TREDFOR A53

Hello! My name is Kare Carado from TREDFOR A53 class, term 1, 2016-2017. I am sharing my insights and reflections of what I learned. Go on and read!

[tredforcallfromgodskingdom]

TVEP Part 3: Synthesis

I am grateful that I was able to take TREDFOR and learned a lot from class. I like it when lessons are relatable and practical, and that the challenges we face are always present. When we are faced with something, we are bound to act on our maturity and our responsibilities on what we do.

At first, I had negative thoughts on marriage especially when my parents almost broke up back when I was in high school and had to pretend I do not know what was happening. It also happens that I am not in a romantic relationship (even up to now haha) so I often get apathetic on this topic. However, as I am getting older, the reality that someday I will have to choose this path is resonating, but I do not know where to start. It was great that TREDFOR is more than the Sacrament of Matrimony or Holy Orders, and it was more on the aspects of relationships.

I learned that there were many prerequisites on how to say we are matured enough for married life, often we say we need to be financially and work stable to make marriage work. However, they are not always true to all situations, but in the current generation, it is considered a high value to possess such qualities. However, the interaction with the other, that is, our partner, defines how marriage can prosper. I may not be in that stage yet of a romantic relationship, but I would have to communicate with my significant other even in times of difficulties. The differences in our preferences and values would always have to be discussed, although there are non-negotiables. Overall, marriage is a serious work that couples need to be flexible or willing to adjust on.

Marriage is one way to respond to God’s call for us, even if it is not the only option. All vocations require “relationships”, both with God and the Other. This is a commitment we must fulfill in the best of our abilities, for we are persons created in God’s image and likeness whom He aspired to lead great lives.

[tredforcallfromgodskingdom]

TVEP Part 2: Interview

I was able to interview my ninong and ninang, Noel and Evelyn dela Cruz, who are married for almost 16 years (they’re going to celebrate their anniversary on December 30!) and still going strong! They are our family friends (my mom used to be officemates with my ninang) and always find time to make visits and attend events with us.

It was a good thing I was able to catch up with them since they were bound to leave for Singapore within the day, where they now live as expats/permanent residents.

Photo with Ninong Noel and Ninang Beng

This is the summary of the interview narrative based on the sample questions:

Please explain the details on how you met each other.

Ninang Beng and Ninong Noel both worked at offices located in the Philippine Stock Exchange (Tektite) in Pasig, with the former working for Solar real estate (same as my mother’s work) while the latter worked for Citibank. They may have gone to different companies but still found love.

What influenced your decision to get married?

They were in their late 20s/early 30s and they have assessed that they are mature enough to get married. They dated for a year before deciding to get married on December 30, 2000 (I happened to be a flower girl then). That day happened to be the Feast of the Holy Family. Their parents wanted them to get married already as they were financially and emotionally secured.

What are the blessings of married life?

Their first year of marriage was quite difficult as Ninong Noel was assigned to work in Japan for several months before my ninang followed him. Years after, they have three daughters and decided that as a family, they will have to move together. Ninong Noel was then assigned to work in the US and his family joined him, afterwards they relocated to Singapore where their status is permanent resident (PR).

They consider their move to Singapore as a blessing for them as it is near to the Philippines, where they could easily travel back and forth. Their stay gave them opportunities to meet with other expats and be close to the community. They became active in the Light of Jesus Family and The Feast, hosted by Bo Sanchez. The Feast is a weekly gathering of praise and worship, Holy Mass, and talks about different life topics. Ninong Noel is a district leader for The Feast in Singapore among the expat communities.

What are the challenges of married life?

Long distance relationships (LDR) and finances are difficult to endure, especially for starting married couples. During their first years of marriage, it was difficult to communicate due to expensive rates, which is why Ninang Beng eventually followed my ninong to live abroad for several months. They also shared different views on handling money. When they eventually had children, it was a challenge to raise their daughters abroad without making them forget or lose their original culture. The culture they experienced in the US was different from Singapore, and they instilled the Filipino culture of respect and support system to them. Their involvement in LOJF was a positive thing for them and their daughters are now active in the youth group.

 What can you advise to the young people who are in the relationship and plan to get married?

They would like to say that one must be financially and emotionally ready for marriage, and be the right person first before looking for the “right one”. Because if you are confident about yourself, then you attract something good to the other. When you get married, it should a long-term engagement where both communicate. Both partners have to be open to learning and be mature as a person. It is important to have God as the center of your married life that even as the marriage gets more difficult, it will still be a joy and fulfillment. Marriage should not be treated as a one-time solution for all of your problems.

With that, I learned that even if I do not have it in my mind right now, I would have to get married one day. I admire that my ninong and ninang live a lasting marriage, and that despite the ups and downs, they were able to nurture their lives with their involvement in church work. I could wish that I could be more active in Church work even when I get married. I appreciated that I got to learn more for TREDFOR that is very applicable to life.

[tredforcallfromgodskingdom]

TVEP Part 1: Seminar

I first attended a pre-cana seminar before proceeding to conduct an interview in order to understand first the nature of marriage and the importance of the sacrament in relation to our Christian life.

The seminar I attended was located near where I live, Nuestra Señora de la Paz y Buen Viaje (Our Lady of Peace and Good Voyage) Parish at Old Balara, Quezon City. What was distinct in the seminar was that it was intended for couples who are longing to marry but could not do so because of financial difficulties, therefore will marry with the Mass Wedding (Kasalang Bayan) rites. At first, I was surprised when I came to observe the seminar as there are many couples attending, in contrast to what I would imagine to be an intimate, private event. It was good that our parish priest, Fr. Joel Buenviaje, is accommodating and was able to run the session well.

Nevertheless, the message of marriage would universal for all despite coming from different social or financial backgrounds. Fr. Joel explained that marriage should not be looked upon as a social obligation alone, and that receiving pre-requisite sacraments (ex: Confirmation) are also taken seriously, too. Marriage is considered the peak of love (”rurok ng pagmamahal”) which leads to receiving the Sacrament of Matrimony. There are different reasons why people get married, and Fr. Joel gave different points for couples to ponder upon on their intentions of getting married. People get married in order to deepen their relationship with the Lord, that life is complete when one is with a partner. The other would be to prioritize one’s duties as Catholics.

The couples present during the seminar were all living together for more than five years as common-law spouses, and many of them are not from Quezon City but took time and effort to come to the seminar. The priest was able to build rapport with the couples and gave them advices on marriage, like making lifetime adjustments because you are sharing life with another person, and that your compatibility depends on how you cope up with different situations. Sexual needs are not limited to intercourse alone, therefore one’s relationship goes beyond physical desires.

After the seminar, I found that many of the couples, who, despite living together for a decade, are only marrying now because they were not able to receive the major sacraments pre-requisite for marriage, such as Baptism, Holy Communion, and Confirmation. The rites were performed, followed by a Holy Mass.

From this encounter, I learned that there are still many people who could not afford to get married (or at least have a grand wedding ceremony) due to financial factors, and also the inability to accomplish the pre-requisites with the other sacraments. Because of this, we are reminded to take our role as Christians seriously. Our relationship with Jesus deepens when we receive the Sacraments, and we appreciate our Christian lives because of these opportunities. Marriage, like any other sacrament, is a commitment, but this time, we are bound to connect with a partner meant for a lifetime.