand before us broken, yet strong I wondered how they were standing at all yet they were I swore I wouldn’t look at you there but I did As I passed by your coffin and saw your face, it was there, in that coffin that I threw any ounce of faith I tried to send it with you to your grave but we sang these songs And somewhere, I still believed That song that said “In Christ Alone”–my lips, frozen. My heart, numb to the core I couldn’t sing the words honestly so I didn’t sing them at all I couldn’t sing “Lord, be my vision,” your favorite hymn, when your eyes were forever closed and dimmed I couldn’t How could your God do this to you then leave us here, broken, expecting us to Trust Him to carry us through How could He? But at the same time I knew, I knew the same strength in your mother’s smile as she cried was the same faith I had seen displayed in you time after time The same Jesus that had given you life was the same yesterday, today, and for the rest of our lives Somehow, somehow, I left that building…I left your coffin and my faith behind Walked in the dark, alone, down the graveled driveway, drove home And wrote to you, begging your forgiveness, begging you to come home Begging your parents to keep the light on for you Then telling them that they didn’t have to I remember I remember the days of pain and grief that followed, the endless days and nights with no escape Feeling like there was nothing left inside–wandering around with no depth to my smile Empty, empty, empty Then crying, crying, crying Until the days came when your face only appeared in my dreams once in a while When I gazed out the window and suddenly thought of your joy and your smile Until the day came when I found the hope and faith that had been your life When the God I had buried with you rose from the ground Resurrecting me, giving faith to me to believe in the One who had set you free Until the days when my heart began to be restored to me Until the day when I will see your face again soon Until then, dear Abigail, until then, I remember you.
