To Be Brave: Ending Body Shame

Many women have experiences of body shame and histories of eating disorders and sexual assault. We don't have to experience this alone or in silence. I believe in making these stories of violation and survival tangible, in demonstrating their beauty and bravery.

[its-on-us]

Have you taken the #ItsOnUs pledge yet? → itsonus.org 

[tobebraveproject]

I certainly have.

[gnomecentric]

THIS is why it is so important to address body shame. THIS is why I am a body-positive activist: 

From Jennice, the model for this painting: “Chloe Allred painted this painting of me as part of To Be Brave: Ending Body Shame. This pose was in response to her asking me how I would embody the word “Attractive”. Healing from abuse, I didn’t know I still had a profound sense of internal beauty. Her work has helped me in so many ways, while adding impact to a very important social issue around abuse and body shaming.” 

Jennice IS beautiful. She is strong. She is brave. I am honored that she shared her story with me and let me paint her. 

I am raising funds to continue my research of body shame at the graduate level. Support the campaign and help me get there. You can even get your own painting in the process: http://www.gofundme.com/bodyjoytuition

[gnomecentric]

Send this Art Activist to School

Hey y’all. My grad school Go Fund Me is up! Help me spread the word and reblog. Check it out here: http://www.gofundme.com/bodyjoytuition 

Here is an excerpt from my campaign about how a became a body-positive activist. 

A little about me: After graduating from Cornish College of the Arts in 2013, I went on to create To Be Brave: Ending Body Shame . I began by addressing my own history of anorexia and used the self-portrait as a way to see myself with kindness. I went on to work with eleven different women who are survivors of sexual assault and eating disorders. Their stories of survival and resilience were incredibly inspiring to me. I have launched large art shows of this work with performers and have brought the show to college campuses. I believe in jump-starting powerful conversations about body image and consent.

To Be Brave: Ending Body Shame led me to co-founding The Body Joy Project  artist collective. In collaboration with some amazing artists, I am continuing to explore body shame and body joy. 

I’m ready to take these studies to the graduate level at Laguna College of Art and Design . I want to refine my painting technique and research practices with some of the best figure painters in the country. I also want to study pedagogy and gain experience teaching at the college level. Grad school will afford me many opportunities. You can help me get there! 

I’m not coming to you first, I’m coming to you last. I’ve applied for many scholarships, and in my hunt, have found that many graduate art scholarships no longer exist. I’ve applied for what I can and now I’m asking for your support. But unlike a scholarship committee, I can offer you lots of rewards. My book! Art prints! Commissions! Lots of Available Artwork! Any contribution you can make is deeply appreciated! 

Chloe 

[gnomecentric]

Dearest Tumblr, 

As many of you know, I am a painter and body positive activist. I am passionate about changing the way our culture thinks about the body. My work  explores experiences of body shame, recovery and body joy. I want to take these studies to the graduate level at Laguna College of Art and Design. Buy some of my art and you can help me get there.

This is the dorky video that I have slaved over for my crowdfunding campaign. Watch it(seriously, it’s two minutes)! Support the campaign! Reblog if you are feeling the body positivity vibes! : http://www.gofundme.com/bodyjoytuition

Much love, 

Chloe 

[gnomecentric]

The evolution of a painting: from canvas to full flesh.

[tobebraveproject]

Trust. Intimacy. Tenderness.

Another painting nearly done for The Body Joy Project. This painting features two of my favorite models from To Be Brave: Ending Body Shame. It is these moments of shared vulnerability and intimacy that can rebuild and heal. We need to not just tell our stories of survival, but share them in a meaningful way with our community. When we talk about the things that make us feel ashamed, the shame gets smaller.

