Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriendās Shower Routine
SEATTLEāSaying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milsteinās shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.
āI guess at some point while sheās showering, she rubs a rock on her body,ā said Ferris, expressing what he claimed was āthe only possible conclusionā about the light-gray rock in his girlfriendās bathroom. āI mean, it looks sort of nice, so she could just have it there for decoration or something. But itās usually right near all the other soaps and her loofah, so I think itās probably something she actually uses while under the water.ā
āI really donāt know how it all works,ā Ferris added. āAll I know is that in between Sarah getting into the shower and getting out, thereās a rock involved.ā
Ferris, who said he was unable to determine exactly when in the showering process the rock first comes into play, told reporters he is equally clueless about what part of the body the rock is used on.
In addition, Ferris said he occasionally inspects the roughly 3-ounce object when heās in Milsteinās shower, and told reporters that the rock is nearly always wet and is occasionally moved to slightly different spots within the bathtub, leading him to believe that his girlfriend uses it fairly regularly. He also noted his girlfriendās bathing time never seems particularly longer than the average personās considering she has added a rock into the mix.
Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.
āI tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,ā Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. āI could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe Iām wrong.ā
āThere is a chance it could be a hair thing,ā Ferris continued. āMaybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I donāt know.ā
Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.
āIt could be for cleaning the bathtub,ā said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever. āLike every few weekends she scrubs the tub with this rock? I guess I could see Sarah doing that.ā
While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.
āI wonder if I should put a rock in my shower for when sheās over here,ā said Ferris, who said he once tried to locate a rock at a Bed Bath & Beyond, but left after not wanting to walk up to a sales clerk and ask them where they kept their āshower rocks.ā āOr I could just tell her to leave a rock at my place if she wants.ā
āIām probably not going to do that,ā Ferris added.
At press time, a visibly perplexed Ferris had seen the rock sitting in Milsteinās trashcan and then looked in the shower to see another rock sitting in its place.
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