Transformative Living @transformativeliving - Tumblr Blog

So, the first song I ran into was this one, "Worth It":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JeSL44Rrfw

I'm really... I connect to Moses's lyrics a lot as a trans person, weirdly. Oh and I should preface this all by saying as a extreme music person who is also into art music and electronic music, I frequently go to read lyrics and get backstories for understanding context. I think that's an essential element for all of his work, despite his vocals being very clear and easy to understand (imo). Reading them has a really nice level of depth I don't often find outside of extreme music.

Stylistically, the minimalism is very nice. It really let's his lyrics be the prominent expression. Here they are:

```

You give me all of you

I recognize my heart as black and blue

You accept all I do

But I don't know if that is wise

You offer all of you

I recognize your hand as a budding bruise

You reject solitude

But I don't know if I am worth it

I don't know if I am worth it

Worth it

Tepid and taciturn

Isn't enough to make you learn

You're not afraid of burns

But I don't know how to light my fire

I don't know if I am worth it

```

In retrospect, this song is such a beautiful piece for relationship aversion, specifically as he calls out doubt because the other subject is rejecting solitude (I absolutely love how much value he gives to solitude). But there is also this deep emotive response of not really being worth that kind of love. Which gives me a complex palette of responses because I feel like the underlying conclusion which isn't reached is the assumption of needing to be "worth it" at all.

I appreciate the way he writes as being very experiential and typically not asserting moral values (my biggest gripe about any lyrics ever).

====

Next is "Proud to Be". Again, weirdly meaningful as a closeted trans kid, though maybe more generally as being... anomalous.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvutzZ7k9Ww

```

A black bunk bed

Once belonged to me

Body built of sticks and stones and potential energy

I laid alone

On the bottom sheets

So I kept a sense of absence above me when asleep

Singing oh

When I grow

The legacy left to me won't leave me low

Sweet seeds I sow

So memory's remedy's a crumb of hope

I'll be proud to be

Part of me

Probably proud of me

Proud to be

Part of me

Probably proud of me

As a grown clone

Can I be beautiful

Beige as Cali suburbs

Sameness is fatal

Sleep with no doubt

Of who's forgiven you

But can I forgive myself

For being myself, too?

Now

That I've grown

The legacies kept from me have left me low

My only hope's

That younger me is hungry for a sick joke

He's not

Proud to be

Part of me

Probably not

Proud of me

Proud to be

Part of me

Probably not

Proud of Me

Proud to be

Part of me

Probably not

Proud of me

Proud to be

Part of me

Probably not

Proud of Me

```

I think something I don't need to reiterate is how much tragedy I have relating to legacies. It's... a lot, from the standpoint of wanting an immediately blood family involved in my life and from wanting to have connection with my ancestry and a complex cognitive relationship with having a kid.

====

So, I heard these tracks and dug into some others from Mid-City Island. Stylistically, I can be a little averse to music that relies on genre-specific timbre/texture for value however, I think his minimalism and jazz-born sensibilities were strong enough early on that it all feels really nice for me.

And then he released his first full album, "Aromanticism".

I should preface this by saying I didn't identify as aromantic at the time, nor had I heard the term, nor had the concept really occurred to me in a meaningful way.

It was nice to get a whole album offering for the first time. I really enjoy albums that are experiential and well ordered: that flow is really my favorite thing in popular music offerings.

I'm a vocalist and I've always loved falsetto vocals. Again, part of trans validation internally but also I just love how those pitches feel for my ears, typically. He leans really hard into it but this album felt like a slight step away (not much). It's hard to pick favorites here. It's also amazing that at the time, I was still masking romantically and in a relationship with someone who didn't like too much romance so it felt natural at times. But I had an ongoing struggle with her about being polyaffectionate.

It was something I was really clear about early on but I was also given myself to compromise/accommodation of any sort if someone pushed me to it because I was still running under the assumption that a romantic relationship is something that I needed and was supposed to have. There was some co-dependent abuse bonding things going on in that relationship I think but the album was an affirming breath of fresh air that someone else was trying to live in a world as someone whose value set is accused of being... contrived and opportunistic.

It was around this time that I coined a term for myself of "platonic romance", trying to figure out how to express my desire for having deep friendships as well as identifying my natural disposition that intimacies of any sort deserve freedom from being exclusive to romantic relationships: "Let friends be friends" is my sort of take away catch phrase.

Musically, I FUCKING LOVE the way that Quarrel leads to a full instrumentation after being very committed to be minimal instrumentation: percussion comes out of nowhere and it glorious. My range is almost exactly where Moses's is though I have a couple more notes I've never heard him produce but its all very much in my exact comfort spaces which gives me a personal attachment to it as a singer.

Lonely World gives the same gift of being minimal and picking up into thick instrumentation and sudden percussion. I really enjoy all of the jazz 7th motions, I'm a sucker for that shit.

Lyrically, these are all so damn lovely. Plastic stands out for me a lot in a number of ways: as a person who uses neopronouns, as a person who has learned to perform as a life skill, as a person who has needed to be more grand than they are to survive, as a person who needed an alternate reality to endure the true one... as a person who has been making their own escape for the majority of their life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpvBlhdrqz8

```

I know what it is to be broken and be bold

Tell you that my silver is gold

Though we're much too old for make believe

And I know what it's like to behold and not be held

Funny how a stomach unfed

Seems satisfied cuz it’s swell and swollen

And you caught me

Shooting cross the sky like a star

But nobody told me

To never let it get too far

See my silhouette, so you’re standing scared of me

Can I tell you a secret?

My wings are made of plastic

My wings are made up

And so am I

```

====

A side note is just how great Self-Help Tape is. I don't care if its true but I swear to god, it's simply a chorus "meow"s and that's exactly how I sing it every time and it feels so lovely :3

I listened to that album pretty much every day for quite a while. He started to have more live showings including the NPR tiny desk concert: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4-0Q8W8Nb0 . There is this really deep and pure musicianship that is very much self-designed. Obviously, he has roots but the style and expressions are more inventive than they are homages. I think we are fortunate to have a successful musician who has something very personal invention that they are deeply committed too. I have a lot of respect for him purely based on the honesty and personal nature of his music. I am enamored with and relate to how completely he commits to the dream of a moment.

I still pull from "Aromanticism" but ultimately "grae" is a masterpiece.

This is not the album version but holy fuck it is a brilliant live performance. I feel like for the first time on this album, Moses shows that he isn't really a musician with a vocal gimmick: he is insanely talented and has incredible control of his voice. Granted, this is also after several years of performing professionally and having the opportunity to achieve that refinement. He did not waste a moment, it seems to me.

