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@toothlesstaron-blog
thehamblog:
“Right, a drunk mistake. That’s it. Yeah, and- and I also work for myself so I can decide when I don’t want to go to work, like hm, tomorrow. Don’t act like you even care.”
“Yea, it was a drunken mistake. Oh that’s really responsible of you, Ana Sofia. Listen, the only reason I’m saying any of this, is because you’re Jane’s doctor. I wouldn’t give this conversation the time of day if Jane wasn’t in your hands.”
eviltroy:
“You want to trade places? I’ll go live with your sisters, you don’t deserve them anyway and you can keep my family. Do not even think about taking your shoes off, I will plot your death right here and now if you come anywhere near me with your gross toes.”
“Uh, YEA. I will trade families with you in a heartbeat! Good luck with the Hamilton sisters. Penny’s got this thing with her professor-- yikes. She doesn’t know I know, but boy, is it messy. Anyway, come on, let me see your hand! You’ve touched worst parts of my body before, Britta. Remember when I had a rash on my butt? That is way worse than my feet.”
thehamblog:
“Right. I really don’t think any homeless guys are going to hit on me anyway. Do you wanna drive? You know the way.”Â
“You don’t know Townsville like I do. And you definitely don’t know this bar. Trust me, more than just homeless men will be hitting on you tonight. On the bright side, though, they’re bound to buy you drinks, so you won’t have to spend a dime. Yea, sure, I can drive. I won’t be drinking, anyway, so I’ll probably have to drive.”
eviltroy:
“Your sense of humor is terrible. Horrible. I’d almost forgotten how bad at jokes you were and actually thought you were funny, but you just reminded me very quickly. And I don’t snore. Those are lies. If I had a fake leg why would it be robotic? I’d go for a wooden one like a pirate.”
“I know my sense of humor is a big factor in what keeps you going out there on deployment. Oh please. You snore so loud! I remember once you snored so loud that you woke yourself up and apologized, and then went back to sleep. Or was that a fart? Wait, no, that was a fart. You farted so loud once that you woke yourself up and apologized, then fell back asleep. Wouldn’t you get splinters in your nub from a pirate peg? How about you just try to keep all of your appendages.”
eviltroy:
“You know– I’m very grateful that you forgave me for being so stupid for an entire year. I would have had you a year earlier had I not thought this whole thing wasn’t real. I guess so– I don’t know, I always saw it as another one of those things you did last minute because you were forcced to participate in some silly holiday tradition, but this– out of the blue– I like it. And I’ll bring you flowers, too, I– I’ll bring you flowers every day if it makes you happy. Good– I do love a good oreo.”
“Of course I forgave you, are you kidding? We’re, wait for it... soulmates. I’ve got you, and you’ve got me. You had me even when you didn’t want to have me. I was crazy about you, Priscilla. But you probably knew that, I don’t think I hid it very well, as much as I tried for Ddot’s sake. You know what makes me happy? My girl, and some oreos. That’s all I need.”
thehamblog:
“There’s not. You know what’s uncomfortable? Having you call me, drunk, to tell me that you loved me after six years and then just never mention it again and be a complete jerk. That’s uncomfortable.”
“That’s a perfect example. I was drunk when I did that, so I know what drunk looks like. I also know what pathetic looks like. And you happen to be both right now. You’re a mess, Ana Sofia. You tend to kids for a living, go home and clean yourself up.”
eviltroy:
“Actually– I told her I was doing charity for the Make A Wish foundation. I told her you only had six weeks to live and that you thought we were dating so I let it go on so you wouldn’t die with a broken heart.  I’m a regular Mother Teresa.“
“While I don’t doubt that is the truth, your family has grown to love me into the not deathly-ill person I am today. They probably think that I am a miracle who was cured through love. Here, give me your hand, I wanna do the feet thing with you. It’s a skill, my toes are so flexible.”
eviltroy:
“Actually– I told her I was doing charity for the Make A Wish foundation. I told her you only had six weeks to live and that you thought we were dating so I let it go on so you wouldn’t die with a broken heart.  I’m a regular Mother Teresa.“
“While I don’t doubt that is the truth, your family has grown to love me. And think that I am a miracle who was cured through love with their daughter. Here, give me your hand, I wanna do the feet thing with you. I think it’s a skill, my toes are so flexible.”
thehamblog:
“Yeah, so lying and saying you don’t drink is pretty pointless when I know I’ve seen you drunk before. That’s okay, I think I can be pretty threatening if I want to.”
