sickly, abused, and gender confused đ

Kaledo Art

tannertan36

blake kathryn

Discoholic đȘ©

titsay

if i look back, i am lost

#extradirty
occasionally subtle
taylor price
KIROKAZE
Misplaced Lens Cap
Xuebing Du
Three Goblin Art
Not today Justin

ç„æ„ / Permanent Vacation

@theartofmadeline
dirt enthusiast
ojovivo

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@treekarff
sickly, abused, and gender confused đ
get off the counter thats not where you sleep
(asses = hearts)
au where everything is the same but finn + karkat
Sweet mornings
Karkat woke with a start. Nothing new there, considering that happened numerous times a night due to nightmares. Something that was new, however, or relatively so, was the person lying next to him. Karkat and his.. boyfriend had fallen asleep while watching movies, something that seemed to happen regularly lately. Even if it had, Karkat still had trouble getting used to it. And while it improved his sleeping tremendously, he kept waking up around six in the morning.
Of course, having someone next to you doesn't take away the nightmares. But it makes them much more bearable. Instead of lying awake for half an hour or so after waking up, it made Karkat able to go back to sleep almost immediately, requiring only that he held onto something of Toby's. His hand, his shirt.. It didn't really matter. Knowing that there was someone there, someone that cared, that wouldn't let him be alone.. It was enough. When Karkat was tired, he'd be able to lay around in bed all day, doing absolutely nothing. Â But when he felt rested, he felt uncomfortable in bed. So while he got to wake up next to his boyfriend, it rarely happened that the same occured the other way around. Considering Toby had been complaining about that, Karkat had decided that he'd make up for it today: he'd make breakfast.
His cooking abilities were okay, considering he'd had to take care of himself for most of his life, but he was horrible at making dishes look presentable. The last few days, when he got some time alone, or when Toby wasn't paying attention, he'd done some research on the matter. Of course, Karkat realised that Toby would love the food regardless, but he at least wanted to put some effort in it, to seem like he was actually trying.
Slowly and gently he moved Toby's hand out of his own, a soft and rare smile on his face as he got out of bed. He kept as quiet as he could as he moved himself to the kitchen, biting his lip in a habit as he looked around. Time to get to work.
A few ideas had been mentally noted, none of which he was actually planning to execute. He was a romantic, always had been. He loved cheesy movies. Doing something cheesy himself, however.. That felt incredibly embarrassing. There would be no food in the form of a heart, though he was sure his boyfriend would be delighted, no letters spelling out 'I love you'. The thoughts alone already made him blush. No, it was going to be lowkey. The idea he'd decided on was quite simple: two waffles, topped with strawberries and whipped cream. The whole would be coated with chocolate syrup. If he got it his way, on the plate there'd be a rose made of chocolate sauce as well. If that didn't work out, which it was very likely to, he'd just put a muffins on top of the misformed chocolate rose, a rose decoration stuck into it.
Karkat got to work on the batter for the muffins first, considering they'd take a while in the oven. That was easy enough - sure, the kitchen became a little messy, but no worse than usual. A batch of muffins was soon put in the oven, the aroma of the baked goods starting to fill the kitchen. He could only hope Toby would sleep through it.
Then he got to work on the waffles, something he did regularly, too. Making food was easy, really. Making it look good, however.. He shook his head. No time for negative thoughts. They could invade his head all day, like they usually did, but for once he had to do something properly. It was just a small thing, but it felt important.
He took the strawberries he'd bought and washed them, carefully removing the crown and slicing them in half. Then he removed the waffles from the iron, putting them on the plate.
Usually, he'd just throw the fruit on top, or keep it next to it. Now he put them down carefully side by side, making sure they covered the waffles completely. Did that look okay? Good enough, right? It had to be covered with whipped cream, anyway. That was the next step. How did you actually put whipped cream on top of things without it ending next to said things? The internet had made it look so easy. Too easy, really. It'd never worked that way for Karkat. The tip of his tongue stuck out between his lips as he started topping the strawberries with whipped cream, carefully. And he failed - half of it ended up next to the waffles. ".. Damn it," he mumbled, glaring at the food.
Then he started removing the excess whipped cream with a spoon, cleaning the plate with a paper towel. And he went again, over the places he missed, adding a bit more in the center. The excess whipped cream laid somewhere forgotten on the kitchen counter.
Now came the hardest part - the chocolate syrup. Cascading it over the whipped cream would be easy enough, especially considering it wouldn't be too bad if there was some next to the waffles. On the pictures he'd seen, it was usually like that, and it definitely looked good. So that was done soon enough. And then he started working on the rose, exactly like the tutorial video he'd memorised. He was halfway there. Halfway.
He was halfway through the fucking rose when his ear started to itch, and without a second thought the hand holding the chocolate syrup shot up to scratch it. Most of the syrup shot next to Karkat's head, but a decent amount of it was now covering his face. Cue the cursing. "That itching couldn't fucking have waited for one more minute, could it? What in the devil's name did I do to deserve chocolate syrup all over my fucking face? Why am I such an imbecile that I can't remember to use any of my other three limbs to scratch? For fuck's sake, I could've used my leg and not mess up, but of course I had to use my right fucking hand - screw my life. No, you know what, screw making breakfast. Who even invented breakfast food? Must've been some moron that wasn't satisfied with literally all the other food in the world that's easier to prepare and doesn't look better with whipped cream and chocolate syrup. Probably the same idiot that figured it'd be a good idea to invade Russia in the winter. I'm talking to you here, Napoleon. Go to fucking hell!" This was followed by an agitated growl, putting the chocolate syrup down too hard so it shot up and covered most of the kitchen counter, and Karkat folding his arms over each other angrily.
