We're all fucked up

Venting acc// tw: mentions of EDs, child abuse, suicide ideations and selfharm

[tollglitterbab]

My partner saying this struck a chord within me.

[catlliecal]

Therapy isn’t enough I need an Untitled Track to appear on my phone followed by Hatsune Miku pulling me into a whole separate plane of existence world thing born from my passion and feelings

[tollglitterbab]

Somehow managed to get back into this blog whilst getting a new phone??? Reading through this definitely makes me go "wow" at myself because boy.. I don't recognise that person. Pretty sure this blog is dead as is, but lol guess this is a post solely for my own memory. Maybe use it as a private diary again? Who knows. Deadblog less dead. (As if I use tumblr for anything but scrolling through fanart because I love my hyperfixations a lot.) Anyway it's almost christmas time already, which means I gotta prepare gifts and such. I hope my friend will love the merch I'll be gifting them<3 And after the holidays it's time to save up for my summer holiday in England!! So so excited to see Lewis again. No need to send off letters when I'll be seeing him regardless.Glad I'm single and actually don't need to worry about making plans around some dumb person anymore. I think being single is more my thing. I have a feeling things will be alright even if I miss people from the past and recognise my mistakes. But, gotta look forward to the foreseeable future. Gotta grow and learn and find my place. But things will be okay. I truly believe so. Well, who knows what it will bring.

I should sleep soon. It's already way too late. Goodbye my silly dead blog.

[tollglitterbab]

Very ready to fuck up my life like I did in 2017. We're hitting rock bottom and I'm good going to hell like this

[trauma-bee]

[survivingwithoutsunshine]

me when someone i love is sad: crying is a release of emotions, please cry if you need to, im here for you!!

me to me when im crying: wow ur seriously crying bc of a valid emotion? what a baby lmao suck it up

[dis-c0nnect-ed]

If you’re crying bc of the crushing weight of the reality that time is passing and the suffocating pressure that everything you’re doing is Not Enough™ and you know it clap your hands

[pnkrathian]

“if you were bullied more you wouldntve turned into such a weird freak!!” well if your parents hadn’t fucked you wouldntve come out of the womb looking so goddamn ugly but here we are

[szeptac]

i just wish anything was bad enough.

[hallucinat0ry]

[mentalhealthrants]

[tenkoshimuraarchive-deactivated]

also i was kind of thinking about it earlier but i realized that it seems to be a thing if you’re abused where you tend to stay up during hours where you can avoid abusers as much as possible. i stay up late and sleep in and take solace in the quiet and how free i feel when i’m the only one awake. it’s sad but i wonder if other people feel like this too. if they relish in being alone after days spent with abusers or other unsavory types

[valiumvampire]

me at others who've experienced trauma: your feelings and reactions are completely valid! you didn't deserve to go through that at all and you are loved!!

me at myself: not you, you piece of shit

[szeptac]

4 am thoughts

[gravehop187]

[tollglitterbab]

I don't necessarily want to die, but I just wish for peace. Cause I'm breaking and I'm so unhappy with everything. With the abuse. With feeling never good enough so I push my friends away. That my death isn't gonna change a thing. That it's better in a way. Because I feel that all I'm worth os abuse and being unloved. I'm so tired of this life and I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I have so little options left. That maybe in the end my death is the only option afterall.

[devilsh-deactivated20220121]