I’m strictly an enjoyer of new characters over Reconveners of Arknights characters in Endfield, but I think the funniest thing they could do is release a Dorothy Reconvener, which immediately should raise red flags because only Infected can have Reconveners, so you are left wondering if something happened further in the AK timeline that infected Dorothy or if perhaps it’s an unintended, freak phenomenon due to all the human experimentation she did on herself since she basically was unwittingly creating Originium 2 and that it somehow “hacked” the Originium Forest to impose itself in its language.
It eventually turns out it’s neither: It’s actually just straight up Dorothy, who just can live that long despite not being of a long lived race because of all the freaky human experimentation she did on herself. She really should’ve died of old age forever ago but, well, her freaky human experimentation blood had a say otherwise.
At first I thought it’d be funny if she poorly tried to pass off as a Reconvener, only for it to be obviously very apparent to the player that this is Straight Up Dorothy, but after some thought, I think it’d be better if she just outright said “I’m Dorothy Franks” and everyone else just got super concerned for her because they all think that she’s having an identity crisis over being a Reconvener, so they take her on a wonderful bildungsroman of acceptance and empowerment, all the while Dorothy is like “uh, that’s really sweet, you all, I really appreciate the sentiment, but I’m Doro—“ and an emotional and supportive Laevatain interrupts her like “Listen… I know it’s hard, separating yourself from the blueprint you came from, but you can’t be a copy of someone long dead… You are you, Fabiola! And it’s fine to be you…!” all the while Dorothy feels suuuuuper awkward because clearly Laev is pouring her heart out and Gilberta is choking back tears, so she just can’t in good faith interject and I guess my name is Fabiola Franca now, she thinks as she averts her eyes, all the while Warfarin and M3 are losing their absolute shit on comms.
everyone jokes about the pope's hat but most people don't know it actually serves an important purpose! evolutionary threat display to assert dominance against rival bishops
now you might think THIS is a plummage mating display
but popes are bred to aggressively seek territory and hierarchical power, not potential mates. so anytime you see something like this, it's still very much a standard threat display
yk what i hate though. is when i find a meme and im like THIS IS SO [cool intimidating mutual i never talk to] I SHOULD SEND IT TO THEM but then i remember ive never talked to them ever and so i cant just like give them a meme out of the blue and so the meme just withers and rots in my camera roll 😔
“but what if you abort the baby who’ll cure cancer?!” sir the baby who will cure cancer is an organic chemistry major who works at a Home Depot because you use AI to go through your resumes
"I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops." - Stephen Jay Gould, The Panda's Thumb: More Reflections in Natural History
Guy who never feels like his problems are “bad enough” to be taken seriously: what if I hurt the character so horrifically that everyone around them could not possibly deny the severity of their pain even if the character themself tries to downplay it.
Dissociation making that sad fuck in the mirror look like a voodoo doll. For some reason it hurts when I stab him with needles. Must be some sort of magic.
Erikson: unfortunately we can only speculate. it's a shame we'll never be able to know the truth about such ancient history. no human could ever remember and that stuff wasn't preserved!
Kal'tsit Georg, who has lived 13000 years and was Literally There: no yeah that theory is solid
It's so funny how Kal'tsit literally helped him write this book but never revealed to Erikson the truth about herself (he calls her a "bright, young woman" at the start) so she just didn't tell him about a lot of shit he sure would have liked to know and let him be wrong in multiple occasions only to turn around and fill her own copy of the book with corrections and annotations
I kept thinking about this as I was reading my T:AJ and I wonder how much of this is down to the fact Kal'tsit had nails in her brain that stopped her from actually freely talking about things thanks to her creator.
I always come back to this. How much of Kal'tsit's bearing, being both very verbose in circumscribing the situation to lay down firm boundaries for the decision-space at hand while also being torn between being intensely passionate and yet barely ever able to *express* that emotional valence, is down to the nails in her brain from Priestess forbidding her to talk about things or take certain actions, and how much of it is grown from the life experience of 13000 years?
Ark no Knights having the best joke of all time, "What if Alina was still alive and was a Reunion Leader alongside Talulah" might be the best April Fool's joke ever. First, we know it's a joke. We can't be fooled. However, it is an attack on us. The smirk of Arknights developers coming out with this one as the average Himejoshi begins to to fade away from existence is just evil. How could they?
