the sweetest vice êŁà§ part three
â i wish i could unrecall how we almost had it all.
êŁà§ status. on-going | êŁà§ word count. 8.2k êŁà§ friends to lovers, angst, slowburn, second chances (maybe?) êŁà§ warnings. explicit sexual content. mention of self-exit (implied, not happening. ok?) angst, very very angsty.
êŁà§ summary. Yoongi drifts through life on autopilotâsleep-deprived, disinterested in school, and chasing the adrenaline of underground rap battles. Known for his cold, monotone presence, he seems untouchable, until youâthe epitome of perfection and grace, collides with him at the wrong place, at the wrong time.
As your young hearts grow fonder, Yoongiâs monotone world becomes vibrantâbut one reckless decision shifts the trajectory of your lives forever.
Years later, fate forces both of you together once moreâdifferent lives, different times. A relapse of longing, desire, abandoned feelings, and words left unsaid.
Are you willing to risk everything the second time around like a vice rekindled? this is for everyone who wants to be loved unconditionally â
â chapter ten
âOne, two, threeâkimchiii!â
âKimchiiiiâŠâ
âAigoo, the two of you are really cute together!â your mom chirps as she hands your phone back after snapping the photo.
âCongratulations again, Yoongi-ah. Are you sure you donât want to come with us to Jeju?â she adds, her attention shifting warmly to him.
Your boyfriend offers a shy smile, politely declining your momâs invitation for what feels like the nth time over the past couple of weeks.
âJust let Y/N know if you change your mind. Weâd love to have you there⊠so we can have our own private time without this ladybug hogging us,â your dad chimes in teasingly.
Today marks your graduation as a senior high school student. Youâve been in an exclusive relationship with Yoongi for over four months now, that being said, youâve already met each otherâs parents.
From the very beginning, Yoongi has been nothing but respectful, polite, calm, and collected around your parents. Because of that, theyâve had no reason not to approve of him as your boyfriend. In fact, your mom absolutely adores him. Beyond being the first guy youâve ever introduced to them, what truly won them over was how gently and consistently he takes care of you. As an only child with often-busy parents, that means more to them than anything.
And to you⊠it means everything.
These past few months have been the happiest youâve ever been, and your relationship with Yoongi is the biggest reason why. Heâs always there for you, especially during the times you felt like you were losing your mind over college entrance exams. He would stay up all night with you while you reviewed piles of thick textbooks, quietly keeping you company just in case you break down or needed someone to hold you together.
Earlier in your relationship, Yoongi shared his plans to take a gap year. He wanted to build a stronger portfolio for his music before applying to college, aiming to get into the university of his dreams. Naturally, he plans to major in music. You can see it clearlyâYoongi has a creative mind that seems to breathe life into anything related to it.
And as his girlfriend, you support him wholeheartedly.
You encourage him to seize every opportunity that comes his way during his gap year. You remind him to go the extra mile, to never box himself in, to explore, and to nurture his craft.
You promise to stand by him, no matter what. And he promises the same.
âAlright, you two enjoy the rest of your day. Make sure to let us know if youâll be coming home tonight, Y/N,â your mom says, hugging you and Yoongi goodbye.
You wait for them to get inside the car before walking toward Yoongiâs parents, who have been waiting for him. Theyâve invited you over for dinner for a small celebrationâsomething you would never turn down, especially since his mom cooks the best local food, given that she owns a restaurant.
You and Yoongi sit at the back of the car on the way to his house. You watch him quietly as he gently circles his thumb over your hand, spacing out while staring outside. Youâve noticed that Yoongi has been a little quieter than usual these past few daysâmaybe even a week. If you told anyone, theyâd say Yoongi has always been quiet, but you know better. You know heâs actually a yapper, especially when it comes to you.
Your mind drifts back to what happened a week ago, when you were hanging out in your room. You were reading a book while he strummed a few chords on the guitar you gifted him, trying to piece together a melody for a song heâd been working on.
Then his phone rang.
He excused himself to answer it, and after a few long minutes, he came back. He was smilingâbut nervously. You tried asking what it was about, but he just shrugged and said it was related to what heâd been working toward, which you knew meant building his portfolio. You didnât push further, because youâre used to him telling you everything eventually. You figured maybe it wasnât good news, and he just needed time to process it before talking to you about it.
That very same day, the sex felt different. Itâs very intimate, much more intimate than beforeâso much so that it was hard to forget. You remember how he took his time, tracing your body, kissing your lips, your neck, your skinâevery part of youâso slowly. You can still remember the way he buried himself deep inside you, not rough like you were used to, but gentle, unhurried. He didnât curse, didnât let out a single swear word no matter how good it felt. Instead, he whispered soft affirmations, almost like he was worshipping you.
It was intimate, and you felt loved.
After that day, nothing seemed to change. Everything felt normal between the two of youâstill happy, still secure. But lately, youâve been noticing him spacing out more often. Itâs not alarming, not enough for anyone else to point out, but as someone who spends every day with him, itâs noticeable.
