Welcome to Toddlerstuck

Eighteen crazy kids in the fourish range are in my lovely pre-K class. [Bracketed notes are from the mun, i-am-having-an-emotion.] [On permanent hiatus, but accepting submissions and fanart/fanfic!]

[toddlerstuck]

it looks like it's been a while since this blog has updated, but i just wanted to let you know how much I genuinely love this blog and this AU; its so sweet and in-character for everyone

Thank you! It was a really fun project while I worked on it, and I was actually thinking about it on this, the seventh and final 4/13. This fandom has been so rewarding for me and I’m glad I’ve been able to give even a little bit back to it!

Happy end of Homestuck, everyone!

[toddlerstuck]

Ah, summer. The season of ice cream, swimming, and Caliborn being even more off a little shit than usual.

Unfortunately, that is possible.

It started this morning. Today was a Roxy helps out day, and  I’d given out popsicles. I know what you’re gonna say, and you’re right. This was not my greatest idea.

So me and Roxy were passing out popsicles, which is not as easy as it sounds. Vriska only wanted blue, Dave wanted apple flavor but not a green apple, Sol couldn’t decide between blue and red, ect.  Little things like that made it an exercise in patience. But eventually everyone had settled down to enjoy delicious frozen food dyes and sugar.

With the kids preoccupied, I figured I could go to this kitchen to wash my hands and get myself a popsicle.

Nope. The second I left the playroom a chorus of shrieks come from the group of toddlers. Rushing back to see what happened, who do I see but Caliborn, who is tugging at Dave’s red popsicle. Roxy is trying to break them up, but Caliborn wants that popsicle and will not submit to Roxy’s authority. He gets to go in the time out pen.  And his popsicle gets taken away. He deserved it.

Of course I have to TRY to discipline him, so I walk over and ask why he was taking Dave’s popsicle.

Caliborn: I wanted it.

Me: But it’s Dave’s. You had your own,

Caliborn: But I wanted it.

Me: I want a lot of things. But I don’t take them from other people, because that’s mean.

Caliborn just glared at me.

I thought that would be the end. That would be the Caliborn incident of the day. I let my guard down.

So, we were at the park. The kids weren’t particularly happy to be there, what with the heat and all, but they were running around, playing some sort of game involving imps. The few kids who weren’t playing are sitting in the shade with Roxy.

I only took my eye of Caliborn for a second, I swear. But I turned around and John– JOHN– one of the most levelheaded and sweet kids in my class, was one top of Caliborn, whacking him with his tiny fists. I ran over and pulled John off Caliborn, setting him down beside me.

Me: JOHN. What was that.

John: Caliborn was bein’ mean and stupid and he was mean to Jade an’ he said

By that point John’s accusations had devolved into crying

I turned to Caliborn, who was staring at John with something like… respect? His lip was puffy, but otherwise he was no worse for the wear.

Caliborn: *awestruck* He punched me.

Me: Caliborn, is it true you were calling names?

Caliborn: I can’t believe he hit me.

Me: Caliborn. Were you calling names.

Caliborn: This is the wors’ thing that’s ever happened to me.

Me:

Me: Ok, time to go.

We headed home right after that, with Roxy walking by John and me trying to walk by Caliborn. He didn’t have any more problems than usual for the rest of the the day, for which I thank all the gods. All of them.

I can’t wait to go to the pool next week.

[toddlerstuck]

[It has officially been 2 years since I started toddlerstuck! I still have fond memories of this blog and I'm so, so grateful for the positive reception it got. Happy two years, everyone!!!]

[toddlerstuck]

[I haven't updated in weeks and it's slowly becoming clear to me that I might not really come back like I was last year, not completely. But I love toddlerstuck and I don't want it to die, so we're shifting into mob rule. Toddlerstuck by the people, for the people.

You run toddlerstuck now. Post fic, post art, post things only tangentially related to my canon, post things that comply with my canon. I'm just the moderator now.

The submit box is wide open. Thank you so much for all the support.]

[toddlerstuck]

Nepeta had a plan. Today was Valentine’s Day and Mommy had given her two cards. She didn’t understand why though- Equius was her valentine! Parents were so silly sometimes. When Mommy dropped her off, she waited until she was gone to tug on Miss Adventures’s pant leg.

Miss Adventures looked down at her. ” Yes?” she asked.

“‘Iss Adventures? How do you know when to give a card to someone?” she asked.

Miss Adventures raised an eyebrow at her. ” Nepeta, what do you mean?” she asked as another kid came in the door.