CW: this may be sensitive or triggering for folks re physical harm/masochism. I happen to have a lure to it for my sadomasochism, though I don't think that's really the substantial contribution of the lyrics, more of the vehicle of expression.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0dLpnLBcKk

```

When I'm weary

And so worn out

Ooh, when my mind's clouded and

Filled with doubt

That's when I feel

The most alive

Masochistic kisses

Are how I thrive

A stiffness

(In) Side my neck

(And) Bangin' my head

(A) Gainst the desk

(Woah) If there's no pain

(Is) There any progress

That's when I feel

The most alive

Endurance

Is the source of my pride

Might not be healthy for me but seemingly I need

What cuts me, cuts me, cuts me, cut me, cut me, cut me

Guess I'm a true immigrant son

No vacancies, no vacations

Sure, I could do better than this

But I don't, I won't, I don't

Might not be healthy for me but seemingly I need

What cuts me, cuts me, cuts me, cut me, cut me, cut me

Might not be healthy for me but seemingly I need

What cuts me, cuts me, cuts me, cut me, cut me, cut me

Hurt me, hurt me

```

I feel weird to really get deep on one of the album favorites just cause it doesn't often happen for me but this song is clearly a banger. Damn. I dunno.

There are a lot of lyrics and beautiful timbral things in this album. It's so much more expansive and generous (its 20 fucking songs). There is also quite a bit of collaboration on this album which is really cool.

This album gave me some new lenses for plural, agender, and genderqueer people and prompted some further digging, which I definitely needed to do for my own edification. One of the most important pieces to this album is the myriad of collaborations from an author named Taiye Selasi who has a number of really poignant musings on plurality (they use the term "multiplicity" which I've always found used interchangeably). It is a moment I've tried to achieve for so fucking long in my life as a queer person, summarized in a loose yet perfectly unmovable assertion: "Anyone wishing to meaningfully engage with me, or my work, must [recognize my inherent multiplicity]". I take this for myself as a larger statement: if we wish to meaningfully engage with each other, we must be aware of and recognize each others' experiences and identities.

They have a number of writings throughout the album that are deeply meaningful as well. I'm so grateful for this album as a collaborative platform for these queer experiences. I could dig into every song but I think my assertion is that this album was a focal point for expanding my feelings towards my community into something more diverse, wholesome, and aware.

And it helped me find my own expressions, some of which I share. "Sometimes I want to kiss my friends" too. Sometimes.

BONUS: (Fav tracks from grae are Conveyor, Colouour, Keeps Me Alive, and Cut Me... I think. It's hard to pick any hehe)

#moses sumney #aromantic #music

Meanwhile, in my own personal heaven.

A quick note

I will be slightly absent for the next week to get caught up with busy work and important life things. I’ll pick up with my writings very soon and get you all caught up on progress. Much love <3

Squash and Jalapenos #2

This Saturday was our company holiday shebang. I could review everything that happened at last years party but in short: I've been waiting for this day to be repeated ever since. On the other hand, this is the first time I was able to see a number of co-workers since coming out as trans and changing my name. It was a little bit frightening at first but all in all it was another AMAZING night including @xcharlockholmesx and myself harvesting a googolplex of roses from the table placements before we left! Also, there was dancing.

Dancing is not an option.

This is all to say, I haven't cooked too much of the past couple days. The lasagna leftovers, amongst a few tiny kitchen experiments, pretty well carried me into the weekend and tonight was my first chance to cook in days! After the lasagna, I still had another 2 lbs of squash left to use. As I surveyed the fresh layer of snow in Lewiston, crafting a soup seemed perfect. I revisited the squash and jalapeño soup from a few weeks ago and kicked it into a more traditional taste signature as well as something that fit @redwitchrising restrictions. Brown sugar, coconut milk, and red onion group beautifully with the dense flavor of tahini and really bring forward the finger licking sweetness of butternut squash! As a more earthy variant, you could withhold the brown sugar and red onion to opt for a thick mixture of turmeric, paprika, garlic, cayenne, and cumin powders (not too dissimilar to a Cajun seasoning), but I'd highly recommend giving this recipe a go as is first. Admittedly, I lick the inside of my own boiling pot while cleaning up because I didn't want to waste a drop!

Jalapeño and Squash Soup #2

1/2 tbsp grape seed oil 2 jalapeño peppers, diced 1 poblano pepper, diced 1 cup red onion, diced 1 tbsp ginger, minced 1 cup coconut milk, unsweetened 2 tbsp Brown Sugar (be a bit stingy with this one) 2 tbsp green onions or chives 2 tsp tahini 1 1/2 cups vegetable stock 2 lbs butternut squash, 2-inch cubed Salt and Pepper to taste

Guess what? Only one pot needed for this recipe so make sure you pick one big enough for everything! Heat up the olive oil to a medium-low heat in a large boiling pot. Add the jalapeño, poblano, red onion, and ginger. Sauté for 6-10 minutes until fragrant. Add the rest of the ingredients and bring to a low boil. Stir, cover, and reduce to a simmer. We want the squash to cook down to be very soft and readily blend-able, about 20-30 minutes. Make sure to give it a good stir every ten minutes or so to keep anything from sticking to the pot bottom.

Test the squash for doneness. I like to try to pierce them with a spoon and if they give way fairly easily, they are ready to blend. With an immersion blender or in a durable blender/food processor, go blend happy until your soup becomes silky smooth. Note: a plastic blender may crack from the heat. If you don't have any other options, blend in small batches with a vented lid (or no lid!) to keep the keep on the plastic to a minimum. Once done blending, salt and pepper to taste and serve with soft bread, naan, or cucumbers.

#vegan #vegetarian #healthy food #recipe #easy food recipes

When I was a kid, I always had the thought that I was going to do something great. I’m pretty sure everyone goes through an ego phase like that when they are young but it took me a long time to shake mine. It degraded with my depression into a strange lust for fame and a hope to die and immortalize that. Somehow then I would feel fulfilled...

Happily, as the pain of change and loss wash over my life, my heart and spirit feel awakened and renewed and my need to be remembered is largely gone. I feel very much ready to live life and am content to follow its flow until the end. It has taken an INCREDIBLE amount of support from many old and new lovely humans that I know and I am thankful for all of them. Brb tissues.

...

@xcharlockholmesx shared this with me a while back and it has really stuck with me: "Change happens not by hatred but by love. Change happens when you understand what you want to change so deeply that there is no reason to do anything but act in your own best interest." This has now morphed into a quote about living rather than one about changing. As my future becomes a reality for me, my life propels itself forward, keenly aware of a destination that seems predetermined by my inner self: it fucking rocks. One part of my journey in my near future is to visit, interview, and spend time with a man named Matthew Silver, pictured here:

I’ve had three spiritual connections with people and he is the last one who is alive so it has become very important very suddenly. Visiting with him will hopefully be the beginning of a book, tentatively titled "Spirituality and Self". My only technical qualifications for tackling such a broad topic are not just a smattering of college courses and my own spiritual pursuits background but, also, the quality of my experiences shared while I travel and explore this idea with others. The more real and important these experiences are, the more valid my writings will become.