[tobebraveproject]

These little diddies will soon be in my online store along with other high-quality digital prints of the Spicy Little Watercolors. Stay tuned, y’all. #art #chloeallred #tobebrave #bigcartell #spicylittlewatercolor

[tobebraveproject]

“Pride” Acrylic on canvas

Statement from the model on the word “pride”: I was indoctrinated from a very young age to be (self)conscious of how I looked and that I was always being evaluated.  A lifetime of feeling less-than, of feeling invisible, of feeling excluded. My pride comes from learning how to move from  "dance like no one's watching" toward an attitude of celebrating that someone IS watching, and inviting them to join in with me.

[tobebraveproject]

“Acceptance” Acrylic on canvas

Statement from the model on the word “acceptance”: For me acceptance comes from a place deep in my heart, I have to sit with myself a long time to hear what it is saying. When I truly listen, the judgement and fear of my reflection lifts away and all that’s left is the brief yet powerful light that I am. I am enough and deserve my love. I am the vessel that takes me through this life…a magnificent vessel.  

[gnomecentric]

“Attractive”

Acrylic on canvas

36″ x 50″

Statement from the model on the word “attractive”: When asked to embody the word “attractive”, I found that I had very conflicting ideas about what that felt like.

I was married to a man that rejected everything feminine about my body. He only wanted to engage in sexual acts that caused pain and shame. He was a skilled manipulator and pathological liar. He got power from creating scenarios or making comments about how disgusting my body was, especially my vagina. At the end of our marriage, he told me he secretly hated women and wanted to punish them.  

This last year has been about me reclaiming my femininity and sexuality. I am learning that feeling attractive comes from within, and no other person has the power to change that or take it away.

[gnomecentric]

“Anorexia” Acrylic on canvas

A poem from the model, Stacy Lynn Gilbert, on modeling for the project: “She is Yours” I shed winter I make pockets in the snow Exposing bare patches Of pale flesh I feel the hair Of my body Rising

I remember She is yours This body of earth Fold over fold Toes poised And holding

I remember She is yours In this long haul Womb of night

I remember She is yours

[tobebraveproject]

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[gnomecentric]

“Bulimia” Acrylic on canvas 48″ x 36″

Statement from the model on the word “bulimia”: I met an older boy in my sixteenth summer who was tall with thick dark hair and handy with a guitar. Naive and inexperienced, his frequent advances excited me. I wanted to hold his hand and sing with him. He sexually assaulted me in the back of his car. For the past eight years, I have often turned to cycles of binging and purging to regain some semblance of control over my own body. I still punish myself for not fighting back harder that night. My self-perceived weakness and fault has distorted my view in the mirror. However, seeing myself for the first time through the eyes of another provides a look behind the veil of body shame. I can finally see myself the way those who love me do.

[gnomecentric]

“Thin” Acrylic on canvas 46″ x 38″

Statement from the model on the word “thin”: My brain tends to notice the duality in life and wants to see beyond it. when I hear the word “thin” I think “fat verses thin” which morphs to “pretty verses ugly”, night/day, hot/cold, male/female, dark/light, sun/moon and countless other “dualities”. Beyond this duality is a wholeness, two sides of one coin.

On one hand I feel defensive about it being okay to carry around some extra fat on my body. (I am a professional figure model known for my curves and lack of being thin) And on the other hand, I feel defensive about my recent reduction in body fat where I burned off 45 pounds through cutting out wheat from my diet. I feel much healthier as a leaner person and yet I did this for my own well being and health and not conform to being “thin”.

The bottom line for me about body shame is to make sure to remain loving towards myself regardless of what others think of me. I find that shame can go both ways. At times I have felt ashamed of being beautiful and afraid to allow myself to fully shine bright as others can sometimes feel jealous and put someone down. So really shame goes both ways in terms of feeling like you’re not “thin” enough or if you reach a level of fitness that others see as “thin” jealousy can arise in them and this also can trigger shame. “don’t hate me, because I am beautiful” syndrome…similar to “don’t hate me because I am not thin”.

For me, fitness and health is important and I work daily at focusing on health and not getting caught up in how I look from a fat verses thin judgmental space.

