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@trcyann
“I think people would be happier if they admitted things more often. In a sense we are all prisoners of some memory, or fear, or disappointment—we are all defined by something we can’t change.”
— Simon Van Booy
It's a random instance. My sister was still upstairs and when her thesis partner arrived. I was in the living room making me automatically obligated to open the gate and keep him company while he waits. I'm not a people-person; I'm easily drained when exposed to people I'm not familiar with.
So my sister basically rehearses everyone who'll visit: about my attitude, mood, tone of voice, things that makes me uncomfortable (like too much unnecessary noises), what gets me pissed (like when they just grab something without permission), etc.— which I appreciate a lot.
And the first that her companions always do is get to my good side. It always happen. We're polar opposites and it's too rare for me to invite people over: Only happened twice for a group activity (had no choice since everyone else lives outskirts) and once when I insisted for Mary to spend the night in our house so she may be able to stay late and attend our Christmas Party.
Back to the point, I'm getting somehow used to kuya Joseph since it was like the third time he'll be spending hours at home. Then he opened an unexpected convo.
H: Ang swerte mo sa ate mo. Nahihiling kong padangaton ka niya.
M: Ba't kuya, anong meron? (I was still glued to my phone)
H: Mayo lang, nagkatarandaan ko lang dati. Since mostly pangbanggi kami tapos may hangout dai maiba si ate mo, minsan nagmamadali pa yan napapauli nang maray, tas kang late nagpadismiss si ma'am nagmamadali, masabi yan, “Guys kaipuhan ko na magpuli baka dai pa nakakan si tugang ko” pirmi tapos masabing naghahalat ka na daa.
I didn't talk. Hinayaan ko siyang magpatuloy, and he's said,
H: Kaya now mas nahiling ko na. Solo ka lang din palan kayang tugang. Kami kaya sa harong dakulon. Pero iyo talaga, padangaton ka ni ate mo.
M: Alam ko kuya. Kaya nga pag naiyak na lay low na ko magpasaway.
H: Aram mo man palan, bakin...
M: Kasi boring.
He laughed.
But yep, I know. Ang swerte ko.
Although she already complains most times how she's so tired, she still puts up with me and I admire that a ton. She's tryna be our Mom since we grew up apart from our parents and didn't really experience much of parental bond and I really appreciate it.
Hi, it's me again.
I'm a mess, my mind is in hurl but I can't find anything to say. I want to vent out but idk about what. I just feel kind of depressed.
Can't trust people mean to plants.
I don't need to justify everything that gives me comfort.
I speak to myself in my mind in English, it helps in vocabulary tho.
If you can't do anything to help lift them up, at least be not a reason of a pitfall. Please try not to be an added weight that drags them down.
Sometimes I snark harsh words to myself to keep me sane.
“Just because it's correct doesn't mean it's right.”
This logical-and-critical-thinking stuff is rattling my brain.
The more you're giving it so much thought, the more likely you'll fall. That's not enchantment, that's trap.
Don't let other people's opinion cloud your judgment. Trust yourself.
It is chaos when one person is genuine and the other is overthinking. I mean, transgression exists when intention is misunderstood.
I have never experienced confessing to someone in person. Well actually, I have never ever initiated a confession even in the virtual realm. I wanted to experience it so much that it has made its way in my bucket list.
But then I don't wanna confess to just anybody recklessly. I wanted to be soooo sure of the person. I already have an ex but I was not the one who confessed. I wonder when...