And then he heard noises - he'd been too loud. Shit.
He checked the time, figured the muffins would be okay and quickly got them out of the oven. One was quickly decorated with a rose and put on the plate - which now, like everything else in the kitchen, was covered in spots of chocolate syrup. Then Karkat turned around, plate in his hands, only to be greeted by a sleepy Toby. Or well, by now, his eyes were wide with surprise.
Karkat watched his boyfriend's face break up into a grin. This, in turn, made Karkat pout. His goal had been a smile, to let this gesture make Toby happy. Now he was just holding in his laughter for Karkat's sake. Not that Karkat could really blame him, considering most of the kitchen, including himself, was covered in chocolate syrup.
Toby started approaching him, and Karkat held out the plate. ".. I made breakfast," he said bluntly, his eyes looking at the ground.
"And you decorated the kitchen, too," Toby mused, now a giggle escaping his mouth. "Very nice." He took the plate from Karkat and put it on the kitchen table, placing a kiss on Karkat's lips. "I love it."
Slowly Karkat looked up at Toby again, encouraged by the words and the kiss. "I completely messed up," he mumbled, genuinely upset. He literally couldn't do anything right, could he?
Toby placed a hand on the clean half of Karkat's face. "Hey, it's the thought that counts. The food looks lovely," he said, a smile on his face. "And so do the waffles, by the way."
Karkat blushed, pouting again. "Rude."
"I'm just kidding, Karkat," Toby said happily as he walked around the kitchen table, finding the only clean chair and sitting down on it.
Being glad the conversation wasn't necessarily continued, and that there wouldn't be made more jokes about this mess, which definitely wasn't funny, Karkat grabbed a fork and knife and handed them to Toby. "It's for making up for the fact that you never get to wake up next to me." He figured he had to say something, and at least now he was somewhat in control of the jokes. Toby wouldn't make a comment when he'd just said something sweet.
"You didn't have to do that!" His boyfriend said with light surprise, a glint in his eyes that Karkat figured was happy. Until Toby's hand went up to his right cheek, removing some of the chocolate syrup. "But it's very sweet of you," he added, with an emphasis on 'sweet'.
Karkat's pout returned, and he faced away from Toby as he got to cleaning up. This conversation was definitely over.
As Toby enjoyed his breakfast, Karkat managed to remove most of the chocolate syrup and the bit of whipped cream from the kitchen counter, his face, and all other places he found some. The kitchen looked good as new again, despite the dirty dishes, clothes and the leftover muffins on the counter. Karkat hated cleaning - but anything to stop the attention from being on something he'd messed up.
Finishing the breakfast, Toby got up and put his dishes in the sink. He pulled Karkat's arm to have the other face him, smiling. "Thank you. They tasted really good!" He said happily, pulling Karkat closer.
Karkat, happy Toby was done with making fun of it, smiled slightly. Not only because of that, but also because he'd made the other smile. "Good."
He remained silent, eyeing his boyfriend for a moment. Then he leaned in for a kiss, his eyes closing. It wasn't often he initiated kisses, or really any kind of affection. It was something he was still getting used to. But right now, he was just happy he had someone to give affection to, to love. Someone he trusted not to hurt him, someone he wanted around as much as possible - even if the affection was smothering some times. Right now, he was happy to kiss his boyfriend - the person that is definitely the love of his life.
their relationship is dead but im still gonna draw them
==> Dirk: Brush his hair.
Read More
Midsummer Day
After not having seen his best friend for a week, Karkat was definitely feeling the effects of his depression again. Of course, the emotions had just been suppressed by ones more important at the time. But now it was summer vacation and he didnât see the only tolerable person in the world daily anymore. Hell, thereâd barely been any messaging. Either Toby was busy, or had grown tired of Karkat. Of course, the boy assumed the first. Who wouldnât grow tired of him? He didnât blame Toby, he just felt miserable and that was that. No oneâs fault.
Regardless, he was feeling really shitty. He hadnât eaten yesterday, neither had he touched any food today. He drank, but only coffee, even if he knew caffeine didnât help depression. Every time he entered the kitchen it became more tempting to reach into the drawer and- no, bad thoughts. He hadnât cried in so long, now he felt like he couldnât but really needed to.
He knew the friendship had been a bad idea.
Karkat wanted to defeat the empty feeling in his body, the empty feeling that absorbed him, that stopped him from doing anything at all. But he knew only one way to do this, and that involved a knife. Iâd rather feel pain than nothing at all, echoed in his head, one of his favorite songs. He knew he couldnât fight it forever. But he didnât want any more scars.
So he grabbed his phone languidly, scrolling through his contacts. Treekat, as his âbest friendâ and crush was still called in there.
I donât want to bother you, but I donât think Iâm going to be able to stop myself for much fucking longer.
He knew the other would understand his words. And the reply was almost instant.
What? Whatâs wrong?
Karkat sighed. Did the other really not notice? Some kind of busy he must be.
I learned that feelings I thought had disappeared were just suppressed instead.
As he pressed sent, he stood up, only to fall back down on his bed lifelessly. What use was getting up, anyway? And he didnât hear another sound, so Toby hadnât replied. Great to- oh.