“That was the old me. I’m different now. All right, but don’t be mad when we have to go to the E.R. after I have my teeth punched in for trying to stop a random homeless man from hitting on you.”
eviltroy:
“Personally I think the look on your face was much more worth it. I spent a few days watching videos of people surprised with deployed military, it was heartwarming, might have even cried a bit, so you can see– I had some inspiration. You know– a lot of people are natural mouth breathers. Am I? I don’t think I am. Robot pieces? What on Earth have you been watching?”
“Oh no, those always get me. That, and when deployed military men are surprised with a pregnancy and are so happy. Speaking of... Kidding. I’m kidding, don’t have a heart attack. I mean, you snore loud. Does that count? Yea, you know. Robot pieces. Like a fake leg or something.”
eviltroy:
“I wish I would have known how stubborn you were before I officially accepted you as my soulmate. I’ve always thought they were an unnecessary gesture but not so much now Would you like me to bring you flowers one day? I can do that– it’ll be a surprise of course. You have events planned? Are oreos involved? I hope oreos are involved.”
“You had your chance to back out, that Nicole facade went pretty long. I have a really strong feeling we would’ve been back next to each other, anyway, though. I kind of like the gesture of flowers. It’s sentiment, bringing someone something pretty. Bringing someone pretty, something pretty. I would actually love some flowers, sometimes. I feel like guys in general would like to receive flowers from their person, it’s untraditional and would totally make me love you even more. Are you kidding me? There are always oreos.”
thehamblog:
“Cheers” *she probs takes her drink and is super bitter and probs drunk now whoops idk what else to say*
“Isn’t there like an unspoken rule that Pediatricians can’t be drunk in public? This is way too uncomfortable.”
thehamblog:
“Nah, pizza’s better than beer anyway. Oh yeah, Townsville, Nevada. Vacation hot spot. Look out, Miami.”
“You’re just saying that. I know you are, I’ve seen you at the bar, remember? I feel like at this point, it’s pretty pointless to try to hide things from each other. Come on, let’s go to a bar. One of the only bars in town. I’m warning you now, though, there are going to be skeezy men there and I am not threatening whatsoever.”
eviltroy:
“Nothing you do is funny. Absolutely nothing. My mother thinks you’re an imbecile. I told her I’d been trying to get rid of you for two years.”
“Oh yea, yea. You think I’m hilarious, Filter. I’m the funniest person you know, this is fact. And your mother loves me. Why else would I have been invited to that road trip? They got to have their future son-in-law and a comedian all in one.”
eviltroy:
“I wanted it to be a surprise. Don’t worry– it’s a few weeks, enough time for you to tell me about Janet– she sounds horrible. Is she horrible? Did you get stuck on an elevator with her?”
“That’s endearing, it really is, but I wish I would have known. I could have had a nice dinner set up, or had your favorite movie in the DVD player all ready to go. But you’re here now and for a few weeks which means I’ve got time to do all that and more. No, no, not at all. She’s just a mouth breather and whenever she is on the intercom, it drives me nuts. How are you? Are you all in one piece? No robot pieces in you?”
eviltroy:
“Something tells me you really like saying that word. I uh– I don’t know if I have a favorite flower, actually– or if I’m allergic to them, no one’s ever given me them before. These are nice though, very colorful. I think these might be my favorite. All of these.”
“What word? I’m just kiddin’. I know what word, I’m just trying to get you to say it. Really, no one’s ever gotten you flowers before? Well, I guess no one’s ever gotten me flowers before, either, so it must not be too normal. Anyway, this is just a small indent on the events I have for you, in celebration of school ending for you.”
thehamblog:
*she’s rolling her eyes taking her drinks man and when the bartender comes back to her end she’s all like* “Can you believe he’s an asshole?”
*he’s dumb and passive aggressive and raises his drink to that with a stupid smirk* “To the assholes, am I right?”