Your train of thought were cut off when the car slows down in front of his house. He carefully guide you out and walks inside together holding hands.
During dinner, his parents are asking about your plans for college which somehow makes you a little uncomfortable because you know that they are against Yoongi taking a gap year. But you didnât fret, you came prepared. You answer their questions politely, and when it naturally drifts off to Yoongiâs âpoorâ decision as they say, of taking a gap year and choosing music, you make sure to point out that taking gap year is normal and a wise decision if you are aiming to enter your dream university, and every now and then you make sure to point out that being in the world of creatives pays good money. You tried your best to respectfully burst the bubbles in their heads that thereâs no money in art. Because itâs true, if itâs done right, and you managed to get your way to the top, art can pay tons of money. Luckily, his brother consistently backing you up all throughout the conversation. At the end of dinnerâimpressed by how smart you sounds, Yoongiâs father reminds him to not be stupid of letting you go ever which makes you a blushing mess.
You are lying in Yoongiâs bed when he gets out of the shower.
âCan I stay the night?â you ask.
Yoongi grins playfully, âYou don't have to ask, you know that right?â
âMm-hmm, just wanted to make sure my boyfriend is up for it.â you tease.
âCute.â he chuckles.
âSo, what you sayâcan I borrow a t-shirt so I can shower?â
You are already on your feet, flipping through his cabinet to search for your favorite white t-shirt, and when you found it, you catch Yoongi looking at you with full admiration. His eyes are sparkling, lips slightly curling a smile.
âWhat?â you ask.
âNothing, justâmy mind is already picturing the day where weâll share, you knowâeverything.â he replies, voice soft and sincere.
If it's other guy, youâll probably bolt through the door as fast as you can and say it's too early in your relationship to be thinking about those kind of things but it's not just any other guyâitâs Yoongi.
The guy who can make your heart flutter even with the simplest gestures, the guy who always meant what he says, the guy who can make you feel loved even without saying it out loud. The guy who takes care of you physically, mentally, and emotionally. The guy who makes you think of what your future house would look like with him in it.
It may sound insane and rash, but youâre totally seeing yourself settling with him. Not today, or next week, or next year, but soon.
âNow you're being sappy with me. What about I take a shower, then Iâll cheer you up?â you tease, snaking your arms around his neck.
âYah! Iâm being serious, don't make fun of me.â he pouts.
ââbut fuck sappy hours. I will never turn down your offer. Hmm, cheering me up? Is that so?â
âMm-hmm,â you hum in response, eyebrows wiggling as you press a soft kiss on his lips.
âCan you text my mom and tell Iâll stay here tonight?â You pull away from Yoongi and retreat to the bathroom for a shower.
â chapter eleven
The white T-shirt you borrowed from Yoongi had long since been abandoned on the floor. Your lips move against his in a rush, messy and hungry pace, as you straddle his lap in nothing but your underwear. Yoongi cups the back of your neck, pulling you closer, pressing you deeper into the kiss. His tongue sweeps inside your mouth, drawing a muffled whimper from your lips.
You can feel him hardening between your thighs, and you roll your hips subtly, testing, teasing. The friction makes your breath hitch.
Slowly, you slide off his lap, breaking the kiss. You settle between his legs, your knees lays flat on the floor as Yoongi leans back on his hands, watching you.
Your hand finds his bulge, palming him through the fabric, feeling him grow under your touch. When you tug at the waistband of his pants, Yoongi lifts his hips slightly, helping you pull them down. The fabric pools around his feet, leaving him exposed, his cock flushed and heavy in the cool air.
Your grip is soft at first, almost curious, as your fingers wrap around his shaft. Your thumb brushes over his slit, spreading the pre-cum that beads at the tip. Then your tongue followsâwarm, slowâcircling the head, tasting him. Itâs salty, but he tastes so good.
Yoongi lets out a strained groan, like it almost hurts. His hand flies to the back of your head, fingers threading into your hair, gripping a little tighter when you take him into your mouth in one smooth motion. Your lips seal around him, sinking deeper until you feel him press against the back of your throat.
You donât stop. You push further, despite the gag that rises in your chest. By the time heâs fully sheathed in your mouth, Yoongi is a wreckâcursing under his breath, voice breaking.
Slowly, you pull back, releasing him with a soft pop. When you glance up at him, he looks undoneâeyes glassy, chest rising and falling, a sheepish grin tugging at his lips.
âJesus, baby⊠thatâs so good.â
Your hand wraps around him again, steady at his base, as you lean in to drag your tongue along the underside of his length. His cock twitches against your nose.
Just as youâre about to swallow him in again, Yoongi stops you, his grip tightening gently.
âHold on, babyâwait. Iâm not gonna last if you keep doing that,â he exhales. âLet me take care of you.â
A slow grin spreads across your lips at how uncomposed he is, a clear evidence that heâs losing his mind.
