sinking drowning failing

Tobias Makor. I'm not very good at this writing thing, but I don't think it matters much to other people. ( ravenclaw sixth year drowning )

[kherington-the-queen-blog]

"Oh! Are you awesome at it? You’ll have to teach me. I didn’t do well in those kind of Charms but I mean, I guess grades don’t matter anymore, huh? Kinda fucking sucks that I was forced through 7 years of that shit and it doesn’t seem to mean anything anymore." She nodded in agreement to his idea. "I agree. undetectable house sounds great. Maybe I’ll just come back and live here and pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist." She said dreamily. She knew it wouldn’t happen. Eventually shit would hit the fan and they’d probably never return, which she wasn’t sure how to feel about. "Or maybe just some place like it." She watched him grab cookies and gave a half smile, reminiscing on the days back in Hogwarts. Then she looked down and shrugged. "Yeah… I’m too exhausted to lie well I think. But I’ll be fine…" She insisted, just as she had done with Liam. She was curious though… wondering if even that was a lie. Maybe she had gotten worse at lying to others but gotten better at lying to herself. “Just nightmares is all. I guess I love my broski too much and it ruins my sleep.” She admitted, rather caught off guard by how easily she was divulging secrets. “Yes! That sounds lovely. Cookies, pot, a big huge blanket, and the stars, what’s better?”

[tobiassinking-blog]

"Oh, I can't cast undetectable stuff though... I'll teach you how, but I can't. I'm totally weak and stuff with my magic so it's hard to do stuff, and undetectable spells are... Super advanced, dude. I think multiple witches set them up at a time. I'm... Happy they don't matter." He shrugged, hopping up to sit on the counter. Toby swung his legs out as if to give what he had said a lighter meaning, but he knew he did care. He wanted to make the marks everyone never thought he could make; he wanted to be the kid who proved his bullies wrong. Even on the island people still stared, wary of letting him help with anything, and the adults with their children would keep away if they remembered his parents through his surname. He nodded along with her house agreement-- he would mostly do it so he could hide from his future. There would always be a part of him people would see as a murderers son, and nothing more than that. "Nightmares suck. Let's go." Disregarding the lack of clothing she wore in comparison to the sweatshirt-and-pants duo he wore, he led the way out the kitchen exit, glad that the shore wasn't too far away. Smoking and eating and resting by the shore sounded good just about now. "Have you seen like... That totally cool forest area of the island?"

[kherington-the-queen-blog]

Kherington couldn’t help but smile at him as he dragged the blanket around his room. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Well then Tobes, food it is.” She said with a comforting smile. She laughed and nodded in agreement. “You can say that again… talk about culture shock, right? One day, we’re chilling at Hogwarts, smoking pot and doing whatever, then there’s a fucking uproar and we have to haul ass here…” She said, sighing heavily. Sometimes she was able to ignore how fucked up everything had become, and then it hit her, and it felt like all of a sudden the whole Earth shook and her knees almost collapsed beneath her. Pull it together. She told herself. Just pull it together. "It really is mad weird… that’s the best way to put it, I think. Well hey, you know me, and there are some other people here who are familiar. I’ve found if you focus on those people, it makes it easier." She replied with a shrug. "Me? I’ve been pretty good…" She lied. "I haven’t been sleeping much, but in general I’ve been pretty good." She said, that time telling the truth.

[tobiassinking-blog]

"I guess that's the gnarly life we're gonna lead now. Hauling ass to every... Like, safe location until we're... Safe. This is a really good place though for now. I know a lot about undetectable stuff... I wanna make my future house undetectable." He placed the joint between his lips but didn't light up yet; not until they were outside would he do so, to respect the space of the families in Marcus' mansion. Once they got down to the kitchens he walked over to the cabinet and opened up, reaching at a box of cookies he'd been eyeing the other day. (and only today got permission to devour, but forgot to.) "Thanks. And uhm... I don't want to sound me, but you're not a good liar anymore Kheri. But sleep is needed, so I'll share my weed tonight. Let's go by the beach to eat and smoke though yeah? I totally have this giant blanket and stuff, so."

[eve-milton]

Eve was surprised, not sure how to react to his sudden burst, his touch against her. It took her a moment, but soon she wrapped her arms around him as well, keeping him close. She shut her eyes while she gave him the tight hug, just wanting him to feel comforted.

"I’m sorry Toby….I’m sorry…it’ll get better…I promise…" she said softly, her eyes still closed.

[tobiassinking-blog]

Toby sunk into Eve as she held him, as if he wanted to make sure there was no room for a whisp to pass between their bodies. He needed this, this closeness, touch-- all to feel better. He was used to someone grabbing at him, someone like Marlowe or Milo, so his actions now were based off of their embraces; he could hardly take into account that Eve was someone entirely different, practically new to his mind.

