死にたい

I'd like to be dead within the year

[boylad]

[catholic-line-art]

[traumageddon]

Nov. 22nd, 2021

My life has been extended. I am integrated and capable of moving just enough to do what needs to be done and I am on my way to being small. But I am not happy. I don’t want to live. I should feel happy to be alive but I don’t. I truly believe that what we experience as life is actually a hellscape where our energy gets trapped and reincarnates in various forms until freed. I simply can’t view life as others do. 

I’m still on my way to dying just at a much slower pace and hopefully I will find room to enjoy the time until then. 

[decatris]

[traumageddon]

Hooked up with a guy Halloween night who rocked my world. I legitimately thought he would end me at one point. By the end I had cried, thought I would die and felt completely out of control but I also felt an extremely deep sense of calm. I can barely explain it but I feel like I belong to him now. He’s coming over again tonight. I’m both terrified and excited. 

[estoyenestosola]

[20o1-deactivated20240129-deacti]

“ur so hot” even with my mental health issues?

[traumageddon]

Oct. 10th, 2021

Woke up today without a deep bottomless pit in my stomach. I feel blessed. I am determined to find some type of peace before I parish. I get my pills again this week and those will surely help. 

[hurtwave-deactivated20260131]

I WANT TO BE FORGOTTEN

[traumageddon]

soon

[inksplit]

[traumageddon]

I truly did think I’d go out happier just because it’s what I always wanted but I see I’ll likely suffer until the very end. Fitting. 

[plaguedprince]

[gor3luv]

[traumageddon]

Oct. 8th 2021

Deleted all the content from my personal social media pages because I’m tired of people blaming me for them growing an attachment to me via an online caricature. Enough is enough. I don’t want to be remembered by a shitty world anyway and humans are trash so out of sight out of mind. Simple as that. All I’ll keep are my mental illness related accounts where I am partially anonymous because I actually get to express my genuine thoughts and not a polished image meant to make others comfortable. 

I am so far failing to gain control of my emotional binge eating and do not think I will ever get to exist in a body I want so I officially have nothing left keeping me here aside from not having the funds to order my exit supplies just yet. I’m sure by the end of the month I will have enough though and I will not postpone my exit any longer. I want out ASAP. I have nothing left to prove and nothing left to say. 

[pwouted]

i wanna be small, want to be a doll

[y-urei]

[02void]