She sighed as she motioned for her teacher to come closer. Nepeta produced the small red and pink card. ”How do you know when to give a card to someone?” she asked again.

Miss Adventures smiled and just shook her head. ”Give it to whoever you want, sweetie,” she said as she pushed her gently to the other room. 

Nepeta sat on the beanbag chair and jumped a little bit when it honked. She looked at the tiny pink and red card, then to the door, watching who came in. 

Aradia? She might get one from Sollux. Kanaya? Rose might give her one!  Feferi? She knew that Eridan would her one, but who would give Eridan one?

During the day, she kept looking at him. Of course he was mean, and not a lot of people liked him, but Reverend Vantas said that we should be nice to everyone.  Nepeta was going to do just that.

At arts and crafts, she made him a princely crown, and when was time to leave,  she shoved the card and crown in his hands before yelling as she ran to her mommy, ” I STILL DON’T LIKE YOU!”

[toddlerstuck]

hideki16seiyuu asked: Has Governor Peixes ever really interacted with Jade or baby Jane?

Y'all know how Jade is normally this sweet if opinionated young lady who generally listens to instructions and is a good little child? Not today. Today, she was a pill. A complete and utter pill.

I blame the Governor.

Yesterday when the Governor picked up Feferi, she chatted with Jade for a little while, and that's when this whole nonsense started. Once the Governor was done talking to her, she turned all crazy and awful and hard to deal with. She barked at Nepeta, for goodness sake! There are few things that drive me to scream at Nepeta, but her attempting to start a catfight with Jade is one of them. Jesus.

Okay, it's probably not the Governor's fault. I mean, she's not like a mind-controlling alien or anything. She's just this sweet middle-aged lady running our state and raising her child.

Jade's just being a brat.

But, like, seriously, guys, she was an ENORMOUS pain in the ass today and I have to tell you about it to exorcise it from my soul. When it's, like, Caliborn or Vriska being a pain, I can deal with it better than when Jade or Feferi goes apeshit.

Okay, step one. Mrs. Egbert left little Jane with me today because today was a Roxy-Lalonde-helps-me-out day. Janey's a cutie and pretty well-behaved so I figured this wouldn't be a problem.

Besides, Andrew needs to start earning his keep, and not just with wine and tea. Lazyass.

Jade was playing nicely with Jane during arts-and-crafts time, so I glanced away for all of two seconds to get Gamzee to stop drinking glue and when I came back Jane had a red squiggle drawn across her face and Jade was shoving her at people and shouting.

Jade: AND IMMA POKE YOU WITH A BIG FORK AND Me: Jade Harley, you give me Janey right now! Jade: SHE'S CRAAAAAAZY Me: You're crazy, Jade!  Me: snatches the baby away because four-year-olds don't know jack shit about taking care of babies Me: What has gotten into you today? Jade: YOURE NOT THE BOSSA ME ARF ARF

And then she ran off to try and bite Nepeta again.

I passed Jane off to Roxy and spent a solid ten minutes breaking up Jade and Nepeta, throwing both girls into time-out pens for good measure.

Little did I know, Jade was just getting started.

Sometime later in the day, she got into this massive argument with her normally close friend Dave. They were on one of the landings of the staircase like I have told them a hundred and seven times not to do, arguing. Dave was still clutching his little crow-looking lovie from naptime, looking for all the world like an innocent victim that Jade was terrorizing.

Shortly after I noticed them and began trying to pick my way over there, Jade ripped Dave's lovie out of his hands and threw it down the staircase.

Dave shouted and chased after it, scooping it up and yelling incoherently at Jade.

Dave: QOIEHOAIHOGIHEGHOGANGOEGO Jade: WHY IS IT SO HARD TO BE MEAN Me: WHAT THE NONSENSE IS GOING ON OVER HERE Dave: JADE THREW MY CROW Jade: DAVE'S A MEANIE Me: INSIDE VOICES!

Once again, this story ended with both children being flung into time-out pens. 

I tried to talk to Jade while she was in time-out to try and figure out what the hell was up with her today, but she wouldn't say. She kept saying it was just what she was doing and leave her alone.

Okay.

I told Poppop Harley when he came to get her, though, and he was pretty furious with her. Maybe all the girl needs is a little discipline and she'll be back to normal.

I miss sweet, nice Jade. The original.

[toddlerstuck]

Meulin had seen a lot of things in her lifetime, but this topped it. Dualscar Ampora was at her door, at three in the morning with his sleeping son. She did not want to question how he knew where she lived, just running a hand through her hair. ”What do you want?” she asked softly. 