"Please don't promise something like that... It's... It's a hard promise to keep and I don't want to get angry at you for things when they get worse." He wouldn't blame her; it was his mind that would. "I'm so... Sorry. I'm sorry."

[kherington-the-queen-blog]

Kherington immediately snapped to attention when she heard what sounded like someone screaming. Still disoriented, she reached around quickly for something to put over her pajamas, or lack thereof. Dressed only in shorts and a bra she tumbled clumsily out of bed. Her first thought was of Liam, but the screams weren’t coming from next door. Exhausted from her extended period of lost sleep, she stumbled her way to the room with the noise. In the back of her mind she knew it was Toby’s, but she didn’t really comprehend it fully until she saw him in the bed. She took a deep breath and waved a hand at his concerns. “Oh, don’t worry, don’t worry. I was awake anyway.” She lied. “What’s up with me? Nothing much. I was on my way to the kitchen for a snack. What about you?” She asked, not sure of what was the best say to react. Some people enjoyed the concern and others, like herself, didn’t want attention drawn to their weaknesses.

[tobiassinking-blog]

Kheri. Toby shook his head a few times and got out of bed, but he wrapped his blanket around his shoulders, ignoring the rest of it as it trailed behind him. He needed to snap out of this; out of the state he was in. There was so much about the world that he needed to learn to accept but Toby knew that it was all too hard-- change was inevitable, but hard, and he could resist until it got him sent to a rehab. "I think.. Food will totally help." He moved to the dresser in the room and pulled out a joint and a lighter. Once secure in his hands, he snuggled the blanket closer as he walked to Kheri. "Like... This place is just mad wierd. So many people I don't know from our world, you know? It's like... Totally crazy. Uh, how... How've you been?"

[eve-milton]

Eve ran into the room, breathing heavy. Her wand was in her hand as she responded to the scream, but lowered it slowly as she looked at the boy. 

Eve sighed in relief, “Toby…are you alright?”

[tobiassinking-blog]

When another figure arrived in the room, Toby blinked twice, realizing his little, 'What's up?,' had been to nothing but a hallucination. The door had opened by itself; not like the mansion was brand new-- there were creaks and ticks in it. 

He slid out of bed and pulled his black coat around himself, before he practically ran to Eve and wrapped his arms around her waist. "This is making me crazier, Eve.. It's all just, like... Too much. It's too much."

[tobiassinking-blog]

Toby almost screamed when the light flooded into the previously pitch black bedroom. On and off night terrors did no good for a kid like him; the strangled little noise in his throat died out when he rememebred he was on Ismat. "I'm sorry... What's uh, what's up?"

[tobiassinking-blog]

MUGGLE GLADIATORS - EVENT NO.2

                                                          { what is he? } 

                                               a           hollow           skeleton                                                with   bones    made   out   of                                                 rotting                         stardust 

                                                       -  by xmortuus [ x ] 

Tobias stared at the man in front of him-- a hulking man, a Gryffindor man, boy, student. It was in that moment that he identified the sword in the hand of his opponent. This was a brave Gryffindor trying to survive-- and Tobias was the boy who no one would expect to fight except for the students in the stands. A majority of them had seen the violent side of him, the 'freak' side, the one that came out when he mentally went blank and the hallucinations began to rise. Depression is a sad thing; major depression is lethal. This was why the Gryffindor, hulking Gryffindor, was on defense. This was why he showed protection.

Because if he thought he could take him out in a swipe, he would've done so already.

When the sword began to turn to snakes and the arena began to spin, Toby saw his brother there with them. Milo, what are you doing here? Milo, go away! But the Milo hallucination wasn't moving, he was still in place, looking as clear as day to Toby. And the hallucination manifested to the point where the Gryffindor-- Zane, Zane was his name-- wasn't still on defense like he was in reality, but he was sliding a sword through hallucination-Milo's chest.

Anger and fear boiled in Toby; he let out a scream that was all too real. No one could see what he did but he felt it all too much. He clawed at his arms and fell to the floor, grabbing, crying, hyperventilating. And when he felt out of breath, his mind went blank, and the subconscious state of Tobias Makor II took over.

He blinked his eyes and all emotion disappeared; it was like watching a human die, only seeing them move again. His movements were no longer clumsy, but mechanical. Toby moved to the weapons on the walls of the arena, ignoring his opponent, who was on guard far more than he was before. Hands slid against the cool metal of some and on the smooth wood of others, but they did not stopped until he had circled nearly half way around and reached an assortment of knives on the wall.

"Poor choice, Makor." Zane smirked, making Toby slowly turn his head around to the male. "Don't bring a knife to a sword fight."