Toby had immediately hurried over to Karkatâs house, having taken along what had kept him busy all week and shouting. âKarkat, are you alright?â
Karkat simply groaned in return, though he was very much relieved to know that Toby hadnât actually stopped caring. He heard footsteps on the staircase, then his door being opened and some plastic bags rustling before something warm laid down next to him and arms were wrapped around him. âTalk to me.â
âItâs nothing.â
âYes it is, you were about to⊠Uhm.. To harm yourself.â
âIâm still depressed, Treekat.â
âTreekat?â Toby inquired, raising an eyebrow and shaking his head, then just holding Karkat closer. âI know you still are. It doesnât disappear just like that. Iâm sorry.â
âNot your fucking fault.â
The warm silhouette next to him moved away and again Karkat heard rustling of bags.
âKarkat, want to see what Iâve been busy with all week?â
Not really, the boy thought, but he looked up regardless. And a surge of warmth went through him as he saw the project in front of him. One big canvas, covered with several roses, covered with pictures of him and the redhead in front of him. One big canvas filled with sweet words. He managed to sit up straight, staring at the canvas.
Toby realized that it mustâve felt like he had been ignoring or neglecting the other, but heâd wanted it to be a surprise. âItâs not done, I wanted to give it to you.. Well, I had plans for the day after tomorrow.â
Karkat slowly stood up, staring at the canvas, then at Toby and wrapping his arms around him. âIâm sorry.â
âYou have no reason to apologize, Karkat,â Toby answered, the smile sounding in his voice as he returned the hug.
â.. I doubted you. Thatâs fucking reason enough.â
Toby sighed, putting his lips against the otherâs forehead. âItâs understandable. Be ready early the day after tomorrow,â he said, his cheerful tone returned. âAnd donât you dare harm yourself. Youâre beautiful Karkat. And I love you!â
Karkat, though not feeling better at all, nodded slightly. What kind of friend was he, to distrust the other like that? He felt horrible, even worse than heâd been feeling before. He deserved the pain he wanted to give himself.
And that was probably evident on his face. âIâm going to take all your knives from you just in case.â Toby hurried down to the kitchen, leaving Karkat there staring blankly in front of himself. He automatically bit his lip to inflict pain upon himself, then went to the shower to pretend to take care of himself. He did shower, he hid his bleeding in the progress. He got out, pulled on some clean pants and laid back down in bed.
Toby was too sweet for him and he knew it. How did he deserve someone like that? What even were the otherâs plans? How did he even dare to doubt him?
âFuck this shit,â he mumbled, hearing steps approach again.
Toby laid down next to his friend once more, ruffling his wet hair. âGood, youâve showered. I need to leave again for more preparations. Do not even think about hurting yourself, and message me whenever necessary. No objections allowed.â He sounded like a âmomâ now, but he didnât care. He knew Karkat was unfamiliar with such tones besides them sounding authoritative.
Pressing another kiss to his friendâs forehead, Toby then took his leave, taking the canvas with him.
And Karkat proceeded to sleep and do nothing all day. In fact, he forgot about his appointment, so at midsummer day, the day Treekat had wanted to use, he was still sleeping when he was lifted up in two arms.
âI told you to wake up early,â Toby said, simply carrying Karkat to the shower. It didnât seem like the other had been doing anything else but sleeping since heâd left two days earlier.
Karkat simply groaned, not yet aware what was going on till he heard the water of the shower starting to run. What the- he was definitely not showering with someone else in there. âGo away,â he hissed, struggling in Treekatâs arms.
âAre you sure you donât want me to help you?â Toby was almost teasing as he put the other down, then just laughed. âBut youâre awake now.â He hurried out of the shower, a light blush on his face now. Thatâd been way too cheeky. Time to make breakfast instead.
As Karkat started to clean up, he realized he was going to be made breakfast. He was very much not hungry, even if he hadnât eaten for a few days, and was still feeling just as empty. Whatever. He didnât know what the plans for today were, but he sincerely hoped it hadnât been as much trouble as it seemed. A week of preparation. Why?
He showered, changed into a sweater and some jeans and headed down to the kitchen. He didnât think thereâd be much of a breakfast as he hadnât bought anything for a while, but apparently his friend had come prepared and on the table were two plates with croissants, strawberries, and a bit of cheese. Next to both plates was a cup of tea. It looked cute, tasty, but as Karkat sat down his appetite didnât change.
âGood morning!â Toby then exclaimed as if this was the first time they saw each other today. âEnjoy your breakfast.â And he himself started eating, peacefully.
Karkat just stared at his friend, first emotionlessly, then sadly. He really did feel bad for doubting the other, even if Treekat didnât seem to mind. How was he going to make up to that? Or to the breakfasts, and all other sweet things Toby had given him. He couldnât make up to any of that, he was worthless and he knew it.
âEat,â Toby said, looking at Karkat with a light frown on his face. But he didnât get a response, so he stood up and sat on the chair next to Karkat instead. Then he started feeding him.
Karkat, upon realizing the otherâs plan, blushed brightly, backing off as far as possible. But then a croissant was forced into his mouth, and he found himself starting to eat, his stomach making noises that probably should be considered happy. Then a cup of tea was brought to his lips, and he drank, realizing how thirsty heâd been. Once heâd started, he continued eating himself, probably way too quickly. Then he looked at Toby, embarrassed.
âThank you,â he mumbled.
Toby simply smiled. There, Karkat was fed again. They were going to have fun, whether Karkat wanted to or not. But upon seeing Karkat a couple of days ago, he realized his previous plans were probably too much. Or too much amongst people, anyway. So he decided to move parts inside and let the rest be.
