The thing that gets me about the whole "theyfab" concept is that it's attaching this association of being a transmisogynist with a pre-existing transphobic stereotype, and the ascribing that transphobic stereotype to those who do you harm. Which, essentially, is still participating in transphobia.
This specter of this annoying, attention seeking, self victimizing, self centered transmasc nonbinary person, born from the heart of cringe-culture misogynistic/transphobic hate mobs targeting online queer subcultures- whose primary demographic was also teenagers and young adults.
Like, not exclusively, but the stereotypical image of the 'Arson's and the 'Sock's was primarily formulated by looking at online subcultures primarily made up of queer teenagers and young adults. Many neurodivergent, many mentally ill, many in an awkward stage of life. An easy target to lolcow, misconstrue, and catch in awkward or embarrassing situations to repost for the world to laugh at.
It is textbook bullying, I mean literally "bring back bullying" was a common phrase in the pushback against the commonly referenced subcultures, and everyone who fell under its demographics (or just seemed vaguely associated, ie young, queer or alternative). They absolutely would face online harassment and persistent mockery. I mean, who among them could even get away with posting themselves harmlessly online without getting "wrist check" comments or risking being reposted into ableist hate subreddits assuming they're faking autism for clout? I saw it firsthand.
It is a stereotype rife with transphobia, general queerphobia, ableism, and misogyny. It's a branch of the "anything teenage girls* do or like is cringe and we should all laugh at them." Intensified since the targets reject the label of teenage girl projected onto them. It's more of the same "transtrender" phenomenon, the same misogyny fueled concept that these ridiculous, laughable tmasc nonbinary teens are only being weird (queer/trans, mentally ill, disabled, neurodivergent, presenting strange or alternative) because they're just attention seeking girls who want to be special. When regurgitated by other trans people, the trenders are hated for speaking over "real" trans people and giving queer people a bad name.
Like certainly there's things to criticize about some of the communities these stereotypes are based on; for example, the sometimes extreme moral policing in the social justice discourse, and the frequent misinformation feeding said discourse. Though they tried to be progressive, there was certainly still bigotry, like racism and transmisogyny, even when not outright, then in microaggressions. There was ignorance, and excuses made for such.
But to be honest, I don't think they were any more susceptible to such than any other online queer community. There is legitimate criticism, but there also isn't something exceptional about that criticism.
That all being said. It would be insincere to ignore the absolutely hyperbolic amount of harassment, mockery, and bullying they've received. All of which deeply rooted in anti-LGBTQ, anti-feminist, bigoted rightwing harassment campaigns. These stereotypes are overtly founded on this history, from before the pandemic back to the "genderfluid cringe compilations" of the 2010s.
No matter how queer people may adopt these caricatures to point and laugh at the queers they don't like, it does not erase the fact these stereotypes are founded in bigotry. That cannot be removed from their concept.
There is a lot of unjust malice and disgust attached to a group of innocuous traits associated with a group of queer people who were not inherently doing anything wrong. That the negativity associated with them, whether or not it is sourced from criticism of certain communities behaviors, have been wholly ascribed to the traits themselves with a totalizing group responsibility.
Gross caricatures have been pinned to transmasc nonbinary people for years- many are left with the terrible choice to repress themselves to avoid harassment and humiliation, or be who they are and be unavoidably associated with inflated, clownish strawmen.
It demonizes the traits and identities targeted here, which are entirely innocent on their own. Overshadowed by an exaggerated and ugly reconstruction of who and what they are.
Because who and what they are is why they are targeted in the first place, who and what they are is the root of the stereotype itself.
I don't care if you think this brand of hyperbolically annoying queer exists, I don't even care if it does sometimes, I don't find your attempt to join in on the bullying noble, as to discern yourself as a good queer from the bad ones.
You cannot take the transphobia, exorsexism, anti-transmascsulinity, and the misogyny out of this stereotype. It was born in bad faith. It demonizes anyone who bares resemblance, because those traits- being nonbinary afab and neurodivergent and having lame cringe "girly" interests, etc- those are the parts that are being mocked here at the root of this. That's the part that justifies the ugliness that gets attached from there.
When I see the conversations and jokes about the insidious "theyfab" it absolutely reeks of this all, not even subtly. It is about the blue hair and pronouns afab nonbinary who's too soft and too annoying and isn't a real trans person.
Absolutely there are transmasculine nonbinary people who are transmisogynistic- but I find that accusation of bigotry to be a flimsy justification to weaponizing transphobic stereotypes and language. The use of a disparaging, misgendering term targeting a specific kind of identity, done in the same fashion as the rest of the transphobia used against them, reusing the same language, is alarming no matter what. Regardless of the harm a transmasculine nonbinary person could have caused, both individually, or as "theyfabs" are often regarded, generally/hypothetically.
It's very easy to project more malice onto a group that already gets ascribed a hyperbolic amount of malice, done to retroactively justify the hatred of the identities and traits they embody. The underlying bigotry that props up the whole charade. I don't buy the excuse, and even if you sincerely don't think you hate tmasc nonbinary people as a whole, I don't think this is an innocent or harmless vent or joke which requires uncritical acceptance because of the bigotry you yourself have faced. In that way, it is deeply hypocritical.
This is why "theyfab" is a slur, because it's not some deconstruction of the bigotry of other trans people created in a vacuum, its participation in well established bigotry itself. Self justifying by saying that the targeted group did harm, but using all the bells and whistles of well established transphobia to describe that group. Banking off of the fact that many will shrug off a derogatory term for transmasculine nonbinary people because they're already so normalized to the disgust and disrespect to this group already.
You cannot rebrand bigotry under a progressive veneer. It is inexcusable.