Spirituality and Self

Hypothetically, spirituality and self are both derivatives of experiencing inter-connectivity between both humans and their mother environment. I think that connection between humans is particularly frightening because we have adapted our most primal urges of fear and self-defense as integral frameworks for creating inter-human connection. We've done this to ensure our technical survival as we labor and live together: autonomous yet inter-dependent strangers. However, our base fear of harm limits our connections. As humans become more and more self-aware, consciously evaluating our social frameworks to understand their lasting impact, while still assuring our success as an iteration of the human species, becomes increasingly imperative. The self longs for connection on an intrinsic level and wildly benefits from safe, secure, and limitless human connections.

As a practice, exploring other natural opportunities for experiencing spirituality and self remains much more accessible because nature bears far fewer threats to humans than humans themselves. However, I also hypothesize that sexual intimacy is one of the most complete and common forms of spiritual and self connection which will be a primary gateway for understanding inter-human connectivity throughout my studies. Exploring these hypothesis and their validity in an anecdotal fashion may or may not lead to a more unified and complete theory, but my motive will consistently be maintained by the value of this exploration for its own sake. I hope that those who are able to share in my journey will be encouraged and embettered.

Thanks for reading. Here is your obligatory cat picture reward:

Lasagna for Two

My kitchen has become a laboratory. It is also quite a bit of a mess. This must be the price of progress.

I am also consumed with sadness. Despite how much progress I've been making in my life and how much more alive and present I feel, nothing has let me forego licking my wounds and mourning. Several weeks ago, a very important person left this world unexpectedly and prematurely. I can't say they were a dear friend but they were one of the most prominent spiritual connections I've ever made. Fear was not an obstacle to them as much as it was simply a terrain to pass over and enjoy. I have spent my time trying to emulate that quality, but now that they are gone, I feel much weaker. Moreover, I can find no way to lessen the pain or replace a gaping hole in my chest.

...

Times like these happen, I suppose. Still, in our most trying moments, we find the greatest opportunity to find the quality of our strength. My strength is making damn good food. Here is another recipe designed for @redwitchrising but also easily adaptable to be vegan: Squash and Spinach lasagna! Despite not having a pasta roller, I decided to go ahead and try making the pasta as well and it was a DAMN good idea! Because the pasta came out not quite as thin as it ought to, it lent itself to having a nice chewiness which settled in very nicely with the slight snap of the squash.

Note: pasta making is new territory and I found a excellent primer here: Fine Cooking. During my cook, I bypassed boiling the pasta and it came out excellent. I'll try boiling it next time!

Squash and Spinach Lasagna

Sauce: Vegan Variant:

6 tbsp Earth Balance spread 6 tbsp All-Purpose wheat flour 3 1/2 cups almond milk 1/2 red onion, sliced THIN and quartered 1 cup chopped mushrooms (trumpet varieties like Golden Chanterelles are the ideal flavor) 1/8-1/4 cup fresh minced basil 1 tsp nutritional yeast generous pepper and salt to taste

Sauce: Vegetarian, Gluten-free, Soy-free Variant:

6 tbsp butter 6 tbsp gluten free flour (My standard mix is: 2pt sorghum, 2pt millet, 3pt rice flour, 2pt potato starch, 1pt tapioca starch) 4 cups whole milk 1/2 red onion, sliced THIN and quartered 1/8-1/4 cup fresh minced basil 1 tsp rosemary 2 tsp oregano 1/2 - 1 cup parmesan cheese (to taste) generous pepper and salt to taste

Other Bits:

Fresh lasagna dough (or) dry Brown rice lasagna noodles (pre-cook these very briefly in salted, boiling water ~5-7 minutes) 1/2 butternut squash, sliced THIN! 1 bunch fresh baby spinach or kale (optional) mild cheese like Mozzarella or Provolone to taste

Start the sauce first. Make a roux by adding melting the fat in a deep skillet on a medium heat. Once melted, added your flour slowly and mix thoroughly. For this light sauce, I like to not let the roux cook and more then a minute or two until it gets to a good heat; however, cooking the roux further and letting the color darken into a blond will add depth and complexity to your sauce. Try it out!

Once your roux is the desired color, slowly mix in the liquid. Stir consistently while adding liquid to prevent any lumps from develop. We want a very smooth consistency. Once all of the liquid has been added and the sauce is silky smooth, add in the rest of the sauce ingredients and mix in fully. Reduce to a very low heat and cover. Come back and stir the sauce occasionally as you prep your squash.

There are probably as many ways to prep your squash as there are to serve it. I have a pretty beefy carrot peeler that does the trick for me. Just cut in half, scoop out the innards and starting peeling the rind off. Underneath the squash rind, there is also a thin layer of tough, slightly whitish squash flesh. Peel this away also until you get to the nice orange bits. [If you bought a whole squash, reserve one half of the peeled squash for a soup we will try in the next couple days!]

Once peeled, slice the squash and thinly as you can. Ideally, your slice will be almost to the thickness of a potato chip. The slices should be no thicker than the pasta. We want the squash to be married to the pasta as closely as we can… and inseparable pair~

Preheat the oven to 350 and assemble the lasagna in a deep baking dish. Start with a thin layer of sauce, layer noodles, then squash, then spinach and repeat. Your last layer should be noodles. If adding optional cheese, I like to put this in the middle layer as it will be the last to fully heat and let the cheese hit a perfect melting temperature. Top the lasagna with pepper. Cover with tin foil and bake for 30-50 minutes. If you find your lasagna seems soupy at around 30-35 minutes in, remove the tin foil and let cook uncovered for a good 10 minutes or more. When ready, the noodles should have some snap back but cut easily. If the noodles feel soft or slightly putty like against a knife, let cook for the full 50 mins. The quality of the roux will be affecting this cook time quite a bit, hence the variance. Use your best judgement and taste taste taste until you are satisfied! Let the lasagna cool covered after removing from heat. This will let the sauce finish setting and lock the juices into the pasta.

Serve topped with crushed red pepper and your favorite table wine. Enjoy, lovelies~

#vegan #homemade #healthy food #vegetarian #maine

Umami, Rice, and Limitations

This recipe is dedicated to @redwitchrising whose unique allergy list is quite an inspiration!! She consented to letting me share her restrictions with you all, so here they are:

Wheat*

Soy*

Egg yolk

Corn*

Garlic

Carrots*

Chicken*

Coconut

Chocolate

Cinnamon

Tomato*

Whew! This is a bit limiting for my typical fare which is why I may tend to venture into animal containing recipes in an effort to diversify the taste palette.

Umami

A significant part of a eating vegan, vegetarian, or with any dietary restriction tends to be how to and whether to include umami in your dish. Umami is typified by naturally occurring glutamate, a type of amino acid. I personally feel like a lot of meat consumption is driven by the pursuit of umami, but there are a number of very notable inclusions to this flavor that fall into vegetarian or vegan diets.

Tomatoes (excluded for tonight's recipe)

Soy (excluded)

Carrots (excluded too!)

