Ehhhhh

my name is Hillary and my poems suck

[transcendentearthwalker]

my mouth

tastes like cigarettes and bubblegum and broken promises. {h.r}

[transcendentearthwalker]

time to close the iron doors

[paradoxxgirl]

Your words are constellations left unnamed,
So clear to me, yet you fail to speak, And the zipped lips you possess, Have caused me pain to no end,
every time my hope is lit, It burns out before it emits, Now my wondering mind, Can only hope, 
That you will soon find, My confessions reply. {h.r}

[paradoxxgirl]

i only know how
to talk about nothing of substance, writing you poem after poem
 on the internet, but i couldn’t say
 a damn thing to your face. and the truth is,
we weren’t ourselves anymore,

we were just ghosts of each other.
 {h.r}

[transcendentearthwalker]

it’s funny because I’m finally able to talk to the old "him" and feel absolutely nothing

but somehow you think that I still love him when now you’re my everything and he is absolutely nothing.

{h.r}

[transcendentearthwalker]

My heart is a drum And you tap away with sticks Hoping each beat sticks To my soul.
 But it’s already done With you I am one 
With you I am whole. My heart’s a guitar And you pluck my heartstrings Make those notes ring.
 Like resonance only exists in Your fingers intertwined with mine 
A musical novelty when I’m played And flayed 
By love My heart’s not tuned right When each note sounds like Arpeggios having a fight
 And your drumbeats out of sync And I’m syncing into that state Where my senses are defined By your presence 
 But
 You. are. not. there. My heart is a broken chord Lost between the 1 and the 3 Searching for the five but slipping 
over the octaves like my fingers have lost all adhesion
To your skin. My heart is flawed. {h.r}

[transcendentearthwalker]

the first time i heard your voice in days I laughed into the receiver, but when i hung up, I threw up in the kitchen sink. I'll never be this unhappy again. {h.r}

[transcendentearthwalker]

my mind keeps racing from one though to another but it always manages to find its way back to you I know I’m just searching for a way to not feel alone but there are still many days when I wish you’d come back I am drained from missing you. {h.r}

[transcendentearthwalker]

i didn’t tell you a lot of things,
 like the times i popped different pills 
like aspirin, like when i fell in love
with someone who wasn’t you:
 the first time we broke up was because i wanted him; i was just too afraid 
to act on it. baby, 
you were just the one who did it. {h.r}

[transcendentearthwalker]

sometimes i see us on our seven hundredth chance, doing all of the things we should have done the first time. it’s perfect. 
it’s everything i ever wanted.
 but then i replay in my mind how we fucked soft like static,
 and spoke heavy like stone.
 now we do the opposite.
 i can’t decide which is worse. {h.r}

[transcendentearthwalker]

we fall in love with all of the things
that destroyed us because we don’t know how to keep this,
we only know how it fades.
{h.r}

[transcendentearthwalker]

the first time i heard your voice in days I laughed into the receiver, 
but when i hung up,
 I threw up in the kitchen sink. I'll never be this unhappy again. {h.r}

[transcendentearthwalker]

I clenched my jaws together and swallowed my tongue because I am so afraid of my words escaping and wrapping themselves around anything and everything until I have no words left for myself

{h.r}

[transcendentearthwalker]

my hands are numb and shaking I have lost my grip on everything that I have ever loved but whenever I see you I want to wrap myself around you and bury you beneath my skin I want to breathe in every atom of you and hold my breath until my skin is purple I have lost too many things but I promise I will never lose you

{h.r}

[transcendentearthwalker]

I wanted to breathe normally but I opened my mouth and instead I breathed in you I am so sick of the way my mind fills itself up with the words of other people I want to return to the time when I belonged solely to myself I will share myself with no one

{h.r}

[transcendentearthwalker]

it was fresh, it was raw I think I had almost forgot how much living could hurt how easily someone else could pull apart layers until every inch is exposed trusting people has never been a simple process but I am growing back each layer of skin

{h.r}

[transcendentearthwalker]

the walls of my body have been torn down and I am coming to terms with the fact that my skin is no longer composed of bricks but maybe it is made from something stronger sometimes it takes what seems like disaster to build from the ground up

{h.r}