HBSer Princess

I am a twenty-two year old assimilated transsexual woman and a gender-critical feminist.

[transcultist]

I hate not being able to tell whether my feelings about certain things in my relationship are the result of my feminist politics or the aftermath of my experience of sexual violence. I have such strong emotional reactions to so many things and I consistently find it impossible to tell whether I really am upset by latent sexism or if my hyper-vigilant, traumatized brain is causing me to invent problems where they do not exist. Trauma and politics mix inside my head and things are murky, and all of my supposed self-awareness and analytical skills are completely useless. All of this is made even more complicated by my transsexualism: maybe heterosexual relationships are in fact inherently unequal under patriarchy, but does that even apply to my relationship? I was born male and my boyfriend knows this, so does that mean that we are on equal footing? Do I even need to worry about any of this?

Navigating a relationship with a man is so much harder than I thought it would be, but he is a good person and I love him and I am so afraid that I am going to drive him away if I cannot get this under control. I feel as though I was not meant to live in a world as ugly as this one is and I wish that there was somewhere else for me to go.

[elizabitchtaylor-deactivated202]

Survivors of 1980s AIDS crisis reveal what happened to them

From the role of lesbians to the vanishing of whole neighborhoods, real LGBTI people share their experiences

‘By the early 80s, I had what I would consider a really large circle of friends and acquaintances and once the epidemic really started to hit, it was not uncommon to find out three, four or more people you knew had died each month. We set up informal and formal support groups to look after our friends who took sick. Feeding them when they would eat. Changing them. Washing them. Acting as go-between with families who “were concerned” about their sons, nephews, brothers, etc., but wouldn’t lend a hand to help because AIDS was, you know, icky.

‘After they passed, there were memorial services to plan with no real time to grieve because when one passed, you were needed somewhere else to begin the process all over again.

‘I kept a memory book/photo album of everyone I knew that died of AIDS. It’s quite large to say the least. Who were these guys? These were the people I had planned to grow old with. They were the family I had created and wanted to spend the rest of my life with as long as humanly possible but by the time I was in my late 40s, every one of them was gone except for two dear friends of mine.

[afabhysteria]

So if a non-passing trans man can’t experience male privileges because the way he looks makes people treat him like a cis woman……then explain to me why a non-passing trans woman isn’t treated like a cis man?

[afabhysteria]

“if you dispute this one lie we tell, then how do you explain this other lie we tell??  HMMM?????  CHECKMATE!!!!”

[snow-anne]

So if a non-passing trans man can’t experience male privileges because the way he looks makes people treat him like a cis woman…

…then explain to me why a non-passing trans woman isn’t treated like a cis man?

[transcultist]

Non-passing trans women absolutely are treated like men: gender nonconforming men. 

That non-passing trans women face hostility does not mean that they are not being “treated like men” because male privilege does not protect men against experiencing homophobic harassment and violence. Literally any gay man will attest to this.

[staininyourbrain-archive-deacti]

For those of you who think that radical feminists exaggerate or cherry-pick the worst of the porn industry, I have an experiment for you. Type ‘porn’ into Google and click around the most well-travelled websites that appear. With mind-numbing repetition you will see gagging, slapping, verbal abuse, hair-pulling, pounding anal sex, women smeared in semen, sore anuses and vaginas, distended mouths, and more exhausted, depleted and shell-shocked women than you can count. You will not see two people having sex; you will see images depicting a level of physical cruelty that would not be out of place in an Amnesty International campaign. One of the only studies of contemporary pornographic content found that the majority of scenes from fifty of the top-rented porn movies contained both physical and verbal abuse targeted against the female performers. Physical aggression – including spanking, open-hand slapping and gagging – occurred in over 88% of scenes, while expressions of verbal aggression – calling the woman names such as ‘bitch’ or ‘slut’ – were found in 48%. The researchers concluded that ‘if we combine both physical and verbal aggression, our findings indicate that nearly 90 per cent of scenes contained at least one aggressive act, with an average of nearly twelve acts of aggression per scene’. [x] That this is the major form of sex education for men should be taken very seriously by the women’s movement. The same men who get off from women being brutalised and called cunts, sluts and cum-dumpsters are the ones who go on to become politicians, corporate executives, judges, media professionals, policy makers and bankers. In other words, they become the economic and cultural elite that shape the material and ideological world that determines how women – and their children – will live. Most of them will become partners and fathers. To assume that porn is mere fantasy and does not impact on the way men think and feel is to ignore decades of research on how images frame our social construction of reality.

