I fell down the DCA rabbit hole for 2 weeks straight bc of fanfics. I didn't even know they were that popular until I saw there was like 4k fics on AO3 LMAO
Anyway, best 2 weeks of procrastination in my life frfr
"You're finally mine. But you're gone. You have been for a while now. I was fired that night when you broke down. Screaming and clawing at your lovely face."
"No one could help you. I couldn't help you."
"You struggled for hours."
"And then... Then you were gone. You fell to the floor and didn't get back up."
"You're finally home in my arms."
"Yet I think you stayed at that wretched place."
"I love you."
--
I had a sad idea and thought yeah i will share this with my beloved friends on tumblr dot com :)
I feel like Jester is nonbinary in the way that he's apathetic towards his assigned gender but enjoys the privileges that being perceived as a man gives him. But otherwise? He truly does not give a fuck about being traditionally masculine.
However being labelled feminine or a woman or any feminine term gives him the ick because that's not right either. He is who he is and that's that. He's just Jester, thank you. He likes doing things his own way. Whether that's seen as being traditionally feminine or masculine has no bearing on him. But I do feel like he gets a kick out of people being confused over what gender he is because that is the ultimate nonbinary goal 🙂↕️
Not sure if he prefers any pronouns, maybe in theory he'd toy around with the idea of neopronouns, but dismiss it because it's not practical and he hates frivolity. Bro is too afraid to indulge because he fears it'll all be ripped away from him if he gets too comfortable 😔
Wait guys is it better Tumblr etiquette to reblog more than commenting on posts? I come from the land of Instagram, Tumblr is a foreign territory pls help 🥺
Warning: Spoilers for Signs of Life (Also this is another long one, open at your own risk)
In the simplest terms is a story about redemption and love. What would it take for a being who once wielded immense power and was infamous for his cunning and cruelty and desire to suddenly fall so low? How does one who craves love like a hunger come to understand what love truly is?
Doc
Doc is someone with an unwavering optimism and a resolute curiosity. Being turned away from home after home while growing up in the foster care system has done nothing to dampen neither their spirit nor their view of their self worth. They are blunt in everything; the way they speak, the emotions that they feel, the way in which they see the world around them. They both do and do not understand nuance. They say what is on their mind and can’t grasp why people don’t seem to understand them. Why are people content with the answers that they’re given instead of trying to learn more? Doc will push and push and it makes people uncomfortable. They’ve learned that they make people uncomfortable but they don’t really know why. It’s difficult for them to make connections with others. Until they meet Eclipse.
It is these characteristics that bring them closer to Eclipse, both in a literal sense and in Eclipse’s own perspective of their value. They are driven by their curiosity to learn about the creature they knew as EX-35. Despite his aggression and violent nature they refuse to see him as anything less than a being capable of thought and emotion. Doc approaches Eclipse with respect and care, something that has not been afforded to him in months since his capture —arguably even before that— and begins their relationship on not exactly stable ground, given the circumstances, but at the very least something closer to equals.
Doc is someone who cannot and will not be cowed by fear. Throughout the length of the story there are different characters who warn Doc to fear Eclipse, and the unknown. But they are someone who embraces what they don’t understand. They recognize fear as an evolutionary reaction designed to protect a person, but that that reaction should be sustained for only so long before it becomes a detriment. So, they push headfirst into the source of that fear.
When they first meet Eclipse it’s not the cuffs or the muzzle that signify a threat that they notice, it’s his intelligence. Eclipse speaks, he says a name, he proves that he is a being who can think and feel. It’s Afton’s cruelty that they recognize, his superiority when it comes to a being that surely he has not taken the time to understand. No one knows what Eclipse is saying? But he can speak. Why would no one else try to understand what he’s saying to them? Doc would not be warned away, not when there are questions to be answered.
So, they answer them. It doesn’t matter when Eclipse lashes out at them and hurts them, because they know why he did it. Knowledge is about conquering the thing that is supposed to scare you.
In a way Doc matches Eclipse’s greed and his hunger. Except theirs is a hunger for knowledge. In the case of Eclipse and growing close to him some might argue that they bit off more than they could chew.
Eclipse
Eclipse is a character who devours everything in his path, both in a literal and figurative sense. His fall from grace was an explosive crash that took everything from him. The saying “the bigger they are, the harder they fall” is suitable for this situation as it refers to the way that someone as great and powerful as Eclipse could be brought low by the weight of his own empire and hubris. His story began with someone who had everything and wanted for more and more. His greed and hunger became the very thing that destroyed him in the end. And Signs of Life begins with that crash.
