It was like a slap in the face. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Itās a conclusion we all have to come to on our own. It changes everything. Once this hits you, you can never go back to the way things were.Ā
Itās a paradigm shift.Ā
The definition of a paradigm according to google isĀ āa typical example or pattern of something; a model.ā For this blog, I like to think about it as the way we look at things. Itās a pattern, and we get stuck in it.Ā
Iāve come to the conclusion that most of us inherit a paradigm. Weāre born into this world, not really knowing where we are in relation to the rest of the world. We might travel, meet new people, and learn things along the way, but how often do we examine how we view the world and what weāre thinking about most of the time?Ā
I hardly ever did. And I found myself often confused, wondering why we, as a collective society, do the things we do and why weāre all just ok with the way things are. I didnāt want to question myself. I was afraid, that after all these years, the way I was viewing the world and looking at life might be *gasp* wrong!
Being the curious person I am, after many conversations with people who think differently than me, and reading several books that woke me up, I realized they way I looked at life wasnāt beneficial to me and what I wanted to accomplish.Ā
I had been under the classic paradigm. The idea that the worldās a tough place, everyoneās out to get you, itās really hard to be happy, itās a dog-eat-dog world, donāt trust anyone, take what you can get and donāt share it with anyone. Honestly, I donāt know at what point a lot of these thoughts entered my mind. I guess listening to enough people with that same mindset, makes you think that way.Ā
A common phrase I hear all the time isĀ āperspective is reality.ā This is often thrown around even in my own blog posts and podcasts. If thatās true, and weāre living under the paradigm like I mentioned in the previous paragraph, weāll create scenarios where people are out to get us, itās hard to be happy, trust people, and weāll live under that veil. Even if it isnāt true.Ā
As I started to have more of these conversations and read more of these books, I realized I didnāt want to look at the world through that old paradigm anymore. I actually wanted to live in a world that was the opposite. A world where people want to help you, itās easy to be happy, you can trust people, and where you can share what you have with others.Ā
This shift is far from easy. Weāre talking about taking our thoughts and redirecting them to the opposite of what we inherently want to think. Itās counterintuitive; it doesnāt feel right.Ā
Much to my surprise, I donāt run into too may people wanting to take advantage of me, it isnāt that hard to be happy, and if you live under this paradigm, you find others who view the world the same way. Donāt get me wrong, there are still bad people out there, that want to do others harm, but thatās where the big lesson came in for me.Ā
People donāt do things to me, they do them for themselves.Ā
I do my best to apply this to every aspect of my life: marriage, business, relationships, friendships, anything. And I have to apply it to myself too. When I do things that hurt or upset people, itās usually because I feel some sort of need to lash out, or Iām annoyed, irritated, or frustrated. Nine times out of ten, it has nothing to do with my like or dislike toward that person.Ā
Whether you believe this to be true or not, it can set you free. So often in life, I was playing the victim; thinking everyone and everything was against me. This new paradigm set me free from being the victim all the time. Thatās not to say I donāt do anything wrong, and I never feel like the victim, but this helps me see things from a different side.Ā
I remembered all the way back to college psych class when we learned about abuse. Bullies and abusive people hurt others because of how empty they feel inside. It gives them pleasure or it helps them avoid pain. It usually has nothing to do with the victim.Ā
This helped me analyze the reasons why I did things too, and decrease the times where I get angry lash out, or do something simply because I want to feel a certain way. It makes me stop, and ask myself why Iām about to do something before I do it. Is this for others or is it for me?Ā
As I mentioned before, everyone has to come to this conclusion on their own. Iāve told people these exact words, and it still doesnāt sink in; we have to want the shift, and most of us donāt, because it takes time, patience, practice and work.Ā
This was just the beginning of my paradigm shift. Iām still figuring it out, asking questions, and analyzing what I think and why I think it. If youāre reading this, the Universe has brought you to this blog for a reason. I urge you to do the same, but be warned, it will change everything.Ā