Heâd gathered flowers, brought along food for a picnic and movies for them to watch in the comfort of Karkatâs room. And of course, heâd brought along the now finished canvas, which he was determined to hang above his best friendâs bed. Maybe just a little more than a best friend, maybe a crush â no, definitely not. Platonic friends they were and would always be.
âWait here,â he then said, taking one of the bags heâd brought along and heading to Karkatâs bedroom. Loud banging was heard as nails were hammered into the wall. Karkat didnât really care enough at the moment to go and check, so he waited obediently.
Toby then cleaned up as well, realizing that Karkat actually hadnât been doing anything at all. He put open a window, made up the bed and then headed back downstairs. âAlright, do you want to know the plans for today?â He asked cheerfully, his mood never being brought down by someone elseâs.
Karkat, not wanting to ruin the day and knowing he had a lot to make up to, nodded in response.
âI thought weâd start by making flowers crowns â donât look down upon that theyâre pretty and everyone knows it â and then have an indoors picnic, followed by watching movies upstairs. Is that okay?â
Doing his best to appear at least slightly enthusiastic, Karkat nodded once more. âI donât know how to fucking make flower crowns, but it sounds like fun,â he said, knowing he sounded completely out of character.
âThatâs alright, Iâll teach you!â With that, he swiftly removed the empty plates from the table to the sink and then emptied one of his bags on the table. There were roses, violets, daisies, and lots of different flowers that could result in potentially gorgeous flower crowns. Amongst the flowers were two knives as well, and Toby took his seat again. He was going to cheer Karkat up, no matter what itâd take.
âWhat kind of flowers do you think fit me?â He asked.
Karkat looked at the assortment on the table and then picked out some pink roses and daisies.
âAlright,â Toby said with a smile, taking Karkatâs hands in his and giving him a knife in one while the other was holding a rose. âWith these, youâll make a base of the roses and add daisies to it. To make a base, you cut through the stem of the rose near the end, then pull through another stem, the flower will keep it in place.â As he spoke, his hands made Karkatâs do the actions twice and then smiled.
Karkat just felt slightly flushed due to the contact, which was nice after all the emptiness heâd been feeling. As he started working on his own, he felt himself becoming slightly more relaxed. And he heard Toby working besides him.
âHow do I add the-â but he didnât get to finish his sentence as Tobyâs experienced fingers had already finished a crown of red and yellow roses, with some other white smaller flowers Karkat didnât know the name of on them as well.
âRed.. Red roses stand for âI love youâ, and for respect. And yellow show you care, show friendship, and in this case also âwelcome backâ and âremember meâ. So when wearing this, donât forget youâre amazing, okay?â With those words and a smile, Toby put the crown on Karkatâs head.
Karkat responded with a blush, looking at the unfinished crown in his own hand.
âPink roses stand for admiration, sympathy, kindness, sweetness, joy and gladness,â Toby explained, as his hands were slowly showing Karkat how to add the daisies.
âThey.. Fit you,â Karkat said, a very light smile playing around the corners of his mouth. He really felt like kissing the other. Slowly he was starting to feel better again. What an effect a single person could have on you, huh?
And then he started to add the daisies to the crown, carefully placing it on top of Tobyâs head then.
âGood, now we both look pretty!â Toby exclaimed, taking his phone from his pocket. âLetâs make a selfie!â
âNo,â Karkat groaned, looking away embarrassed.
âCome on, Karkat. No one will see.â
And then the picture was made, showing a happy Toby and grumpy Karkat. Perfect.
Toby stood up to retrieve a vase. The leftover flowers could make for a beautiful bouquet if arranged properly, so heâd do that together with Karkat. âHave you ever done flower arrangements?â He asked as he filled the vase with water and then turned to Karkat.
A shake of the otherâs head was all it took to confirm Tobyâs suspicions. âNo matter. I want you to arrange the flowers as you like, and if you think something looks off when finished, weâll fix that. Go on!â He said cheerfully, putting the vase down in front of Karkat who immediately got to work.
He had no idea what he was doing, just mixing flowers and colors in a way he thought would look pretty. He didnât know, he had no idea. But he did his best, using up all the colorful flowers on his table and then looking at Toby for confirmation.
âItâs amazingly pretty!â Toby said, being happily surprised at Karkatâs apparent natural talent on this matter. âYou did very well.â
Karkat couldnât help but smile slightly at the compliment.
âWeâll put it on your nightstand, come on.â
With those words, Toby grabbed Karkatâs hand in his own and carried the vase with the bouquet in his other, going upstairs to his best friendâs bedroom. There he put down the vase, though Karkat had stopped in his tracks when he saw the finished canvas.
It looked amazing. He.. He would never be able to forget again what an amazing friend Toby was and what a shitty one he was.
A small word in big letters in the middle, above the pictures and flowers and above the other sweet words made him blush, so did a longer word at the bottom. âLoveâ and âforeverâ. Smaller texts in between the pictures were there to remind him he was beautiful, to remind him of jokes theyâd made and of sweet things thatâd been said. And the pictures reminded him of how beautiful Toby was.
The roses heâd seen before, but now he noticed most were red. Love. Toby loved him. Now he realized that again, a warmth went through his body, and he threw his arms around Toby and closed his eyes. âI missed you.â
Toby hugged back, covering Karkatâs face in kisses as he realized heâd managed to cheer Karkat up, for as much as that happened. âIâm sorry. But weâll make up for everything today, okay? All will be fine.â
Not even trying to fight his blush, Karkat let out a satisfied noise and kept his arms around his best friend. âIâve got a lot to fucking make up for. Weâll see.â
They stood there hugging for a while, the butterflies thatâd left Karkat attacking him in full force again. God damn it he loved Toby. But he could never admit how much he really did, so he slowly let go of the other, gazing at the canvas once more.
