The Trans Advice Column

Questions for, by, and about trans and gender diverse people.

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Is it worth commenting when people mention bigoted companies or authors?

Q: I don’t know how to handle people mentioning companies/IP that are known (to me) for their transphobia or general bigotry at work. Exampl

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Is my experience of gender valid?

Q: Hi! I am in my late 40s and always thought I was cis… until a few days ago. I’ve often found myself in spaces in the internet that lean v

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How do I know I want to transition for the right reasons?

Q: Howdy, I do apologize if this seems more like jumbled mess than anything else. I know I’m trans, specifically a trans man. I’ve felt this

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How do I protect against transantagonism in my family?

Q: Hi! I’m a trans young adult and one of my cousin’s kids (R) also recently came out as trans. One of our family traditions involves a list

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Q: Hi! I'm an nb person who uses multiple pronoun sets and I'm currently pregnant with my first kid. I've always wanted kids, and long befor

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Q: How do I figure out if a work place is trans-inclusive during the interview stage? I am a new grad and I want to know things like "will m

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Q: Super low-stakes question, and hopefully a break for you folks from some of the heavier stuff. I'm scheduled for top surgery in less than

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Q: Hi! :-) Recently I've started going to a new therapist. She's a very nice person. Here's my problem: I am transgender, and my mom is very

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Q: I am going to be attending a Christian medical school at the end of this month and I secured housing by myself but I will be living tempo

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Q: i'm bisexual and nonbinary and afab and i've had plenty of crushes on guys, even dated one. it all felt very natural. but all my crushes

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Q: I transitioned around 15 years ago. I struggled to connect with trans community earlier in my transition because I had a lot of internali

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Title: To Survive on this Shore: Photographs and Interviews with Transgender and Gender Nonconforming Older Adults Creators: Jess T. Dugan a

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Q: Okay, so. I've been dating my boyfriend long-distance for almost a year (since last August). We've met multiple times, but he's only ever met my friends, not my family. They don't know he's trans (nor do I plan to tell them. They're not hostile or anything, but it shouldn't matter, and it's not my place nor any of my business to tell anyone). He's coming to visit in a couple of weeks, and I'm very excited, as I know my family will love him, but I'm kind of nervous about my sister. She's in hi

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Note: Since this question concerns a nuanced topic with a great deal of ignorance around it, we invited a guest author (K2) to add a third perspective. We're greatly appreciative of their time in helping us write this post. Q: Hi! I just stumbled across your website an hour ago via Ask a Manager, and I really like it so far! I was curious about something you said that I hadn’t heard before, though. In your response to the historical fiction writer who wanted to write trans characters, K mention

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Content note: This question includes discussion of verbal and emotional abuse. Q: I believe in honouring the pronouns people use as a way of showing respect. However, I find it really difficult to use one set of pronouns in particular. I was verbally and emotionally abused growing up and was called it/its as part of this abuse. To me, these pronouns are integrally associated with dehumanising and demeaning treatment, so I find it very hard to see them as pronouns that could be used respectfully.

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Q: Hi, we’re a queer family - husband is bi, the kids are gay, trans and non-binary. I’m the only straight cis gender person in the family. So my husband has taken to using they/them pronouns for everyone. He thinks the world would be better if we all used they / them. So he does - he’s using they / them for all - including when people say oh actually I go by he / him or she / her. I’ve pointed out that this is overriding people’s choice of pronouns and he agrees! I have said I use she/her and d

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Q: My partner and I have been together for 17 years, married for almost 13, with a daughter. I came out on New Years Day 2022. Since then, I’ve gotten on HRT, and am working on hair removal, sorting out a wardrobe, and figuring out my hair situation as it is … unfortunately sparse on top. The good news is, my partner has been incredibly supportive throughout the whole thing and we are committed to each other. We plan to renew our vows, and she repeatedly tells me how much she loves me. But… phys