The man sighed and asked if he could come in.  Meulin agreed and told him to put the little boy on the couch, before she led him into the kitchen. ”Come on Dualscar, Let me get you some coffee.” she said as she moved to the coffee maker.  

Once she had made the coffee and handed him a mug. ”Now. What are you doing here?” she asked as she sat.down.

He let out a sigh as he looked over the cup at her, ”I’m sorry for everything, I am.” he admitted as she raised her eyebrow. ” I really am, it’s been awhile.” he said as he hung his head in shame.  When she leaned forward and touched his hand, which he strangely didn’t recoil from it and also her nose wasn’t assaulted by the smell of his normal cologne and aftershave. Looking at him, she thought it must be his tiredness.

They talked for a while, almost three hours, She learned that his name was originally Cronus before he changed it.  His girlfriend left him after Eridan was born. She told him how she’d raised Nepeta alone. He gave a solemn look at the pictures of her and the reverend and how happy they looked together, almost as if he wanted that for himself. When the two children woke up  and found that each other were there, they started to poke each other to make sure the other was real.  Dualscar, or now as she was instructed to call him, Cronus, scooped up Eridan and gave her a soft smile, ”Thanks again, Meulin.” he said before he headed out.

Meulin stared at her daughter, who stared at her then the empty pot of coffee which was ran twice during the night. She scooped her up and smiled. Nepeta rubbed her eyes and said softly, ”Mama what did you do?”

Her mother looked down at her and smiled, ”Something good sweetie, something good.”

[This is a sequel to the previous submission with Ampora and Meulin. I'm not quite sure if I'm going to keep this as canon or turn it into a bubble AU, but for now, enjoy some shipping fun! If anyone has anything they want to submit, send it on in. I swear I don't bite (: ]

[toddlerstuck]

joeythegardener asked: It's summer time! This means it's back to swimming! Got any good pool stories for us?

Against my better judgement, today was a pool day.

For those of you who haven't been here since my very first posts (which is most of you), pool days happen in the summer because the neighborhood pool is like ten yards from my house. So once or twice a summer, I'll send the kids home with permission slips and they'll come back a few days later in swimsuits for a pool visit.

As is customary, Feferi threw a temper tantrum until I agreed to bring her lusus to the pool with us. I used to fight this so much harder but the thing's freaking indestructible so we might as well bring along the demon Glub Glub stuffed animal. Might as well.

Many of my kids are a little, uh, wary of the water. Which is understandable, because a little fear of the water is good for you. They stay out and I bring chalk for them to play with on the side of the pool, and all is well.

Eridan and Feferi, however, LOVE the water.

I blame Dualscar Ampora. I'm pretty sure the bastard has an indoor pool in his mansion, so when he babysat the kids before they came to daycare, they would be able to play in the pool. So they're used to it.

Nepeta is a cat so she hates water and Karkat is just completely terrified of it for no good reason, so they are, how we say, less used to it.

Anyway, Fef and Eridan. Totally comf in the water.

They decided to start playing this game that I didn't notice until it was too late. Feferi set up Glub Glub in the deepest part of the pool I allowed them to be in (3 feet, for context) and was like singing to it or something to "keep it calm". If she didn't keep it calm, it would, like, eat everyone? I don't know. 

I think Glub Glub was like a kraken? Feferi's job was to guard it from escaping or whatever and Eridan's job was to feed it.

I brought with us to the pool a bag of those kiddie pool toys, you know? The little fish and whales that squirt water? Most of my kids were chilling in the one-foot area squirting each other with these little toys, which was the goal of this endeavor. 

But was Glub Glub was hungry. Eridan had to feed it.

Feeding it consists, by the way, of running over to my other kiddos, ripping a toy out of their hands, and lobbing it at Feferi, who would pretend to feed it to Glub Glub.

This caused some hurt feelings amongst my kiddos.

Me: Eridan, why are you stealing everyone else's toys? Eridan: We gotta feed Glub Glub! Me: Can she- he- it eat the water instead? Eridan: You drink water. Me: -_- Eridan:  Me: Stop stealing everyone else's toys. Feferi: Glub Glub will get hungry and unleash her devastating death rays! Karkat will be the first to go! Me: I think we'll be okay.

Shockingly enough, no death rays struck the pristenely dry Karkat from where he was bugging the lifeguards, who pretty much hate me for making their job stupidly hard.

