How wonderfully beautiful

JVL
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Three Goblin Art
Xuebing Du
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DEAR READER
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AnasAbdin
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will byers stan first human second

oozey mess

if i look back, i am lost
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trying on a metaphor
Claire Keane
Aqua Utopiaļ½ęµ·ć®åŗć§čØę¶ćē“”ć

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@toltaaa
How wonderfully beautiful
Me: Teams work best when everyoneās playing a character theyāre comfortable with! Good composition is important, but so is trusting your teammateās choices!
Me, seeing someone on my team pick Widowmaker on attack: Ooooh I am ze Widowmak-air. I like sniping more zan winning ooh la la. Je ne sais pas what a tank is. IĀ āave nev-air seen a tank in my life.
āHeās a dick, if you kill him heāll stop being that.ā
- DM (via outofcontextdnd)
a very late birthday gift for a very cool palĀ @numberers , karkat and nepeta ft. lots of cats
Was anime truly a mistake? We might never know.
SUMMER!
Some cutesy fanart of two of my favourite characters from Boku no Hero Academia, a series that Iāve really been enjoying lately.
President Francis J. Underwood
I finished House of Cards season 5, not what I was expecting but it was definitely an interesting watch. Looking forwards to ranting about it for the next few days, or at least discussingĀ āwhat ifsā for a potential next season.
Checking in
Havenāt posted here in a while. Still around, still feeling a bit tired overall, still not feeling up to putting everything into words despite quite often wanting to try.
Iām hoping in future I can find either more distractions/sources of escapism, or something to actually do with my life. Either one would be welcome at this point.
MFW Ao no Exorcist season 2 is getting pretty hype
I just need an error message. A tip. Anything, I just need anything that will set me back on the right path. I have no idea what exactly Iāve done wrong, let alone what I continue to do wrong, yet I always feel so lonely and useless. Should I be doing something different, should I have said something else in the past, what? I fucking wish I knew what I did wrong, so I could finally have the chance to feel right.Ā
Iām so fucking angry at other people today. I want to say that itās a normal day and that Iāve just got a bit of self loathing thrown into the mix, but damn, I am legitimately having a day where I feel like Iām absolutely pissed off with how other people are interacting with me. Fuck.
Settled
I really need to stop letting late nights get to me, I think.Ā
Still, every now and then I guess itāsĀ āgoodā to have a bit of an emotional night, I think theyāre good for me in the long run.Ā
I would usually put more words here but right now, Iām speechless. At the very least, I donāt feel alone anymore. Instead, well, Iām not really sure what Iām feeling at the moment. All I know for sure is that my chest has never felt this clear in a while, Iāve really been able to just feel...free.Ā
Now I can sigh in relief to my hearts content. Big, light-chested sighs.Ā
Alone
Iām sorry for having to make a post like this, but, these thoughts have been welling up in me all night, I need to let them out in some sort of reasonable way.
I really wish I was able to make myself happy, or at the very least, force myself to move towards my own happiness. I connect with people who occupy my whole world, who I canāt seem to do without, then...I donāt know. I hit some sort of fucking roadblock and it all comes to some drawn out end.
Iām not filtering the words in my mind tonight, Iām letting them spill out in any way. I truly fucking wish I had the guts, or even the self worth to reach out to those around me. I swear, I want to be happy. I want to feel happy so much. But, I can only find happiness in others. By myself, Iām incomplete, Iām useless, Iām absolutely nothing.
Iām an insignificant factor in my own life, but I wish that wasnāt the case. I want to be important, I want my own feelings to be important, but I can never seem to let that happen.
Iām really sorry to anyone reading this, let alone anyone who I seem to be so distant and cold from. I swear, if I could really make it clear how much every person I know means to me, I would do, but...I canāt. I donāt know if I donāt want to, donāt know the means to do so or just wonāt.
I really wish I could though. God, I wish I could let some people know how much they mean to me. People I know in the present, future ones and those in the past who Iāll never get a chance to say it to. Iām sorry I was never brave enough to just speak to you.Ā
Saying what I want to say
One thing I need to get better at is saying the positive things that come into my mind about other people. Some time I think Iām a little too worried about it coming out the wrong way or anticipating an awkward silence.
But, realistically, saying something is better than not doing. If I donāt say something I wanted to, Iām left regretting the situation. Arglbargl.
Iām going to try and be a bit more proactive when it comes to positive conversation, sometimes it is nice to just leave things as they are and have a good time, but other times it is justified to just say something nice.
I know Iām a sucker for people saying anything nice about me, so it goes without saying that other people must at the very least somewhat appreciate the same thing.Ā
To hell with my worrying about the consequences or repercussions of everything I want to say. Worrying about that shit just leaves me saying nothing at all. From now on, I think Iām going to have to try being a bit more truthful to myself and saying whatever words float up, from my brain or from my heart.Ā
Pestered by feelings
I truly wish the feeling, or perhaps the idea, that IāveĀ āwasted my lifeā up to this point wouldnāt constantly loom over me and keep coming back into my mind.
When Iām up late keeping myself company, I canāt seem to help thinking about all these countless moments in my life where I wish I would have acted differently, made a separate choice, anything that would have let me have a different life.
As I write this, Iām yet again regretting past experiences and decisions, some more than a decade old, some less than a week.
One thing I would like to say as well, I know fully well that sometimes Iām a pretty pathetic person. I know that I canāt just realize that Iāve made bad choices in the past and then set myself on a positive track for the rest of my life. All I simply wish is that things could have gone at least a little differently for me, so that I might have had some chance to fill in whatever void is currently eating away at me day after day.
Kaede + āThe children of Monokumaā pictures I drew today~ (because I kinda forgot I have to practice them too)
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