Green tea (going to experiment with some recipes on this later…)

Potatoes

Mushrooms (an oft overlooked source of HUGE varieties of flavor)

Cabbage (omg yum)

Cheese (Parmesan in particular has incredibly high quantities of naturally occurring glutamate)

All things considered, this is actually quite a small list of non-meat foods that incorporate and entire flavor category, with half of those being excluded for @redwitchrising. So, logically, I had to make a recipe with as much umami in it as possible! Check out my basic choices (they have a nice color together, too!):

The most common choice for a grain here is rice. Parmesan and rice immediately kick me into risotto territory so we are going to make a faux risotto with Portobello mushrooms, parmesan, bay scallops, and wilted arugula. You could also substitute spinach but you may still be able to find fresh arugula in your area and I highly recommend it. It has a wonderful fragrance and an assuming bitterness that should accent both the mushrooms and the scallops. I chose scallops largely because my good friend @RichDoctorNephew joined me for dinner and his Navy background made seafood a no-brainer. He approved of this meal so I'm happy to share it with all of you~!

Mushroom and Scallop Faux Risotto

8oz baby Portobellos, chopped into the size of bay scallops 1 lbs Bay Scallops, thawed or fresh (substitute with 8oz oyster mushrooms and 1/2 tsp vegetable broth if desired) 1 cup white rice 1 cup water 1/2 cup heavy cream 1/2 red onion, minced 3/8 cup white wine (Fish Eye Riesling is affordable and appropriately citrusy) 1/8 cup parmesan 3 tsp (1 tbsp) Olive oil (using 100% olive oil will make a HUGE difference in flavor) 2 tsp oregano 1 tsp thyme 1 tsp parsley 1 tsp red pepper flakes 10 oz of arugula per servings

Calorie Total: 1,362 Calories Servings: 4-5 Calories per Serving: 272-340 calories per

Add 1/2 cup of water to a large skillet with a matched lid. Cover the skillet and bring the water to a boil. Add the rice, stir vigorously, cover, and reduce to a low heat. The rice should absorb the water pretty quickly, maybe 2-5 minutes. Once the water has been absorbed or otherwise evaporated, add a splash of water to cool the metal and then add the heavy cream. Mix together, cover, and let steam. This part is important: if the rice looks to be getting very dry or liquid is otherwise running low or getting too hot, add another splash of your water, stir and return to a simmer. You do not want to burn the cream but rather to slowly let the rice absorb flavors.

While the rice is steaming, add 1 tsp of olive oil to a frying pan, bring to a medium heat, and add your chopped Portobellos. Stir occasionally and allow the mushrooms to start to sweat (4 minutes approx). Add the minced red onion and continue to sauté. Once the mushrooms are just becoming soft and tender but still have some strength in the fiber, and 1/4 cup white wine. Cook for another minute to let the alcohol begin to burn off and the mushroom to start to grab some of the flavor. Add the entire mixture along with the parmesan, oregano, thyme, parsley, and red pepper flakes to the rice. Mix and cover.

Add 1/8 cup of water to the hot frying pan to deglaze the pan and add the scallops directly. Increase to a high heat. While the pan and scallops are heating, the meat should start to release a small amount of broth. Once the broth even starts to boil, remove the scallops from heat and drain the broth into a container. Add 1/4 cup of broth to the rice and reserve the remainder for future dishes (scallop broth + soy sauce makes for an EXCELLENT soup base). Add 1 tsp of oil to the pan and finish bringing to a high heat. Add the scallops and a healthy share of salt and pepper. Be attentive while cooking as scallops will lose their flavor VERY quickly if over cooked. 1 minute per a side should be ample. Add scallops directly to the rice. Add the last 1/8 cup of wine to the hot pan to deglaze and grab the last bits of scallop flavor. Add to the rice and cover.

At this point, the rice is technically good to go. I would let the rice cook a bit longer on the lowest possible heat to allow the flavors to meld. The rice can't really overcook at this point, only become more infused with flavor and cream. Let cook on low until it reaches the desired consistency. Right before you are ready to serve, heat 1 tsp of oil to a medium heat in your frying pan. Add 1 to 2 ounces of arugula per a serving of risotto. Stir frequently and cook until the arugula is wilted and tender. Plate your risotto and add the wilted arugula as a hot side dish or mixed in.

I’m still working on my camera skills here. If you make this and take a nicer picture than I’ve been able to, feel free to share it my way! Thanks~

#healthy food #risotto #recipe #homemade

Be Poor. Eat Well

Nostalgia

I didn't go grocery shopping today or yesterday and to be honest, these are typically the times I have the most fun cooking because of the challenge! Moreover, it helps to cook when there are few ingredients. The quest to bring just a few flavors into a beautiful finish can be really meaningful and delicious! Looking through my cupboard, I found a can of beans, some crushed tomatoes, and a bag of tubetti pasta. Thankfully, I still have a full spice drawer and some vegetable bouillon so I decided to re-create another food from my childhood. You may or may not know I grew up in Tucson, AZ and our neighbor and sometimes babysitter was very much from right across the border. She had a fantastic way of making tomato soup that I have never encountered elsewhere. I've been trying to recreate it for years now and have started to come close. I know she used beef stock but I'm quite content with the vegetable stock and do not feel a loss of flavor at all, just a change of emotion.

I've been quite interested in Depression-era American cooking and I feel this tends to fall in a similar category. The recipe is dirt cheap and plentiful. Also, after the first serving, the pasta should continue to absorb water and it will turn into a vegan, Mexican, hamburger helper copy. Quite tasty yet simple!

"Poor" Mexican Chowder

1 bay leaf 1/2 tsp coffee grounds (optional) 1/2 cup Masa Harina 1/2 cup canola oil 4 cups vegetable stock (make sure it is gluten free if you need that) 28 oz crushed tomatoes 1-2 cans of kidney beans 12 oz sweet corn 2 tbsp chili powder 2 tbsp cumin 1 pound tubetti or other small pasta (use corn pasta if gluten free is needed. Brown rice pasta will fall apart) A generous sprinkling of Adobo to taste

Firstly, we will make a roux. We will do this in a cajun style which means keep some Netflix and some entertainment nearby: you'll be stirring almost constantly for about 30 minutes. Bring a large boiling pot (this will be our only pot) to a medium high heat. Grab a chair and turn on some entertainment: once you add the Masa and oil, you will need to stir the mixture every 10-20 seconds. The idea is to roast roast roast this mixture without burning it. You may come close to burning it but keep stirring. If you do burn the roux, you will need to start over - once burnt it is no good. Add the Masa and canola oil. Stir like a woman for the next 30 minutes. Your roux should come to a dark brown color like a dark peanut butter. Add the sweet corn, coffee, chili powder, and cumin. Stir and cook the mixture for another 5 minutes. Add in the crushed tomatoes slowly while stirring to make an even, consistent sauce with no lumps. Then add the remaining ingredients EXCEPT the pasta and Adobo. Let this cook for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.

At this point, you are going to have to trust your taste buds. Grab a small ladle or big spoon and grab a taste of the broth. It may still be pretty bland at this point. In increments of about 1-2 teaspoons, add in some adobo, stir well, and taste again. Adobo is quite salty so it should take to much to bring out the flavors. If the broth has accidentally become too salty, stop with the adobo and add a bit of water until the flavor is full yet relaxed. Add the pasta at this point and cook until the pasta is fully cooked. Serve hot with some chunks of avocado or green olives added in if you feel fancy~!

