I Love You Too

This is what the inside of my head looks like most days I track tommosmightybum

[ingridbergman]

….. god. this is such a Power Move. this is the funniest fucking thing i’ve ever read about anyone. your fave could never be this aloof.

[tastefullyoffensive]

(via teejus)

[dimetrodone]

 “Humanoid” can be a vague term when looking at alien/creature cause sometimes it refers to anything that’s upright and loosely has the body plan of a human, and other times people mean literally just a normal ass human with things added on

[jessica-problems]

as long as it has a sensory organ or two and some limbs, it’s humanoid enough as far as I’m concerned.

[dimetrodone]

Behold a man

[epicmuttonchops]

the bare minimum is that humanoids must be bipedal

[dimetrodone]

Behold a man: part 2

[alextheraven]

And they can’t have feathers

[systlin]

BEHOLD A MAN

[buzzfeed]

A School Included This Teen’s Service Dog In The Yearbook And It’s The Purest Thing

[fetitacaliforniana-deactivated2]

THE WHOLE STORY GUYS

[tsutachishio]

The dog looks so nervous in the school picture

[thespectacularspider-girl]

Don’t judge him, you were probably nervous for your first yearbook photo too.  

[hustlerose]

STOP MAKING BAD DECISIONS AT 3AM

JUST GO TO BED

[hustlerose]

shut the fuck up bitch

[hustlerose]

oh wait this is my post

[daily-showerthoughts]

Having suicidal thoughts are just a few cells plotting to kill all their colleagues.

[tamascotchi-deactivated20190101]

me walking into a mcdonalds in 2037: i’d like the 5 for .0000005 meal please :)

cashier: sure thing! that’ll just be .0000005 bitcoins. would you like to pay with wifi or take out a McLoan?

me: comcastie-kins can i pwease use the intewnet to twansfew some bitcoins to mcdonawds? ówò

comcast: uh oh pumpkin, you didn’t upgrade to the new premium money exchange package yet :(

me: guess i’ll take out another McLoan then!

cashier: sir it looks like you’ve actually exceeded your limit, you currently owe .13 bitcoins to mcdonald’s and im legally required to arrest you

me: not if i kill myself first

cashier, chasing me with a net: mcdonald’s owns the rights to your life so you’re not allowed to die

[kiiingocho-deactivated20150531]

yeah you cute but you stress me tf out

[gothdogparty]

you all discuss the forbidden snacks, but what about the…

FORBIDDEN PLAYGROUND

[writing-prompt-s]

On everyone’s 18th birthday they receive a letter from their future selves. Some receive long messages about their future lovers or messages about changes they would have made. Yours contains nothing but a small list of locations and the words, “NEVER VISIT”.

[crazy-fandom]

Long story short: They are restaurants where you would’ve answered the waiter “you too” when they’d asked if you enjoy your meal

[lhrry]

the wildest moment of 2017? liam appearing at the BRITs out of nowhere to get the award for 1d instead of simon and have the speech instead of simon, dressed quite casually, looking like he arrived at last minute and saying they’re always going to be one direction 

[daily-showerthoughts]

“Forgive me Father for I have sinned” and “I’m sorry daddy; I’ve been very naughty” are simultaneously saying very similar and very different things.

[spacedlexi]

if anyone would like to learn a couple tricks for carving pumpkins:

- dont cut out the top to scoop out the seeds, cut out the bottom instead. this way the pumpkin doesnt cave in on itself and lasts longer - sprinkle some cinnamon inside at the top after carving. this way when you put the candle in it smells like pumpkin pie

[topsiders-tanlines]

this is the quality content I wanna see on my dash

[spider-hands-mannos-deactivated]

- rub the i sides with lemon after you’re done scooping. This will also help preserve the pumpkin

[dashaibo]

It’s fucking June, at least wait until the fourth of July, you animal.

[frowningfox]

I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of me disemboweling this pumpkin.

[collegiate-confession]

[shounenchild]

THETA APPLE PIE

[lacolumnadeandy]

I need vodka, cigarettes and a good fucking lover.

A. P. Mata (via lacolumnadeandy)

[passthepencil]

Should I wash my face before bed? Yes.

Am I gonna do it? No

Will I regret not doing it? Yes

[shittyidea]

English class where you interpret Jaden Smith’s tweets