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Rant

I think people suck, Not love. Love is great. But people suck. Dogs can love better than us. People suck and I can't even write beautifully about it...

The kind of love i thirst for.

Is pure, intense, complete, unique, focused, and plenty. Time of sleep lost in favor of honest 4am conversations. Getting a cold in favor of sleeping under the sky. Being called crazy instead of right. The kind of love you fluctuate instead of walk, and you run instead of wait. The kind of love filled with anxienties and trial and errors but that you look each other in the eyes and realize you can't spent a second without him/her in her live. The kind of love that blinds you, to anything around you or anyone because you really have no interest in anyone or anything else than who you have or what you have. You don't look or don't see anything else because no one else calls your attention and nothing else. You are so fully heartly committed to this love you dont even notice whats going around. The kind of love you breath. The kind of love I thought I had, the kind of love I gave, the kind of love that exist only in my mind.

Fluctuating

Have you ever felt from the clouds?

You were slowly fluctuating on soft white dreams

Step by step even if sometimes stepping back,

you were feet by feet walking on clouds.

And suddenly you fall. You fall from heaven.

Feels like waking up from a dream,

Except you have been dreaming for so long

And you can’t acknowledge reality.

Have you ever felt from the clouds?

Believe you had something and see it vanish in a blink?

You know that no matter how imperfect

You love what you have.

And suddenly it’s clear. You never had it.

It was in your mind. Was never real.

Except you lived by it every single day

And now you don’t know what to live by.

Have you ever hurt so bad you can’t hold your breath

Your heart is mealting, your head is lost and the skin is cold

Minute by minute, even if in some you don’t remember,

The next second memories allure and you are crying by yourself.

I hope you never feel the way I do.

I hope you never step on clouds

Or fluctuate

Or meet heaven.

I hope you never live a dream

I hope you never blink.

Falling from clouds kills you.

I feel dead.

[written by B]

#poem #b

Navegating

You are precise logic And I have always been conflictually poetic. You want a smooth sail And I was always thunderstorm. How can the boat not crash?

[written by B]

#poem #b

Sucker Lover

Staring at your name is enough to make me smile. I love you babe, I do. I just lately have been feeling unpowered. Please take this as an apologize. I am sorry for my mistakes and disrespect. You do not deserve this at all in any moment. I am not trying to explain myself as if I had an excuse to do this things, I just need to tell you I feel unbalanced and out of control in this relationship. I love you, I care for you and I think you are the most amazing person that ever crossed my path. You are indeed a hero to me and this is not a joke although you laugh when I say this. You will probably never read this, but I take my chance in case you do and maybe feel less lost of what happened. I KNOW I have been unreasonable, to say the least. I have been feeling quite frustrated lately but that does not give me the right to go around hurting people like I have been doing to you. I have been feeling the urge to demand from you some kind of behavior that is not even important to me and that is because I feel like SOMETHING should be in my control and done in my way and that is my most childish behavior to date. So I am indeed confessing I realize my mistakes and bad behavior toward a guy that had proven time and time again he just wants to see me happy. So, i tell you. My frustration has nothing to do with the person you are, which I absolutely look up to. I do have frustrations that I was thinking maybe I should discuss with you but this is not a ticket that allows me to be such an idiot. A lot is going on, I am sorry. I love you. I think I could have done this another way, I am really sorry, I swear. I do agree with your decisions to turn your back on me earlier today and I respect you for that so yes, stay humble, love giving and amazing. Do not let my mistakes diminish your ability to love, because you are amazing on loving. I suck. Sorry. I love you, I just really suck on love.

Game changing.

How weird, or funny or inconvenient that one day will change your life your future, your dreams, your feelings, your love.

All that from one day… One conversation, and your world is not the same.

[written by B]

#b #poem

Wanted

Good man. Able to cook, listen, love, fuck, and be passionate. Must come with hobbies and dreams. Car & money is not required, respect is. DON'T APPLY IF YOU CAN'T FOCUS ON ONE WOMAN. Actually, don't apply if you have any kind of focusing problem. I payback in your chosen currency.

#classifieds

Wishes

I wish you would change the game. I wish you would turn the table. And for once say something That would open my mind And clear the sky The storm And take away those thunders From which sounds constantly remind me Of what you said And did And echo through my head “don’t accept the rain - The sun will come”

But sun will only come After the rain is gone.

[written by B]

#b #poem

Remember...