Again, your first serving should definitely be a chowder but as you let the remainder cool on the stove, stir it infrequently. The pasta and the roux will bind together and make it into a thick, chunky pasta dish. Amazing leftovers for tomorrow!!! I'll end with my picture of the next day's pasta dish. Enjoy!

#healthy food #vegan #vegetarian #mexican food #recipe

Week 2, Jan 6, 2016

Wow, has it been a week already? ONLY a week?? It has been cold in Maine finally. Not cold enough to keep horses off the beach though apparently. Let’s recap this week’s progress:

Of the recipes I was shooting for, we didn’t end up making the Rigatoni With Roasted Cauliflower and Brussels Sprouts or the Kale and Butternut Squash with Mustard Sauce so we’ve got a couple ideas for this week already! I wasn’t able to keep up a post a day but on the other hand I did quite a few! I shirked my goal to post calories for every meal to easily track my intake this week but y’know it was muthafucking New Year’s so that is okay!

The point I’m trying to make is that I try to never focus on all the end goals so much that I can’t enjoy the journey. Losing weight, being in shape, and being happy is a lot of treating yourself well and enjoying each moment. However, I am very excited to say that today my weigh in is 175.5 pounds which is just over seven pounds this week!!! Party time~

Inevitably, I will have a week where I might gain weight overall but as long as each day is healthy and happy, that is the real goal. That being said, the calorie management strategy seems to be working quite well (I tried it for a week prior to starting the blog as well and lost 6 pounds that week). We’ll focus on finding some easy ways to track that consistently through the week but for now, let’s exercise!!!!

Exercise? I guess so

This week, because of how much is going on, I have been having a hard time staying on my exercise game. I’ve still been doing squats each day but my walks were non-existent on a couple days. Sleeping in and traveling around a lot are partially responsible but I’m learning to try to fit little spurts of light or moderate exercise in my day. I also have a new gym partner who I will promise to wake up early for and do some gym things! I’ve never really worked out at a gym nor do I find the prospect as nice as exercising outside but again, it is really just too damn cold up here!

Weekly Nom Thoughts

Food ideas for this week, while still working from our available produce list for the most part:

Rigatoni With Roasted Cauliflower and Brussels Sprouts

Kale and Butternut Squash with Mustard Sauce

Poor Mexican’s Chowder (an adaptation from home!)

Kale and Lentils with Tahini

Avacado Pasta

Leftovers~ <3

Something with ginger?

Also cake because wtf not~ Actually I already made it once as a test run but I’m gonna make it again. Chocolate truffle cake with tamarind and lemon glaze:

I have been tracking my weight daily as well and I’m going to try posting some progress graphs next week once I find an easy net tool that you can also use if you’d like! Here are my starting numbers for the week:

Weight: 175.5 Daily Calorie Limit: Weekly Calorie Goal: Exercise Goal: Suicide runs, daily squats, 45 mins walking per day average, go the gym for the first time with gym girlie~

#food #healthy food #fitness #exercise #local food #maine #weekly

Boston pt.1

Flashback to 2015! I can never remember making a loaf of bread. Baking is an art abandoned after our Rottweiler ate my entire double chocolate cake when I was seven or so (more on that story later). So, in celebration of casting aside fear, I traversed to Boston and made pizza and bread with the ever-handsome Alex Morrow, professional marketing mad-man and photographer. He is the person responsible for 80% of my clan's profile pictures and for damn good reason. One look at this smile tells me he is a great person:

What a pleasure to know you, Alex.

Real Talk

Being that this blog is very animal conscious, I would like to preface this recipe. Central Virginia is some pretty serious farm country, despite the hilly terrain. I had the mixed pleasure of working there for a year on a ecologically friendly farm owned by ex-fiance's parents (mouthful of emotions, anyone?). Part of the deal there was it was primarily a meat and egg farm. The animals were very well taken care of by both her family and myself. When the milking cow had a calf, he was removed and then bottle fed to ensure the cow would still produce for humans. I would go out in the field and out of nowhere he would come trotting along to come lick my hands. I would lay in the field, bathed in the smells of open grass and happy cows and he would sometimes lay next to me and lick my hair. It was a very romantic thing, being a farmer.

It also involved a lot of killing. Sometimes, I was okay with this because I truly felt a need in the customers I would sell chicken, pig, and cow parts to. It felt good because they were good humans. I sensed on some small level that they knew eating any animal at all should be treated with the highest level of reverence possible. I never apologized for those animals, only profusely thanked them for their gift. On the other hand, I still carry the blood of animals whose lives I cut short and sold their bodies to benefit politically charged and ego-filled humans who were sticking it to the man by not buying Tyson brand, at least that day. I still harbor guilt for the pigs I drew to slaughter and sold their hearts to satiate the appetite of gluttons. In a world of humans united by a mutual need for consumption, I would love for us to be more aware of our condition and be more conscious of what damage we do in order to live. I carry with me the life force of everything I have ever consumed and it is a sacred charge to live a life conscious of theirs and create something greater than any one of us.

...

Lofty goals, yeah? With that being said, we did buy some cured meats to put on a pizza. Is it wrong? For me and the animals who are now part of my life, no; I am thankful to have their energy and make tribute to that death with a life of reverence and creation. Moreover, the food is beautiful and tragic but wildly wholesome and Alex gave it all a significant gift by being the photographer for the evening:

The great thing about pizza though is that you can cover it with your hearts desire and then consume it lovingly! The remaining leeks and red onions gave a beautiful sharpness a thin crust pizza, infused with mead!

Le Sauce

1/4 cup Viking Blod mead 1/3 cup Port wine 4 fresh Celebrity-sized tomatoes or about 5-6 roma tomatoes or 3 beefsteak tomatoes (pls don't use those though ha1) 6 oz tomato paste 3 cloves garlic, minced 3 cups water 1 tsp canola oil 1 onion, chopped 2 tsp garlic powder 1 tsp dry parsley Salt to taste

Start the sauce first, even the day before. The longer it has to set the more the flavors will develop and meld, up to about 36 hours in my experience. In a large sauce pot or boiling pot, bring the oil to a low medium heat. Add the onions and garlic. Saute until the onions are starting to turn translucent. Quarter and add the tomatoes. Turn the tomatoes frequently and add water in small doses to keep any burning or roasted tomato skin from sticking to the pan. Ideally, get the tomatoes nice and soft with a delicate char covering each section. Mash lightly in the pan before adding the remaining ingredients, dry stuff first and the water last. On a low heat, cook cook cook all the goodness until the tomatoes have mostly fallen apart into the sauce (1-2 hours). Make sure to stir infrequently to prevent anything from burning. Tomato sauce can burn very quickly if not stirred enough. Once cooked down into a luscious, smooth sauce, cover and remove from heat. Let the sauce settle while you make your dough and everything else OR pop it in the fridge after it cools and use it the next day!

