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Cosmic Funnies
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we're not kids anymore.

@theartofmadeline

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Xuebing Du
Today's Document
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@tpkatastrophy
āyou can buy pretty much anything on amazon!ā
oh shit, really?
I didn't get to write or draw anything cute for valentines day, but that's okay. Jer and Adri weren't planning anything too fancy anyway, since their second anniversary is two weeks away.
also, i want to apologize to people whose messages were ever ignored by me or took me ages to reply to. i have no excuses, iām just shit at communicating and a lot of time get stuck in my own head, postpone replying and then either forget about it or think that it is too late to reply. iām sorry if iāve ever made someone feel bad bc of this - honestly, itās never personal, itās just me and my inner problems. i will try harder to work on it. thank you for ever initiating conversations with me ā„
kids have no concept of anything. i walked into my kindergarten class and one kid asked me what my name was. when i said miss jones, he said āi like that name. did you know iām in love with youā
i asked my four year old cousin how old he thought i was going to be at my next birthday and he said 8. im 23
once i told a 6 year old that i had finished school and was doing āmore schoolā [university] and she asked āwhy havenāt you found anyone to marry thenā
We were at a museum and I was asking for the student discount and my nine year old cousin looks up at me with his eyes wide and says āwait youāre a STUDENT??ā
I used to babysit these three kids and the eldest who was around 11 at the time was talking about how adults are boring and when I told him I was an adult he said, āThatās not true, youāre my ageā
our aunt teaches and she has this story about a little girl who really was always pretty quiet in class and then on the final day of kindergarten she just up and stated āiām all teached now. i donāt need to be teached anymore. iām done of being teached.ā
once when i was 19, I told my little cousin that i was 19 and she looked up at me with huge eyes and went, āDoes that mean you donāt have to bring an adult with you to the pool?ā
My 6 year old cousin saw me driving for the first time, looked up at him mom and said ādoes that mean she is married now?ā
I watched my dad and my niece (3 at the time) arguing over a pair of pants and whether or not they were also a dress. My neiceās argument was that they were, in fact, also a dress because they were blue.
I asked the kids in my daycare class what they thought I should be for Halloween and this little boy goes, āooh I know! A pickle! Youād be such a good pickleā
On the first day of class with my favorite student of all time, I said, āAre you okay? You look like you have a question.ā And she looked me right in the eyes and said, tremulously,
āCan a piranha eat a stapler?ā
One time I was working with a kid and he looked up at me and asked āDo you have a boy?ā I had no idea what he was talking about, but I told him that I did not have any boys. He looked shocked and then deeply concerned and said āWell, you better hurry up and shave your arms so you can get married; August is next month!ā
I was sitting on the floor with my 3yo niece and we were playing with her younger brotherās alphabet blocks and the O had an octopus on it. Ā So I picked it up and asked her what it was.
āOctopus,ā she said, all curls and smiles.
āAnd what kind of animal is an octopus?ā I asked. Ā I was looking forĀ āfishā orĀ āsea creatureā but I would have accepted almost anythingāāweird,āĀ āgross,ā evenĀ āslimy.ā Ā āUnderwaterā orĀ āit lives in the oceanā would have also been acceptable.Ā
She looks me right in the eye and says, happy as a clam,Ā āItās a cephalopod.ā
I havenāt been the same since.
A kid I work with asked me if my boyfriend was my dad because he has a beard
Well I'm going to be late today.
I finally copied some of the rigs over to the Omen, so now I have icon access while over here :D
Guess who snagged a spot for pre-shift voluntary time off? Ā
Meeee ~ My new system is great, I set work texts as a very, veryĀ special ringtone so they canāt sneak by me anymore. Ā It works wonders and makes me laugh, too. Ā :P
Gonna go nap even though I had had literally 20oz of triple concentrated deathwish coffee. Ā I am that exhausted.
walmart like actively demonizes unions and encourages their employees to be fearful of them by spreading lies and propaganda about them lmao. like it would be really difficult to unionize walmart workers because as soon as youre hired they start making you learn anti-union propaganda and quiz you on it to make sure youāre adequately fearful of them and they do this multiple times. lmao they literally try to brainwash their employees into hating unions.
they even have like phrases they repeat over and over again āprotect your signature from unionsā āwalmart just wants to protect you from being exploited by unions so keep your signature safe!ā
My wife was told that anyone talking about unionizing would be fired and blacklisted⦠and that anyone who associated with union workers will be fired
yup! and again the one walmart that did unionize was shut down.
I worked at Macyās and let me tell you, they had all new employees, as part of their training, watch a special anti union video for an hour, alone. It was cleverly disguised with bizarre rhetoric, and actors in overalls pretending to be union reps, waiting to ambush you at your car in the parking lot and give you a dreaded UNION CARD. The horror!! It was a ājust say noā video, but for civil liberties instead of drugs.
Remember: big corporations are not your friend. Unionās are s threat to their ability to manipulate and overwork you. DO NOT under any circumstances trust any anti-union rhetoric that comes out or your companyā if theyāre anti-union, they donāt have your well-being at heart, they want your obedience.
I hated Unions long before working at Walmart soā¦..
this is like so funny but terrifyingĀæ im laughing partially out of fear
We Welcome Any Attention from Cats š
Thereās a company that specializes in designing high-security secret passageways and hidden doors, some of which can only be opened by playing the right piano keys or precisely arranging pieces on a chessboard. Source Source 2
I want to turn my house into a Resident Evil game
me, trying desperately to get into my bathroom: fuck, shit, whereād i put the Eagle Crest
Now this is something I could get behind
this actually sounds like a really safe, controlled, healthy way to release your anger. I 100% support it tbh
why he do dat
testing the waters
Finally people are starting to listen to what women have been saying all along.
And in other news, water is wet
Not like women have been telling y'all this since the beginning of time or anything.
I mean, yeah, at one point three years ago I was curled up in a fetal position literally screaming/crying/gasping for breath on my bed in my dorm room, so my response to this headline is basically,Ā āNo shit.ā
No wonder women are so likely to ignore heart disease/attack symptoms. If something isnāt as bad as my cramps, I figure it canāt be that bad.
THAT LAST COMMENT
Work time, later!