My Life is Disneyland...

Alex/Alexander. I think I'm finally starting to feel better. Love love love reading. I don't really know how Tumblr works... 35 He/They

[lilaccatholic]

It’s Fourth of July Eve so make sure to leave some milk and cookies out for Captain America

[lilaccatholic]

I THOUGHT AFTER FOUR YEARS YOU PEOPLE WOULD LET THIS DIE AND YET AGAIN I OPEN THIS CURSED APP TO FIND MORE NOTES ON THIS POST

[armengoldira]

[jesuisnilunnilautre]

@mono-red-menace <3

[transgenderer]

every spelunker should go in with a cyanide tooth capsule so if they get stuck they can take the gentle way out instead of being tortured by the earth for 72 hours and then dying anyway

[transgenderer]

@kropotkindersurprise said:

it should be an explosive device, so they widen that part of the cave at the same time and no other spelunkers will get stuck there

beautiful vision. i love the idea of a minecraft-style world where if you explode underground it just clears a radius

[librarian-raichu]

I mean. That obviously wouldn’t work for many reasons, although I do believe if you required spelunkers to wear a suicide bomb to go caving, it would not be a major deterrent.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

They'd be pissed off that the belt is too bulky and they can't squeeze through teeny tiny crevices that require you to avoid breathing until you're through or your ribs won't fit

[bumblebeebats]

Why is it that every time I google something like "Are olives poisonous to cats" the top results are always like "Fun fact: Cats are carnivores! This means that they eat meat. There is no reason to include olives in a cat's diet. You should feed your cat cat food, which is dry or wet food especially designed for cats. You can purchase this at a store." like is there a single person alive on the planet who's googled "Are blueberry muffins safe for cats" because they're planning on switching their cat to a muffin-only diet??? No, I'm asking because the little bastard somehow popped open the packet while I was putting away the groceries and dragged one under the couch before I could react and now I need to know if I should call the after-hours vet. "Cats should not eat spaghetti." NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!!!! "Try to keep human food away from cats." i live in a studio apartment with a completely silent and permanently hungry apex predator who has the intelligence of a toddler and the desperate Machiavellian cunning of a creature who spent his formative months on the streets. He can already open doors and he is this 👌 close to learning how to open the microwave. He is stronger than me and covered in knives. So im gonna do my best but for the moment i just need you to tell me whether this yoghurt is going to kill my son y/n

[spectralhauntings]

I've been using the pet poison hotline's poison list cause it has a search function. It also tells you whether something is mildly, moderately, or severely toxic which can be very handy! It doesn't contain like everything but it might be a good place to start, it also includes plants for fellow houseplant lovers <3

Explore Pet Poison Helpline®s vast knowledge on poisons by reviewing our pet poison list. Explore our top 10 poison and holiday poison lists

[littlemousling]

For plants specifically, there’s also a wildly detailed set of posts and listings about toxicity on the old, wonderful, Plants Are the Strangest People blog

[sawed-on-shotgun]

going on hormones and starting to pass as a man is a mixed bag. obviously that is The Goal. but like

pros: yay! i finally look like a guy! people think im a man!

cons: im only noticing that people perceive me as male because of misogyny 90% of the time

[sawed-on-shotgun]

it's shit i didn't even register before transitioning too. i went out with my friends to a diner yesterday, one is a girl and the other gets clocked as a girl, and when we went in and they asked for the name of the table they asked Me specifically. like looked dead in my eyes and asked Me. i was addressed when it orders and payment first as well. like. Damn. Okay. Shit

[sawed-on-shotgun]

being trans in any direction gives you this but with like a multiplier effect

[byjove]

it’s really interesting how the guys that fight against paying child support the hardest are the ones that could afford to do it. these dudes will quit their well paying salaried job with benefits just to avoid their pay getting docked and potentially going to reimburse the mother of their child for buying their kid new shoes. they’ll leave their child without health insurance and work under the table jobs because they really hate their child and former S/O that much.

[earhartsease]

men who have been conditioned to believe that having kids and caring for them is somehow emasculating

[byjove]

they swear it is a man’s role to provide and protect but they’re going out of their way to deprive and endanger

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

They believe that their role is to provide and protect the ones they choose to; it's not a responsibility (though they'll frame it like it is to sound better), but a power that they hold over others. Child support is emasculating because they see it as being forced to provide for someone who isn't "theirs" any more. They don't see it as supporting a child that they have ongoing responsibility for because they believe that they should have the right to withdraw that responsibility at any time, that unconditional responsibility for a child is the woman's role. They see it as being financially cucked.