Die Pizzakruste x2

1 1/8 cups lukewarm water 1 tsp active dry yeast 1/2 cup milk 1/8 cup Viking Blod mead 1 tbsp canola oil 2 3/4 cups whole wheat flour 1 tsp salt

This crust is all whole wheat which is perfect for pizza crust. It will be dense enough to roll out reeeeeally thin but still be substantial and hold all of the things. Add the water to a large mixing bowl and sprinkle the yeast on top. Let stand until the yeast dissolves (~4 minutes). Stir in the mead and oil and let stand for another 6 minutes. Add the salt then stir in the flour slowly until you have a shaggy dough. Let stand for 25 mins. Knead the dough for about 10 minutes, adding flour as necessary to create keep it smooth, slightly tacky, and easy to work with. Split the dough into two balls and let rest in a warm place live over a heater or on top of several cats for 1 hour. Once risen, spread thin onto two oiled pizza sheets and place directly in the oven at 375 degrees. Cook until ready. The point right before browning when the dough is still supple but has a slight crust to it is the lightest you should go here. Some very light browning in spots will give you a crispier crust. Remove from the oven and get ready to add your sauce and whatever you'd like!

I used the remaining leeks and red onions from earlier in the week as well as salami, bacon, and mozzarella. Scrambled egg (slightly runny) is also AMAZING on pizza or thick slices of potato. Please do yourself the favor of sprinkling frresh cracked green or multi-colored pepper before placing in the oven. Go nuts! Bake until it looks beautiful, like so:

Many thanks to Alex for the amazing photos!

#healthy food #pizza #pizza is life #recipe

Reincarnations and Winter Soup

I was in Boston for New Year's Eve and neglected my posting here a bit. REST ASSURED, the wait will be worth reliving the pizza, sandwiches, and partying vicariously here over the next two days. Teaser:

Today, however, was day two of the previously scheduled leftover day. Somehow, I'm still ready for even another day of leftover reconstitution. The process of transforming burrito ingredients into a squash and jalapeno soup, then later into a vegetable and bean paste... it gets me thinking about how to accept my body for what it is now rather than wasting time pining for some unknown future. Unfortunately, in my limited and anecdotal research, transitioning and gender dysphoria discussions haven’t emphasized a need for self-love as much as they have recommend physical transition.

Full Frontal Disclosure

If you've read my previous entry, you'll know I pretty well identify myself as a mech pilot, commanding a body larger than myself. The core issue is that the model of my mech, my body, feels like the wrong one. When I was younger and my psyche was much less inhibited by psychological abuses, I had a genetic roadmap in place: the expectation of what my future self was supposed to be and look like. When I start to relax and simply exist, I inherently envision my body and life as my younger self thought I would be by now. Often, I’m startled back into a quiet disappointment when I catch my reflection in a mirror. Somehow, I’m pissed at myself for screwing it up. I feel like there is some way to still fix the damage... Queue like every 90's era "kid-grows-up-to-be-boring-adult-but-then-is-visited-by-younger-self-to-plead-for-redemption" trope. In the spirit of full disclosure and despite how strangely embarrassing it is, I would like to share with you some sort of glimpse of myself:

Why her? Ignoring structural similarities, she is me... somehow. I identify with her strength. I identify with her gaze. To me, she represents a step into the future. How uncomfortable and incredibly personal is it for me to post this? Publicly? I don't think I could find a convincing enough analogy. How important is it for me to share this? I'm not sure, but I do believe that both finding myself and possibly fostering more enlightened love and understanding between others is worth the cost of my vulnerability.

Currently, my body is a stark representation of how disjointed and depressed I have been: it hurts to see. I am fat, out of shape, rigid, and in pain. My nail-beds are roughed up, my hair is meaningless and short, and my skin is worked and worn. Hence, the whole purpose of this blog: to survive and enjoy shifting back into good health and to find a deep respect for my one body, wrong model or not.

Yesterday, my wonderful friends and I had a LAN party and gamed till our eyeballs gave up. I also made my squash, black-eyed pea, and jalapeno soup using my leftovers from the week, two squashes, and nine jalapenos. Recreation of the old into something uniquely delicious is an apt analogy for the road ahead of me. The calm reassurance of creating a well received experience can't be understated. Thank you, friends, for sharing my food with me.

Squash, Jalapeno, and Black-eyed Pea Soup

2 quarts vegetable stock (care for gluten content) 1/2 tsp Coriander Seed, roasted and ground 1 red pepper 2 tsp paprika 2 tsp cumin 1/2 tsp garlic powder 1 tsp onion powder 1 tbsp turmeric 2 tsp cayenne pepper 1 tsp oregano 1 1/2 tsp liquid smoke 1 Leek 1 avocado, peeled with pit removed 2 Butternut Squashes, peeled and cubed 9 Jalapenos, deseeded and destemmed 30 oz black eyed peas, blanched Salt to taste

In a *very large* boiling pot (I used a lobster pot) add all the ingredients except the black eyed peas and bring to a slow boil. Boil liberally until the squash is quite soft and will blend easily. Blend the soup while hot to get a very smooth and even consistency. A glass, metal, or immersion blender are the tools of choice as a standard plastic bodied blender can crack. Blend blend blend until smooth and lovely. Return to a low heat and add the black eyed peas. Cook for about 20 minutes or so until the peas hit a pleasant consistency, adding salt to taste. Enjoyment!

#vegan #vegetarian #recipe #food #healthy food

This Mech is Too Manly

One question I seem to get frequently is what does it feel like to be trans? To be honest, it feels amazing! I feel like I am allowed to be myself now and, despite the birthing pains of coming out, I have never been so invested in my life.

However, I think the more accurate question often being asked is "what does gender dysphoria feel like"? In a word: weird. Have you ever seen the movie Men In Black? Do you remember the Arquilians? Well for those who need a refresher, the Arquilians, namely "Gentle Rosenberg", are those tiny aliens that pilot human bio-suits, pictured here:

(the levers look like robot wieners)

For me, gender dysphoria sort of exactly feels like that. When I was young and in grade school, my authority figures would often be pushing me away from doing girly things and not-to-gently encouraged me to hang out with boys and do boy things. Because I used to be a good girl, I did what I was told in order to make everyone happy. At some point, my feminine psychology gave way to the masculine one being constructed with and for me and went largely dormant. Now, about 20 years later (damn, I'm getting old), my mind is reconnected and I'm sort of picking up from where I left off but my body went ahead and grew up and got all manly despite me.

