gender, man

ariel • he/him • binary trans & genderfluid (don't ask)

[trans-fuckery]

hello

this blog is mostly just experiences as a trans guy. i post thoughts, resources, and jokes. dms and asks are always open if anyone wants to talk!

this is a sideblog (my main is not about trans stuff) so i will not like or follow. i will comment, message, answer asks, and reblog! if you follow me i consider you a mutual.

(read more: about me, tagging, interaction, resources)

about me:

my name is ariel and my pronouns are he/him. i am binary trans and genderfluid. (gender is weird.)

i do not identify as transmasc or as a man. trans guy or trans boy are fine, as are other masculine terms.

tagging:

all posts are tagged for searching purposes. common tags include: #top surgery, #bottom surgery, #binding, #chest tape, #packing.

sensitive content includes: #dysphoria, #transandrophobia, #transmisogyny, #transphobia.

my original tags:

#ariel says - my content

#ariel adds - reblog with addition

#reblog - reblog with no addition

#off topic - in the rare occasion i post something unrelated to being trans

#showcase - photos of trans guys. they are nonsexual but not necessarily sfw—if shirtless photos could get you in trouble, block the tag!

#tiny trans boy things - the little things about being a(n admittedly small) trans guy

#t timeline - my medical transition timeline. started testosterone 11/27/2025.

interaction:

anyone can follow and interact! this blog supports people of all identities. that being said, i will block misgendering/detrans kink blogs, ed blogs, transphobes of any kind, and underage users (12-) for the comfort and safety of myself and my followers.

i am an adult. i only post and reblog non-sexual/non-kink posts, though nsfw content including discussions of arousal and genitals, nude or topless photos, and gender-affirming surgery can be found here. posts are reblogged directly from the original posters as i use the search functions for content. (18+ or sexual/kink content blogs can still follow and interact.)

any bad-faith or bait interactions will get deleted and blocked without a response.

i reblog posts that i like and relate to without any sort of “background check” on the op. if i have reblogged from someone who does not match my criteria, you can let me know in an ask or messages. if i see a problem i will delete the post without any comment. i will not make or interact with callout posts, though i may bring attention to known and circulating transphobes harassing people in our tags.

resources:

supply sales/giveaways: binder giveaway, binder giveaway, binder sale, binder sale, binder sale, binder discount sale/giveaway, pre-packed packing underwear sale, stp packer sale, packer giveaway, binder sale/giveaway, binder giveaway (non-limited supply), binder giveaway

blogs and websites: answersfromtheshadows: phallo + other ftm surgery information, transguysupply: information about many ftm topics and sells/gives away gender affirming supplies, journallingftmsurgery: one person’s personal experience with ftm surgery, trans-tmi: the weird and awkward parts of transitioning

binding: psa: test binding tape, safe binding while exercising, how to wear a binder, binding tape application guide, binding in the summer, a gentler alternative to transtape, using binding tape

packing: top 5 packers review, psa: packers, how to pack in boxers

top surgery: top surgery while fat, top surgery satisfaction rate, questions to ask about top surgery, scar care

bottom surgery: metoidioplasty: what to expect, hysterectomy: what to expect, phallo is for everyone

testosterone (general): questions to ask about starting t, questions to ask about stopping t, diy testosterone, t increases appetite, what to expect from t, t changes body odor, preventing male pattern baldness, get t through planned parenthood, allergic to injectable t

testosterone (individual experiences): 2 weeks on t, 2 weeks on t, 3 months on t, 1 year on t

other resources: period underwear: boxer style, beating long hair dysphoria, tips for choosing a new name, transition happiness statistics, hygiene tips, @starskipper's resource masterpost, point of pride resource library

[trans-fuckery]

i'll make a formal 7 months update.

hair: facial and body hair is about the same as it was at my last update, but my mustache is definitely more visible now (albeit thin). it's pretty slow to grow back when i cut it, especially compared to how fast my head hair grows. but it's thickening! the texture of my beard is pretty coarse. my head hair and existing body hair hasn't really changed texture though. i haven't lost any hair either, which is something i was kind of worried about.

voice: my lower range has gotten a lot more comfortable and consistent, and i'm slowly gaining back my upper range. my voice cracks a lot, especially on higher frequencies; it does this weird thing where when i try to use my head voice it just cuts out completely, like i can't make sound at all. my laugh has totally changed because of this. my range appears to have settled for now, but i'm anticipating a couple more drops to come.