[evilwizard]

just a heads up. im gonna do a big curse soon

[thenightetc]

my dash doing things

[argumate]

could be a blessing if he’s dehydrated 😊

[omtai]

Normal groceries like milk or bread or whatever running out is whatever. Just anotha day. But when stuff like salt or cooking oil or rice runs out it feels like You’re supposed to be here for me and you’re leaving. You’re just like everyone else

[luxlightly]

The idea of two people having sex and it creating another, smaller person who has a combination of their traits sounds like it was made up for fan fiction but alas I've heard tale that it's really happened

[dragon-in-a-fez]

top notch interaction I had with the ambulance crew after my accident a couple years back:

paramedic: hi, I'm Allan

me: you told me. and your colleague is Jim, and the man who found me is Peter. guess my short-term memory is okay

Allan: ..are you doing a cognitive function test on yourself

[dragon-in-a-fez]

Allan, two minutes later, putting a third blanket around me: okay, how's that feeling now

me: well my feet are still freezing but it's okay, I know you need to focus on getting my core temperature up first

Allan: how many times has this happened to you

[dragon-in-a-fez]

noteworthy that they literally had a mask on me hooked up to a tank pumping narcotics into my lungs through all this, and my body temperature was like 34°. I would have been doing well to just have both eyes pointed in the same direction

[supreme-leader-stoat]

"This is great. I'm going to get a good grade in post-accident cognition."

[dndmultiverse]

OSHA Paladin on deck...

[oldschoolfrp]

That pose reminds me — in Gygax's original Greyhawk campaign in the 70s, the Greyhawk Construction Company worked behind the scenes blocking off unfinished areas of the dungeon map and making changes between sessions.

[should-be-sleeping]

You are 60% water and every lake, river, pond, swamp, creek, and ocean you encounter wants to reclaim it desperately. Be careful out there.

[should-be-sleeping]

[should-be-sleeping]

Good, I hope it haunts everyone about to enter a body of water so bad that they wear a life jacket. 🙌

[should-be-sleeping]

Every single person I knew (past tense) who has drowned was "a strong swimmer." Water in the wild does not care how good you are at swimming.

[should-be-sleeping]

I mean this with all due respect:

You are not going to pass a skillcheck against a rip current once it has you.

Waves will not bow to your physical prowess no matter how impressive.

Shock does not care that you used to be on your school swim team.

If you hit your head, being good at swimming isn't going to turn you face-up while you're unconscious.

You may be unable to return to shore. Rescue may be unable to find you quickly.

[nonaferatu]

This would have had me crucified on tumblr 10 years ago but maybe we are ready for this conversation now:

If you are a socially anxious person, you have to socialize. Your panic/anxiety attacks will only get worse and trigger more frequently if you constantly avoid contact with The Public. Not saying that you need to be a social butterfly- but there is a genuine problem with not being able to order your own meal at a restaurant. And it cannot be solved by always having someone else do it for you.

This is a PSA to about 3/4s of the Portland Youth populace

[nonaferatu]

everyone who reblogs this and is like "I ordered my own tea this week" or "I only barfed once when I had to give a presentation'- you are doing amazing sweetie. Have patience with yourself, you are relearning a skill so difficult that people get 4 year degrees to do it professionally.

[meanbuddhist]

my body knows something that i don’t and i can’t get her to talk to me

[caustic-light]

"Your body is keeping the score."

Cool, would my body please share the score with the class?

[charl0ttan]

whats everyones favorite cocktails. i totally adore a sex on the beach. no rum and coke okay i want your favorite gay ass colorful fruity tasting type of drink okay? okay. i trust you. i love you

[argumate]

Buy 2 Get 3 Free, does that mean I have to buy five? what the heck

[argumate]

apparently if I want a modest quantity of American Coca-Cola, twelve cans say, then I am a fool and an ignoramus who should be ashamed of myself for not purchasing sixty cans 😩

[argumate]

got me this time you Yankee sons of bitches 🤠 👍🇺🇸

[chkq-deactivated20260531]

i'll never understand women's fashion...

[chkq-deactivated20260531]

[chkq-deactivated20260531]

what we know so far