So now, I have a giant man body robot that I'm working with here as I do some intensely high-gear growing up. It is my hope that now that I am in charge, getting my body to a place more in line with how I perceive myself (wildly different than what is in the mirror, by the way) will start to dispel this dysphoria. Only time will tell but for now at least, I am a damn mech pilot, which is pretty cool. Featured is a pic of me IRL:

#trans #transgender #gender dysphoria #musings

Dem Burritos Tho

I am family with a dog named Rio and he is a nervous wreck a lot of the time. When we first brought him home he was scared to death of walking on tile floors so we made a pathway of floor rugs and door mats that he utilized to hop from the front door, through the kitchen, and into the living room without touching the tiles. Hence, he earned the name Mario. Which then became Rio because it is much nicer to say (I think 13th C Italians would commend us for that). It helps me to be his companion right now while my whole world continues to shift. Knowing that I can be a source of strength for him is both a great honor and commitment. Also, he is super gay so he is a nice connection to have who I know doesn't judge me. SFW Proof:

So, logically, today is burrito day. This recipe was sort of a "throw-everything-in-the-fridge-into-a-burrito" type of recipe from a couple weeks back but goodness me did it come out good! So good that it is worth replicating. Leeks are the onion I always want to eat if I'd rather eat some leafy veggies instead of an onion. The flavor of green is epitomized by the leek but also by kale. Magically, we are going to use both since the grocery store had no broccoli that was worthwhile. Mushrooms will continue to be our meat substitute in the dead of winter since it is one of the few vegetables with umami flavors. The cilantro, curry, and leeks really makes this a fusion of North Indian, Thai, and Mexican staples. We are going to try some roasted coriander seed to boot (coriander seed and the kind of cilantro you can get at the store are the same plant) for a hint of citrus. Finish it off with a savory yet challenging Sriracha and mayonnaise combo! Each well stuffed burrito should be about 440 calories.

1/2 cup white rice 2/3 cup water + 1/2 tsp vegetable bouillon (OR) 2/3 cup prepared vegetable stock

1/2 tsp canola oil

1/2 tbsp turmeric 1/2 tsp paprika 1/2 tsp cumin

1 tsp coriander seed (roasted and ground) 8oz button mushrooms 2 cups shredded Kale 2 cloves garlic 1 large leek 1/2 cup cilantro 1/2 tsp salt

1 tbsp Mayonaise or vegan substitute (there is a soy-free Vegenaise or use the original, yummers!) 1 tbsp Sriracha

3 *BigAss* burrito tortillas (make sure to check the package for soy or non-vegan contents)

Bring the stock to a boil in a small pot with a lid. Cover while heating to maintain the moisture. Once boiling, add white rice and stir vigorously. Cover again and bring back to a boil. Give it one last good stir to keep rice from sticking to the bottom, replace cover and reduce to the lowest heat your stove will give you. Turn heat off after 10 minutes and let set, covered, until later.

Heat a large fry pan to a medium high heat. Add the coriander seeds are agitate consistently. After a minute or two, the coriander will release a really fragrant burst of a citrus-y smell. Remove from heat immediately and set aside. The goal is to roast the seeds without burning them.

Bring the fry pan down to a low heat. Slice the mushrooms and leek into ~1 cm thick pieces. Mince the cilantro and garlic. Add canola oil and mushrooms to the pan. Saute mushrooms until wet and plump, slightly al dente. While the mushrooms cook, grind the roasted coriander seed in a coffee grinder or fine blender. Add garlic, leek, cilantro, salt, and kale. Raise to a medium heat and cook until the kale is soft and wilted. It should be very tender. If you find the pan getting dry, add a dash of water rather than adding oil, the kale will love it. Once cooked, set aside mixture.

Check your rice for doneness. With the amount of stock used, the rice should be very slightly al dente but otherwise fully cooked. Add the rice, turmeric, paprika, ground coriander, and cumin to your hot fry pan. Add water and slightly reduce heat as needed if the rice starts to stick. Cook through until tender but firm. While cooking the rice, you can place a tortilla on top to warm it and make it easy to wrap. It only takes about 20 seconds per a side to make the tortilla supple.

All done! Now just assemble your burrito and *enjoy*. I recommend 1 tsp and mayo and 1 tsp or sriracha per a burrito. You could also try a different condiment like guacamole or sour cream + pico de gallo. I just <3 sriracha a lot so you’ll see I went a bit overboard. Cowabunga~!

#vegan #vegetarian #recipe

Black-Eyed Peas with Smoke Mushrooms, Collard Greens, and Maple/Sriracha

Black-eyed peas are fucking brilliant. My favorite memory is a faint pocket of my youth. The place was a country home cooking affair but the peas were served with a somewhat atypical flavor, served up more and a Southwestern corn chowder with a distinct mixture of spices I'd expect from fried catfish. Here is a catfish, not being fried but instead just mucking about handsomely:

The nice thing about black-eyed peas is how they sit just between being a bean-like flavor but have the sweet/sourness of a fresh shelled pea. The flavor prevails pretty heavily through bitter and smokey flavor and the texture is always crisp and very hard to destroy. Collard greens is another southern favorite, of course, and seems a logical inclusion since they are pretty easy to get this time of year, even up here. A good heaping dose of salty, maple syrup is what keep me licking my lips and coming back for more. /swoon If you love love love smokey flavors, don’t be shy with the liquid smoke but the stuff is pretty potent and a small amount makes a surprising difference.

Saute sauce

1/8+ cup water 1/2 tsp liquid smoke (Mesquite, if you can find it!) 1 tsp paprika 1/2 tsp ground mustard 1 tsp apple cider vinegar 1/2 tsp onion powder 1/4 tsp ginger 1/4 tsp cinnamon 1/2 tsp molasses 1 tsp thyme

Main Noms

1/2 tbsp Grape seed or Canola oil 8 oz Button Mushrooms 1/2 large Red onion 2 cloves garlic 1 tbsp maple syrup 2/3 cup black eyed peas 24 oz raw Collard greens

Salt and pepper at the table

This recipe should make two *heaping* servings at about 270 calories each.

Prep work

Slice the mushrooms into meaty pieces. Julienne the red onion. Mince the garlic. Collard green can be torn into nice fork sized pieces. The black eyed peas should be drained if from a can (you can the juice in place of the water for your sauté sauce for extra flavor). Dried black eyed peas should be prepared in advance, per the instructions on the container (an overnight soak and parboil with seaweed).

Le Recipe

Combine all the ingredients for the sauce together in a small cup or measuring cup, something that will be easy to pour from. Add 1+ tsp grape seed oil to a large frying pan and bring to a low-medium heat. Add mushrooms. First, the mushrooms will start to get a wet look to them as the heat release and breaks down the more liquid components. Add your sauté sauce a bit at a time while you slowly cook the mushrooms. The goal is to have the pan keep moisture on it so to keep as much of the mushroom juices present, while the mushrooms begin to absorb the sauce. Once the sauce is all added, condensed, and the mushrooms are plump and tender, set them aside in a bowl to cool. The mushrooms should soak up more liquid as they cool.

In the same pan, add the remaining bits of grape seed oil and your julienne onion. Stir the onions as needed to prevent char and give an even heat. Just as the onion start to turn translucent, add the minced garlic and black eyed peas and cook for another minute or two, until the fragrance of the garlic start to permeate. Then, add the maple syrup, collard greens, and mushrooms + delicious sauciness. At this point, the collard greens are the last thing you are looking to finish cooking. Flip the combination as needed to wilt all of the greens evenly in the heat and juices. When the greens are all tender, remove from heat and plate.