Toby directed his own gaze to the canvas as well, smiling. Heâd put a lot of effort into it and he was glad it was apparently doing its work. âLetâs make food for the picnic, weâll come back here later for the movies!â He exclaimed happily. Mainly romcoms had been brought along, but a bit of everything else as well.
âRight,â Karkat answered, turning his attention away and heading back downstairs after the other. Walking behind Treekat gave Karkat time to stare at him, though he was still conflicted about a lot of his feelings.
âI brought stuff for sandwiches and tea bags and I brought some fruit as well. Thatâll be enough, right? Oh, I also brought oranges so we can have fresh orange juice!â
Everything sounded so upbeat when Toby said it, it was almost impossible not to get enthusiastic now he was feeling slightly more okay again. âAlright. Iâll fucking boil water and do the juice then.â He got the citrus press from a cupboard and got to work, turning on the water boiler as well.
Toby in meanwhile took care of the food, cutting up fruit and sliding it on sticks, then preparing sandwiches. It would be the perfect picnic, even if they were inside. The company made it perfect, not the location.
Soon enough everything was arranged neatly on the kitchen table and they sat down again. It was just a bit past lunch time as they started eating and talking, the conversation now being less one sided.
âI brought a lot of movies, so you can choose,â Toby said in between bites, making sure he wasnât talking with his mouth stuffed.
Karkat cared less about that usually, but part of his mind still seemed to hope that he could somehow make Toby like him like he liked the other.
Of course, Toby already did. If only they were honest with each other.
âOr you can,â Karkat retorted, not wanting to make it all about him. Honestly, heâd probably be more focused on Toby than the movie to begin with, so he didnât feel like he should choose. He didnât feel like he had the right to do so to begin with, really. Toby had planned this day.
The food, however, tasted delicious. Now that his body had had a small taste during breakfast, he couldnât stop eating now. âThis is really fucking good,â he exclaimed, not making eye contact and simply eating and drinking.
Toby did the same, though less hurriedly, watching his friend with a smile. âIâm glad you enjoy it. I never really know what to bring along as everyone seems to like different foods.â
Honestly, Karkat would like all food when prepared by Toby. He was a cheesy dork and he knew it, but as long as Toby didnât, it was alright.
The food, with Karkatâs regained appetite, disappeared quickly enough down their stomachs. Then Toby got up to start doing the dishes, and Karkat stood up to help him, even if it was something he barely ever did.
When everything was cleaned up, Toby took the last bag heâd brought along and emptied it on the table. About fifty dvdâs now covered the table. âLetâs both just pick two movies and see how far weâll get? We can always choose more later,â he said happily, picking up a horror movie and a romcom.
Karkat nodded, picking out a romcom and adventure movie himself. He had experience with Toby and horror movies, so he wasnât sure how good an idea that was. âToby, you know how you fucking react to horror movies.â
âBut I like them,â Toby argued, looking up at Karkat.
âToby,â Karkat said in a somewhat strict voice, starting to put the remaining movies back in the bag.
âYouâre there to protect me, right?â
ââŠâ Karkat remained quiet, then nodded. âRight.â
So he walked upstairs, not wanting to actually face the other right now as he felt embarrassed. He laid down on his now made bed, breathed in fresh air for the first time in days and let out a sigh. âOne of yours first.â
And so the first romcom started to play, the curtains closed, the room dark as they were together on Karkatâs bed, comfortably cuddled up as they watched.
Though neither of them was watching much of the movie: they were rather watching each other.
Karkat wanted to be closer to Toby, to confess his feelings without having things change for the worse. But he knew that wouldnât be possible.
Toby wanted to do the same, but instead he settled for snuggling closer and pressing a kiss to Karkatâs cheek, as close to the otherâs mouth as he dared to get.
The blush on both their faces was hidden by the darkness, as Karkat pressed a kiss back, almost on the corner of Tobyâs mouth.
Toby responded instinctively, pressing his lips against Karkatâs for a moment, then realizing what heâd done and moving away quickly, as flustered and embarrassed as he could get. âAh! Iâm- uh, Iâm sorry, I donât know why-â, but he was cut off as Karkat pulled him closer again.
âShut up,â Karkat simply mumbled in return, blushing a bright red but feeling happy.
Slowly the redhead relaxed again, nodding and trying to turn his attention to the movie.