Which brings me to my second point HOW COULD THEY? I love this acknowledgement of the ship because it can be said it's not a ship. It's a what if but we all know it's a ship. It's full acknowledge me of them sharing AN EQUAL role in leadership which can only mean one thing. MARRIAGE. Yes, they are married in this joke of an AU. They are married. They are posed like this,
as they face down the evil Priestess and her evil Rhodes Island Operators (such as Sussurro in a bikini) Reunion is united under the banner of Infected Rights and Gay Marriage. Not exactly what you would expect to come out of the tundras of Ursus, but it makes sense politically. And it's all joke. It's all a joke. They knew their target audience they knew what they were doing. They knew they would get us like this. "What if we teased your tragic yuri ship by making it untragic and refused to elaborate further?" And to be fair as much as I wanted an image of them posed like the above image we have to deal with that we are very lucky to often get a scrap of gay in games. Unfortunately for ravenous lesbians himejoshes a scrap enough. Anyways congrats, the ship is confirmed. The company ships it. As a joke. In case anyone in corporate is watching it's a joke. It's not a joke. It's in a joke event but it is not a joke. They are happily married. Alina didn't die.
KIM KITSURAGI – “Good afternoon, detective. I seem to have made it…” He clears his throat. “*Despite* your directions.”
“Ah, Lt. Kitsuragi. Welcome. I hope you’re prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.”
“What’s wrong with my directions?”
“Who are you, again?”
KIM KITSURAGI – He says nothing, only passes the threshold into the Whirling-in-Rags.
LOGIC – [Medium: Success] You should probably check up on how that roast is doing. You *have* been paying attention to the oven temperature, haven’t you?
KITCHEN – You enter the kitchen. You can smell something burning.
PERCEPTION (SIGHT) – [Easy: Success] Oh, ye *gods*! Your roast is *ruined*!
DRAMA – [Medium: Success] But what if...you were to purchase *fast food* and disguise it as your own cooking? Ho, ho, ho! Delightfully devilish, sire.
PERCEPTION (SIGHT) – [Medium: Success] I’m not saying do it, but there *is* a burger stand across the way from here.
[Pain Threshold – Challenging 12] Try to put out the fire.
[Savoir Faire – Medium 10] Try to escape through the open window unnoticed.
Run for it!
⚀ ⚁
CHECK FAILURE
SAVOIR FAIRE – You get your leg up on the ledge, but at your age, and in your condition, did you really think this would work?
REACTION SPEED – [Medium: Success] What was that sound behind you?
KIM KITSURAGI – “Uhm…”
LOGIC – [Easy: Success] Well, that’s just great. You’re going to need to come up with some decidedly *un*-lame exaggerations if you want to salvage this luncheon.
DRAMA – [Medium: Success] This is the perfect opportunity to make some *trouble* in town tonight, my liege.
KIM KITSURAGI – “Detective?”
“Kim, I fucked everything up. The dinner’s fucked. I’m sorry.”
(Lie.) “Lieutenant! I was just, uh...stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise. Care to join me?”
“Don’t just stand there, help me put out this fire!”
KIM KITSURAGI – He seems to take this in for a moment.
KIM KITSURAGI – “Why is there smoke coming out of the oven, detective?”
LOGIC – [Medium: Success] Think carefully about this. Are you *really* sure you want to follow this line of thinking?
DRAMA – [Legendary: Success] If you lie well enough, sire, he might just buy it. Call it...a *Big Lie*.
SUGGESTION – [Medium: Success] You could try telling a small lie, too. Less risky. Your call.
[Composure – Challenging 12] “Uh...oh! That isn’t smoke. It’s steam. Steam from the *steamed clams* we’re having! Mmm, steamed clams!” (Tell the Big Lie.)
(Lie.) “Oh, it does that.”
“Okay, I lied. I ruined the roast. Now help me put out this fire.”
⚃ ⚅
CHECK SUCCESS
KIM KITSURAGI – Lt. Kitsuragi seems to doubt your explanation, but he’s used to this by now. He leaves the room.
COMPOSURE – [Easy: Success] Phew!
[Cost: ✤12.00] Purchase hamburgers from the nearby burger stand.
[Pain Threshold – Impossible 18] Put out the fire.
[ Loading… ]
DINING ROOM – You enter the dining room at the Whirling-in-Rags. It smells faintly of sweat and mildewy mops. Kim is already seated, waiting for his meal.
“Lieutenant, I hope you’re ready for mouthwatering hamburgers.”
“Open wide, motherfuckers. It’s *burgin’ time*.”
“I have come here to overthrow capital and eat burgers. Lucky for those greedy fatcats, *I* have burgers.”
Gained experience: +5 XP
REACTION SPEED – [Challenging: Success] Something flashes across the Lieutenant’s face for a moment.