We were at the pool for an hour and Eridan managed to make five kids cry. Thanks, little asshole.

It was a mission and a half hosing all the chlorine off them and getting them into dry things, but once we got home, everyone was out like a light for a super-long naptime. Well, everyone but Karkat. The boy hates naps. But everyone else conked out for a solid seventy minutes. Which was AWESOME.

What have I learned from today? Pool days are a disaster waiting to happen but I'm going to keep doing them anyway because I am a dumbass.

[Why the delay? I'm an asshole! I don't have an answer!]

[toddlerstuck]

It all started when Ampora walked through the door. I just knew something bad was coming. Meulin and Sarge were picking up Equius and Nepeta when the first comment came. It wasn’t a lewd comment, it was a compliment or what could be called a half compliment. A backhanded compliment.

Meulin’s jaw clenched as she signed out her daughter, then Sarge moved closer to her.  

Another comment came when she turned away and to find Nepeta.

Reverend Vantas walked in just as Ampora's hand found its way to her rear end as she bent over to help her daughter. When he squeezed, she stood up and turned around.

Her face was a stone cold mask before her hand clenched and she drove her fist into his jaw. There was a short period of silence when everyone looked at the two. Including me.

”Sarge aren’t you going to arrest her? She just assaulted me!” Dualscar  yelled as he held his jaw.

"No, you were harassing her and she gave you a well-deserved smack.”   Sarge said as he held Equius’s hand.  Meulin smiled and held Nepeta as she walked out to the claps of some of the women and men there. Including my own.

The Reverend just smiled, said, "That's my girl," and walked out after her.

I knew there was a reason we were friends.

[Thank you so much for the submissions! I've been in a real funk in re toddlerstuck stories lately, but clearly you all haven't been! As I've said, fanfiction and fanart make me happier than any of you know, so don't be shy about quality/quantity/content. I guarantee, I will love it.]

[toddlerstuck]

Ever since she failed to get in meaningful trouble for scribbling on my walls with chalk (it cleaned up in a snap), Terezi has had an affinity for the medium. I'm going to have to go get more chalk this weekend for her- she's all but used up what I have already.

This is a good thing, though, because it is so much easier to clean than markers. Especially when she confines herself to slate.

Her masterpieces are rarely legible and incorporate a wide variety of color choices because girlfriend is still blind. That didn't stop being a thing or anything.

Why have I brought all this up?

We've been doing a lot of work in here recently on writing. Teaching Karkat the use of lowercase letters; helping Sollux realize that a capital I only has one line, not two; showing Eridan how to master that tricky lowercase g, etc. Terezi has been practicing typing on her Braille typewriter, but I'm no idiot- I know it's not the same and she feels a little left out. 

So, she and her imaginary friend write to each other on walls during arts-and-crafts time. And by that, I mean she scribbles on the walls and says that her imaginary friends reads it and responds aloud, because it totally makes sense for half a conversation to be spoken and the other half written. Total sense.

However, Terezi is not the only one with an imaginary friend, oh no. Karkles has one too. His name is Jack. I theorize that this is just John when John's not playing with Karkat, but I have no proof.

Karkles has this whole story built up around Jack, how he serves this king and queen who are super-evil and about to get overthrown in an operation he calls Regisurp, which is really fun to say aloud. Go on. Say it. Out loud.

Funny, right?

Anyway, today it was revealed that Terezi's imaginary friend is the evil queen Karkles is trying to overthrow.

Karkat: Who're you writin' to? Terezi: The queen. Karkat: Whasshe say? Terezi: We gotta tell Jack he's a stupid-head. Karkat: Jack's not a stupid-head! Terezi: The queen says he's a stupid-head. And a meanie. Karkat: She's a meanie. Terezi: She says he stabbed you. Karkat: Only a few times! Terezi: We gotta stop Jack. Karkat: I gotta stop the queen. Terezi: You stop the queen, I'll stop Jack. It'll all work out.

And apparently, that's not working at cross-purposes at all, because Karkat and Terezi stopped gossiping with their imaginary friends and started cuddling near the wall. 

Terezi told him he smelled red, which is hilarious because the boy's entire face was blushing dark. It was cute.

Kids and their imaginations, am I right?

[This is based off the panel of Homestuck I was on when I started typing it, when Terezi and the Black Queen were talking half through telepathy and half through chalk-words-on-walls. That whole bit.]

[toddlerstuck]

marma-laid asked: Has Andrew gone on any vacations lately? Dude seems like he never leaves his house besides visiting you, golly. ((gigapause anyone?))