You rise to your feet and reach for the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head before tossing it somewhere across the room. Then you slide your panties down your legs, letting them fall just as carelessly to the floor.
Climbing back onto his lap, you settle over him again.
The moment your wet heat brushes against his cock, the friction sends a sharp wave through you. You let out a soft, unsteady moan as you instinctively grind down, your body reacting before you can think. Yoongiâs hands grip your hips tightly, his head falling back slightly as he hisses at the contact.
âTonightâs all about you, baby.â you whisper as you grab his hard cock and line it against your heat.
Slowly, you sink down on him earning a ragged moan from the both of you. Your nails embed on his shoulders as you slowly sink deeper, feeling every vein and twitch against your soft warm walls. Yoongi is nothing different, his grasp on your hips tighten, eyes shut, and strings of low grunts are spilling endlessly out of his lips.
You pause for a moment when you bottom out, his twitching cock is sheathed all the way inside you. You can feel your walls flutter, the stretch is familiar yet still overwhelming. You press your forehead against his as you look him in the eye and he returns it.
His eyes are screaming desire, lust, worry? at the same time. When Yoongi opens his mouth to say something, you swivel your hips making him shut his eyes at your wake. His nails dig deeper in your hips, the kind where bruise will surely follow. Your breath falters as you continue grinding on top of him, his cock swiping every inch of your sensitive spots.
âY-you sure about this?â he chokes.
âIâve been thinking about this too much lately.â
Since the night in the cabin, you and Yoongi had shared incredible sex on the daily which made you question yourself a couple of times if the numbers are normal for a couple at your age. This time though hits different. Sure, youâve taken control multiple times, rode his cock until you milk him dry but this is something new because for the first time, youâre doing it without a protectionâ no latex, no rubber in between. And as if the incredible sex with him can get better, youâre not ashamed to admit that this is phenomenal.
âYou need to pull out of me when Iâ god! you feel so goodâ I-I donât think I can pull out, baby. You need to do it yourself, kay?â Yoongi manage get his words out despite of losing all coherent thoughts with how delicious this new sensation is.
âCan I say something?â you ask before adding speed to your pace grinding.
âSure, but you need to stop with the clenching because Iâm really really close.â
âI started taking birth control three weeks ago.â
Yoongi flutters his eyes open, staring directly onto you with his dark gaze and appreciation glimmering on his brown orbs. Those eyes.
âYou donât have to do that, I donât want you to do anything out of pressure.â
âRelax, I got myself checked first. And I wanted to do it for us, Iâm more than willing toâfuck! fuck!â you shove your face in the crook of his neck, unable to finish your sentence when his cock brush against your g-spot, making you quiver with immensible pleasure.
Yoongi flips you so your back lay against the mattress while he hovers on top of you. With his swift hands, he lifts both of your legs on his chest, basically folding you in half as he rut himself without restraint. Your body moves half inch higher after each thrusts. Your toes curls involuntarily while he fucks you harder than he ever did before.
You cup both of your breasts in attempt to maximize the glorious sensation radiating all over your body then suddenly a jolt of sting spreads on your face when Yoongiâs palm meets your soft cheeks.
âDo it again, baby, pleaseâ you beg, tears brimming the side of your eyes.
Another slap landed on your cheeks earning a sultry moan from the mixture of pain and pleasure, and without realizing it, you come undone. Hot fluid gush out of your hole, covering Yoongiâs dick thatâs pushing in and out of you relentlessly. An obscene wet noise coming from your dripping pussy getting destroyed flood the four corners of his room. You canât help but clench, and clench, and clench, clamping your walls around his cock as you ride your high which sends Yoongi to his peak.
With a little hesitation pooling on his chest, Yoongi spills his release inside of youâall of it, burying himself as deeper as he could while he fiddles with your fingers.
Your eyes flutters as you watch him ride his orgasm before collapsing on top of you, snuggling against your warm embrace.
God, youâre so in love.
â chapter twelve
There is an extra skip in your step as you carry your luggage into the house. You spent the last five days at your grandmotherâs home in Jeju with your parents as a graduation gift vacation, but no matter how breathtaking the places you visited were, your heart could not wait to return to Daegu and back to the love of your life.
A grin that had been plastered on your face since this morning was nowhere near fading. Yoongi slept early last night, saying he was tired from his day, and when you woke up this morning, his good morning message was the first thing you saw on your phone. After that, though, he had been radio silent all day.
Normally, you would already be pouty and upset by now, but you knew better. The thought that Yoongi might have something special prepared for your return had kept you in a good mood the entire day.
You send him a text while lying on your bed.
Hey, Iâm home. Dinner together?
When the message goes unanswered for five minutes, you send another.
Busy? I miss you, please come over and hug me. Iâm starting to forget your smell.
Another five minutes pass with nothing, so you send another text, and then another, until the third turns into a string of unanswered messages.
Donât ignore me, Yoongi!!
Sorry, are you really busy?
Iâm starting to think youâre breaking up with me or something.