Remember: Stay true to who you are. Don't change. Accept yourself, accept your mistakes, learn from it, but don't hate them. Accept your road, respect where you come from, pledge to do better, to go further, to do good, but dont pledge to change. Be you, be as good as you can, as honest as you can and as wild as you can. Feel. Love. Kiss. Scream. Declare your love. Take it back when in doubt. Live. Respect others. Don't ask them to change. Don't expect them to change. Choose. Who you want in your life is your choice. Open space for them to show who they are. Learn their true selves, and choose. Choose wisely who will be your companies on the road of life, it will totally change the trip. And always remember, keep going, keep loving, keep learning, keep making mistakes, but keep going forward. Don't look back, you are not going that way.

[written by B]

Três Coisas Que Eu Vou Procurar No Meu Próximo Relacionamento.

1. a "Naked" Soul - Honestidade. Alguém que não se desculpe por quem é, que coloque as cartas na mesa logo no início, que não faz jogos, ou testes, ou finja ser o que não é. Que não seja hipócrita. Que aceite a ele mesmo, o lado bom e o ruim, e me diz que é o que tem para oferecer, se eu quiser aceitar. Alguém que se conheça.

2. a "Pumping" Heart - Paixão. Alguém apaixonado. Pela vida, por algum esporte, pelo trabalho. Alguém que saiba sua missão no mundo. Alguém focado, alguém que exale paixão.

3. a "Warm" Body - Presença. Sabe a diferença entre estar do lado de alguém, e não sentir conexão nenhuma e estar do lado de alguém, e praticamente conseguir sentir o coração dela batendo? É presença de espírito. Eu quero alguém que BE FUCKING PRESENT, quando eu falo, ou quando poe a mão em mim. Eu não quero uma mão escorregando no meu quadril, eu quero uma mão sentindo meu corpo, minha pele, minhas curvas. Eu quero alguém que sinta meu cheiro, veja por trás dos meus olhos. Eu quero alguém que tem a consciência de estar presente em todos seus cinco sentidos.

#rant #b

#unknown

An Open Letter

Dear you, hello.

As you progress reading this letter you will find that I am not here to fix things, or to randomly ask loose questions of what we could have been. I am here to talk my truth, my honest thoughts, to sing you the melody that my heart is playing. And if you don't want to hear it, maybe because you are afraid you will dance along or maybe because it just not appeal to you at all, I strongly suggest you to quit this now.

I want to start explaining the simplicity of my acts. I felt that on my special day it would be important for you to be with me. Not only that, I told you that one year before, that the only thing I wanted was your presence. No present, be present. You promised.

Now, near to the expected date, almost an year later, you are saying you "probably can't go". You are not even saying "Ok babe, I know how this is important to you but I have give a thought on it and I really won't be able to make it, i have no choice"... But I know why you are not saying it this way, it is because you have choices... You have at least 3 ways that you could make this work, but you are too cold for that.

I am not even going to discuss what you could have done, because it is an absurd that I must think of this for you. That I am the one to stress ten or more times that you have to do your best.

But the true is, no matter how important things are to me, if you don't agree with it, you won't make it. I have never been more honest about one thing that was important to me and yet you talked to me as if I were being a spoiled bitch playing emotional games.

Remember your sister and that ex-boyfriend she had that whas your friend? Remember that they broke up because of a birthday gift? Does that make her spoiled? Or does that make him the douchebag? It is not about the gift, at all... You know that.

I feel like the hugest idiot when I have to ask you to be with me, yet I do because I find that pride does not make me as happy as your presence does. But this time, I had stepped over pride, if not self respect, and had open my heart to how I feel and why I think you could work your way, but said that if you really couldn't go to let me know and I wouldnt speak of it again.

And guess what? You don't like my attitude.

And you know why you don't like my attitude? Because you are cold hearted. Because you think this is all bullshit. Because of the end of the day you don't respect my needs or wishes of way or thinking and you repress me with your ideals. You don't feed who I am, you repress me. How is that love? Love feeds people to be themselves.

We have spoken about it before, remember? Exactly 24 hours before you did this again. You apologized. You said you understood, you said you would make an effort not to do it again. You lied.

You lied when you said you would come no matter what, you lied when you said you would listen to my needs with respect, you lied when you said you were going to come on surprise but you don't like my attitiude and now you feel you should not going. And if this is true, you lied to me when you said you would not go.

Your words are worth shit.

