
if i look back, i am lost
Monterey Bay Aquarium
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
cherry valley forever
YOU ARE THE REASON

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
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Xuebing Du
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

Kiana Khansmith

PR's Tumblrdome
Sade Olutola
Acquired Stardust

Discoholic 🪩
Peter Solarz

JBB: An Artblog!
occasionally subtle
wallacepolsom
styofa doing anything

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@toh-incorrect-quotes
I think it’s beautiful when what you loved doing when you were 6 finds you again when you’re in your 20s or 30s or 40s or 50s or 60s or 70s or 80s or 90s or
Happy Pride from this dumpster fire of a shitpost factory!
we gotta get back into revolving bookcases i'm begging
truly we allow the pinnacles of human achievement to wither and collapse into ashes in the wind
(BOB VILA and NORM ABRAM have just done an assessment of this season's first patient - a Victorian farmhouse with good bones, but clearly in need of a lot of work. Norm's got a clipboard, and Bob's got the fidgets.)
BOB: Looks like we'll need to re-shingle the roof... replace some clapboards... (Norm makes tidy notes on his clipboard)
NORM: The floors are gonna need a lotta work. I think we can sand and refinish the wood under the carpet, but there's a lot of grungy linoleum that needs to come out..
BOB: Sounds like we get to pick some new tile!
NORM: The plaster is, frankly, in pretty rough shape so- (the house is rocked by a sudden, porcelain explosion.)
BOB: Plumbing issues... (NORM notates this on the clipboard, along with a note to stock up on Courvoisier.)
BOB: Well, Norm, whaddaya think?
NORM: I think we're gonna have our hands really full with this one. (BOB and NORM sigh contentedly, in unison.)
I KNEW there had to be a gay this old house fan blog, thank you for your service
Honestly, I couldn't believe there wasn't one so... Here we are?
Are you worried about your baby being hurt at home? Call Switch's Babyproofing Service. We exclusively hire former babies, in order to make sure the mind of the wily infant is accurately understood.
For many of you, you value your babies higher than that of older, more capable children. They have a lot of potential, mostly because they haven't learned to describe YouTube videos to you yet. That potential needs to be protected at all costs. And that's fine with us. Babies are wily, and without the benefit of experience, they can hurt themselves a million ways.
Plus, we know that new parents are extremely anxious, and we can just make up some shit to explain why we deserve another hundred dollars. You ever seen a baby pick up a toaster, turn it upside down, shake the crumbs from the crumb tray into their mouths, and choke to death right there on your granite countertop? I haven't either, but it's starting to sound pretty plausible to both of us.
With your permission, and ideally with a pre-authorization on your credit card, we'll set about making your house safer. Rubber padding on corners, tapes of all kinds on sharp things. How do you really know it works? One of our employees will get so drunk he will regress back to a babylike state, and then rampage through your house. The only risk to you is if he keeps time-travel drinking and accidentally unbirths himself, but that's only happened twice before. We keep a midwife on retainer these days.
So hop on that phone and tell us all about the scariest shit in your house. We're ready to listen, and we're ready to bill. You're totally right, ma'am; it sounds deadly as fuck.
In an effort to soften the blow for a human race eagerly awaiting His glorious arrival, Jesus Christ, the Son of God, clarified Monday that His return would be strictly limited to His carpentry business. “While I will soon appear once more upon the earthly realm, My sole focus during this Second Coming will be various woodworking projects and not the establishment of a messianic kingdom,” said Christ, the Light of the World, adding that He was looking forward to finishing the walnut kitchen island He had set aside for His martyrdom two millennia ago.
Full Story
I'm not saying he's planning to stop in New England for a spell to call on a specific woodworking genius or anything...
I really, REALLY wish I knew what Bob Vila and Norm Abram think of this.
New meme dropped! 🤣