KiddingâŠ
Press one for proof of life.
Hey, it seems like youâre really busy. Kk, donât want to be the annoying girlfriend. Text me when youâre available.
Yoongi, I know I said I wouldnât be annoying, but youâre making me upset right now. Itâs been four hours since I got back, and you havenât replied since this morning. Whatâs up? Iâm worried.
His lack of communication suddenly kills your appetite, enough for you to skip dinner altogether. You donât know how long you stare at your phone waiting for his reply before you eventually fall asleep.
The next morning, you jolt awake. Your hands scramble through the sheets looking for your phone, hoping Yoongiâs reason for being radio silent all day yesterday would be enough to keep you from getting upset.
Instead, disappointment crashes over you when you see there isnât a single text from him.
You make your way downstairs with a tiny bit of hope that your boyfriend is in the kitchen making breakfast, something he had done a couple of times ever since you introduced him to your parents. But the whole house is quiet. Not a single person is in sight. Your parents have already gone to work, leaving you completely alone.
You pick up your phone and dial his number as you get dressed. You are a patient woman, but everything has its limits. Whatever Yoongi is planning, a surprise or whatever the fuck it is, is not worth this kind of cold treatment.
Your eyebrows pinch together when the anger clouding your brain is suddenly replaced with genuine worry at the operatorâs voice on the other line.
âIâm sorry, the number you dialed is unavailable and cannot be reached. Please try your call again later.â
Within minutes, you are outside hailing a taxi. He better have a good reason for turning off his phone, you think as the taxi drives toward his house.
You stand in front of his gate for God knows how long. Thereâs an uneasiness swelling in your chest that makes you hesitate to knock.
Yoongi isnât like this, you tell yourself.
He knew you were coming home yesterday. You told him that before he went to sleep. You replay the days you spent in Jeju, but everything had seemed normal. You texted each other every single day, telling one another how much you missed each other. Before bed, he would call and listen to your stories about the places you visited.
No matter how hard you try, you cannot think of a single reason that would make him act like this.
If he were planning a surprise for you, he would never go an entire day without communication. No, Yoongi would never do that. He had been blowing up your phone since the moment you left for Jeju, constantly all over you ever since you started dating.
You know something is wrong.
Just as you are about to knock, you hear a voice behind you.
âY/N?â
You turn on your heels to find Yoongiâs brother standing there, holding a plastic bag full of vegetables.
âHey, is Yooââ
âAlready missing Yoongi?â he cuts you off with a sheepish grin.
Your brows furrow.
âCome on in. How long have you been here?â
You step inside while he holds the gate open for you.
âNot that long. Is Yoongi here?â
Jay, Yoongiâs brother, suddenly stops in his tracks and looks back at you with a frown, concern flickering across his face.
âWhat do you mean?â he asks.
âUh⊠he hasnât replied to my texts since yesterday. I tried calling him this morning, but his phone was turned off, so I decided to stop by and see if heâs okay.â
âY/N⊠he didnât tell you?â
Your stomach drops.
âTell me what?â
âYoongi moved to Seoul two days ago. He got accepted into a training program.â
âFor what?â
âTo become an idol.â
A loud, piercing ring fills your ears. Your vision blurs red, and for a second, it feels like your lungs stop working altogether.
You donât know what to say.
Is this a prank? Is he joking?
No.
Jayâs face is nothing but serious. You can tell he is not messing with you.
You have no idea how long you stand there staring at him, or how long you remain silent. Your brain only seems to start functioning again when Jay lifts his phone to his ear. The line rings endlessly.
âYoongi, what the fuck?â Jay snaps once the voicemail picks up. âY/N is here. Talk to her.â
He ends the call after leaving the message.
Then he looks at you carefully.
âYou want his new number?â
âNo.â
â chapter thirteen
Itâs been three days since you found out that Yoongi left for Seoul without saying anything to you. You have no idea how to process such heartbreak simply because no one ever warned you that this type of breakup could happen to you. Yes, you call this a breakup since everything the two of you built together vanished the moment he ghosted you for his dreams.
Right⊠his dreams.
You shouldâve seen the signs. For all the months youâve been together, you havenât heard him talk about his future with you in it. Not when every promise of getting off in his bed followed through.
The past few days have been hell, and it doesnât improve much. You havenât been getting proper sleep and barely eat. You refuse to tell your parents what really happened, but you know they already have an idea.
Another wave of pain tingles through your brain. Youâve been having migraines from crying these past few days, and today is no different. Although now, youâre crying for two reasons. One, because your boyfriend abandoned you like a piece of trash, and two, because you just tanked your interview at SNU.
Your college entrance interview was set earlier today, and your brain just shut off. Your confidence immediately flew out the window the moment they started asking questions. You couldnât even speak properly, and you swear the interviewer noticed that you were one thread away from crying. Thereâs no way you passed that interview, so your chance of studying at your first-choice school is zero at this point.
Who wants to go to Seoul anyway?