skin: i've honestly noticed no changes. i was already a pretty sweaty person, and i sadly haven't seen any changes to my heat tolerance, which means summer is its usual hell, but i'm not stinkier than usual. my facial acne is completely gone though and my skin is honestly less oily. i do sometimes get back acne around where i apply my gel; it's probably the alcohol doing weird things to my skin. i should try rotating my application spot to see if that helps. it's not any worse or more painful than my acne was pre-t though, so i'm not super worried.

pubic area: i've officially noticed bottom growth! i've also been period-free for almost a year, which is a major win. i've had some cramping, but not worse than usual, and no bleeding. no changes in sex drive or sexual fantasies (although i was asexual and had no libido before starting t, which might have made things different).

muscle: i haven't noticed any visible muscular changes, but i also haven't been going to the gym or doing much more exercise than i did pre-t. i've started a round of physical therapy for an injury i got in may, so i'm keeping an eye out for if my exercises feel easier, but i don't have good reference data for my muscle mass before starting testosterone.

fat/weight: no fat redistribution yet, sadly. i know that change takes a little longer, but i really want it to happen now! i gained some weight in my first few months on t, but i lost some of that again. it all went to my thighs, much to my disappointment. i haven't noticed any huge appetite changes, so my eating habits haven't changed very much. i think i'm craving more savory foods than i used to, though. don't know if that's related to the testosterone.

emotional: my mood is so much better. i've been having some relapse of my anxiety behaviors, but i don't feel depressed at all. part of it is definitely not having a menstrual cycle throwing everything into disarray every so often, but part of it is also the euphoria of being on testosterone! i haven't found it harder to cry at all, but i was never much of a crier to begin with.

other transition notes: i've reconsidered my stance on getting top surgery. i still don't really want a total reduction in breast tissue, but i definitely want to get my chest a little smaller. now that i'm seeing other changes and pass better for male, i really want my chest to match sooner rather than later. i probably will wait to actually get the surgery until i'm a few years on t so my new fat patterns can settle, but i might try and get a consultation sooner than that. i still think i want my top surgery to look like "as much as can be removed without visible scars".

i can't think if there are any other changes that have happened right now, so i'll leave this post at this.

[trans-fuckery]

getting a t dick was something i heard many people noticed quickly. i didn't feel any weird sensations in my pubic area, i haven't seen an increase in libido, and my period stopped as soon as i started testosterone, so i really had no reason to investigate. i assumed bottom growth was just one of those changes that would be slow or minimal for me. (it's not like i really have any male relatives i can ask about penis size for a reference point.)

but i actually checked today and oh boy have i been getting bottom growth! it's not a lot yet, but it's significantly more than i had pre-t. i'm still only 7 months on t, so here's hoping for more growth.

[trans-fuckery]

someone should really invent a method of binding or even just existing with breast tissue that doesn't leave you trapped in underboob sweat, please.

(this is high on my list of reasons why i hate summer, trailing behind beach days and fewer layers of clothing.)

[trans-fuckery]

my mustache is visible to other people now!

[trans-fuckery]

i'm at around 150 doses i think, since i just picked up a new box. so i guess we can call this my 6-month t timeline post!

i have a pretty good beard going, and my voice has dropped significantly (though i've lost more upper range than i've gained lower), and i haven't had my period in almost a year! my appetite is a bit more, but not a ton like i was expecting. i haven't noticed any sex drive or genital changes. i also haven't noticed any fat redistribution which is sad, that's one change i really wanted. my emotions are much more stable and my acne's completely gone away without my cycle. my body hair is changing texture, but my head hair hasn't.

i'm happy about all the changes, but i'm also sad about my voice. vocal was one of the major changes i wanted out of testosterone, but i know one of the reasons i was scared to start was the transition period where i wouldn't have the range i wanted or the range i used to have. it's a weird sort of sense of loss. using my new lower register makes me very euphoric, but at the same time, there's a part of my voice i'm locked out of until my range settles, and my tone isn't going to be the same there. i know this is one of those things that's just going to take time, but that doesn't stop it from feeling bad right now.

i know i'm going through something most cis teenage boys do. i know i'm getting closer to the body and the voice i want, and i know i'm happy about the changes i'm seeing now. that still doesn't change the sense of loss for how i used to be. it's weird, because that's something i didn't expect at all. i spent so long being dysphoric, and now that i'm changing the parts of myself i was dysphoric about... i'm not so dysphoric anymore, i definitely wouldn't say i regret starting t, but i'm not feeling only positively either. i suppose it's a type of nostalgia.