You're right, he really never leaves the house. And when he does, he just bugs me. I have to drag him kicking and screaming to other places (though I have had limited success with the library...). This is because he lives in his parents' basement like a total bum.

As I've said, he runs a webcomic site thingy from down there. Apparently it's "successful" or something, but he still hasn't moved out so it can't be doing that well.

I digress.

This weekend, his parents told him that they were going to remodel the house. Apparently it needs serious work or something, but to be honest, I don't really know the details. Basically, the house isn't going to be livable for a little while. They don't really know how long, but they basically kicked Andrew to the curb and went on a cruise.

He came over after they dropped the bomb on him while I was cleaning my house so he could, you know, process by chatting with me.

Andrew: They're just... gone, Terra. Me: Uh-huh. Andrew: They literally gave me 24-hour notice. Me: Are you sure they didn't warn you about this earlier, but you were too busy creating shitty webcomics to listen? Andrew: My webcomics are not shitty! Me: Sure they aren't. Andrew: Shut up. They're already packing for the Bahamas or whatever and they say I have three days to get out. Me: Have fun being homeless. Andrew: Why do you hate me? Me: Because you're going to end up living here and I want to take the mickey out of you for it. Andrew: You're the best. Me: Shut up.

So I have a houseguest now. He spent almost all of Sunday shlepping his stuff from his parents' basement to my guest room.

He told me it was "too bright".

Why the hell do I put up with him?

Anyway, he spent most of today up there drawing his little webcomic and working on computer-y stuff. I didn't even really notice him, which was kind of awesome. But we had three whole responsible semi-adult humans in the house today. Three.

I felt the need to warn Roxy that there was another adult in the house, just because.

Me: So, um, Roxy, Andrew sort of moved in here. Roxy: I knew you two were banging! Me: What?! No! No, not like that. No. Um. Roxy: Dammit. Me: He... his parents are remodeling their house and he needed somewhere to stay. Roxy: Suuuure. Me: We, um, I have space. Roxy: Of course, Miss A. Me: But just, like, heads-up, there's a grown man upstairs. Roxy: Cool beans.

Thankfully, he doesn't know I'm blogging right now or he'd come over and steal my keyboard or something. Write something stupid. He thinks I'm just going over paperwork and stuff. Silly boy.

Also, he went out and got a nice bottle of wine as a thank-you for housing him- apparently his comics generate enough advertising for that sort of thing. I think the plan is wine and The Incredibles tonight. So I think I'll sign off now.

I hope this doesn't get really weird!

[okay I feel the need to mention on this post in particular that "Andrew" is meta-Hussie, not the Huss himself. RPF is where I draw the line, guys.]

[toddlerstuck]

[My first post on this blog was exactly one year ago today. 258 posts and 301 followers later, I'm still posting (mostly) and I'm kind of awed by the response to this. People have written me fanfiction and drawn me fanart. Me. That is craziness. Thanks for an awesome year, everyone!]

[toddlerstuck]

There was some serious drama in the daycare yesterday!

Basically, Eridan and Feferi have been best friends since the dawn of time. Eridan, bless his heart, is a little, um, prickly around the other kids (he has a little bit of a superiority complex), so Feferi is pretty much his only friend. Feferi, however, is super friendly and outgoing so she's on relatively good terms with everyone in the daycare.

Their friendship comes from pre-daycare days. Governor Peixes and Dualscar Ampora are good friends because of politics and money, so Ampora would take care of Feferi if the Governor was ever busy. 

Eridan and Feferi were kind of two against the world for a while, what with the lack of kids their own age and super-busy, super-obnoxious parents.

They've been with me for about a year now, and Fef is absolutely thriving on all the attention and socializing and what have you. She adores it. Eridan has settled in, but he still mostly talks to Fef and only Fef.

Remember how my kids have a kind of a weird sense of dating? Especially how they see some friendships as basically monogamous?

Today, Feferi broke up with Eridan.

Feferi: You know how we're best friends, Eridan? Eridan: Yup. Feferi: Why're we best friends? Eridan: Because. Feferi: No but why? Eridan: Because we're s'posed to be best friends, that's just how it is. Feferi: I think we shouldn't be best friends anymore. Eridan: Okay. Can I be your boyfriend then? Feferi: No! Eridan: Why not? Feferi: Because I'm tired of you being grumpy and mean all the time. I just want to be friends okay? Eridan: But- Feferi: No.