Did Yoongi ever anticipate that youâd pass SNU? If so, why did he go to Seoul without telling you? Heâs not stupid enough to forget that if you ever decided to go to SNU, there would be a chance youâd see him, or at least be in the same city as him.
Rivulets of tears stream from your eyes to your ears because of your own thoughts. You can think of a hundred ways to work around your relationship while studying in the same city as he chases his dreams of becoming an idol.
I guess I am not important enough to make it into his plans for the future. Just another thing at his disposal. A piece of ass he decided to leave in Daegu because idols are prohibited from dating during their first few years. Of course, no one wants a loophole that could sabotage his climb up the ladder of his career.
Your heart shatters into a million pieces once more as those truths cloud your brain. How could he leave you like that? How could he pretend and say he misses you and canât wait for you to come back, only for you to return to him running away from everything you built together?
No, he didnât run away. He disappeared because you were that easy to dispose of.
You log into your social media account and visit his page. He rarely uses social media, so youâre not sure what youâre even looking for. When thereâs nothing to scroll through on his feed, you click the message button and send a voicemail.
Hey, I just wanted to know why you left. Please call me when you get this.
Just once. One more try at saving the sinking ship because God forbid you love the man who made you feel unimportant enough to leave without saying goodbye. Despite your resolve, your heart is more than willing to forget everything heâs done if heâll just say heâs sorry.
8 months later
Your walk is a little wobbly as you try to get out of the BBQ pub with your friends beside you, giggling over something you canât even remember. Your college friends think itâs best to celebrate your birthday, which falls on a Friday night, by stuffing yourselves with good meoksal and getting hammered. Thatâs how you end up face-fuck drunk with a bunch of wild nerds.
You look at one of your friends trying to hand you a cigarette.
âYou know I donât smoke,â you say in refusal.
âOh, câmon, Y/N! Just try it so you donât end up looking like a goody-goody among your friends.â
âNo, thanks!â
âYah! Stop pushing Y/N. This bitch has never smoked in her life. You donât stand a chance,â your other friend chimes in, making the other walk away from you in defeat.
You just chuckle as you watch your friends drag on their cigarettes not too far from where you stand.
Only if you knewâŠ
When Yoongi left you eight months ago, you tried your best to move on with your life no matter how hard it was. That includes everything that reminds you of him, and smoking is the first thing. Itâs weird that the most common vice in the world reminds you of the person you both love and hate. You still get misty-eyed every time you see, hear, or smell something that reminds you of him. Itâs been months, eight fucking months. You entered college, made new friends, developed new hobbies, and yet you still havenât moved on.
How could you, though, if you have no idea where to start?
Your poor heart was shattered into a million little pieces left scattered on the floor, and no matter how much you want to fix everything, you donât know where to begin. You donât know which pieces to pick up first. Your confidence, trust, and happiness were ripped away from you. You donât know what needs healing because everything inside you seems broken. It comes to the point where it hurts both emotionally and physically.
Your drifting thoughts are cut off by your phone buzzing in your pocket. You look at the caller ID and it says, âSeoul.â
You have no idea what you were thinking when you saved this phone number with the +82 area code. The call is coming from Seoul.
Itâs not the first time this number has tried to call you.
The first time starts six months ago. When the number calls for the first time, you donât answer. Then the next day it calls again while youâre in class, and once again you let it ring. That same night, when youâre about to sleep, your phone rings again with the same number calling. Without thinking much of it, you answer, but the line is silent.
No matter how many times you say, âHello? Whoâs this?â thereâs nothing. Not even breathing can be heard.
After a few minutes of staying on the line, you suddenly feel your cheeks becoming wet with your own tears. The silence comforts you in some way. The tightening in your chest is easier to bear when your mind forces you to believe that the person on the other line is someone youâre hoping for. The first call lasts a little more than thirty minutes, with you sobbing while the other side remains silent.
And just like clockwork, the same number calls you twice a month, every 9th and 21st. Youâre delusional enough to think the caller chooses those dates because theyâre yours and Yoongiâs birthdays, or at least thatâs what your brain tells you to justify answering the calls over and over again.
The first four calls are just you crying on the other line. By the third month, you start sharing things that happen to you during the past few days. It doesnât even matter that you never get a response back. Youâre just happy to do so, like youâre updating the ghost from your past.
But there are a few things you refuse to touch on. First, you never mention the breakup or your attempts to move on from the pain youâre dealing with. Lastly, you never address the other person on the line as Yoongi, because, honestly, itâs a reach. Still, thereâs a part of you that believes heâs on the other end because hell⊠who else would call you from Seoul?
You answer the call without batting an eye.
âItâs my birthday,â you start, your voice so small itâs almost a whisper.
As expected, the other line is just pure silence.
âIâm with my friends. Weâre out drinking to celebrate me. God, it feels so long since the last time I felt celebrated. Am I happy? Maybe. You know what, I know what youâre thinking. You think Iâm drunk, but Iâm not. I mean, yes, I am, but Iâm sober at least when I see you callingâŠâ you let out a breathy laugh.