[trans-fuckery]

it's so unfair that i still get cramps occasionally even though i haven't had a menstrual cycle since last september. reproductive organs are such bullshit.

[trans-fuckery]

turns out it was not my reproductive system this time but my digestive system. i didn't realize the whole "needing calories while on t" thing was hitting yet. i'm hungry!

[trans-fuckery]

it's so unfair that i still get cramps occasionally even though i haven't had a menstrual cycle since last september. reproductive organs are such bullshit.

[trans-fuckery]

also, if you're a young transmasc person, mid or early 20s, who a few years ago couldn't pay for top surgery and then got harassed out of working your job at joann fabrics by an older bitch named mary who didnt want to work in the same place as a trans person and called you slurs, my grandmother would like to know if you're doing alright, and is very sad that you had to quit and not mary.

[trans-fuckery]

i switched down to 25 mg daily instead of 50. my provider agreed this was probably a good idea given how quickly i was seeing changes.

while it is many trans guys (myself included)' pipe dream to start testosterone and instantly turn into a bear, im hoping that a lower dose will let me stay a little more subtle/closeted with my transition, especially around my extended family. plus, it will give my voice more time to settle as i retrain it.

i am going to have to start shaving though; i have a surprisingly full beard already even though it doesn't grow very fast or long yet.

[trans-fuckery]

i am visiting my family and today my grandmother (86; asks somewhat invasive questions like "so do you date girls now because youre a boy", "are you going to get *the surgery* [snipping motions at her pubic area]", and "what do your girlfriends think of your female genitals?"; but has so far been one of the most supportive people in my family about my transition) asked how the facial hair happened and if it was permanent or a temporary thing.

it is hair i produced myself, growing out of my own face. i hope it's permanent. i did think i had a little more time before any relatives noticed though. somehow she's the first.

[trans-fuckery]

86 year old grandmother pulls a win by explaining how one of her friends, who has a queer adult child, was not super sure how to understand gender and sexuality variance, especially since my grandmother has been one of the most consistent in gendering me correctly which confuses the hell out of other old people. grandmother says, "soul on its journey", which makes sense to her buddhist friend, who then understands queerness as a natural part of human variation.

i might have to make a separate post of all the different directions in which this conversation went. it was an absolutely wild ride alternating between well-intentioned bigotry and sweet moments of solidarity.

[trans-fuckery]

i switched down to 25 mg daily instead of 50. my provider agreed this was probably a good idea given how quickly i was seeing changes.

while it is many trans guys (myself included)' pipe dream to start testosterone and instantly turn into a bear, im hoping that a lower dose will let me stay a little more subtle/closeted with my transition, especially around my extended family. plus, it will give my voice more time to settle as i retrain it.

i am going to have to start shaving though; i have a surprisingly full beard already even though it doesn't grow very fast or long yet.

[trans-fuckery]

i am visiting my family and today my grandmother (86; asks somewhat invasive questions like "so do you date girls now because youre a boy", "are you going to get *the surgery* [snipping motions at her pubic area]", and "what do your girlfriends think of your female genitals?"; but has so far been one of the most supportive people in my family about my transition) asked how the facial hair happened and if it was permanent or a temporary thing.

it is hair i produced myself, growing out of my own face. i hope it's permanent. i did think i had a little more time before any relatives noticed though. somehow she's the first.

[trans-fuckery]

i switched down to 25 mg daily instead of 50. my provider agreed this was probably a good idea given how quickly i was seeing changes.

while it is many trans guys (myself included)' pipe dream to start testosterone and instantly turn into a bear, im hoping that a lower dose will let me stay a little more subtle/closeted with my transition, especially around my extended family. plus, it will give my voice more time to settle as i retrain it.

i am going to have to start shaving though; i have a surprisingly full beard already even though it doesn't grow very fast or long yet.

[trans-fuckery]

well, i can confidently say i'm 90 doses in, since i just finished my third box! i'm going to start taking 25 mg (2.5 g of 1% gel) daily from now on, which is half my previous dose. my provider also thinks this will be a better dose since i saw changes so quickly.

i can't rest my chin on my chest anymore because my beard hair is at just the right thickness, amount, and length to be itchy. i can't wait for it to get to a slightly better length. it's so not a baby beard of 7 hairs anymore, but it still isn't growing out like head hairs, just thickening.

i don't know if i'll end up growing out my facial hair or do a close shave, since clearly this length is not a comfortable option. shaving seems like so much work, and i've actually never shaved any of my body hair before. i've buzzed my head, but that's different. but on the other hand, more facial hair might feel even worse on my neck.

on a weird note, my appetite's been lower, but i've still gained weight--i wonder if i'm just metabolizing a little differently?