The real story began with Eclipse as a hollowed out version of himself. Clinging to the ruined scraps of his pride he wouldn’t allow himself to give in entirely to what had become of him. Eclipse kept himself burning with his hatred, his desire for revenge against those who wronged him. However, there was no real hope. His drive to escape his cell was fueled by anger and hate not a true desire to be free. He would have gotten free of his bonds and killed Afton and that would have been it. It would have been over at that point because Eclipse saw no reason to be free beyond that point. Afton had become the vessel through which Eclipse could channel everything else: the hatred he felt not just for humanity as a species but in particular for the one human who had wronged him, the one that he was certain he would never see again anyway. So, when Doc appears things change.
The Villain
Eclipse is a villain. In metaphor Eclipse is a cannibalistic star. A cannibalistic star orbits another star and continues to steal energy from it. One start grows dimmer and another grows brighter and brighter. It is unsustainable. Eventually the cannibal star will collapse under the weight of its stolen energy.This is exactly what happened to Eclipse. He collapsed. That collapse was necessary to his redemption. Eclipse is prone to violence and has a desire for control.
Eclipse is used to getting what he wants. In the past he was at the top of the food chain, the apex predator that no one could contend with. He made matters of killing others into something trivial. He was offered up obedience willingly, and when it was not willing he would warp and manipulate until someone would at last bend to his will. There was nothing that Eclipse could not overcome with either cunning intellect or pure brute force. In the end the only thing that stopped him was himself. However, in the facility all of that is flipped on its head. He was at the very bottom of the food chain and the humans were above him. What a twist of fate considering that the reason he ended up there in the first place was because of a human that he had become obsessed with. So, Eclipse became the subject of cruelty. A taste of his own medicine, if you will. In the same way that he treated his shadow (i.e. involuntary medical experimentation) he was now treated.
He thinks that everything can be solved with sheer violence and force of will. When Doc was upset after losing access to his ship, Eclipse's suggestion to them was revenge and violence. He did not like to see Doc in a state of distress and thought that the solution was to hurt the ones who hurt them first. This could be a reflection of how he used to treat his shadow, compelling them to wield violence against anyone and anything that dared to stand in their way. However, he finds that Doc doesn’t agree. They don’t want to hurt others even if Eclipse finds it to be justified. And instead of forcing them to do it, Eclipse lets it go. He doesn’t try to change Doc into something that they’re not, he accepts them as they are. Instead he decides that he’ll hurt people for them. Which is also not something that they appreciate, but Eclipse is no longer killing and maiming for himself. He is doing it for Doc’s sake.
Selfishness comes naturally to a villain like Eclipse. In the past everything that he did was purely for his own sake. He ate his crew and family because he didn’t want them to leave him. He manipulated his shadow into becoming loyal and obedient to him. He tried to force Sun and Moon to stay with him. Yet, with Doc, that changes. Dr. Afton was able to use Doc as leverage against Eclipse because he cared. After months of refusing to speak in an Earth tongue Afton finally forced Eclipse to reveal that he could speak fluently because Doc was in danger. When Eclipse is given chances to act selfishly he will often think of Doc first. At the opportunity to leave the facility Eclipse could have kept Doc trapped with him so he wouldn’t have to be alone, instead he lets them go to keep them safe. Of course, he’s not cured of his selfish behavior. He puts Doc’s needs above everyone else’s. But rather than pursuing the consuming and endless goal for power the only thing he wants is Doc.
The Lover
Before Eclipse meets Doc he had been in the facility for six months. After being the captain of an empire he was reduced to little more than a science experiment. He was hollow and angry and lonely. He was surrounded by humans that he hated and all of them feared him, which he thought he preferred until he met Doc. When Eclipse first saw Doc he was immediately intrigued by how they acted, how they spoke to Afton by calling him out. There was no fear in Doc when they looked at him and as much as he thought that they were stupid for seeing him for the threat that he was, he also found their curiosity and boldness to be refreshing, interesting. Then they snuck into the examination room to see him not long after he had just torn off someone’s arm and he was in a foul mood. It had been months and he was sick of being a prisoner and an experiment, he had no reason to believe that Doc saw him as anything else. He had no trust in humans. He just wanted them gone, so he struck them and hurt them and Doc still didn’t react with hatred or fear like he was used to. And then they kept coming back.Doc was gentle with him when all he wanted to do was hurt everyone around him. They showed him respect and that’s what truly caught his attention.