âI think Iâve said this before to someone⊠someone I used to know. I tried to convince that person that I wasnât drunk, but I was, and it led me to⊠k-kissing him. Itâs cute. Not the kiss, but him. Heâs cute. I always find him cute and charming and God, what am I saying?â you pause only to hear nothing on the other end.
âAnd then an unfortunate series of events starts happening. Spoiler alert, it doesnât end well, at least not for me. I made a mistake⊠no, not a mistake. Yeah, because you donât want mistakes to happen again. If⊠if I ever got another chance, I would do it all over again. I would still kiss him that night in my house. I would still go to hisâ I would still stand in the crowd and watch him perform like he fucking owns the stage. But I wouldnât go to Jeju after graduation⊠that⊠I want to change that. I would refuse to go even if I had to fight my parents because nothing feels right when I come back. I would also probably push him to tell me what that phone call was about, the one he received one afternoon at my house. I⊠I feel like it has something to do with everything. If I had only forced him to talk to me about it, maybe⊠maybe I wouldnât feel like I want to⊠die,â you whisper the last word before pausing to stop yourself from weeping.
âFuck, I canât do this. Not anymore.â Your eyes blur from the stream of tears falling down your cheeks as you look up at the glowing neon sign across the road.
âIâm standing in front of our favorite place. I wanted to bring my friends here because I wanted karaoke on my birthday, but earlier I realized I fucking hate this place because itâs one of the places where I felt special. The food is delicious, and I love the ambiance it radiates, but I fucking hate how this place reminds me of the person I used toâŠâ A sob escapes your lips as you feel the familiar sting jab at the center of your heart.
âStop calling me. This is the last time youâll ever get to contact me. Iâm changing my number first thing in the morning. Yoongi⊠just let me go, please. I need to heal.â
You press the red button on your screen to end the call before collapsing onto the sidewalk with nothing to cling to except your weeping, broken heart.
â chapter fourteen
10 years later
It's been twenty minutes since you parked your car in the crowded parking lot of your high school, yet you still can't bring yourself to get out. Your forehead rests against the steering wheel as you try to steady yourself. You shouldn't be feeling this way. It's been ten years. You've moved on, you've healed, and visiting your old campus shouldn't be enough to drag old ghosts out of their graves.
Keep telling yourself that.
With a sigh, you lift your head and pull your keys from the ignition. The diamond ring on your finger catches the sunlight as you do, the sparkle almost mocking. You're getting married in a few months. The possibility of running into Yoongi at an alumni homecoming event shouldn't scare you this much.
There's a reason you never told your fiancé about tonight. A reason you made sure he couldn't offer to come with you. Why you did that, you honestly don't know.
Your heartbeat picks up as you approach the school gates. The familiar pathways welcome you with memories you never asked to revisit. Each step feels like retracing old footprints, following a version of yourself that no longer exists. Your chest tightens as you remember the countless mornings Yoongi walked beside you on this very path and the afternoons he waited to walk you home. It would've been nice if you'd ended up with him. That would've been a story worth telling your future children someday. The kind of love story people smiled at when they heard it. Not the one where you met Jun at a frat party during your sophomore year of college.
No. Pull yourself together.
You love your fiancé, and you're marrying him because he loves you back.
The event goes smoothly enough. There is still no sign of Yoongi, but his name drifts through conversations every now and then as people speculate whether he'll show up. Tonight marks the tenth anniversary of your graduating batch, and while the event is meant to bring former classmates together, it's also a fundraiser for the school's music and arts program for students with special needs. As always, the school proudly reminds everyone that its biggest sponsor over the years has been none other than SUGA of BTS.
A small smile tugs at your lips.
SUGA.
The stage name Yoongi chose.
You excuse yourself midway through the program under the pretense of using the restroom, but instead of heading toward the brightly lit hallway where the ladies' room is located, your feet carry you in the opposite direction. Before you know it, you're lifting the faded NO TRESPASSING sign out of the way and reaching for the rusty steel handle behind it. Without giving yourself a chance to reconsider, you slip through the old gate and are immediately greeted by a feeling so familiar it steals the air from your lungs.
You switch on your phone's flashlight and sweep the beam across the back of the school. The place feels smaller now than it did ten years ago. Maybe everything seems smaller when you've spent a decade growing around the memories attached to it. A painful ache settles in your chest as you walk forward, your gaze automatically drifting upward to the windows of your old classroom. For a split second, it feels as though you've been transported back in time.
Your vision has long since blurred with tears, but the first one finally spills down your cheek when you push past piles of rotting desks and overgrown weeds and step into the small hidden corner that used to belong to you and Yoongi.
Your eyes immediately find the concrete bench tucked away in the corner.
If that bench could talk, would it be disappointed to know that you and Yoongi never found your way back to each other?
Would the old tree standing a few feet away mourn with you if it knew how badly he broke your heart?