“Porn and the Misogyny Emergency” –Gail Dines (via sealedtome)

[transcultist]

It's cool that you're back to posting on this blog again. :) How has life been these past few months?

Thank you for asking!

Life during the past few months has been a mixed bag, as it always is. On the positive side, school is wrapping up and my boyfriend and I will be moving into our new apartment in a little less than a week. On the negative side, I have not found a job yet, and I have had to return to counseling to deal with some trauma-related issues that sprung up unexpectedly during the past semester. Things are going relatively well, but there is still a great deal of uncertainty in my life, which is always challenging.

[transcultist]

me, being handfed grapes by oiled up poolboys: ricardo, chives, can you bring me my laptop? i have a kink to shame

[transcultist]

So, are there any viable reasons to transition besides sex dysphoria? Is "gender dysphoria" a real thing? Is transgender a legitimate identity? Are transsexual and transgender just two different things - both viable? Do you think a lot of people who call themselves transgender are transsexual? I read excerpts from Janet Mock's memoir about how she "felt" she was a girl, and I found her reasons sexist. Is it possible she is a confused transsexual? Much respect. Just trying to understand.

Your first question is one that I have been wrestling with for some time.

If I am correct that I developed sex dysphoria largely or even entirely because of the homophobia I experienced as a child, am I really all that different from a feminine gay man who chooses to transition purely to escape the hostility he faces as a result of his gender nonconformity? I am certainly sympathetic to those who do not experience dysphoria but who pursue transition in an attempt to gain social acceptability, but does my sympathy mean that I must support their choices? Are there people who are so intensely gender nonconforming that transition is the easiest path for them? If transition does indeed make life easier for such people, does this mean that it is moral to provide these individuals with hormone therapy and surgery even if these treatments are not addressing sex dysphoria?

Unfortunately, I am not sure that I have the answers to these questions. I have often said in the past that only those who suffer from severe sex dysphoria should pursue medical transition, but I have begun to wonder if this is fair, given the world in which we live. Thoughts on this from those who follow me would be welcome.

[transgendertrender-deactivated2]

I don’t have all the answers either but this is a topic I’ve given much thought about and have reached some conclusions. I have to begin by saying that medical gatekeeping of transsexual therapies is essential, perhaps now more than ever, and I don’t feel that the recent influx of people seeking to transition justifies normalizing these invasive, radical, and permanent treatments.

Clearly, sex dysphoria is not the only reason people seek to transition and that’s evident given the overwhelming amount of people identifying as transgender today. Of course, societal pressures from stereotypical classifications of the sexes (i.e. gender) can cause one to seek to become like the opposite sex so that their natural state of being is more aligned with the sex whatever that behavior my be associated with and therefore lead an easier life in the process but what I’ve come to find is abuse of power tends to be a motivator in certain cases.

Gone are the days where transsexuals sought to blend in with their intended sex and lead normal lives and here are the days where people abuse gender to extend their power over females and maintain oppression, despite how radical their approach may seem. This is something that has to be acknowledged because it’s happening more than ever and while it may not be the main reason why a male would seek transition, it is certainly a perk and a side-effect of trans-visibility and an extension of male privilege. There was a time where I only blamed heterosexual men of maintaining oppression but gay men have been following suit, if only because the former have laid down the foundations of justifying transition in the new age and the latter are maintaining the status quo. 