âHappy midsummer day, Karkat.â
âI love you, Toby.â
âAnd I love you.â
"Woo-hoo"
[#NSFW, #Dirkkat, #AU Kat, #Blackrom, #Hate-fucking, #Tentabulges, #Broken teacups, #Traumatic mentioning of Sims]
"Waiting"
[#AU Kat, #Davekat, #Pale feels]
"Pink"
[#AU Kat, #Fabukat, #Gender confusion, #Pink, #Dress-up time]
âKanaya.â
This isn't fair         #humanstuck #highschoolstuck #treekar #cuddlingÂ
Karkat woke up, yawning and rolling over once more. Whatever, he had no reason to wake up today. That was, until he heard his phone buzzing multiple times, and as he checked it he saw he already had several missed calls. A rush of worry went through his body, so he picked up quickly. âToby?â
âKarkat! Good morning, I, uhm.. Can I just come over and hide? I uh.. Iâm actually already in your house because I was followed by this gang and eheheh Iâm in the bathroom with the door locked.â
âToby, what did you do this time?â
â.. They were destroying the plants in the park!â
â.. Get your ass out of there.â
âBut what if they get in here?â
âDo they know youâre here?â
âNo?â
âThen they wonât. Get your ass out of there.â
Karkat heard some stumbling in the bathroom, which was next to his bedroom, and sighed as his best friend emerged from the room. âIdiot.â
Toby pouted as he sat down on the bed. âAm not.â
âWait while I freshen up.â
Entering the bathroom himself, Karkat shook his head, brushing his teeth and showering quickly. He put on the pants in which he slept again afterwards and got back, lying down on his bed and facing Toby. âYou shouldnât try and fucking protect everything, youâll end up hurt yourself.â
Toby remained quiet, eyeing the otherâs shirtless body and then lying down to cling onto Karkat. âYou should fight for the things important to you, right?â
â.. Hmpf.â Karkat didnât answer, as he knew heâd give his life for the only thing important to him. Which was the guy clinging onto him. He slowly wrapped his arms around Toby as well, closing his eyes as if heâd go back to sleep. The curtains were still closed, so the room was dark enough. âYouâre still an idiot.â
âI love you,â Toby simply replied, smiling brightly and feeling a lot safer in Karkatâs arms. And also a lot warmer, and more comfortable, and happy, completely ignoring the butterflies in your stomach as you laid there. Maybe you could convince Karkat to have you there all day, just cuddling? Thatâd be nice.
Karkat replied only by tightening his grip around the other and nuzzling his nose against the red hair, taking in the scent. If only Toby loved him that way, if only he could kiss- no, bad thoughts. Thatâd never happen. The butterflies in his stomach and his thoughts that kept racing whenever they were this close begged to differ, though. âIâm going to get breakfast. Make yourself at home, not like you wonât otherwise, but whatever.â
Letting go of Toby, Karkat stood up and went to the kitchen, where he retrieved two slices of bread. After coating them with Nutella, which was good since it contained chocolate, he ate them and prepared a cup of tea for his guest. Then he headed back upstairs.
Toby, in meanwhile, turned on the television in Karkatâs room and put in the first movie he found, pressing play as he heard footsteps coming back up. It was the perfect crime, there was no way Karkat would make him leave if they were watching a movie.
Entering his room, Karkat saw that Toby had indeed made himself at home and started watching a movie. One of the better romcoms, actually. Shaking his head slightly, he sat down on his bed. âHere,â he said, holding out the tea.
Smiling brightly, Toby took the tea, pressing an enthusiastic kiss against Karkatâs cheek as if that was the most normal thing in the world. âThank you!â
Karkat shook his head once more. âIdiot,â he answered, lying down on his bed and pressing his face against his pillow momentarily, then turning to watch the television. âDo you need me to put on a shirt?â He wasnât usually comfortable partly naked, but Toby had seen him like that multiple times.
Toby, of course, didnât mind one bit that Karkat was like that, so he shook his head as he sipped his tea. âThatâs okay.â
And so they watched the movie, Toby lying back down as he finished his tea and snuggling against Karkat, who wrapped his arms back in place around his best friend so they were in a spooning position, both being able to watch the television, both trying to ignore the butterflies.
Karkat thought it was good that Toby couldnât see his face, which had a permanent smile plastered on it.
Toby thought it was good Karkat couldnât see his face as he was constantly blushing lightly.
As things got romantic in the movie, Karkat nuzzled against Toby as the butterflies in his stomach intensified the fluttering of their wings.
This resulted in a soft purring sound from Toby, who immediately blushed brighter and kept his eyes focused on the movie as if it didnât happen.
This continued till the movie ended, at which point Toby turned around so he was facing his best friend, though he was still pressed against him as well. âThat was a good movie,â he said cheerfully, his usual smile on his face.
âIt was, huh?â Karkat answered, still smiling softly as well. He really wanted to kiss Toby, found himself slowly leaning in and then averted his lips to press against the otherâs forehead instead. âThis isnât fair.â
Toby, as Karkat had leaned in, had made the same movement, being disappointed as the lips pressed on his forehead instead, but not letting it ruin his mood, or the mood that hung around right now. âWhat isnât?â
â.. Nothing,â Karkat mumbled, biting his lip softly as he looked at the way too beautiful face of the redhead.
âNow that isnât fair,â Toby retorted, a childish pout appearing on his face as he gazed in Karkatâs eyes.
âItâs nothing, Toby,â Karkat answered, looking back into the green eyes of the other and blushing softly.
âKarkat?â
âYes?â
âIâm happy.â
Karkat nodded softly, still gazing in the otherâs eyes. âThatâs good.â
âNo, you make me happy.â
Blushing brighter now, Karkat looked at the tv that was still playing credits instead, embarrassed. âI donât do anything.â
âYouâre always there for me and cuddle with me.â
âI should be the one telling you this, not the other way around.â
âSo I make you happy, too?â Toby inquired, smiling brightly.
Karkat nodded softly as he turned his eyes back to look at Tobyâs face, still blushing.
And he found Toby looking at his lips, blushing softly himself.
âCan I..?â
âYes?â Karkat inquired, his voice but a whisper.
Toby turned his head away, burying it against Karkatâs chest instead and clinging as close to him as possible. âNever mind.â Â
Nuzzling against his best friend, Karkat hid his own face in the ginger hair, pressing a kiss in between it and closing his eyes once more, definitely being disappointed. âAre you okay?â
âYes, Iâm fine.â
âGood.â
âKarkat?â
âHmm?â
âCan we stay like this? For the rest of the day?â
âSure we can,â Karkat answered, his smile and blush hidden from sight as he cuddled with the redhead.
