Male red-flag list! It's not comprehensive, just everything I can think of.
age gap: if you're 16 or under it shouldn't be more than 1 year. If you're 17-20, no more than two years. If you're 21-24, no more than four years. Think about how someone that much younger looks like to you! A child. That's how you look to that adult/older male.
he compliments you on how young-looking you are
he compliments you on being 'mature for your age', he uses words like 'special, unique, old soul'
he is in a position of authority to you (teacher, coach, instructor, preacher, doctor, parents boss or colleague)
he's hinting or suggesting something sexual with you in a way that makes you feel like it's expected of you, or like it's inevitable that it will happen, regardless of whether you want it
he takes an opportunity to touch you when you can't quickly back off
he doesn't check if it's okay with you before he touches you, you feel pressured to be okay with that
his touch makes you feel weird, uncomfortable, wrong, dirty, or ashamed
he expects you to be cool with everything he thinks 'other girls do' and points out how 'everyone does this' when you try to resist something, making you feel irrational for not wanting to do it
he shames or berates you if you ever disagree with his opinion or have an opinion different to his, even if you respect his point of view
he's into things that are too childish for his age; he'll make jokes as dumb as a 5yo, play with you in a way that someone much younger would, make fun of body parts or functions like a child, talk casually about sex as if it's a dirty joke, pretend he never grew up and is as immature as possible
he exposes you to media that shows girls or women in specifically infantilized, sexualized, objectified or pornographic manner (fanservice anime, shows that normalize pedophilia), this actually counts as grooming! He wants you to commit to the idea that this is normal
most shows he likes have underage, overtly childish or sexualized young female characters in it, he watches shows for children or overly sexualized shows
he insists how even if everyone else thinks you shouldn't be together, it's okay because you're special and mature or because of x or y condition, it makes you feel like you're an exception to the rule
despite being older than you, he unloads his personal problems and traumas on you consistently until you feel like you're his emotional support and have to be strong for him
he asks you to keep 'secrets' for him
you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed to tell others about what's happening between you two, you are worried about being judged or not understood, or about how he might react if you're discovered
he lets you know that if you ever do tell someone about things you do together, or things he does to you, he could end up in prison and it would be all your fault and why would you do that to him
Misogynistic propaganda consumer alert
he watches p*rn. I cannot overstate how big this red flag is. There is a time limit to how long he can perceive you as a person, and it will run out.
he follows misogynistic, alt-right or right wing influencers online, (andrew tate type), this is as bad as the p*rn red flag, he will put your life in danger
he follows extreme conspiracy theories that justify him acting aggressive, mistrusting and volatile
his favourite idols in media are popular due to their aggression, masculinity, playing with women, being immensely sexual in a gross way, being inexplicably fawned over by women, and solving problems with power/violence/murder
he enjoys exclusively video games that feature violence, murder, r*pe and torture, he experiences rages playing games, is completely destentisized to the idea of violence
he is a fan of 'wars' trough history
he is a big fan of violent 'sports' or exclusively male 'sports'
he watches media exclusively written, directed and produced by males, he makes sure to avoid any female-directed or all-female movie regardless of popularity, maybe even trashes them
he consumes media containing misogynistic fetishes, kinks, bdsm, and highly pornographic-influenced content
he uses 4chan or reddit exclusively (unsure about twitter, ladies is twitter a factor? What about tiktok? Are these male or female dominated? Also don't worry if you yourself are on reddit, women can use reddit and be normal.)
Manipulator alert (prelude to domestic violence)
he has low or ignorant opinion of feminism, thinks it's silly or unnecessary, or even a threat and the reason why something in his life or on global level was 'ruined'
he claims to be a feminist but only while it's convenient to him and he gets positive attention for it, in private he cares only about what he can get from women
he talks about women in his life in a derogatory and misogynistic manner (uses slurs and derogatory names, assumes every woman in his life exists only to be useful to him, none is ever good enough, accuses them of only wanting money, calls them crazy or delusional, trashes their ambitions and dreams)
he needs to be the focus of attention in every conversation, if things are not about him then he will turn it to berate/humiliate others, will go to any length to get attention
he dismisses your opinions as you're not 'smart enough' on any topic you're trying to inform him about
he assumes your emotions are an overreaction, or exaggeration of reality, and doesn't take them seriously (but when something smaller happens to him it's a Huge Deal and Very Serious)
he lies to you and denies/accuses you of mistrusting him or hiding something yourself if you call it out
he acts different when he's with his friends, than he does with you in private (and his social persona feels gross and uncomfortable to you)
he talks incessantly about money, and values everything only according to how much it can earn/cost him
he seems to not care about the money at all, and lets you resolve his financial troubles instead because you seem 'more capable' financially
he has a strike of victim blaming, he will look down on people hit by tragedies and make patronizing comments about what these people should have done in order to avoid this
he criticizes other couples/people in general for normal and everyday behaviour, he can find a problem with anyone
alternatively, he compares you to other people, or your relationship to other couples and asks why can't you be more like that
he goes out of his way to make you look bad and humiliated in front of your peers or his peers
he acts like two different people in private and in public, to the point where you feel crazy trying to fit these two images into one person and figure out which one is true
he cheats and decides it's your fault
he ghosts you and expects everything to be forgiven and okay as soon as he comes back with a bad excuse
he seems to intentionally give you only tiny bits of attention, and withdraw it for long periods of time to make you more desperate for it (called bread-crumbing!)