As someone who is sex dysphoric and also gender-non-conforming, I have no interest to redefine what being female or a woman is. The reality is that I have a desire to castrate myself from past trauma and face enough homophobia for being an effeminate male that “becoming a woman” and essentially “choosing a side” (versus living a life of androgyny between the genders) is the only viable option to live a full and successful life as a member of society. I consider myself a guest in the house of womanhood and, as such, I must follow the rules. Some might argue that I maintain female oppression by seeking to conform to the stereotypes that I do but it’s simply what must be done to survive and lead a “normal” life. 

I’ve reached a point where I am “healthy” and “sane” enough to transition because I am fully aware of the reality and the consequences, and that is why I support gatekeeping. I have not always been so headstrong in my decisions and have wavered from one extreme to another for years, and that is why I also advocate mental therapy first and foremost for anyone toying with the idea of transition. People who have deluded themselves into believing they are the opposite sex or can medically become that only feed this current trend. No male is “actually” a woman and if one feels that way, he needs to fully explore what he desires as a woman and only then can he make a fully informed decision when it comes to transition.

Anyone who reaches the conclusion that their life would be more meaningful and complete and comfortable if society were to perceive them as the opposite sex—sex dysphoric or not—and is fully aware of the reality and limitations of transition is fit to make that decision for themselves. There is an array of factors that may cause someone to seek such drastic means and I am fully aware of and take them into account but we have to remember that there is a reality beyond the politics of this blog, that things are not so cut and dry in that reality, and that we are deserving of happiness. Essentially, life goes on and we must go on with it.

[transcultist]

I agree with much of what you wrote in this post, but I do not think that it makes a great deal of sense to talk about the importance of gatekeeping and then endorse something that sounds strikingly similar to the “informed consent” rhetoric favored by transgender activists.

As I have written before, plenty of men who are dangerous to women would make a case that medical transition would make their lives “more meaningful and complete and comfortable.” This absolutely does not mean that these men should be permitted to access hormone therapy and surgery or to alter their legal sex markers. Gatekeeping is critical, but ensuring that individuals are “aware of the reality and limitations of transition” is only one dimension of this process. The other, equally important side of gatekeeping must be screening out males who pose a threat to women, including fetishists and those with a history of threatening or abusing women. 

I think that the position I am moving towards is this: ideally, only those with severe sex dysphoria would transition. However, we live in a society with such restrictive gender roles that some people are likely so gender nonconforming that transition is a sensible choice, even if they are comfortable with their bodies. I think that it is possible to support these people without making blanket statements suggesting that anyone should be permitted to choose transition.

[blackvulva-deactivated20150627]

‘Its no one’s business what two consenting adults do in priv-’

But you’re not fucking doing it in private. You’re making blog posts on a website where young girls will see, you’ve got this website overrun with porn and smut even with safe-search on. I’ve searched ‘lesbian’ and ‘black woman’ with the safe search on and run into your disgusting BDSM shit. You’re walking your girlfriends and wives around on fucking leashes in public.Your neighbors can hear your wives and girlfriends screaming and crying- how the fuck are they supposed to know what’s going on? You’re out here grooming young girls into BDSM and waiting until they’re 18 so you can ~legally~ get away with fucking them, you’re out here posting tips on how to prey on abused, suspecting women to get them to ‘submit’. I hate you. 

[transcultist]

So, are there any viable reasons to transition besides sex dysphoria? Is "gender dysphoria" a real thing? Is transgender a legitimate identity? Are transsexual and transgender just two different things - both viable? Do you think a lot of people who call themselves transgender are transsexual? I read excerpts from Janet Mock's memoir about how she "felt" she was a girl, and I found her reasons sexist. Is it possible she is a confused transsexual? Much respect. Just trying to understand.

Your first question is one that I have been wrestling with for some time.

