Trans Widows

Does your partner have an unhealthy interest in transvestism or transsexualism? Has everyone turned against you to support him, even when he starts behaving more and more pathologically? If so, you're not alone. This blog is an ersatz resource page/support group for women who are "trans widows," i.e. women whose husbands/boyfriends/partners have left them for the "other woman" apparently trapped in their own bodies.

[transwidows]

On the third night of the cruise Felicity comes to dinner "en drab" as they say, looking like what he is— a heavyset Baptist minister who worked construction in his youth. With a flourish the headwaiter delivers roses to his wife, to applause from our four tables. Felicity puts his big hand on hers and squeezes it. He makes a toast to their thirty years of marriage and to her goodness and support. He begins to choke up; her remote look never changes. I can see that she is not pleased that he decided to dress like a man for her tonight. She is not pleased that he is so grateful to her for trying to believe that he cross-dresses only because he cannot express his warm and nurturing self while wearing trousers. Nor is she pleased, God knows, to sit with a bunch of men in makeup and dresses, some modest, some outrageous, some passable, most not, and call it an anniversary party.

Amy Bloom, "Conservative Men in Conservative Dresses"

[bigincapernaum-deactivated20161]

[transwidows]

It's one of those days...

[marykultolsen]

Visit Original Link

[transwidows]

More Mo-Dettes for your listening pleasure.

[juniperrusso-deactivated2015080]

A friend put me in touch with a small group of abuse survivors recently and I’ve been struggling a lot not just with all my own traumas, but also with the feeling that I’m part of a large number of survivors who are being swept under the rug by mainstream feminists.

You see, I’m finding a lot of people who had been sexually, physically, and psychologically abused by their partners who are trans women. Every single one of them had the same experience as me, which involved being accused of being a TERF or a bigot if they ever even thought about calling for help. I’m not the only person who once called the police on someone who had assaulted me, and then was told that I was a bad person because you can’t be a trans person or trans ally if you would ever call the police when a trans woman assaults you.

It doesn’t matter how much they (or I) stood up for the rights of trans women, including trans prisoners. We were called bigots because we asked for help when we had been abused.

These people, like me, were gaslit and threatened if they, even for a moment, questioned that people who use penises to rape other people– and who express and carry out misogynistic views about their DFAB partners– might not actually be trans. When we were raped or beaten by people larger and stronger than us, we were the bad guys because our position as abuse victims supposedly pales in comparison to the inherent victimhood involved in being a trans woman.

And then I see these stats that make me feel sick: http://www.jaapl.org/content/16/2/153.full.pdf

That transsexualism is the “primary paraphilia” of 51.7% of sex offenders. Being trans is twice as common as pedophilia, among sex offenders.

I try to make it so those stats can’t possibly reflect reality or anything like it. But it’s upsetting to me.

I don’t know how many people there are who are in this position, but we’re here and we’re being silenced by trans-inclusive feminists. We’re told that trans women’s rights need to be front and center in feminist discussions, even when trans women are involved in abuse and violence toward other women. We’re told that our voices don’t count because trans women’s voices are supposed to be louder and more important.

I don’t want to be a TERF. I don’t consider myself a TERF. I myself am agender, under the trans umbrella, although I’m told that presenting as masculine-of-center means that I have inherent privilege over trans women, so it supposedly means that I can still be a transmisogynist. I know and love many, many trans women and I don’t want to exclude them from feminism or women’s space and I to this day believe that trans women’s rights need to be a priority in feminism.

But I feel really sick and sad knowing that a lot of people are raped and abused by trans women but shamed and silenced into not getting help. Mainstream feminism needs to address this and it’s not fair that the only people speaking up about this are TERFs, and if I dare utter any of these words in trans-inclusive spaces, I’m just going to be shamed and silenced again.

[transwidows]

I’ve racked my mind to see if there was ever any clues about him being transgender, but there was nothing. Frank covered it up so well I never knew anything... It was only about six years ago when things began to change. He first started getting very angry. Nothing seemed to please him and he was unsettled all the time. He had always been sociable but he became reclusive. We would be out at an event or with friends and he would just go home without me. I couldn’t work out what I was doing wrong. And I kept asking him why this was happening. Sometimes he would blame me saying, ‘It’s you – you’re not a good wife’. By then I knew things were serious. I never thought it was another woman. In 2008 he checked into a clinic for six weeks without telling us where he was. When he eventually returned he turned up with some people who claimed to be hypnotists and therapists. He wasn’t himself and I was worried. He asked me to listen to them. I kicked them out of the house and told him that he if went back to them the marriage was over. It was not the Frank I knew.

Tracey Maloney, ex-wife of boxing promoter Frank Maloney, on his pre-transition troubles.