Wrapping his arms tighter around the other and pressing a kiss on his bare chest, as thatâs where his lips reached, Toby smiled. âThank you.â
âItâs my pleasure,â Karkat answered after letting out a soft and happy sigh. He closed his eyes, ready to enjoy the rest of the day.
"Anglerfish"
[#Interspecies Connection, #Aquariumstuck AU, #Merman, #AU Karkat, #Hinted Romance, #Almost Drowning, #Confused Aliens]
The start of something new              #humanstuck #highschoolstuck #amusement park #treekar
Karkat pressed his hands to his flushed face as he woke up, making a noise that was something between a growl and a whimper. The alarm kept ringing next to his head, but he ignored it for a while as he recalled his dream. It had been nice, Toby had featured in it. Lately most of his dreams involved Toby, but so did most of his nightmares. Thisâd been a good one, though, one where.. Where they kissed, and cuddled, and did all kinds of couple things together. A sigh escaped Karkatâs lips: he knew it was just a dream, just a lie. There was no way Toby liked him back, even if he himself had finally identified his feelings and realized he was hopelessly in love with his best friend.
Bastard.
This week had been the last week of school. His alarm was ringing on this Saturday morning as he was going to an amusement park. It hadnât been his idea, but Toby had decided that it was the perfect way to start summer vacation. And Karkat never full-heartedly objected to any idea concerning spending a day not alone. Especially not if his company was going to be the little shit that had changed so much in his life.
As he hit the button of the alarm to shut it up, his head went back to before he met Treekat. Which he called himself usually, though Karkat preferred Toby. He didnât feel any positive emotions back then, he didnât have any reason to live. His life had changed for the better, and though he didnât feel like he deserved it, he was.. sort of happy now.
As he went through his morning routine, he knew he was already âtoo lateâ, or at least according to his best friend, as the smell of freshly baked pancakes came from his kitchen. Seriously, what was this dudeâs problem? Maybe he should start locking his door so unwanted guests couldnât enter. Or at least not before he wanted them to. He shook his head as he showered, brushed his teeth, tried to straighten his hair and put on some clothes. Then he headed downstairs.
âYou know, itâs rude to enter someoneâs house when theyâre still fucking sleeping. And also creepy,â Karkat greeted his best friend as he stood in the doorway to the kitchen.
âGood morning, Karkat!â Sounded the upbeat voice of Toby Arkbre, a smile on his face as he was doing one of the many things he excelled at. Which didnât really make Karkat feel any better, but the other really was good at baking things. Whatever.
âMorning. Weâre not leaving for another hour, right? What are you doing here?â
âMaking you breakfast! You need to eat properly before you have a day filled with fun!â
âI can take care of myself.â
âBut, KarkatâŠÂ Pancakes.â
âYes, youâre making pancakes. Very good, Toby!â Karkat said sarcastically. He was such a nice person in the morning.
âDelicious pancakes, Karkat. And weâre going to eat all of them together.â
Together? Hadnât the other eaten yet? That was new. Not that Karkat minded. His gaze stayed on Toby a second too long, affectionately, then he directed it to two plates slowly filling up with pancakes. It seemed like a nice breakfast, just.. Ugh. How was he supposed to react to it?
He rested his arms on top of the table, then his head on top of them as he let out a sigh, consequently hiding his face. He couldnât handle this.
But apparently he didnât have to, as a plate was placed before him and his head slowly raised by two soft hands with slender fingers. âTime to have breakfast, Karkat! Are you nervous?â
Karkat was acting odd, according to Toby, but then he realized it was morning. That explained quite a lot. Theyâd have fun later today, right? The other would âwake upâ sooner or later.
Sitting up straight, Karkat managed the slightest of smiles. âThanks.â
He was rewarded by a very bright smile on Treekatâs face. âYouâre the bestest friend in the world, youâre welcome, of course!â The smile on Karkatâs face had brought a light blush on Tobyâs, but that wasnât that uncommon. So the other sat down across from his best friend. âI hope you like them.â
And then they both ate, silently, glancing at each other every now and then and looking away quickly to make sure that it wouldnât be noticed. And soon enough, their plates were emptied, put in the sink to be taken care of later and they were on their way to the amusement park.
Maybe a bit too soon, thought Karkat.
Itâll be lots of fun, thought Treekat.
Karkat was definitely getting nervous, which showed in his behavior, as he stood closer to the only source of comfort in his world than he would usually do. Bus rides were uncomfortable, spending a day with Toby was fun but always somewhat scary and amusement parks had lots of rides. Karkat didnât want to ruin the day by being scared.
Toby didnât notice the change in proximity, just smiled and chattered happily during the ride though he got little response. âOh! Weâll take the roller coasters and go through the haunted house and we can get cotton candy,â he ranted, images of them doing so playing in his head.
âHmm,â was the only response Karkat granted, shifting a bit closer and biting his lip. Stupid habit he still couldnât seem to break.
Toby tilt his head to the side. âKarkat, youâre biting your lip.â
Karkat nodded.
âAre you okay?â
And once again he nodded.
Toby put his arms around the other and hugged him. âItâll be fun!â
Why did the other always have to hug? Karkat wasnât sure what he thought about the gesture, especially not in public. âYeah,â he simply answered, as the bus finally came to a stop.
They got out, stood in queue for tickets for a while and then entered the park. âLook, balloons!â Treekat exclaimed, pulling his best friend along.