If I am correct that I developed sex dysphoria largely or even entirely because of the homophobia I experienced as a child, am I really all that different from a feminine gay man who chooses to transition purely to escape the hostility he faces as a result of his gender nonconformity? I am certainly sympathetic to those who do not experience dysphoria but who pursue transition in an attempt to gain social acceptability, but does my sympathy mean that I must support their choices? Are there people who are so intensely gender nonconforming that transition is the easiest path for them? If transition does indeed make life easier for such people, does this mean that it is moral to provide these individuals with hormone therapy and surgery even if these treatments are not addressing sex dysphoria?

Unfortunately, I am not sure that I have the answers to these questions. I have often said in the past that only those who suffer from severe sex dysphoria should pursue medical transition, but I have begun to wonder if this is fair, given the world in which we live. Thoughts on this from those who follow me would be welcome.

[transcultist]

Out of curiosity, is there a reason you call it GRS as opposed to the more common terminology SRS? Is it because you believe sex can't actually be changed? What does GRS mean? Is it genital reassignment surgery or gender reassignment surgery? I feel like you may have covered this before but I'm wondering. Also, I wish you the best for your surgery regardless of what you choose to call it, of course.

GRS, which stands for “genital reconstruction surgery,” is my preferred term because I believe that it is the most accurate and neutral way to refer to the procedure. You are correct that I dislike the term “SRS” because it falsely suggests that a true “sex change” is possible.

[transcultist]

Are you a gendequeer/non-binary ally?

The posts in my genderqueer tag should answer your question.

[transcultist]

doctorgaylove a réagi à votre billet :Hi. I'm so glad you're back because your blog is...

no dysphoria at all!!!! that’s great news I’m so happy for you!

Thank you! I definitely don't want to give the impression that this is something that everyone can expect - my experience in this regard seems to be unusual - but it really is such a tremendous relief. 

[transcultist]

Hi. I'm so glad you're back because your blog is great. Sorry if this is too broad or something but how happy have you been with the results of your GRS? I've considered getting it one day in the future to help with dysphoria after I first deal with depression.

I think that aside from choosing a reputable surgeon, the primary factor in being happy with one’s choice to undergo GRS is having realistic expectations.

I am very happy with the results of my surgery despite the issues I had early in my recovery. I have been surprised to find that I no longer experience any dysphoria at all, and having the procedure has also dramatically reduced my anxiety about being “found out” as a transsexual. However, it is important to note that prior to undergoing GRS I accepted that the procedure would simply change the appearance of my body and would not render me functionally female. While this is certainly not ideal, living with an “unconventional” body is immeasurably more bearable for me than being obviously male.

If one experiences severe dysphoria, goes through the proper “gatekeeping” channels, and is able to accept the limitations of GRS, I think that the probability of one being happy with the results is high.

[transcultist]

You're back! (this is gonna sound creepy and I don't mean it to be but I'm so glad you're back, you've been in my thoughts? Like not in a weird way, just every now and then you'd cross my mind and i'd think 'i hope TC is doing ok') what's new with you?

That isn’t creepy at all, and I really appreciate it!

So much has changed in my life that it’s almost unbelievable. I’m about to start my final semester of college and my third internship in the field I’m hoping to work in after I finish, I’m over halfway through my recovery from GRS, and my boyfriend and I are talking about moving in together after graduation. 2014 was equal parts wonderful and terrible for me but things are great right now and I’m so thankful for that.

[transcultist]

Welcome back! I hope your recovery was swift!

Thank you! The first two months post-op were very, very hard, but things got easier after that and I feel great now. 

This reminds me: if anyone who follows me is considering having GRS or is just curious about the process, I am happy to answer any questions you have as long as they are not overly invasive or personal. I am closing in on being seven months out from surgery, so my memories of some things may have faded a bit, but I am happy to do my best to help.

[transcultist]

Hooollllly crap you're backkk!!!! :D

I am! I was weirdly nervous about posting again so thank you for making this the first message in my inbox instead of something stupid and/or mean.