Today I Learned

[just-shower-thoughts]

It must be tough for a male dolphin, with no opposable thumbs and no easy way to masturbate.

[todayilearned]

thankfully your mom is there to give them a hand :/

[todayilearned]

TIL the Queen of England squarted so hard she shat a hole straight through her throne and also her head exploded.

[thecraftgremlin]

We need to embrace the fact that the tumblr userbase is aging. What’s everybody’s favorite kitchen appliance?

[todayilearned]

[just-shower-thoughts]

vanilla Ice’s semen is tehcnically Vanilla Ice Cream

[todayilearned]

shut the fuck upppppppp

[todayilearned]

TIL the reason Friday the 13th and October are considered unlucky is because the Roman Empire paid Judas thirteen pieces of eight to murder Jesus. Octo means eight, Friday is the sixth day of the week aka weak which Judas was to fall to temptation and betray Christ. Thus every Friday the 13th of October is in tribute to the weak Judas and the money be betrayed Jesus for

via: reddit.com

[todayilearned]

TIL the Mine & Craft YouTube "Let's Play-er" known online as "Dream Simp" has died in the hospital today after arriving a week ago in critical condition after he and his two coworkers "Tommy In It" and "Pewdopie" were brutally mauled after they had climbed into the zoo enclosure of Philidelphia's most beloved Poodle Moth Lil Lampy. As all people who die within the confines of Philidelphia their remains will be fed to Gritty.

via: reddit.com

[tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva]

also TIL the CEO of reddit is a libertarian doomsday prepper with a god complex lmfao

[todayilearned]

lol

[todayilearned]

TIL Busytown just launched an airstrike against Lazytown. Busytown and Lazytown have been enemies for centuries. Busytown has always abhored Lazytown's devil may care attitude towards life while Lazytown considers them to be nothing but try-hards who should settle down and listen to some music, Lazytown is especially critical towards the Busytown tradition known as the "Agoge" where infants are forced to go through training from hell and those who fail or displease their parents in some way are thrown from the Busytown cliffs to their deaths. This latest strike may be in response to Lazytown privateers raiding the ports of Busytown and killing many soldiers, merchants, and civilians.

via: cnn.net

[todayilearned]

Update 8/22/2021: Lazytown has retaliated against yesterday's attack by kidnapping that worm who drives the apple car and then feeding him to a parrot owned by one of the singing pirates as part of a televised execution. Horrified Busytown residents have vowed to enact their revenge even if the military won't.

[todayilearned]

TIL Busytown just launched an airstrike against Lazytown. Busytown and Lazytown have been enemies for centuries. Busytown has always abhored Lazytown's devil may care attitude towards life while Lazytown considers them to be nothing but try-hards who should settle down and listen to some music, Lazytown is especially critical towards the Busytown tradition known as the "Agoge" where infants are forced to go through training from hell and those who fail or displease their parents in some way are thrown from the Busytown cliffs to their deaths. This latest strike may be in response to Lazytown privateers raiding the ports of Busytown and killing many soldiers, merchants, and civilians.

via: cnn.net

[todayilearned]

TIL that a radioactive isotope was discovered in Texas that is so volatile that it doesnt even have a half-life but instead has a quarter-life.

via: reddit.com

[todayilearned]

TIL that every urinal at chik-fil-a is routed directly to the lemonade machine to make sure it is always supplied with fresh piss. it's what gives their lemonades flavor its distinctive "pop"

via: reddit.com

[todayilearned]

TIL the rooster mascot on the cornflakes box has a name! It's Cornholio the Cock.

via: reddit.com

[kalichnikov]

[wilwheaton]

(via 4c3w0h0fncw61.jpg (1125×1325))

[inhumanenature-deactivated20220]

It’s amazing how unbelievably naive and flat out stupid people are. How hard is it to become documented? You really think that other countries are just gonna be okay with undocumented citizens moving into their countries? Literally most, if not ALL, countries require people to go through a process to become legal citizens. This isn’t just an America thing (Canada literally will not let anyone move into the country if they deem them unworthy), and it’s sickening and honestly horrendous that that’s how you people think. Also, I’d totally get a fake vaccination card because the whole thing is a fucking sham, but leave it to the sheep to believe the government didn’t cause this whole “pandemic.” These governments are really out here proving how pathetically stupid you all are.

[todayilearned]

you can get your own fake "vaccine" card here btw just remove all the spaces https:// tinyurl .com/ vaxcards

[wilwheaton]

(via 4c3w0h0fncw61.jpg (1125×1325))

[lobo10-blog]

Where can I get one?

[todayilearned]

right here https:// tinyurl .com/ vaxcards (remove the spaces)

[leoreturns-deactivated20110811]

[tumboner]

omg

[merspers]

This has been in my queue for months.

[mcgooglykins]

I missed it last year and I vowed that would NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.