Time has changed almost everything about this place, yet the bench and the tree remain untouched. They stand exactly where they've always stood, silent witnesses to a love that once felt permanent. They heard every conversation you shared with the boy you loved. They watched stolen glances turn into lingering smiles, watched shy touches become warm embraces, watched innocent affection grow into something that consumed you whole. Standing here now, you find yourself wondering if they would grieve with you if they knew how the story ended.
The tears come harder after that.
You hate yourself for it.
After all these years, you're still standing in the ruins of a memory, crying over a boy who left.
You know better than this. You know you shouldn't be feeling this way. You're getting married in a few months. You're happy. You love your fiancé, and you're excited to build the life you've always dreamed of with him.
So for the last time, you reach into your bag and pull out the one thing you've kept hidden away for ten years.
A white lighter.
When Yoongi left, you threw away everything that reminded you of him. The photos, the letters, the gifts, the promises. Everything except this.
The lighter he gave you after carefully scratching both your initials onto its glossy surface.
Your thumb traces the faded engraving.
Y.G â„ Y.N
The letters are worn with age, but they're still there.
Just like the memories.
Carefully, you place the lighter on top of the concrete bench and stare at it for a long moment. It looks strangely small sitting there alone, abandoned beneath the tree that once sheltered your secrets. Maybe that's fitting. Maybe some things are meant to remain in the places where they belonged.
Before your courage can fail, you turn around.
You don't look back.
Not at the bench.
Not at the tree.
Not at the lighter.
You make it all the way to your car, forcing yourself to swallow every remaining tear before climbing inside. Then you start the engine and drive away from the school, away from the memories, away from the version of yourself that spent years wondering what could have been.
And when you finally make it home, the lights are still on.
Jun is waiting for you.
Just as he always does.
â chapter fifteen
You nervously play with the ring on your finger as you pass by the huge buildings scattered along the busy highways of Seoul. Streetlights illuminate your face as your heart rate goes crazy by the second.
This is your first time in Seoul.
Ironic to think, actually. You're this big corporate girl who works for a company mainly situated in the biggest cities of your country and overseas, yet you haven't visited this city before, and you know the reason why.
Three years ago, you were offered a position at the office tucked away on the outskirts of Yongsan, complete with a huge salary, benefits, and housing. But you refused, saying that you weren't ready to leave your parents in Daegu, as well as your boyfriend then, fiancé now.
But who were you kidding anyway?
You knew that you were afraid to reside in the same city as the guy who broke your heart ten years ago, who was rarely even in the country to begin with.
In the last ten years, without much resolve, you've watched Yoongi's career climb to its peak. Who would've thought that the guy who used to make mixtapes sold for next to nothing would become one of the most sought-after producers and artists internationally?
And to see him reach his dream together with his friends, you cannot help but think that he left you for the best.
That all the heartbreak and relationship trauma etched into you were worth it.
All these years, you thought that March in Daegu was the worst, seeing all his posters and murals in every corner of the streets to celebrate his birthday. But clearly, you were wrong about that too, because March in Seoul is by far the worst of the worst.
Lamp posts are dressed in his posters, establishments wave his mini billboards, and bus stops and subway stations are littered with his pictures just for his birthday.
Your mind goes back to the first and last time you celebrated his birthday together. You haven't thought about it in years, but now you're curious to know whether he still has the guitar you gifted him, or if he left it behind in his house in Daegu.
Or maybe he discarded it long ago.
A bitter smile crosses your face when the image of him looking so happy while receiving the damn guitar passes through your mind.
"We're here," the taxi driver announces as the car halts in front of the hotel arranged by your company, which will be your home for the next twelve days.
Your suitcases are hauled out of the taxi, and the hotel staff welcome you and help you settle into your suite.
While lying in bed, you question yourself about how you ended up here tonight.
The answer is simple.
Your company has received one of its biggest contracts in the last decade.
As per your Regional Manager, Nabi, a very famous artist wants to commission your company to collaborate on a product that will soon hit the market. A food product wrapped around a public figure's name is not uncommon nowadays, but this one is different.
The identity of the artist has remained within the corners of the corporate offices and was never mentioned in any of the documents linked to this project that you've seen so far.
The anonymity is due to the significance of the project and, according to your boss, the artist and their company don't want anything leaking to the public before it is even greenlit.
Therefore, the stockpile of NDAs scattered throughout the corporate office makes sense.
Nabi should've been the one in your position right now, but with her being eight months pregnant, she decided not to stay far away from home, even if this project could mean a huge bonus and an instant promotion.
And you, being the Team Lead Researcher and one of the company's most valuable employees in the last five years, were chosen to replace the most qualified candidate.
You check yourself one last time in front of the mirror before heading out to start your first day of work in Seoul.
Your first agenda is to meet the team from your company based in Yongsan, the people you'll be working with throughout the entirety of this project.
Then you're scheduled for an afternoon meeting with the client's team and maybe, as stated in the email last week, the artist will be present if there are no conflicts in their schedule.