[trans-fuckery]

testosterone update:

i've been really bad about taking my dose. the updates on changes will continue once i get back on a regular schedule.

i'm on 2x 2.5 mg daily now, which a lot easier than the 5 mg dosage because 5 grams of gel is a lot for my skin to absorb all at once.

honestly, being inconsistent with doses has allowed me some time to get used to the initial changes that really happened all at once in those first few weeks back in november-december.

my vocal high range feels much more comfortable again, and i've still consistently kept the low notes. it's a lot easier to "code switch" vocal ranges now that i've had a few months of practice.

i might ask about switching down to a lower dose daily, especially since i know gel is an effective method for me.

i've gained some weight, although i haven't noticed any change to my appetite or eating habits. i don't think any of it is going to the areas i would like to gain mass though.

i only get acne when i miss several doses in a row. it's not super surprising, since i've only ever had acne in the past when my progesterone levels rise.

my facial and body hair is definitely darker everywhere and thicker in some places, even more so than last update (i have a baby stache now). i feel very fuzzy and i'm enjoying it a lot! i haven't noticed any textural changes to my head, armpit, or pubic hair.

i haven't gotten my period in nearly six months, and i haven't had any of the emotional fluctuations or pain that my cycle causes. my anxiety overall has lessened. i haven't been sleeping well (pretty sure that's unrelated), but otherwise, i feel very good, both physically and emotionally!

i'm hoping to get to a place where i can be more consistent with taking my testosterone. it would help if my sleep schedule were better, so i guess that's the next step in my testosterone journey.

[trans-fuckery]

testosterone, day 50? ish? i've missed a couple, so my count might be off.

i've been working with my vocal coach on strengthening the new edges of my range, but it's making me weirdly dysphoric to not be able to hit the high notes i used to. don't get me wrong, i'm very euphoric about the new low notes i have and my speaking voice already feels way more comfortable, but i also feel like i'm losing a part of myself.

i'm not really sure how to deal with this. i've wanted testosterone for so long, but i never really imagined that any part of it would feel worse than it used to.

on a more positive note, my tummy is very fuzzy now and i am enjoying it!

[trans-fuckery]

testosterone, day 40 supposedly but honestly ive lost count what with all the delays:

my face is very fuzzy which i am enjoying! i hope it gets fuzzier, even though it means i will need to invest in a razor a bit sooner than i was anticipating.

my shoulders where i apply the gel also have more thick dark hairs than they used to, and my tummy is super fuzzy too! it was before, but the hairs are much darker now, even though they're not longer or thicker yet.

my daily speaking voice can sit much lower, but i can still pitch up to where it used to be for the people i'm stealth around. i'm actually trying to consciously pitch up as much as possible, to practice speaking in the middle of my range rather than slipping into vocal fry.

but it's getting significantly harder to sing at higher pitches. i strained my voice singing in the same range i usually do, even flipping when i need to rather than belting, but now some of my belt notes are back out of my range.

i'm not sure how to feel about that. i'm working in voice training to keep that part of my range, but it's a lot of work to navigate while my voice is actively changing. i kind of wish that could stop changing for a bit so i can strengthen it. i know i'm just going to get awkward pubescent boy voice for a bit, but i really wish i didn't have to.

my acne is honestly way better than it ever was without testosterone--i don't know if that will change later, but i got horrible period acne that hasn't happened since i started t (probably because i haven't bled since starting).

my appetite has been crazy fluctuating the past few weeks, but mostly on the lower end. i barely feel hungry. i've had some physical issues lately though, so it's kind of hard to tell what's a symptom and what's the testosterone.

[trans-fuckery]

fixed the insurance stuff! they messed up my records but my endo called them this morning to fix it, so i've got another box (hopefully) on its way to pharmacy pickup!

[trans-fuckery]

despite saying this, they are making it a pain in the ass to get it filled.

one of my friends whose doctor helped him stockpile offered to let me take some if i was ok with injections. that was very sweet of him, but i turned him down on account of i don't want either of us to face felony charges for distribution/illegal use of controlled steroid medication.

[trans-fuckery]

my box! is ready!

i'm planning to go to the pharmacy today or tomorrow and pick it up!

i think i'll probably continue the t timeline series in "days" for the next bit, until i get onto a consistent schedule without any of the insurance fuckery. so the previous posts amount to "30 days," and i'll try to update every 10 days or so.