He turned back and lifted up two of the knives. If conscious, Toby wouldn't understand why he was drawn to the knives, but in his subconscious state he knew they were the ones his mother made him practice with when he was too little to differentiate right from wrong. It was skill ingrained in him, in a part of his mind that was closed to all of him but his subconscious.

With a spin on his heels and a flick of his wrists, the knives went flying into Zane's wrists, making veins spray crimson streams. The opponent screamed and people in the stands cheered at them like this was some kind of sport-- he was nothing but a toy to them. Nothing but a toy. And that was one thing he would remember.

Despite the blood hitting his hair, face, and shirt once he moved to the male, Tobias had one leg on either side of him using not the knives but his fists now. Punches to his chest, his jaw, his cheeks, his eyes-- he was pummeling every spot that he could bloody. There was a crack of the opponents ribs and the crack made Toby pause; it nearly snapped him out of his dark state. This is when the tables turned, if only for a moment.

Zane had pulled the knives out of his wrists and he was losing blood, but he'd managed to get out from under Toby and tackle him to the ground. Toby couldn't find a way out in this mechanical state so quickly; he wasn't prepared to compromise. He received two strong blows to his jaw and a few more to his chest, but as Zane struggled to continue Toby pulled his leg up between them and used it to slam against Zane's jaw, pushing the guy off of him and directly into the dirt. He didn't care for position anymore, Toby was done, his subconscious self was done.

Each punch delivered was quicker than the last and it was sloppy, it was messy, but effective. Each blow was strong. Zane was dead in minutes but Tobias continued until his fists broke into the mans skull, flattened the bone, and reached into the mush that was his brain. People in the stands screamed, some cheered, some could only call him a savage-- there was retching somewhere in the rows. And when his bloodied, cut hands reached the brain matter, that's when Toby finally collapsed. His brain shut down and he passed out.

When Toby awoke, conscious, covered in blood and being dragged away from the scene, he saw the body behind him, he tasted the blood on his lips. And just as he was at the exit, Marlowe was entering, and the tears began to stream down his cheeks as he screamed to her, asking her what the hell he'd done.

[eve-milton]

He sounds like the perfect big brother….

Oh….I’m sorry Toby…I dont think I knew.. I’m sorry Toby..I dont know if this’ll help. But you can add me to the list of people who care about you..who want you to get better.

And you can grab my hand if it helps…I mean…if it helps.

Well yours is gorgeous too. You know, you’ve got the whole messy but cool, style going on.

*Raises her eyebrows* Oh, maybe huh? Definitely a possibility- Toby, your compliments are going to make me blush..

YOu better. I dont want this matching sweaters idea to be forgotten.

[tobiassinking-blog]

He is. I'm sure Zak is the perfect big brother too.

Really? I- I... I'll try to remember that. I have... Trust issues. Or like, that's what this nuse told me, but I think people just freak me out sometimes. They like to backstab and that's super unchill, it really wigs me out. [ He reaches out for her hand. ] I needed that. I uh. I needed that, Eve. Thanks.

Messy but cool? I thought messy was just... Messy. I didn't think messy could be cool.

Good. You should blush more. I think you should have boys trying to make you blush all the time. But only the nice ones with good intentions, not the ones who wanna hurt you. 'Cause I don't think I could see you hurt, you're too pretty to be hurt.

It won't be! We'll have sweaters and get like... Candy. I get free candy at Honeyduke's 'cause I work there.

[tobiassinking-blog]

{ talex }

[alex-notalexandra-aves]

*runs a hand through her hair* What happened…my memories pretty foggy…I-I remember..I remember someone coming up to me..saying some things then….then a horrible pain in my side…really really horrible. I think I passed out after that.. And then it was a lot of trying to stay awake..feeling really tired…feeling hungry…it was just bad…

*looks up and sees his trick, smiles* Hey, that’s great Toby, nice job.

[tobiassinking-blog]

Were you... Taken? I-- I thought you were hiding from me.. But it sounds worse.

[ He smiles and places a cigarette between her lips. ] I wanted to get'cha you're own pack but.. Maybe you should heal before you start dying with these.

[intunewith-harmony]

Aw…thank you. At least you didn’t ask if I have a sister named Melody. Can’t begin to tell you how many first years asked me that question. Aw…that’s kind of a sweet way to word it. Or maybe they’re fairies in the sky trying to guide the lost children home home. Oh…. your dad sounds nice. 

[tobiassinking-blog]

I asked you that once. That's true, but fairies only like looking at themselves, so I doubt it yaknow? Yeah, my dad's a good guy, unlike my mom. He kind of keeps me like... Sane at home. Aside from my brother.

[intunewith-harmony]

Oh…… I really am sorry…. but I think Toby is a really nice name…its fitting. Astronomy really is… the stares are beautiful and I just want to touch them even though I can’t. [shrugs] I know, I’m trying, but it’s hard. 