And you know why? Because you are cold-hearted. And having to do an effort to see me is too much. Its a huge favor actually. I should get on my knees and thank you. And probably blow you.

And your excuses are the worst, the most lame I could ever hear. You said you are not going but you are actually thinking of going all the time but now you don't like my attitude. Is that a test? Is that a test just like what happened to your sister and her ex?

Guess what, I FAILED THE TEST. And I would on purpose fail it again and again if being tested again.

I don't want to be tested on my birthday like your sister, which you said you understood. I want to be loved.

And finally, you gave me a cold speech on how brutal I was being when I spoke to you of how non-special my birthday would feel with a routine dinner with my parents only at a stupid restaurant in this town and GUESS WHAT? You are an hipocrate. Because less than 24 hours after that you were the one complaining of how unspecial your own birthday went, an exactly dinner with your family and well, me.

And probably now you are just mad I can antecipate the problem and work on building an more enjoyable day on my birthday then you did. At least I don't expect people to do it for me. At least I'm frizzing how better my stupid dinner would be with you. While you are saying how stupid your dinner, with me, went.

As for my paper on your day, one thing I have to say is I did my best. Maybe it was not enough for you, but I did and I am sorry you feel this way. I tought I had made you happy that day. You looked at me happy. You smiled the sweetest. I opened my heart... But I guess you just tricked me again.

Honesty plays a big part in my ideals. And I can not practice with you without being punished by it. You name my honesty "sentimental games to make you feel bad", "egoism" and "being spoiled" but, for the last time, I was just speaking from my heart, and I did give you the option at the end of the day if you tried and couldn't make it. But the most absurd was having to persist for you to try.

Well, the cards were played and know the words are said. The last simple thing I want to tell you is take care. Not of who you are - because that you do with chinese walls for protection - but of the love you receive.

Take care of anyone willing to spend their own time in your benefit. Take care for anyone who care for you, take care of all people who feel you are important to them. Take care for anyone sharing their precious feelings with you. I am predicting you will hate to find out you let their love slip through your fingers like it was abundant thin sand that you can always put your hands on again. You can't. So, take care.

Honestly,

Me.

[written by B]

#b #openletter #notsent

Reality Check

the hardest part is not to know what to do when minds right side can only see life with you and left side do not recognizes what's left if not fights and disagreements and pain i used to enjoy the reflection of broken pieces of glass - but once I had the most beautiful vase of fresh roses in hands, and I've became found of the beauty of love and it's view but I've been blinded over the lack of passion of souls that don't kindle and kisses that won't speak do I sound as bitter as the taste in mouth? which one you hate most?

[written by B]

#b #poem

I will never date someone distant again

I will never date someone distant again They have no sensibility or desire to hug you when in need. They don't kiss you interrupting bad thoughts or wild dreams or non sense speaking. They don't help to remove the rocks and fears and troubles as they don't know or see or feel what you do. I will never date someone distant again who don't know how to be present or make you feel loved and special I will never date someone distant again, not even if they live next door.

[written by B]

#poem #b

Go Away

Go away And take with you All you say When your soul cries And give me back My will to live and love Someone That one day Won't go away Go away And take with you Your burning eyes Of hate And give me back My faith That one day I'll say I'm glad. Go away And take with you Your promises That easily sway Give me back My dreams My hope That one day I'll find Someone Who finds me everything. Go Away.

[written by B]

#b #poem

I art.

I am an artist. The kind that use words in a very sharp way, with no addressee in mind. An art I enjoy quite a lot but exclusively on days of internal storms being sadness or confusion or a spiced mix of both, that's when I art. And I art in apparently vague ways but I art deeply in wish for sun, as I write and I erase, I pray. And I praise those who care themselves so free, of charge, of definitions, of vain. While I write, I cry, I pray. I rather have those days when I'm awaked by the beautiful sky that invades my room and soul and enlightens it all. I'd rather not write at all.

[written by B]

#poem #b

Go Away

Go away and take with you the shape of your body over mine; Just go. Go away and take with you the urgency of my kisses the podium of my races; Just go. Go away and leave behind the girl that used to smile with no one by her side. Go away and take my love, but don't grow apart. Just go for a while. Go away and take my love, but leave my heart. Go away and cease that fire Leave me free of my desire Go away and take my hunger For the more I have the more I starve Go away and take my sleep For the more I dream the more I fear [written by B]

#poem #b

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