Your British Buddy

A look into the thoughts of a British guy with no filter. Male, he/him, 19, INFJ.

[giorno]

How wonderfully beautiful

[nitewrighter]

Me: Teams work best when everyone’s playing a character they’re comfortable with! Good composition is important, but so is trusting your teammate’s choices!

Me, seeing someone on my team pick Widowmaker on attack: Ooooh I am ze Widowmak-air. I like sniping more zan winning ooh la la. Je ne sais pas what a tank is. I ‘ave nev-air seen a tank in my life.

[outofcontextdnd]

“He’s a dick, if you kill him he’ll stop being that.”

- DM (via outofcontextdnd)

[caffstrink]

a very late birthday gift for a very cool pal @numberers , karkat and nepeta ft. lots of cats

[toltaaa]

Was anime truly a mistake? We might never know.

[cosumic]

SUMMER!

[toltaaa]

Some cutesy fanart of two of my favourite characters from Boku no Hero Academia, a series that I’ve really been enjoying lately.

[houseofcards]

President Francis J. Underwood

[toltaaa]

I finished House of Cards season 5, not what I was expecting but it was definitely an interesting watch. Looking forwards to ranting about it for the next few days, or at least discussing ‘what ifs’ for a potential next season.

[sangatsunolion-deactivated20171]

[toltaaa]

Checking in

Haven’t posted here in a while. Still around, still feeling a bit tired overall, still not feeling up to putting everything into words despite quite often wanting to try.

I’m hoping in future I can find either more distractions/sources of escapism, or something to actually do with my life. Either one would be welcome at this point.

[toltaaa]

MFW Ao no Exorcist season 2 is getting pretty hype

[toltaaa]

I just need an error message. A tip. Anything, I just need anything that will set me back on the right path. I have no idea what exactly I’ve done wrong, let alone what I continue to do wrong, yet I always feel so lonely and useless. Should I be doing something different, should I have said something else in the past, what? I fucking wish I knew what I did wrong, so I could finally have the chance to feel right. 

[toltaaa]

I’m so fucking angry at other people today. I want to say that it’s a normal day and that I’ve just got a bit of self loathing thrown into the mix, but damn, I am legitimately having a day where I feel like I’m absolutely pissed off with how other people are interacting with me. Fuck.

[toltaaa]

Settled

I really need to stop letting late nights get to me, I think. 

Still, every now and then I guess it’s ‘good’ to have a bit of an emotional night, I think they’re good for me in the long run. 

I would usually put more words here but right now, I’m speechless. At the very least, I don’t feel alone anymore. Instead, well, I’m not really sure what I’m feeling at the moment. All I know for sure is that my chest has never felt this clear in a while, I’ve really been able to just feel...free. 

Now I can sigh in relief to my hearts content. Big, light-chested sighs. 

[toltaaa]

Alone

I’m sorry for having to make a post like this, but, these thoughts have been welling up in me all night, I need to let them out in some sort of reasonable way.

I really wish I was able to make myself happy, or at the very least, force myself to move towards my own happiness. I connect with people who occupy my whole world, who I can’t seem to do without, then...I don’t know. I hit some sort of fucking roadblock and it all comes to some drawn out end.

I’m not filtering the words in my mind tonight, I’m letting them spill out in any way. I truly fucking wish I had the guts, or even the self worth to reach out to those around me. I swear, I want to be happy. I want to feel happy so much. But, I can only find happiness in others. By myself, I’m incomplete, I’m useless, I’m absolutely nothing.

I’m an insignificant factor in my own life, but I wish that wasn’t the case. I want to be important, I want my own feelings to be important, but I can never seem to let that happen.

I’m really sorry to anyone reading this, let alone anyone who I seem to be so distant and cold from. I swear, if I could really make it clear how much every person I know means to me, I would do, but...I can’t. I don’t know if I don’t want to, don’t know the means to do so or just won’t.

I really wish I could though. God, I wish I could let some people know how much they mean to me. People I know in the present, future ones and those in the past who I’ll never get a chance to say it to. I’m sorry I was never brave enough to just speak to you. 

[toltaaa]

Saying what I want to say

One thing I need to get better at is saying the positive things that come into my mind about other people. Some time I think I’m a little too worried about it coming out the wrong way or anticipating an awkward silence.

But, realistically, saying something is better than not doing. If I don’t say something I wanted to, I’m left regretting the situation. Arglbargl.

I’m going to try and be a bit more proactive when it comes to positive conversation, sometimes it is nice to just leave things as they are and have a good time, but other times it is justified to just say something nice.

I know I’m a sucker for people saying anything nice about me, so it goes without saying that other people must at the very least somewhat appreciate the same thing. 

To hell with my worrying about the consequences or repercussions of everything I want to say. Worrying about that shit just leaves me saying nothing at all. From now on, I think I’m going to have to try being a bit more truthful to myself and saying whatever words float up, from my brain or from my heart. 

[toltaaa]

Pestered by feelings

I truly wish the feeling, or perhaps the idea, that I’ve ‘wasted my life’ up to this point wouldn’t constantly loom over me and keep coming back into my mind.

When I’m up late keeping myself company, I can’t seem to help thinking about all these countless moments in my life where I wish I would have acted differently, made a separate choice, anything that would have let me have a different life.

As I write this, I’m yet again regretting past experiences and decisions, some more than a decade old, some less than a week.

One thing I would like to say as well, I know fully well that sometimes I’m a pretty pathetic person. I know that I can’t just realize that I’ve made bad choices in the past and then set myself on a positive track for the rest of my life. All I simply wish is that things could have gone at least a little differently for me, so that I might have had some chance to fill in whatever void is currently eating away at me day after day.

[ktokei]

Kaede + “The children of Monokuma” pictures I drew today~ (because I kinda forgot I have to practice them too)

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