The moment that Doc called him beautiful was the moment that everything for Eclipse changed. He didn’t immediately decide that he was in love with them, but he is someone with a very high opinion of himself that has been fed into by a cult for years. Then he was reduced to the ugliest version of himself. He maintained that he was more beautiful than the ugly humans surrounding him, but the truth is that Eclipse knew he wasn’t what he used to be. He was missing an eye that had been clawed out and he was missing two of his arms. He was covered in scars. He was malnourished. Cling as he might to his former glory Eclipse was proud enough to never admit it, but he knew he wasn’t pretty anymore. Except for when Doc calls him beautiful and they restore just a little of who he used to be.
To be loved is to be known. Love is something Eclipse has told himself that he’s wanted for so long. He was so certain that it was all he needed from anyone. But he never really understood what love was supposed to be. His version of it had been consumptive and possessive. He would turn whoever he thought he loved into nothing more than an object. That is what he did with Captain. They weren’t a person to him, they were an object that could be contained and controlled and used at his whim. At the same time Eclipse was desperate for it. He wanted to be wanted and needed to be needed. Most of all he wanted someone who would understand him. When he realized that Captain never understood him and they never wanted to stay with him he collapsed on himself. But Doc understands him. They are someone who quite literally wants to know everything about him. And from the language lessons it was evident that they desired to understand him fully, perhaps in a way that no one else ever could
It fed into his ego and his vanity the way that Doc would look at him and study him, how they thought he was beautiful. Eclipse was not who he used to be but Doc made him feel like he could be that again. They wanted to see him and he wanted to show them who and what he was. He wanted to impress them. Eclipse was starved for connection and maybe he had been for much longer than his imprisonment. He had been ground down into nothing and Doc made him feel more and more like himself. There were some changes, however. Eclipse didn’t just want to own and control Doc, he liked them. He found an equal in their intelligence and how quickly they took to his language lessons.
They were never someone that Eclipse had to manipulate in order to control. Doc was always there whether he asked for them or not. He found their presence to be a comfort. The first time Doc visits his cell it is when Eclipse is under the influence of a drug and is spiraling. What helps to pull him out of that spiral is the moment that Doc slides open the slot in the door and quite literally lets in the light.
The Mirror of William Afton
William Afton is Eclipse’s mirror. He is his parallel. Taking on the role that Eclipse had in the previous story as an authority who demands obedience and control. The two of them share a lot of traits. However, Afton is more reserved and rarely gets his own hands dirty when it comes to the wanton violence that Eclipse displays. Afton is a man who is clinical in his malice. He defines himself by his intelligence and his superiority to others. He regarded the specimen EX-35 as a lesser being than himself. Although, Afton also matches Doc in some ways. They’re both very logical and blunt and use science and research to navigate their surroundings. But Afton lacks any warmth and has little care for anyone that isn’t himself or any goal that doesn’t further his agenda.
Afton is the same as Eclipse in that he is happy to use methods of cruelty to get what he wants. However, Eclipse was cruel for the sake of it while Afton prefers not to waste his time. Cruelty is a tool, a sharpened scalpel that is wielded with precision. To Eclipse cruelty is a blunt object that he would swing around carelessly. When Afton used parts of Eclipse’s ship it wasn’t just the pure physiological act of taking what belonged to Eclipse and turning it into an object of torture. The metal from his ship was the only thing that wouldn’t melt upon contact with Eclipse’s blood, it had a significance. Then Afton turned that metal into a new arm for himself, which had some poetry in it as that arm was taken from him by Eclipse so he might as well have Eclipse provide him with a new one. He didn’t simply want to torture Doc for the sake of it, he did it because he found it was the easiest way to get Eclipse to behave.
That isn’t to say that everything he did was only utilitarian in nature. There was also a sense of entitlement and superiority. Afton was the lead researcher and considered himself the most intelligent and therefore the most superior to everyone else. So why shouldn’t he be allowed to conduct whatever research he desired? Why shouldn’t he be allowed to cut into Eclipse when he was entitled to doing so? He could, so he did.
