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we're not kids anymore.
đȘŒ
trying on a metaphor

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@torirachelle918
I Lost You⊠I Have Completely Lost You. My Brother Got Lost In His Addiction Right In Front Of Me And I Donât Think Heâs Coming Back. Part Of Me Will Always Blame Myself And Iâll Always Carry This Sense Of Guilt Because It Was Me That First Brought It Around And Was Always Offering It Constantly. I Feel Like Iâm The One Who Got You Caught Up And Iâm The One Who Got You Started.. Had I Never Did That 1st Line With You We Would Never Be Here.. Had I Just Kept My Shit To Myself You Wouldâve Never Changed.. You Wouldâve Never Became An Addict. But Then Again, Part Of Me Knows I Can Only Blame Not Only Myself, But The Drugs For So Long. Take Responsibility. Own Up. Admit That Youâre A Fucking Addict.. Just Because You Can Eat And Sleep While High On It Doesnât Mean A Damn Thing. It Never Fails That Every Time Something Goes Wrong You Decide To Blame Other People, You Can Never Take Responsibility For Your Actions. Itâs Always Somebody Elseâs Fault. Majority Of The Time You Blame Me And Take Whatever Anger And Frustration Out On Me.. Your Baby Sister. Normally I Would Blame Myself And Believe That I Deserved Everything You Was Saying To Me, But This Time? This Time Everything Was ALL You And I Know That You Knew That.. The Thought Was Killing You And The Drugs Werenât Numbing You The Way You Needed Them To So You Took Every Single Thing You Felt And Put It All On Me.. You Know Exactly What To Say And When To Say It To Hurt Me.. You Know How To Cut A Person Down & Make Them Feel So Low About Themselves To Where It Fucks Them Up Emotionally And Mentally. Your Words Are Engraved In My Brain, The Sound Of Your Voice Getting Louder And Louder When You Were Screaming At Me Haunts Me, The Spit That Came Flying Out Of Your Mouth When You Were Yelling In My Face Is Permanently Pressed On My Cheeks & Nose, Your Eyes⊠The Look In Your Eyes Will Forever Give Me Nightmares. âHit Me! Fucking Hit Me! Here, Kill Me, End It For Me Because I Canât Do It Myself! Fuck You Bitch! I Can Say That Cause You Arenât My Sister Anymore! Youâre All The Problems In My Life! I Canât Be Around You Cause Youâre Gonna Make Me Do Something Stupid. When I Walk By This Door I Get Fresh Air And That Exactly What I Get When Iâm Away From You.. Fresh Air. I Donât Give A Fuck What You Do With Your Life! Stay Away From Me And Donât Come Near Me Again!â You Know Whatâs Funny But Fucked Up? Thatâs Not Even HALF Of What You Said To Me That Day.. All The Insults, Low Blows, Threatens, Thatâs Not Even The Beginning Man.. I Was Physically Abused And Had The Shit Beat Out Of Me A Year Ago And You Know What You Did? You Threw It In My Face. Even Said âIâll Call Him To Come Beat Your Ass Since I Donât Hit Girls. Heâll Sure As Hell Do It Huh?â Thatâs When I Shut Down And Quit Talking All Together.. I Knew It Didnât Matter What I Said, Did, Or Didnât Do There Was No Getting Thru To You, Or Getting You To Be Coherent Or Rational About A Single Thing. You Had Everything Figured Out In Your Head And To You I Was The Enemy. You Hit Every Painful Spot Possible And Threw Every Low Blow There Was, But For Some Reason I Canât Find It In Me To Hate You. You Allowed The Dope To Take Over Your Whole Mind, Body, And Soul And Let It Turn You Cold.. You Thought You Had It Under Control. You Didnât Think It Was Changing You. But The Sad Truth Is, You Wasnât Doing The Drug Anymore.. The Drug Was Doing You. Thatâs Why I Donât Hate You, I Fucking Hate What Your Addiction Has Made You. I Lost My Brother To Crystal Meth.. I Pray To God One Day I Can Find Him Again & That He Can Find Himself. - A Helpless Sister
âThe question isnât whoâs going to let me; itâs whoâs going to stop me?â
â Ayn Rand (via thoughtkick)
âI make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke.â
â Meredith Grey (via thoughtkick)
âStop trying to change someone who doesnât want to change. Stop giving chances to someone who abuses your forgiveness. Stop running back to the place where your heart ran from. Stop trusting their words and ignoring their actions. Stop breaking your own heart.â
â Unknown
10 Reasons Not To Relapse:
1) Withdrawals. Those werenât fun, were they?