[tobiassinking-blog]

It's super chill man. Thanks. Harmony is really pretty. And I like to pretend they're as soft as foam and shelter people from storms. It's hard but like, my dad always told me that means it's worth it.

[intunewith-harmony]

…..Oh. Was I mean to you before? I’m really sorry…. I know you probably don’t believe me… but I really am sorry. You’re…Makor? That’s a strange first name. You like Astronomy too! Really? I haven’t really “met” someone else who is good in Astronomy… everyone kind of doesn’t care, it’s sad actually. Oh, I do practice, I’m just not good at it, maybe it’s because I don’t think I can do it. 

[tobiassinking-blog]

You uh... Used to taunt me with Makor. My last name. After bullying stuff but uh- it's in the past. But I totally thought it'd like surge your memory or somethin'... My name's Toby. Astronomy's like the best, stars make me feel happy. Well... Don't put yourself down, 'cause that's not really gnarly. You've got to like, believe and shit.

[intunewith-harmony]

I’m sorry they’re making you redo them, that sounds like it must suck, having to take some standardized test on top of your final exams? Yeah..I’m Harmony…and…you’re…. I’m sorry I don’t remember your name, I still don’t remember most peoples names. I’m horrible at Transfiguration… I think the only class I’m remotely really good at seems to be Astronomy… that’s the only class I’m getting top marks in right now…

[tobiassinking-blog]

Yeah, but I'll be fine I think. I'll just copy what I did last time, but better. Uh-- I don't think you liked me before so maybe it's nicer that you like, totally don't remember my name. I'm.. Makor. Astronomy is my best subject-- transfiguration wasn't too hard when I took the OWL's... Just uh, practice. That's all I did and I nearly completed the spell perfectly.

[tobiassinking-blog]

{ talex }

[alex-notalexandra-aves]

*glances down for a moment..* Okay…okay…let’s go, but only for a little bit…I don’t want to leave Landon alone for too long…

[tobiassinking-blog]

Awesome.. I.... Landon, right. [ He looks to Landon then helps Alex into the chair, and wheels them out. ] Do you know what.. What uh, happened? Also, also look! [ He pulls his wand from his pocket, flicks it once, and grins at the lit cigarette between his lips. ] Learned it yesterday... Easy wordless stuff but like, I totally- I uh, totally got it.

[tobiassinking-blog]

{ talex }

[alex-notalexandra-aves]

I think I am hurt…from what I remember…thanks for coming Toby…

[tobiassinking-blog]

[ He pulls a cigarette from behind his ear and puts it between his lips. ] C'mon. There's a... Wheelchair- I can wheel you outside and we can talk and smoke and stuff. [ He gets up and grabs the wheelchair, then rushes back. ] Before the nurse hears, c'mon. I don't like hospitals... Infirmary is just as bad.

[tobiassinking-blog]

{ talex }

[alex-notalexandra-aves]

Toby..Hey, Toby…*blinks eyes slowly* Where’s here exactly? I..I guess I’m okay…

[tobiassinking-blog]

Uh- uh, the infirmary. You look hurt... I- I wanted the nurse to give you medicine but she said like... Not until you wake. [ He sits on the edge of the bed, right beside her. ] 

[eve-milton]

Well…Ezra doesn’t tell me everything either, even if I wish he did. Do you tell Milo everything?

You can’t keep smiling if you’re not? Are you sure?

I can’t! There’s a lot to compliment you on, Makor. Like your hair, you’ve got a pretty nice look going on there.

You better be super happy about everything! I bet your wife will be gorgeous and you kids will be adorable. And thank you…but you dont know that for sure. 

Are you sure? You are a little loopy right now… are you sure you’ll remember?

[tobiassinking-blog]

Yeah. Milo's really important to me and he's almost all I have from my family so I make sure to tell him everything... I uh, he keeps track of me. Bad things happen to me sometimes, so yeah.

Yeah. Sometimes I smile! Sometimes it's easier. But like then most of the time I can't, because I have this totally bad case of depression? And people say that even when I'm high I should be more fucked up over it and that smoking makes it worse but I can't like get it out of my head like I pretend to. 

Sometimes I start hitting my head but I think that's the worst it gets when I'm high and I uh, I tend to grab Archer's hand so I don't. But he's not here and you're not him so I'll try not to grab yours.

I think you should look at Milo's hair more. I just leave mine shaggy and down, he styles his.

Hey, maybe you'll be my wife? Funny thoughts, huh? Then my wife would forsure be gorgeous. Anyway, I think you'll be an awesome mom. Like seriously, man.

Of course I will. I remember stuff. If not, I'll go looking for you tomorrow.