Contrary to unpopularity Kanye West is still my favorite rapper. No one asked me, but I am writing the story sooo I’m just giving you a little intro before I get into it…
Now...anyone that knows me well (about 18 people) knows that my favorite quote is from a rapper that is NOT Kanye West. “You can do it put your back into it” is my absolute favorite lyric/quote/mantra what have you. YeahEYeaheeee (is that how you spell that?). Anyway I repeat that Ice cube quote literally everyday. I have another favorite quote. I don’t know how many favorites you can actually have but Spellman University’s (an HBCU not as great as NCCU, but I’m biased) motto- “Find a way or make a way”- have been so inspirational to me daily.
Light the sage and tell Alexa to que Jazmine Sullivan - any song because they’re all my mood right now- and listen to this shit...
Have you ever? Hypothetically of course...
Have you ever been served a civil suit for temporary and full custody of your infant breastfeeding daughter by your fiancé with whom you share a residence?
Have you ever been told repeatedly that “nobody likes you”, “you’re mean”, “you’re unkind”, “you don’t answer the phone pleasant enough”, “you’re a horrible mother because you allowed your four-year-old child to call another man (that’s living under the same roof) dad?
Have you ever been told “I wish you would die” as you hold your beautiful one-month old baby daughter by the man with whom you thought you grow old?
Have you ever been accused of “trapping” someone with a baby and only wanting their money even though you went through the entire IVF process to create a child together by the person who paid for the treatment?
Have you ever been sitting in a room and overheard your boyfriend at the time tell his best friend that you were harassing him about a baby? ...He can’t be talking about the same baby that he just paid $12,000 of his own money to have his ish placed in a Petri dish with my eggs because his count was drastically low.
Have you ever been cheated on so many times that you can’t even gather the tears to cry?
Have you ever been told that you should expect cheating from a man that pays all the bills?
Have you ever been told you should allow disrespect from a man because he’s not a “regular nigga”…he’s wealthy?
Have you ever come home from grabbing a milkshake to find your friend disheveled and flustered, rushing to her car barefoot saying she has to get out of your house?
Have you ever left your drunken friend in your daughter’s bed to keep her safe only to have her accuse your boyfriend of pulling off her panties and giving her a vagina a kiss without her consent?
Has one of your closest friends ever accused your boyfriend of sexual assault/ pretty much rape?
Have you ever had proof that someone was cheating on you and you show that person their own dick pics and they say they didn’t do it?
Have you ever read text messages to another woman from your fiancé and the other woman mentions your name, your daughters name annnnnd knows that your pregnant?
Have you ever heard a rumor that someone from your fiancé’s church was having sex with your fiancé while you were pregnant and find out that it was true?
Have you ever uprooted your small child’s comfortable life to move to a state that you don’t wish to live for a man who picks apart everything you do?
Have you ever been told not to work and then work part time during a global pandemic while you’re pregnant and homeschooling two kids in two different grades and then told months later that you “only came down here and got pregnant for the money”?
Have you ever had your boyfriend curse you out in front of your friends?
Has your boyfriend ever cursed out one of your friends?
Have you ever had lies told on you by your own fiancé in order for him to make himself look good to others who don’t ever care about him?
Have you ever decided to leave and start over with virtually nothing and have a millionaire who is also your child’s father accuse you of stealing lamps al while calling you several “broke bitches”, a monster thot and telling you he doesn’t care if you sleep on the floor but then wants to be friends?
Have you ever had to take your infant daughter and six-year-old to the damn Doubletree hotels and suites to live for 13 nights because the verbal and emotional torture was turning into minor shoving and more intense arguments over nothingness?
Have you ever been accused of not allowing a person to let them see their child when you sleep under the same roof?
Have you ever been accused of using your child as a pawn by someone who was using your child as a pawn?
Have you ever been sent photos of about 20 onesies in a closet telling you that you’ve taken all of the baby shower gifts when you also have the baby?
Have you ever feared for your child’s safety?
Has anyone ever tried so badly to make everyone the introduced you too hate your guts?
Have you ever lost 20lbs of weight in three weeks due to stress?
Have you ever had to move three times with an infant child and a six-year-old in a two-month span of time?
Have you ever been so tired you forget to eat?
Have you ever just been so freaking tired?
Have you ever given up everything and trusted someone and then left with virtually nothing but your clothes and your daughters clothes and toys and still get accused of taking a fucking $79.99 dollar throw rug from Homegoods?
Have you ever felt inadequate?
Has someone ever made you feel like you don’t deserve love?
Has someone ever made you feel like a nutcase for feeling hurt?
Has anyone ever tried to tell everyone that you’re crazy in order to discredit everything you say?
Has someone ever offered to buy you a purse when a random girl found your private Instagram account to tell you the person you love was sucking her pussy in Miami?
Has anyone offered to buy you a bag in order to shut you up about a realtor with very split ends?
Has anyone ever made up lies and woke you up out of your sleep to tell them to you?
Have you ever felt so low you can’t do anything but cry your grown ass to sleep at night?
Has it ever taken you two years to realize it’s not you?
Have you ever been imperfect?
Have you ever just needed to breath and think? …You can do it, put your back into it (lol corny AF, but seriously).
Have you ever had to spend nearly 40K cash (every penny you fucking had) in the span of two months to make sure you and your daughters have a roof over your head and some forks and furniture?
Have you ever been thankful that you were able to do so?
Have you ever had to accept every helping hand extended to you?
Have you ever been postpartum and delirious?
Have you ever wanted to scream fuuuuuckkkkk?
Have you ever just wanted to call/hug your mom or dad and can’t?
Have you ever cried Pink Himalayan Sea Salt tears to one of your best friends over French toast?
Have you ever felt like why is this happening to me?
Hopefully you haven’t…but if you had I would hug you. I would scream the ICE Cube quote obnoxiously over an imaginary mic. I would encourage you to have the strength to leave. I would tell you to seek therapy. I would tell you that you aren’t crazy. I would drive all the way from Philly to help you build the crib for your daughter, I would babysit your oldest daughter while you pulled extra shifts, I would watch your oldest daughter for an entire weekend so she just walked into her new home, I would keep your daughter for two weeks while she was in virtual school so she didn’t have to see her mom in such a low spot, I would buy you groceries, I would come and wipe down your hotel bathroom and all the other surfaces b/c duh coronavirus, I would tell you that just because you aren’t getting physically hit doesn’t mean you aren’t experiencing abuse, I would have a bonfire and give you a candle and some flowers and some very tight hugs, I would make you three fire ass playlists, I would encourage you and tell you that you are valuable and loved. I would check on you weekly, I would go to brunch with you, I would pay your phone bill, I would let you and your daughters spend the week at my house and make you watch that horrible meek mill movie on volume 100, I would book you a hotel room and invite all of your closest friends to have a spa day, I would take a half day off to let the movers into your storage unit, I would let you ship furniture to my house, I would make you share your location with me so I knew you were safe, I would help you literally unpack your entire house, I would help you find an attorney, I would give you free legal advice, I would order you wallpaper, I would just listen, I would help you wash all of your new dishes and sheets, I would walk through ikea with you for hours, I would love you…I would do anything I could, I would be the friend all of my friends were to me.
How could I even question my self worth, my energy, my spirit, my personality when I am obviously getting back all of this positive energy and love. Who were you to think that you couldn’t find a way or make a way?
blakekathryn
jacobvanloon
theartofmadeline
kianamaiart