2) The mental torture and anxiety of realizing the dope is almost outâŠ
3) âŠand having to experience that feeling every single day.
4) Your freedom will be lost once again. The dope will be making all the decisions now, and it doesnât care how its choices will destroy you.
5) Do you really want to lose your clean time? Even if itâs a day, so many people will never be able to achieve a day of sobriety.
6) Oh, but you might not get an opportunity to ever get clean again, because thereâs a good chance youâll O.D.
7) Youâll go back to the same lifestyle that brought you to get clean to begin with.
8) Think you feel shitty now? Youâll feel even shitter when you relapse.
9) Think of your worst drug run and double it: thatâs what youâll have to look forward to.
10) I may not know you personally, but I know you donât deserve to relive the horror that is active addiction. You may question your worth, but let me be the one to tell you that you deserve SO MUCH BETTER than having a needle in your arm, powder in your nose, or toxin in your lungs.
Now, donât be ashamed or feel hopeless if you relapsed, because relapse is a part of lot of peopleâs stories, including mine. Relapse doesnât mean you canât get clean again; in fact itâs a big incentive to say âfuck you addiction!â And try again!
** This post is for the addicts who are about to pick up. I just wanted to try to prevent at least one personâs relapse, because as many of us know, relapses are miserable. **
âItâs funny how our definition of âfunâ changes. One day youâre out with your friends, laughing and having âfunâ. The next day youâre snorting pills, nodding out and having âfunâ.â
â (via ericiswild)
I canât believe this quote got so many notes
(via ericiswild)
who else wants to go on a drive at 1am until we forget about whatâs bothering us
Donât believe anyone is your friend or that anyone truly loves you until shit starts falling apart. Anyone can stay thru the sunshine, but those who stay thru the storms with you are truly special. Never break bread with people who havenât starved with you đŻ
The worst part about anything thatâs self destructive is that itâs so intimate⊠You become so close with your addictions and illnesses⊠That leaving them behind is like killing the part of yourself that taught you how to surviveâŠ
listen iâm not one for believing in the universe giving signs but⊠the first full moon of the year being on the first day of the year which is also a monday⊠sounds like a good opportunity to focus on rebirth, new beginnings, and personal growth and improvement
"i forgive you. not for you, but for me. because like chains shackling me to the past i will no longer pollute my heart with bitterness, fear, distrust or anger. i forgive you because hate is just another way of holding on, and you donât belong here or anywhere near me anymore"
How Do You Fully Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You So Much? Who Has Put You Thru The Worst Pain? Who Has Constantly Fucked You Over? Backstabbed You? Someone Who Doesn't Ever Think They're In The Wrong?
The Person That Has Proven They Aren't A Loyal Friend Or Even A Good Person Time & Time Again... Someone You Know You Need To Remove From Your Life, But Just Cant.
Actually, Not How Do I Forgive Them, But How Do I Let Go? Like Completely Let Go.
How Do I Let Go Of The History?
How Do I Let Go Of All The Memories?
How Do I Let Go Of All The Years We've Been Apart Of Each Others Lives?
How Do I Let Go Of The Bond We Created?
How Do I Let Go Of Someone I Confided Into, Someone Who Was Always There, Someone That Was Such A Huge Part Of My Life?
How Do I Let Go Of Something That Has Been Apart Of Me For So Long?
Is It Even Possible? Where Do I Begin?
You canât allow for your fear to drive you. You canât allow for your past to hold you back. You must free yourself. Yes, free yourself. See the purpose of your life, and donât let anything stop you from reaching your beautiful potential.
Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin (via thepowerwithin)