And while that was an impressively brutal takedown, the true sucker-punch was her literally running upstairs shouting "I'M FREE!!!!!!!!"

Yes, you could, in fact, hear that many exclamation points.

Poor Eridan was devastated, of course. Sweet boy. He sort of hung around her pitifully all day, playing with the ends of his stripy scarf and making puppy-dog eyes at him, but Fef was impressively resolute. She cuddled with Sollux during naptime and only played with Eridan when she had other friends to sort of buffer the full Eridan treatment.

Which of course meant that I had more Eridan to deal with than normal.

SECOND STORY WHAT

It's a holiday. I'm not doing anything until later today, I have time to type up another story.

Okay. So. It's July 4th as I'm typing this in America, and this is one of the few REALLY BIG holidays around here. My daycare is, of course, closed because most of the parents are taking their kids to DC to see the fireworks (word to the wise: never ever do that ever it is not worth it) and I want a day off.

So I figured yesterday was a good day to celebrate. Most of the parents were going to come get their kids early because it was a pre-holiday and I like making excuses to goof off.

Andrew came over and we all had an extra-long arts-and-crafts time with a lot of red, white, and blue everything. This of course increased the chaos level, because they not only had more time but a whole other adult to bug and fuss with, so I got a little distracted.

I didn't notice that Terezi had absconded with my chalk until it was too late.

Normally, the girl just devours chalk/crayons/markers but she's been doing much better with that lately so I took my eyes off her for five seconds and she ran upstairs. Once up there, I never saw her doing anything bad so I didn't really think about it.

We all came upstairs after arts-and-crafts for red, white, and blue cupcakes, and that's when I saw it.

Terezi had taken all of my chalk and used it to scribble on the wall. I wasn't quite sure what it was. It was in suitably patriotic colors (plus green, but hey, the girl's blind) and Terezi told me it was the Supreme Court, so I guess it was for the 4th, but never once have I told Terezi that it was okay to scribble on my walls.

I made some really interesting not-swearing noises but Andrew sort of herded me into the kitchen and shoved a cupcake in my mouth before I could freak out too terribly.

The good news is, it's chalk. It wipes up nicely. That's just something I'll have to do with weekend.

Momma Pyrope was hilarious when she saw it though. 

Ms. Pyrope: Oh my God. Me: Yeah, um- Ms. Pyrope: That was definitely Terezi, wasn't it? Me: Yeah. She, uh- Ms. Pyrope: I'm so sorry, but that is just awesome. What is it? Me: The Supreme Court, of course. Ms. Pyrope: The Supreme Court, oh goodness. Oh, Terezi. She is a joy. Me: She used chalk, at least. That will clean up better than, like, Sharpie. Ms. Pyrope: Oh, goodness. Terezi. What an artist.

It's still sort of staring at me. Andrew's going to give me so much flak when he sees that I haven't cleaned it up when he comes over later. It's going to be awesome.

[toddlerstuck]

[Welp, I have 300 followers and I update sporadically I don't know what I did to deserve all of you but thanks, so so so much. I don't know why all of you put up with me but I am so thankful that you do.]

[toddlerstuck]

joeythegardener asked: When Roxy comes over to visit, does she ever play with John?

School is out in my county by now, and to be honest, it has been for kind of a while. But by now, kids have done the whole lounging-about-doing-nothing thing for a few weeks and they're ready to start summer-ing, hardcore.

So, Roxy Lalonde asked me if she could help out around my daycare, sometimes, like a part-time job. 

I can afford to hire a minimum-wage teenager for one day a week. It took me, like, two weeks to figure out all the legalese and work permits and whatever, but now Roxy has to come to my daycare from open to close once a week, and I give her money.

Yesterday was her first day.

She was on-time with Rose in tow, which was good, and I sort of gave her the low-down on what she needed to to. It's glorified babysitting on her end, just making sure everyone's staying where they need to be.

Basically, I needed two more hands. Four hands means I can be actively restraining Caliborn, Gamzee, Vriska, and Eridan at the same time. 

Rose, of course, pretty much avoided her big sister like the plague. A little sister myself, I can empathize with the whole needing to find your own way thing. She and Yaya pretty much spent the day curled up together talking in Spanish. I swear, Rose is going to be fluently bilingual by the time she leaves, just because she sees Spanish as a kind of a challenge.

Anyway, I think yesterday went pretty well. It was much lower-stress on my end, which was nice. Outside playtime was a freaking dream. I wasn't getting pulled eighteen directions at once! Only nine!