Michael and Vanessa
The voices of reason that continuously fell on deaf ears. Michael and Vanessa wanted to help Doc, they tried to steer them away from the threat of Eclipse. But neither of them could really understand Doc. Despite their shared humanity with Doc they lacked the ability to form a true connection with them. They treated them the same way everyone else had, as something to be contained and guided away from their interests. To them safety was defined by living a life bound up in rules and finding companionship in the mundane. Maybe Doc could have been happy as their friend, but there would have always been a gap or a barrier between them. A glass wall that neither of them could cross to reach the other. They cared and they wanted to help but they continued to treat Doc as someone whose actions needed to be mitigated, who simply couldn’t understand what they were doing because they were too blinded by their own wayward curiosity. They didn’t give Doc the agency that they deserved. Always seeing them as a victim of circumstances rather than someone who was making their own choices. In the end, however, they chose to trust Doc and thereby they put their trust in Eclipse to care for them.
A Reflection on Science
Science is an overarching theme throughout the story. Doc is constantly observing the world through a lens of science; biology, physics, chemistry, engineering, ect. The way in which they interact with and investigate everything around them is through logic. They are a logical being where Eclipse is an emotional one. Everything they feel can be broken down into the simplest terms of biology or physiology. When they are met with something new or strange they relate it back to a subject that is more familiar and comfortable to them. When Doc is hurt they do not talk immediately about the pain but instead about the physical aspects of the wound.
Doc will always make a list. A list allows them to compartmentalize and organize information and help them digest it. They will separate out information and categorize it logically. So when they are met with multiple conflicting emotions they have trouble grasping it. Things are easier when there is reason behind them, when you can understand the basic components of how something works.
This is what makes their notebook so important to them. In the same way that Doc needs their glasses to see, they need their notebook to help them navigate the world. They cling to it as their oldest and dearest companion. Without their notebook they have difficulty adjusting. It’s their apparatus for discovery and organizing information. It’s their connection to the rest of the world, a mode of communication for all of their thoughts. Most importantly, of course, it’s one of their many units of gathering information and learning.
They love to learn. Eclipse was something entirely new that they had never encountered before. More than anything they were driven to learn everything that they could about them. And Eclipse’s ego demands an audience. He loves to be the subject their ravenous mind. In this way the two of them are perfect for one another. A scientist and the object of their (affection) study.
Language the Binds
Language plays another important role in the story. Language is about connection and forming bonds. But it’s also about the act of conquering and dominating. Just like in Sources of Light, language is as much a bridge between individuals as it is a weapon. Eclipse refuses to speak in an Earth tongue when he is held captive in the facility. His language is the only thing he has left that he has any control over and he will not hand that over so easily. It is the last part of himself that can’t be dissected or sliced or stolen. It’s also the only power that he has, because when he can understand everyone around him but they can’t understand him then there is control. It wasn’t much to be sure, but Eclipse would not relinquish it.
Doc gave something to Eclipse that he didn’t know he cared about. Connection. A bond. Companionship. Before they showed up he had no one and nothing. He was in almost total isolation with his existence being reduced to the examination table and his cell, with his only interactions coming from throwing taunts at Dr. Afton. But when Doc came to him and spoke in his language Eclipse realized how much he missed the sound of it coming from someone else. He was desperate for more. He didn’t teach Doc with the plan to manipulate them, he did it so that he could have someone to talk to. And Doc treated him like he was someone worth talking to. He was a person again.
Before Eclipse was the leader of a cult and captain of an empire he was a teacher. The captain of his former crew, it was him who helped to teach Sun and Moon in their respective jobs of piloting and engineering. He had a way with others and getting them to like him and listen to him that was useful with giving lessons. He’s also deeply intelligent and skilled, there is a reason that he was the captain after all. But after he ate his crew he had no reason to teach anyone again, so he didn’t. Then Doc gave him the opportunity. They make for an excellent student and he makes for an even better teacher.
Eclipse gave up his hold on his language, the last thing that he swore they couldn’t take from him, because Doc needed him. It was his first unselfish act.
Metamorphosis (And The Sharing of Atoms)
Light changes the very shape of the dark. The coming together and connection of Eclipse and Doc have helped to shape each other. It’s been a mutual metamorphosis, one cannot change without the other changing as well. This also plays into a theory of sharing atoms. That a constant interaction of two objects will mean that eventually the two objects start to share atoms, as they shed those atoms onto one another. Eclipse and Doc are a chemical bond, they are so closely intertwined and linked that separating them does not come without difficulty. Or in some cases, catastrophic outcomes. They are more than half of each other. They understand each other so thoroughly that they can share conversations without the other even being present. It’s become a co-dependency. They no longer know how to be apart.
simping for sun/moon was one of those things i tried rlly hard to resist, but i knew from the moment i first saw them in december i would eventually fail