he makes you feel sexually undesirable, ugly, unattractive or impossible to want, plummeting your self esteem and making you feel undeserving of attention or connection
he has high opinion or connections to the military
I'm serious males connected to military have such insane rates of domestic violence it's almost a guarantee it will happen
he's a cop (also high rates of domestic violence)
he's deeply religious and preaches religion to you (you don't deserve to suffer trough this, nobody does, religion is deeply misogynistic)
he gives himself the freedom to criticize stuff you do for him, even if he would never do any of this for you, and he himself is above any criticism
he over-exaggerates your connection and tries to sell you the idea of soulmates or destiny, taking coincidences as signs, having you hanging on the implied romance of the situation
he makes it of utmost importance that you two make it and you must work harder to make it happen, while he keeps causing situations that make it harder to trust him
Domestic Violence alert (these are no longer red flags, but explicit abuse)
he displays the desire for aggression towards you when angry (threatening, throwing things and missing you on purpose, punching walls or furniture, slamming fist on table in your direction, slamming doors in your proximity)
you experience unease and the feeling that he might do something to you, you don't feel safe being physically close to him when he's angry
he has hit someone in the past, or you felt at any point that he raise his arm at you
he has attempted to convince you that if he ever does hurt you, it will be only because you did x or y, and he can't control himself, you'd made him do it
he has joked/threatened to murder someone
he has joked/threatened to kill himself if you or someone else doesn't do as he wants them to
he has a problem with you spending time with your friends, due to various excuses (jealousy, he needs you more, friends are bad influence and telling you wrong things, they don't like you/want bad things for you, they're not good enough for you, they're poisoning you and manipulating you against him, they're stupid and dragging you down, etc)
he has a problem with you spending your time as you like, guilts or berates you for not doing x or y, which he declares is what you should be doing instead of what you want
he struggles to be civil and respectful to your family members, and tries to get you to get distance or cut contact with them, get aggravated and mean whenever you do spend time with them
he deals with problems by getting drunk (this will only escalate)
he's a big nationalist (impossible to differentiate from fascist)
he's uncomfortable with other races, homosexuals, immigrants, other religions, impoverished people, otherwise oppressed or minority groups, and is not afraid to go on angry rants about these people
you can tell he has a role for you to fulfill and you're supposed to mold your interests, time and energy to be a sucessful actor in this role (you don't get to cast his role though, he decides that too and is free from adhering to any role past his own convenience)
he's 'traditional' (you are expected to traditionally work for him for free)
his expectations for you change at whim; even if your normal behaviour was good for some time, it can change and you're suddenly expected to fulfill a whole other fantasy role he has for you
you're being treated as 'disposable' and made aware that anyone could fill your spot
he doesn't find you responsible or 'capable' enough to handle money or any big decisions, but he himself of course is granted authority to make all of these decisions for you
he makes you feel guilty and ungrateful if you reject his sexual attention or don't want to participate in an activity he has thought of for you
he finds ways to overcome your sexual boundaries and finds reasons to why you should be doing whatever he feels like you to do
you find it difficult to reason your way out of sexual activities you do not want to be experiencing, you are lost to whether you have the right to feel about it the way you do
he uses violence during sex, he doesn't seem to care if you end up hurt, scared, emotionally or physically injured, or seems to enjoy your fear of it
he tries to talk or pressure you into sexual situations you do not want, and is frustrated, annoyed, aggravated with you if you say no, and even punishes you with horrible behaviour, silent treatment or resentment and rage, or decides you're one of 'those women' that are awful and worthless to him
you find yourself feeling like 'you can't do any better' and like you're forced to resign to tolerate this or accept a life of loneliness and disconnection from humanity if you leave him
you find yourself thinking you're crazy, quiestioning your own memories, sanity, feelings, even physical sensations, you feel out of control and scared to be accused of being delusional
you struggle with feeling of love mingled with fear, uncertainty, strong desire for things to just settle down and be okay again, strong longing for the relationship to be what it was at the start, trying to see this m*n as he was before, and trying to avoid and erase what it is now
While it feels like I just listed the full scope of male behaviour, I know there's lots I forgot so add more! If you have stories that contain more red flags, something you noticed to avoid yourself, write down the whole story and help younger women get educated and protected. Also these can happen to anyone, any male can do any of this, if someone seems normal for a decade he can still change later on, so don't ever blame yourself for 'picking wrong' or 'choosing this', nobody chooses this, nobody can predict it or prevent it, you are one of millions this has happened to. You deserve safety, you deserve better, nobody deserves to deal with any of this bullshit. All of us are too good for this.
If you noticed red flags in males you had to deal with in your life, reply with the number of flags you clocked on this list!
dailybridgerton
andulkaphoto
titsay
stormborns
snowghoul
blakekathryn
gracieabrams
sugurugetos
yousharknotpass
prguitarman
ellievsbear
gamechangershow