It took some convincing, but Karkat managed to get his friend to wait for the floating rabbit heâd instantly seemed attracted to. They couldnât carry it around all day, right? Theyâd buy one later.
Treekatâs happiness seemed to slowly rub off on Karkat, or at least make him slightly more relaxed. If his best friend was happy, he had no reason not to be, right?
âSo, roller coaster?â Toby inquired, and as the response he got was a short nod he grabbed the otherâs hand and started pulling him along.
Karkat blushed as his hand was grabbed, but walked along, fighting the fluttery feeling in his stomach and shaking his head. Just a friendly gesture, Karkat, nothing more. Never anything more. But he felt as if people were watching them, so the blushing intensified.
As they finally came to a stop at the queue before the roller coaster, Toby turned around and tilt his head to the side as he saw the otherâs face was flushed red. Immediately he put his free hand on Karkatâs forehead. âYou donât have a fever.â
âWhat?â Karkat exclaimed, snapping out of it and forcing his blush to fade. âNo, of course I donât have a fucking fever.â
âYou were red.â
âYeah.â
The conversation was discontinued as the queue advanced, as they were assigned a cart together. Toby was obviously excited, but Karkat was getting more and more nervous, his face becoming pale as he stared in front of himself.
âItâs perfectly safe, Karkat. Itâll be fun, just relax,â Toby said happily, grabbing the otherâs hand again. âAnd if anything happens, Iâll save you!â
That didnât make Karkat feel any better as it was coming from the most reckless boy he knew. âAlright.â
Then the carts started moving and Karkat clenched Tobyâs hands in his own tightly.
As they went up the construction first, Karkat closed his eyes, holding them like that and ready for a collision and immediate death when they went down- but that didnât happen, and he opened his eyes and started laughing instead. What had he been so scared for? This was amazing, like you were soaring through the sky.
âThis is amazing!â He exclaimed, turning his head to face Toby.
Who was facing him as well, a big grin on his face. âI know!â
They went through a looping, both screaming and laughing and thoroughly enjoying the ride. Their hands were still intertwined, but neither of them cared at this point.
Karkat never wouldâve thought itâd be this fun, and the ride stopped far too quickly as they got out, both their hair messed up and both with big grins on his face. Though Karkatâs didnât last as long, as his muscles started hurting, and as Toby almost fell over.
Catching him, Karkat frowned. âAre you alright?â
And Toby laughed, nodding. âYeah, just a bit dizzy, donât worry.â And so they got on with their day.
They went in other roller coasters, they got cotton candy. They enjoyed all rides and time seemed to fly by until a voice announced the park would close within ten minutes.
âKarkat!â Treekat exclaimed. âMy balloon!â
Karkat raised an eyebrow, then remembered. âRight, letâs get you one.â But as they walked, they saw the man was already cleaning up.
And a frown appeared on Treekatâs face. Seeing that, Karkat started running. âWait here.â
âCan I buy a balloon?â
âIâm closing up.â
âYou canât, the park is still open.â
âYouâre too late, bud.â
âIn your fucking dreams. Iâm pretty sure youâre paid till exactly 5 oâ clock and itâs not that yet.â
âOh, youâve read my contract now?â
âHow much is the rabbit balloon?â
The man sighed, shaking his head and giving in. âFine. Ten dollars.â
Karkat handed over the money and took the balloon, heading back to his best friend and feeling a weird sense of accomplishment. âThere you go.â
He was greeted by another hug, a kiss on his cheek. âThank you, Karkat!â
And now he blushed, pressing the tie attached to the balloon in the otherâs hand and looking at the ground. He never knew whether kisses were platonic or not. For now, he decided they were, returning the gesture on the tip of Tobyâs nose and smiling. âNo problem.â The fight put aside, heâd do anything for the other.
They went back with the bus, walked to Karkatâs house.
âI canât stay, I need to get home and make dinner,â Toby mused as they walked.
Karkat nodded. They were holding hands once again and he kept looking at them, then away with a light blush as his stomach was assaulted once more. Fucking feelings.
They reached his house, Toby looking happy and adorable with the balloon in his hand and Karkat opening the door, then turning around to face the other again.
âI-â, they both started, then Toby laughed. âYou can go first.â
Karkat bit his lip, looking at the ground. âIt was fun. I really fucking enjoyed today.â
âSo did I,â Toby answered, putting his arms around his best friend once more. He definitely was adorable when his somewhat shy side showed. âIâll see you again soon, okay? Weâll definitely hang out this summer.â
Karkat nodded, returning the hug, something he didnât do often. He didnât want to let go, so he didnât for a while. He really hoped theyâd hang out often. Missing Toby didnât seem like a good thing. âRight. See you later.â
And then he let go of the other, shutting the door behind him quickly as to not make a fool of himself. He walked to his bedroom, falling down in his bed and hugging a pillow, then hiding his face against it. Why did this have to happen to him?
As his phone made a noise, he almost reflexively grabbed it. The face lit up only briefly but he was able to read the text. Three words, sent by the only one that ever contacted him. âI love you.â
A bright blush appeared on Karkatâs face, hidden from the world by a pillow and recovering enough to be able to respond, an exact replica of the message heâd received. âI love you.â
And the words echoed in his head as he laid there, happier than heâd ever been.
"Movie Date"
[#AU Kats, #Horrible Taste in Flush Crushes, #First Kisses]
"The Idiotic Notion of True Love"
[#AU Kats, #Karkatcest, #Blatant fantasy selfcest, #Unrequited flushed emotions, #Heartbreak, #Denial, #Reckless/Desperate decisions]