Unfortunately, Frank will probably have the same sorts of troubles after his "sex change," and the real underlying cause will go untreated.

[gwyon-blog]

At the heart of the problem is confusion over the nature of the transgendered. “Sex change” is biologically impossible. People who undergo sex-reassignment surgery do not change from men to women or vice versa. Rather, they become feminized men or masculinized women. Claiming that this is civil-rights matter and encouraging surgical intervention is in reality to collaborate with and promote a mental disorder.

Paul McHugh (via gwyon)

[huemansaga]

The dude who does the comics about the toddler who makes normal kids check their afab privilege.

[transwidows]

Lol pretty much

[atmeal012]

[transwidows]

Off-topic but this looks so delicious

[transwidows]

Daily reminder that you're not obligated to associate with a narcissist or sociopath just because they belong to a protected class

[transwidows]

The Smiths - Accept Yourself

"Anything is hard to find

when you will not open your eyes..."

[transwidows]

Talisa Andrewz on the Bruce Jenner situation.

Kris Jenner isn't my favorite person ever, but I think it's ridiculous how the media lambasted her for not instantly supporting her husband of 20+ years in becoming a woman. Of all the things you can criticize her for, you go after her for that?

Hat tip: Christine Benvenuto.

[transwidows]

No Means No

Daily reminder that "No means no" no matter what your reason for saying no is. Don't ever let someone bully you into doing something you don't want to because "Oh, you don't want to be prejudiced/narrow-minded/bigoted, do you?"

Always listen to your gut, no matter what else is going on. It's way smarter than your sociology textbook. If something feels strange or uncomfortable, you have every right to leave; don't let anyone override that because it might make "the wrong impression."

Your mental health and safety are far more important than some random person thinking you're not progressive enough.

[transwidows]

Sigi speaks of Polly and Paul as two separate people, one who is present and one who is lost. She has photos of her husband, bearded and suited, in her room, but nowhere else, as Polly isn't comfortable with them. 'Am I as happy? No, of course not,' she says, voice faltering. 'I feel as though I've lost my husband, so there's an element of anger and grief. The one thing that brings a tear to my eye is seeing an older couple in town, holding hands. I couldn't do that. It's not the done thing.'

Anna Moore, "My husband, the transsexual"

[transwidows]

The other day I looked at my son's hands, which are nothing like mine. He has her hands: long delicate fingers that gesture like the man I married. When he was a toddler, my boy sat up in bed and scratched his chest just like his father. I laughed at the idea that my husband, when he was old, would share this gesture with his middle-aged son, and maybe with his son. Only now there will be no old husband, and here I am again with a lump in my throat.

Lisa Jaffe Hubbell

[transwidows]

Why We Stopped Doing Sex Change Operations

Dr. Paul McHugh on why Johns Hopkins stopped doing sex reassignment surgeries for transsexual patients.

[transwidows]

He told her sister early in the marriage that she no longer wanted contact with her (unbeknown to Barbara) and they remained estranged for over 30 years. The spouse balked at any attempt by the sister to see Barbara and told her that she was mentally ill. The strain on Barbara was great indeed and she became dependent on anti-depressants and tranquillisers. Her husband threatened to kill her if she mentioned one word of his crossdressing to the Doctor. She had to say that she was depressed by other factors which did not implicate him. He presented as a caring and loving husband in the presence of the GP and other professionals but was cold and distant when they were alone. All through the marriage he remained patriarchal and made it clear that Barbara was to obey him. Much of his behaviour was fetishistic and he took to wearing women's underwear permanently. He made sure that the children were never aware of his behaviour. By 1994, some years after the children had left home, Barbara broke down. She remembers being trance-like and vacant, possibly from increasing her medication. Her GP recommended reducing the dosage and she became tearful and distressed. He advised her to see a psychiatrist as she had stated that she had lost the will to live. She had difficulty in remembering who she was. In time she could start to recount her past life and the cruelty to which she had been subjected. She was helped towards an awareness of her own right to leave the marriage. Her husband remained defiant and denied all knowledge of her allegations. Although she did not return to the marital home he sent messages that he would 'get her' and she remains in fear of him. She has signed over her right to half of the marital home and he persists in telling everyone that she is 'mental and always has been' and that everything she says is a pack of lies. She is back in touch with her sister who is very supportive but will not make contact with him and he is unaware that they are now in touch. Barbara is still too frightened to confront him and will live with feelings of injustice forever. She now has evidence that he is covertly taking hormones and is extremely clever at covering up the outward evidence of his duplicity. Barbara is concerned for her grandchildren who adore their grandfather but who may one day have to face the truth, as will her daughter. Her son has no contact with his father and very little with his mother. His dysfunctional childhood contains too many bad memories.

Diana Beaumont

[marykultolsen]

Visit Original Link

[transwidows]

I love this band.