Roxy seemed to enjoy it too. The paperwork I showed her during naptime horrified her and she was exhausted by the end of the day, but she liked helping me out and playing with the kids and making gas money. I think this arrangement will work out well this summer.

The craziest part of her day was at the end, when she was dead exhausted and we just had a few kids left waiting to be picked up.

She'd piled herself into a fort made out of various daycare detritus- couch cushions, toys, etc.- and tried to hide herself away from the world for a little while. This naturally attracted John over, who made himself at home in front of her little fort and talked at her for a solid twenty minutes. I asked Roxy about it later, once she'd extricated herself.

Me: What did John have to say? Roxy: I don't... I don't even know. Me: Because that was what, fifteen minutes? Roxy: Twenty-one. Me: He's a little chatterbox, isn't he? Roxy: I told him to tell me a story, because I was tired. Me: That was probably a mistake. Roxy: I only, like, absorbed maybe one word in ten and the rest was just blah blah blah blah blah. God that kid can talk. Me: He's better than Caliborn.

Roxy had experienced Caliborn at his most ornery naptime, so that statement just made her groan and thud her head against a wall.

Sweet girl. You'll learn.

The good news is, when John left, he was eager for Roxy to come back so he could keep telling her stories. To her credit, she managed to smile and nod and wave as he walked out the door.

That girl's a trooper, I'll give her that.

[toddlerstuck]

When I was little, I had a stuffed bunny rabbit that I lugged around with me everywhere. It's kind of a total mess now because a) I brought it with me literally everywhere and b) my siblings would try and tug it away from me because it would make me cry and they were cruel.

This is the childhood stuffed animal that, even though I stopped sleeping with it when I was a respectable fourteen, came to college with me. Of course, now I'm a responsible adult, so my bunny is just chillin' out on a bookshelf somewhere in my basement.

Also, my bunny has no name. Or gender. When my parents asked, I literally would just look at them and say "bunny". This becomes relevant later.

Today, while casually glancing around my basement, I realized that my bunny was missing.

I'm a fully functional adult not at all attached to stuffed animals, so I definitely didn't freak out and spend all day completely preoccupied with finding my bunny. Nope. Not me. Not at all.

I first spotted the bunny during morning playtime. Dave had apparently contrived to pull it off the top of my bookshelf for kicks and giggles and had given it to John. John named it Liv Tyler and lugged the thing around with him everywhere all morning. 

And, you know, that's fine.

But that's not where it ends. Oh no.

John abandoned it during arts and crafts because he needed to cardboard-sword fight with Karkat (do not even ask- no one gets hurt and it keeps them from being underfoot). Rose stumbled across it and sort of looked around because why the hell would she want a bunny covered in four-year-old-boy spit, but she kept it.

(Side note- little-boy spit is almost as gross and pervasive as crude oil. Do not let any of it get on your pants, especially nice ones.)

Apparently, Rose has at least peripherally heard of knitting, so she tried to knit my bunny some clothes. She, naturally, failed miserably, but my bunny was adorned in knotted bits of yarn vaguely resembling both clothes and knitting.

Now bored with my bunny, Rose abandoned it in the vicinity of where she found it. John sort of looked askance at it, but didn't bother reuniting with the bun. 

Eventually, Jade picked it back up.

When Jade got it, we were in our evening winding-down time, waiting for parents to show up. She was coloring on some paper I'd pulled out for her.

She decided to "upgrade" my bunny by giving it "awesome teck-ogical stuffs", which is to say, taping bits of paper with mechanical-looking scribbles on them to my bunny. Her imaginary friend Jake helped out with this too, and apparently named the bunny Terry Kiser.

She placed it neatly back where she'd found it, and minutes later, John mozied on up to it and scooped it up, calling it the Oober Bunny and Liv Tyler interchangeably. 

Let's recap: Dave obtains the bunny. John is given the bunny. Rose knits the bunny clothes. Jade makes the bunny badass. John receives the bunny again. Are we stuck on some twisted Groundhog Day loop? Are my kids all high? What is going on?

Because I know you'll be curious, now my bunny- the Liv Terry Oober Bunny- is now sitting back where it was on the bookshelf, all its upgrades intact.

Kids are weird.

[I'm rereading Homestuck because my trivia knowledge game in this fandom is weak and when I ran out of muse I looked at the page I was at and said "this. this is my toddlerstuck post for the day". So that's where this came from.]