Serve with warm, soft bread or naan (~200-350 calories). Sriracha is the condiment of choice. Salt and Pepper generously to taste. Yum!

Addendum

Corrected recipe to remove Worcester Sauce and added components for making that flavor from scratch. Also, hang onto the other half of that red onion because it will be delicious on a pizza!

#vegan #food #healthy food #recipe #vegetarian

Week 1, Dec 29 2015

For the first time all winter, we are getting snow in Maine. Despite being in downtown Lewiston, it is serene and a great reminder of the fact that I live in the damn arctic! Alongside putting in some fresh sets of foot and paw prints in the snow, it seemed a fitting day to start the first of my weekly eating plans. These posts won't typically be so thorough, but seeing as this is our first time together - we should really get to know each other first. Let's talk first about what produce is available.

Buying fruits and vegetables that are in season means 1) you are awesome 2) you can support your local growers and 3) in season stuff tastes way better. In Maine, the only stuff still considered to be in season would be cultivated mushrooms and cranberries.

…

Clearly, eating only mushrooms and cranberries is not exactly amazing so thank humanity for cold storage and dry foods; I'll be thriving on mostly those for the next couple months. There are some other veggies and fruits in a very late season which are probably being carted up from more southern climates. Let's visit our options:

Apples Arugula Beets Brussels Sprouts Carrots Cauliflower Collard Greens Garlic Kale Leeks Lettuce Mushrooms Onions Parsnips Potatoes Pumpkins Rutabagas Squash (winter varieties) Tomatoes (thank you, Backyard Farms!)

Locally, this will be the majority of our veggie palette until April. We are going to cheat and find some imported flavors early next year but for now, look how tasty this list of things looks! Or if it doesn't, you will soon know the divine pleasure of winter squashes. Picture for salivation:

seductively simple salty sweetness~

Of course, we also have plenty of local honey, wheat, dried beans, and maple+birch syrup. With that in mind, and since everyone currently has a crush on kale, here are my ideas for the week to celebrate our unusually mild winter:

Black-Eyed Peas with "Bacon", Collard Greens, and Maple sauce.

Kale and Butternut Squash with Mustard Sauce

Leek, Potato, Broccoli, Mushroom, and Curried Rice Burritos

Rigatoni With Roasted Cauliflower and Brussels Sprouts

Sandwiches. Like the most amazing sandwiches ever

6th Day Leftover Fest!

Pizza. No lies

Excited? Me too! How can all this delicious food fall in line with losing weight and getting in shape?! While exercise and is an important component of an intelligent diet, portion control and occasional fasting are the true heroes of progress.

For me, my goal weight is ~116 pounds. Being 6 feet tall, some people will seriously scoff at this, I know, but there is a really good reason for being that low on the end of a healthy weight. Let's forget about it for now though and review Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR). Online there are a number of calculators for finding your BMR which is the amount of calories your body needs to survive and maintain your current weight if you did literally nothing but lie in bed… and watch Netflix… of which I guarantee you I have been guilty of.

Futurama though:

Anyways, today I weighed in at 183 pounds. At age 29 and 6 feet tall, my BMR is 1653 calories. Because I also do exercise, I multiply that number by an Activity Factor (AF) of 1.375 to find my true caloric needs to maintain my weight, while doing light daily exercise (2273 calories for those who are mathing along). 2273 calories a day means I will make ZERO progress in weight loss so obviously we need to lower that number to find a goal calorie intake. There are two ways to approach this:

The more drastic approach would be to dial in the weight you want and find that BMR. 116 pounds for me means a BMR of 1362 and a calorie limit of 1873 given consistent, light exercise. On the other hand, you could simply take your calorie limit now and multiply it by a suggested 85% percent. That would yield me about 1932 calorie per a day limit.

Either way seems fine in my mind though your body will be MUCH happier with you if you do a percentage limit rather than an arbitrary one because these numbers are based more on where you are now rather than on dreams of what you wish. So my goal will be to shoot for ~1900 calories a day and maintain a consistent exercise routine. Shooting slightly under your goal or even just having a particularly light food day once or twice a week will get you to hit a good weekly calorie number. Again, you can check out your BMR numbers here (I apologize that this one is genderized - pick the gender you want!) and use the following mathing to get your calorie limit:

BMR x AF x 0.85 = Calorie Limit

Activity Factors are suggested to be as follows:

1.2 = Not very active 1.375 = light activity and exercise 1-3 days a week 1.55 = moderate activty and exercise 3-5 days a week 1.75 = Hard Exercise and Sports daily 1.9 = Your life is a damn gym. Go you!

PHEW! Thanks for going with me all the way here. We will continue to take it slow and enjoy the ride and the food! Black-Eyed Pea recipe will be posted later today as the start of our venture. Here are my starting numbers for this week:

Weight: 182.8 Daily Calorie Limit: 1900 Weekly Calorie Goal: 13,525 Exercise goal: daily squats, 45 minute per day average walk

#food #healthy food #fitness #exercise #local food #maine #weekly

Okay internets, let's talk.

My name is Ashley and I am a three-time suicide attempt survivor. I am also transgender, queer, polyamorous, and perhaps a number of other labels. If ever you wanted to snap a picture of a rare animal, now is your chance! After my last suicide attempt, I admitted myself into an in patient psych ward. It took a good amount of time and pain but in his safe space I was able to recall and be honest with who I really am: a woman somewhat trapped in a male body. My mind and spirit have been instantly transformed and unbound since having this realization and a 15-year daily trend of trying to fight and quell thoughts of suicide have disappeared entirely. I am finally physiologically aligned and it is amazing! This is me now:

I've decided to start a blog about my transition largely in an effort to connect more deeply with the struggles I am facing and gain some insight, but also to share in the good parts about my life (read: food + love + exercise). By no means do I regard myself as an answer book for transgender things, I am at the very beginning of my journey, but I hope you will have fun experiencing this huge life event with me.

Now the important stuff: tech specs!

Primarily, this blog is a lifestyle and food blog. I will be posting weekly routines and results as I start to get in shape and plan out and execute healthy weekly meal options! The one thing I know more about myself than anything is I LOVE FOOD and hope to make my recipes here as accessible and enjoyable as possible. Who knows, following along with me to the end and we could be making baklava and pierogis for scratch! I am trying to be very conscious of food allergies and have a lean towards gluten-free, soy-free, and vegan. Here are some pierogi (also, my first attempt at vegan+soy-free pierogi):

Posts will be done in a weekly structure as follows:

Weekly commitments and musings Grocery list and meal planning Exercise schedule and goals (including a progress report from me)

The rest of the week will feature the recipes themselves each day, with a dash of free thinking built in. If you have questions or ideas, please feel welcome to share them! I am very excited to start tracking this journey with a blog and am looking forward to learning and growing with all of you!

#trans #food #healthy food #lifestyle #transgender #cooking #exercise #glutenfree #soyfree #veganism

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