KIM KITSURAGI – “...I thought you said we were having *steamed clams*?”
DRAMA – [Easy: Success] You’ve already got him to buy into the Big Lie, my liege. Just lie again.
(Lie.) “D'oh, no! I said ‘steamed *hams*’! That’s what I call hamburgers!”
“Are you calling me a liar, Lieutenant?”
“Just shut the fuck up and eat, alright?”
KIM KITSURAGI – “You call hamburgers...*steamed hams*?”
(Lie.) “Yes. It’s a...regional dialect.”
“Of course I don’t, dumbass. Now eat, it’s getting cold.”
KIM KITSURAGI – “Hm. What region?”
“What’s with the third degree? Eat what’s put in front of you!”
(Lie.) “Uh...Revachol West?”
REACTION SPEED – [Easy: Success] Uh-oh, that expression on the Lieutenant’s face doesn’t look good.
KIM KITSURAGI – “Really…? Well, *I* happen to be from from Central Jamrock, and I’ve never heard anyone use the phrase…” He raises an eyebrow. “...*steamed hams*.”
(Lie.) “Oh, not in Central Jamrock, no. It’s a Coal City expression.”
“Kim, leave your policing duties at the door, okay?”
REACTION SPEED – [Easy: Success] He seems to take this in stride. Perhaps his hunger has outbalanced his doubts.
KIM KITSURAGI – “I...see.”
KIM KITSURAGI – He bites down on to one of the burgers. They’re not the nicest culinary fare you’ve ever seen. Damp buns, patties exuding grease. A wrinkly tomato drips red juice down Kim’s chin, which he wipes off with a napkin. He swallows.
KIM KITSURAGI – “You know, these hamburgers are *quite* similar to the ones they have at the burger stand across the street.”
DRAMA – [Medium: Success] Lie ostentatiously, my liege. You’ve got him writhing in the palm of your hand.
“Ho, ho, ho, no! Patented Du Bois burgers! Old family recipe!” (Lie ostentatiously.)
(Lie.) “Yes, I like them so much I asked for their recipe.”
“Okay, this charade has gone on long enough. Kim, I burned the roast and am serving you fast food burgers in its stead.”
KIM KITSURAGI – “For steamed hams.”
“Yes!”
KIM KITSURAGI – “Mhm. And you call them ‘*steamed* hams’, despite the fact that they are *obviously* grilled.”
“Mm, y—I-...you know th-...one thing I should...excuse me for one second.” (Move on.)
“Kim, this entire luncheon has been a sham. I’m so sorry.”
KIM KITSURAGI – His eyes narrow slightly.
KIM KITSURAGI – “Of...course.”
LOGIC – [Medium: Success] You *did* remember to turn the oven off, didn’t you?
COMPOSURE – [Legendary: Failure] Oh, shit.
Enter the kitchen.
[Savoir Faire – Impossible 18] There’s still time to run for it.
🞮
DAMAGED MORALE
-1
KITCHEN – You enter into a vision of the infernal. The oven is on fire. The walls are on fire. The ceiling is on fire. The floor is on fire. Everything is on fire. Smoke assaults your eyes and your throat.
🞮
DAMAGED HEALTH
-1
VISUAL CALCULUS – [Medium: Success] There will be no putting out this fire without calling in the RCM’s Fire Control Unit.
Leave the kitchen.
[Physical Instrument – Impossible 20] Put out the fire using water from the faucet.
DINING ROOM – You re-enter the dining room. Kim is waiting patiently.
(Yawn casually.) “Well, that was wonderful! Good time was had by all. I’m pooped.”
“Kim, there’s a fire in the kitchen! What do I do?”
[Savoir Faire – Impossible 20] Try to slip out of the building unnoticed.
KIM KITSURAGI – “Yes, I suppose I should be…”
REACTION SPEED – [Challenging: Success] He pauses for a moment. Think of something, quick!
every time wei yenwu is on screen doing some sort of evil scheme he's trying to figure out some way to sacrifice himself and getting so so so so so mad when people force him to stay alive and be accountable for his actions
I like the implication that this masochistic desire to paint himself as the monster he sees himself as and rationalizing all the dumb decisions he makes during the Chernobog crisis as "pragmatic" are not the standard mode of operation for him and are triggered solely by the reappearance of Kaschey. His traumatized ass is acting solely on unprocessed emotion, and no one notices because of his bearing and position until it's almost too late
Good evening, "Chainsaw Man Part 2" was a 25 month sociological study conducted by Harvard University. We are now complete with our study. Thank you for your time.