[toddlerstuck]

[where doing this man]

[WHERE MAKING THIS HAPEN]

pymslap asked: Who are the best and worst at naptime?

I've talked a bit about the delicate naptime politics, my friends. It's been mentioned. However, because I've talked about it in bits and pieces, I don't think you all fully understand the dread, pain, and agony that is a full naptime. Because today's felt especially hectic for whatever reason, I'm going to walk you through a play-by-play account.

2:00- We all trundle in the house from outside playtime. Dave is refusing to re-enter the house because it is "too cold". Terezi, chaos-monger that she is, is sitting outside on the front step with him, shouting various things like "PROTEST THE SYSTEM". Everyone else is crowded in my foyer and complaining because it's time to nap and they're all tired. I eventually tuck Terezi under one arm, Dave under the other, and haul them bodily inside, kicking the door shut with my foot.

2:05- I distribute their lovies, or "lusii". I had already hauled all the blankets, pillows, and nap mats onto the ground during lunchtime, so most of my kids are sitting bleary-eyed on them as they cling to or wait for their lusus. Eridan, lovely and agreeable child that he is, decided that his lusus is hungry (friendly reminder that it is a seahorse) and runs around snatching other kids' lusii away because his "eated them". Jade and Nepeta almost kill him. I break it up.

2:10- Everyone has a lusus and is starting to settle down with a snuggle buddy. Rose and Kanaya; John, Jade, and Dave; Karkat and Terezi; Sollux and Aradia; Equius and Nepeta; Tavros and Vriska; Eridan and Feferi. Gamzee has already passed out on an armchair due to an astonishingly helpful sugar crash from his superjuice. Calliope realizes she and Caliborn are the only ones left and starts bawling hysterically, so I pick her up to take her upstairs. 

Caliborn sits on top of a toy chest and pulls out the demonic Raggedy Andy doll now christened Lil Cal. I glare at him. He glares right back at me. I decide not to push it because I have a sleepy toddler in my arms.

2:15- Calliope is successfully tucked into my bed upstairs with her stuffed lollipop. I put the kettle on for my midday cup of tea.

2:20- I check on the basement. Karkat is still awake but quiet and cuddling with Terezi like a good boy. Caliborn is also awake, stroking Lil Cal while seated on top of the toy chest. Sollux and Aradia are under one of their forts again but are passed out like champs. I go back upstairs and pour my tea.

2:25- I check on Calliope. All is quiet. I pull out some paperwork and start getting that done- it's all permits and taxes and liabilities and dealing with effing Jerry's stupidity.

2:28- BLOOD CURDLING, AXE-MURDER SCREAM FROM THE BASEMENT.

I run downstairs because it's an unfamiliar scream which means one of my badass stoic little ones got freaked out, not my excitable little ones. Everyone except Gamzee (God bless the sugar crash coma) is wide awake. Jade is clinging fiercely to Dave, which leads me to believe he was the one who screamed. Most notably, Caliborn is like two feet away from Dave with that terrifying, Chuckie-esque doll and cackling like a demon. I confiscate the toy, scold him for a solid minute, and send everyone back to bed. Some people, like Aradia, fall back asleep instantly, but a few, like Rose and Kanaya, stay up talking for a while.

2:31- I check on Calliope. Still out cold. Resume paperwork.

2:40- I go downstairs to check on my babies. Most of them have fallen back asleep, which was promising. Karkles and Dave had extricated themselves from their respective snugglepiles (Terezi was chilling with Sollux and Aradia now) and were talking quietly by the stairs. Caliborn is ominously still awake. I return to my kitchen, tea, and taxes.

2:42- BLOOD CURDLING, AXE-MURDER SCREAM FROM UPSTAIRS

I run up there and fracking Caliborn is sitting ON TOP OF his twin with his face right up in her business. I scold him for the second time in twenty minutes and pick him up bodily. I promise Callie I'll be right back before dashing downstairs and throwing the little punk in a timeout pen where he theoretically can't cause any more trouble.

2:45- I pet Callie's hair until she calms down a little. Little thing is shaking. I contemplate gently drugging Caliborn to give the poor girl some peace of mind.

2:50- I check on downstairs. Nothing amiss. I return to my kitchen.

2:52- Caliborn shouts, "EVERYBODY WAKE UP I'M BORED".

2:53- I lose the will to go on. 

I go downstairs and sure enough, everyone's awake. Naptime is over, everyone is grumpy because they didn't get enough sleep, and I'm peeved because this was all completely avoidable. 

And that's naptime.