Knight of Pentacles and Knight of Wands
Amazingly, the materials and the tools both arrived in the same place.
Eye protection is important. I could go on for hours, telling you about various horrible injuries that left their victims sightless. Air compressor oopsies. Sanding whoopsies. Exploding grinder wheels. Trying to read a hardcover book while jumping on a trampoline. You don't need me to tell you that your ocular globulators are both precious and totally undefended. Put some fuckin' safety glasses on already.
Of course, you can go overboard. Wearing glasses, safety goggles, and then a ballistic shield is a great idea if you're doing anything with a high-speed rotary tool. If you're just going to the grocery store? Well, chances are you're going to have some trouble with peripheral vision, and get T-boned in the meat aisle by another cart. That loss of awareness of your surroundings could cost you your life (four people have died in shopping cart accidents this week alone.) So you have to be practical about this sort of thing.
Plus, putting on too much PPE will make you smug, which will cause you to take unnecessary risks. No amount of protection will save you if you don't bother to actually tighten down the death wheel all the way before trying to cut into a chunk of tensed-up steel cable for a suspension bridge that you're currently standing on. There has to be some degree of actually thinking about what you are doing. Not least because the safety goggles people have exceptionally good lawyers, who will beat your ass in court so badly that your surviving family members will name their first-born children after them.
What I'm trying to say is that you need to actually know where your safety glasses are, and put them on before you fire up anything that spins real fast or has sharp edges. Alright? You can thank me the next time you have to replace those safety glasses because a bunch of fragments of your Dremel cutting disc got stuck where your eyes otherwise would be. When you come over, make sure to nag me until I put my own goggles on. Thanks.
i asked my dad to make me a hot chocolate and he’s literally sawing something in the kitchen rn
20 QUESTIONS: BOB VILA (Playboy, 1986)
The man who set america's house in order defends vinyl siding and retires some old saws about rehabbing
Oh look, another lost episode of 'This Old House'
(“Louisiana Fairytale” plays over opening credits as BOB VILA strolls into frame. He comes to a stop in front of the Massachusetts colonial farmhouse, where work has been in progress for a while. His hair is perfect, and he's actually wearing work boots and a proper tool belt! BOB deserves a cookie.)
BOB: Hi, I’m Bob Vila. Welcome back to This Old House. This week, we’ll take you on a field trip to a factory in Shawnee, Oklahoma where our ceramic tiles are made, and we’ll catch up with Rich Trethewey to talk about all of the plumbing issues. First, let’s chat with our master carpenter Norm-
(A loud explosion is heard in the distance; it’s violent enough to shake the camera and the house. BOB is startled into momentary silence. Plumbing consultant RICHARD TRETHEWEY bursts through the front door and makes a beeline for his van nearby.)
BOB: (concerned) Everything okay, Rich?
RICHARD: (continues to speedwalk towards van) Toilet’s haunted.
BOB: (incredulously) What???
(RICHARD opens the van, climbs inside, and rummages around until he finds what he’s looking for- a bottle of Courvoisier. He slams the van door and proceeds back toward the house.)
RICHARD: Toilet’s haunted, Bob.
BOB: (blinking even more incredulously) Okay… what’s the Courvoisier for?
RICHARD: (opens front door, dashes in, then pokes his head outside to respond) Keith Moon*. (He quickly withdraws and shuts the door behind him.)
BOB: (blinks speechlessly, clearly stressed out)
*Keith Moon, drummer for the Who, died in 1978. He was the mf’er who started the trend of rock stars absolutely DESTROYING hotel rooms, especially toilets, ESPECIALLY with explosives. He was notorious for this and other wild antics, fueled by massive quantities of alcohol. Courvoisier was his favorite tipple; fortunately, flushing a shot is usually enough to convince his ghost form to bugger off for a bit.
To whoever is running This Old House's social media: you're doing the Lord's work. Here's a little treat for you, gen Z Heated Rivalry fan. May your bromance with PBS rein forever.