[totallyllatot]

E: Can't see the line if you're sprinting past it.

Me: He's not sprinting, I'm sprinting. He's pole-vaulting.

[totallyllatot]

(E explaining that she's touch negative)

E: Sex contexts are different, everybody gets to touch this.

[totallyllatot]

E: At 70, every boner is a triumph.

[totallyllatot]

Me: He prefers them "snack-sized"

Erica: "Oh. I'm not snack-sized, I'm a whole-ass meal."

[totallyllatot]

E: "You can tell which areas are hilly because people would rather be up their neighbor's buttholes than camp on a slope. When the area is sparsely populated, it's because all the neighbors buttholes have already been taken"

[totallyllatot]

E: I tried to drink it a little too hard, that's why there was ice in my tits.

[totallyllatot]

Overhead in Dublin:

Teen boy 1: Oy, Sean. Cannae get a lita lift bra?

Teen boy 2: What on me shouldas?

[totallyllatot]

Erica: Granola is petrified oatmeal, it is not for eating.

Me: I mean, you're not exactly wrong.

[totallyllatot]

E: My enthusiasm has waned considerably with the insertion of the butthole.

[totallyllatot]

E: I dunno, is Blue more cringe or NumaNuma?

Me (emphatically): Nah, the NumaNuma song fucks.

[totallyllatot]

Me: No meteors in the ketchup.

5 yr old: Ketchup toooornaaaaadddooooo.

Me: We do not need natural disasters in the ketchup

...

Later, me: NO! No ketchup trebuchet!

[totallyllatot]

Me: What's the point of going to Confirmation if not to get the panties wet?!

[totallyllatot]

Erica: Trader Joe's has done food crimes. They have a stuffed gnocchi which is basically pasta gushers and I cannot deal. It is so unnerving

[totallyllatot]

Erica: 7 kids? Does god just really like raw-doggin it?

[totallyllatot]

Me: I'm so old I didn't even know your could pierce that.

Erica: Kids these days...

[totallyllatot]

Casey: I've had my fists in so many people I could be a ventriloquist.

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

Can you do:

Shit the bed almighty!

Please and thank you!

Poor piggy

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

@totallygloria here’s the link for custom cue cards, you can get anything you’ve already seen on the blog or get custom ones written C:

[totallyllatot]

Did a thing. Not sorry, not sorry