[gnomecentric]

“Rape” Acrylic on canvas 25” x 25”

I feel like howling. In my head, I hear the howl. It starts with a guttural, gravely sound and crescendos into a scream. The sound fades, but it’s emotions vibrate within me. Various parts of my body clench. My jaw. My chest. My hands. My vagina. I suck in air and momentarily I feel that I cannot breathe. The intake stops and I feel afraid. Then my chest expands and I take in more air. I exhale slowly. I feel it all so intensely that I fade. I fade into feeling nothing. I am shrouded in a blanket of numbness. I hear a siren in the distance, screaming down the highway. I want to howl with the siren and howl with the dogs that howl with the siren.

[gnomecentric]

“Violation” Acrylic on canvas 48″ x 36″

Statement from the model on the word “violation”: I am resisting writing my statement on “Violation.”  I do not want to drop into the cascade of recollections that flow with the power of a dangerous, deafening, dam-breaking waterfall should I put my attention there.  I might drown.

I am flooded with things I want to say, the personal, the political.  I want to rail against the culture that has normalized the violation of, the ubiquitous violence against, women.  There isn’t enough space here, there isn’t enough time.  

Violation: it has happened to me and to every woman I know.  Do you see how my body reacts to the idea of violation? Cover up, close off, protect!

What woman does not know the experience of violation? Which of us has not felt the rage, and when we give ourselves permission, the OUTrage?   How many of us have suffered the shame or silence or isolation that society lays on us as we often become the blamed somehow for having been violated? Who has not dismissed a violation suffered because recourse requires recognition, and the violation of women is so insidious, it blends into our lives sometimes almost as invisibly as air?  Who has ever taken up the cause of calling it out and naming it, exhausting all manner of voice and heart and soul, and earned little in the way of justice?

Will it ever stop?

[gnomecentric]

“Grief” Acrylic on canvas

Statement from the model, Katie, on the word “Grief”: From a young age I have been aware that my body has carried grief, or unmourned loss, passed down from the women in my lineage. Whether the familial stories have been spoken or unspoken, my body holds the record of pregnancies lost, children buried, sexuality stifled and spiritual power misinterpreted as mental illness. My body carries the same scars from childbirth that my mother wore, crescent shaped stretch marks around our navels, and the accompanying shame that our bodies are somehow less than perfect. For me, to be a mother is to have an intimate relationship with grief. And my work in this lifetime— as daughter, sister, mother and lover— is to shed, redefine and reclaim.

[tobebraveproject]

Over the next few days, I will be posting all of the paintings from “To Be Brave: Ending Body Shame” with their accompanying model statements. For those who weren’t able to see the show in person, now you will be able to read the model’s own words and take in their story.

If you are interested in the project, or want to know more, send me an email: [email protected]

Half of this show is currently on display at Mt. Hood Community College in Gresham, Oregon. If you’re in that area, go check it out at the campuses Diversity Resource Center.

“Anorexia” Acrylic on canvas 48″ x 36″

Statement from the model on modeling for “To Be Brave: Ending Body Shame”:

When I first met with Chloe about participating in her project, I was very moved by her passion and the scope of the subject matter she was taking on. Something so prevalent, yet not nearly public enough. For me, the project was an outlet, a step in the journey of healing from my shame, anxiety, and sexuality and body image issues resulting from a rape that had put a part of me in a prison for a significant portion of my life. Speaking with Chloe and posing for her, and watching her create these beautifully intense pieces that are open to an audience, has helped to remove the stigma and shame that was never mine to take.  I am proud to be in this collective of art and bonded to these women who have fought inner and outward battles and have fought to take back their power and come out shining.

[gnomecentric]

BODY JOY PROJECT KICKSTARTER CAMPAIGN!

What does it take to feel at home in your own body? In our culture, there is an overwhelming amount of focus on making our bodies look a certain way. We learn to view others and ourselves through a lens of shame. Body Joy Project aims to switch that lens of shame to one of love.

We create art about body shame, body joy and everything in between: the whole beautiful mess of being a person. Show your support for the Body Joy Project here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/35505847/body-joy-project