The morning meet-and-greet goes great.
You are officially working with a team of six, including yourself, and the awesome thing about all this is that you'll be working with people within your age bracket, along with a few who are younger.
Which only means one thing.
All the ideas that will flow through your vision board will be nothing but trendy and timely, and you're looking forward to it.
Your company has arranged an exclusive car service at your disposal at any given time, as long as it's connected to this project, which is a huge relief since you're not familiar with the roads and highways of Seoul.
The car stops in front of a massive, luxurious building, prompting everyone to get out.
A staff member is already waiting at the car bay to welcome and escort your team inside. But before you can even lift your head toward the tall façade of the building to see the huge illuminated sign, the name and logo written on the employee's ID catch your eye.
And with that, your blood runs cold.
There's no way.
No fucking way.
Your head snaps upward so fast to double-check that your vision isn't playing tricks on you. If it were possible to get whiplash from how aggressive your movement was, you'd have it by now.
There, right in front of your eyes, you read:
HYBE.
It is the company that handles BTS.
That handles Yoongi.
Min Yoongi.
Fuck.
There is no way, right?
Your mind is everywhere while your heart is doing somersaults as you drag your feet behind the others.
You try to psych yourself up, reminding yourself that aside from BTS, there are plenty of artists and groups under this company who are also internationally famous.
There is no way BTS would release some food collaboration.
No.
They're bigger than that.
Right?
Your attention snaps back to reality as each of your team members starts setting up their laptops and iPads.
You haven't even realized that you're already sitting in one of the chairs at the long table stretched across a mid-sized meeting room, with a projector set up at the far end beside the door.
An employee from HYBE, whom you assume is taking the lead on the client's side of the project, starts rambling words you can't seem to understand.
Your focus isn't in this room.
Your heart hasn't calmed down since arriving.
There's a faint ringing in your ears, and your hands are becoming clammy.
Out of habit, you start fidgeting with your engagement ring.
You keep twisting it around your finger as if it's helping you calm the fuck down.
The rest of your team starts lightly clapping, accompanied by enthusiastic and excited expressions.
The Group Leader Researcher on your team nudges you lightly with her elbow, a wide grin plastered across her face.
"Huh?" you ask, looking at her in confusion.
"She said we'll be meeting the artist today because they happen to be free for the rest of the day," she whispers.
And with that, a loud commotion starts flowing through the hallway.
Overlapping conversations and noise can be heard inside the meeting room through the fully open door.
You scan the hallway, following the origin of the noise.
Your eyes fixate on the first person to appear at the end of the corridor.
With his blinding smile, you immediately recognize Hoseok.
Fuck.
Trailing behind him, your gaze lands on a face with pale skin and the softest eyes you've ever seen in your life.
Yoongi.
Your breath hitches.
No.
You stop breathing altogether.
You want to look away, but you can't.
It's been ten years since you last saw him in person.
You want to laugh at yourself for being struck by how much his appearance has changed over the years when you've literally been seeing his pictures everywhere since he debuted.
His eyes land on you as he walks through the door and, damn, you notice how he stops in his tracks.
How his eyes widen ever so slightly.
How his mouth parts just a little.
An expression passes over his face that you can't recognize.
Guilt?
Sadness?
Longing?
You cannot read him.
And God forbid, you want to know exactly what thoughts are running through his mind right now.
Is he expecting to see you?
Is he delighted?
Shocked?
Upset?
In your peripheral vision, you know that Hoseok and Namjoon are looking at you too, but your attention remains locked on the man whose eyes are fixed on yours.
Your team members stand and start shaking hands with the seven overly famous artists who have just entered the room.
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Taking the deepest breath of your life, you do your best to compose yourself and, without hesitation, sneakily remove the shiny engagement ring from your finger and tuck it deep inside your pocket before shaking hands with the first man you ever loved.
a/n. SURPRISEEEEE! the original three-parter series will be having a part four! (look at that)Â
a lot has happened to me in the two-ish months, some of which causes the delay of the part three. i also experienced the worst writing slump this year đ while i appreciate all the people who are asking when's the next update, i also feel a little guilty with how long this has been taking.
so, i did my best to deliver something because i love you all so much!! đ„č i know this update is a little shorter than the previous ones, but really, i wanted to give something out (that's the reason why we will be having part four mehehe)
anyways,
as always, please let me know your thoughts! đ comments, suggestions, constructive criticisms are much welcome and appreciated.Â
i wanted to hear your thoughts, opinion(?), anything especially on this update. and i just hope you like it as much đ«¶đ»đ«¶đ»
WHAT'S NEW FOR PART FOUR?
i am changing my writing style (hope it's an upgrade, not a downgrade) i've been meaning to, since i am really eager to be better at writing, and also, WE WILL BE HAVING YOONGI'S POV!! how exciting is that? đ
again, thank you very much for all the love and support đ


















