Thomas-Jay

[trextom]

5 years on T and it must be 3-4 years since top surgery. I'm happy with my body.

[trextom]

5 years 🤯 never ever thought I'd get here! I don't really think about "being Trans" anymore. I just see myself as the guy I've always been. Everyone is different and no one fits into a certain criteria. You do what you want to do and don't follow just because you think you'll be more "manly" if you do a certain hobby or like a certain thing.

Let go of what you think people expect of you and do what you feel is right, it's your life and you should be able to love yourself and enjoy each moment. There are definitely challenges but you come out stronger than ever, don't let anyone tell you how to live your life.

We are grateful to be here 🙏🏻

P.s - I'll post photos once my hair is cut 😁

[trextom]

I've had such a good day today!

I feel a massive change in me recently. It's like negative thoughts arent really a thing for me at the moment. I feel like as soon as I feel negative energy coming I brush it off and focus on the positive. I am in disbelief! How am I feeling so good!

I really hope this continues! I've been meditating for about 3 weeks now, listening to a self help book and trying to lucid dream. I'm venturing onto new things and learning more and more about myself. I have been writing in a journal for 2 weeks aswell.

I feel more confident but not to the extent I would like to be, but it's definitely a step forward. I feel more self love which is crazy! And feeling alot more positive about things and don't want to be near negativity.

The date is 19/05/2020 and I just want this to be on record that today I was happy and if I'm ever feeling low then I want to look back on this and remind myself that I've got it.

[trextom]

Continuing my ratings on Buffy epidodes

Season 5

Buffy Vs Dracula- 3/10

Real me- 3/10

The replacement- 4/10

Out of my mind- 3/10

No place like home- 5/10

Family- 5/10

Fool for love- 4/10

Shadow- 4/10

Listening to fear- 5/10

Into the woods- 6/10

Triangle-4/10

Checkpoint- 4/10

Blood ties- 4/10

Crush- 5/10

I was made to love you-3/10

The body- 9/10 *cry*

Forever- 7/10

Intervention-8/10

Tough love- 7/10

Spiral- 8/10

The weight of the world- 9/10

The gift- 10/10 *cry*

Season 6

Bargaining part 1- 6/10

Bargaining part 2- 7/10

Afterlife- 6/10

Flooded- 5/10

Life serial- 9/10

All the way- 6/10

Once more with feeling- 10/10

Tabula Rasa- 10/10

Smashed- 7/10

Wrecked- 8/10

Gone- 7/10

Doublemeat palace- 6/10

Dead things-7/10

Older and faraway- 6/10

As you were-4/10

Hell's bells- 9/10

Normal again- 8/10

Entropy- 8/10

Villans- 8/10 *cry*

Two to go- 7.5

Grave- 10/10 *cry*

Season 7

Leasons- 4/10

Beneath you- 5/10

Same time same place- 5/10

Help- 6/10

Selfless-8/10

Him- 6/10

Conversations with dead people- 5/10

Sleeper-5/10

Never leave me-6/10

Bring on the night- 7/10

Showtime- 6/10

Potential- 7/10

The killer in me-7/10

Get it done- 7/10

Storytelling- 7/10

Lies my parents told me- 6/10

Dirty girls- 7/10

Empty places-5/10

Touched- 9/10 *cry*

End of days- 9/10*cry*

Chosen-10/10*cry*

Buffy is personally the best show ever made! I've researched it countless amounts of times and I always feel like I'm watching it for the first time. It makes me laugh, makes me cry and I've never loved made up characters so much as I do with Buffy. Every character has so much development throughout the whole series. Personally I feel all there emotions and what they are going through. Some quotes really pull on my heart and just make me question alot of things about life and love. We are given this chance, this moment, to do everything we can to get by. To feel all the bad and the good, to gain from this experience and develop. Ever since I first watched it I always felt a strong connection to spike, I had pictures of him everywhere and I literally wanted to be him!

If it wasn't for this show I am 100% sure I wouldn't be who I am today, I honestly want to watch it all over again right now because I think it's honestly that amazing!

[trextom]

So today im 4 years on Testosterone! Words I never thought I'd ever say! Looking back on the past four years is madness. I remember each stage, the gender counciling every month, then waiting for the gender clinic to say I've been referred and then waiting months and months for an appointment. I remember how scared I was about the whole situation, if I was doing the right thing. After about 9months or so of going the gic I was allowed to have testosterone. When you've been waiting for so long for something that literally has saved your life in many ways the feeling was out of this world. I couldn't believe that I was going to get my first shot and I was excited for every change that happened. Now 4 years later my voice is deeper, I am hairy as fuck, my face shape changed, my toes got bigger I swear! Haha. I've had top surgery and a hysterectomy! Like who the fuck would of thought I would of done all of this!

Although I am not out in everybody's face about being trans, I am the most proud of myself for doing all of this. I remember before starting T and watching videos of people saying "this is my voice 4 years on T" and I never ever thought I'd actually be here. It's incredible really, I really can't believe it's going be 5 years next year! Its crazy to think I was once classed as a girl and now I get to show the world how wrong they were :)

[trextom]

A months progress, I don't workout as much as I should but I am proud of how much strength I keep on building. It may not seem alot to others but to me it is! Did 8 reps of a 50kg deadlift today :) continually hitting new personal bests which gives me a sense of achievement.

[trextom]

I've decided to rate every episode of Buffy the vampire slayer from 1-10.

Season one-

Welcome to the hellmouth- 3/10

The harvest - 3/10

Witch- 1/10

Teacher's pet- 1/10

Never kill a boy on the first date - 2/10

The pack- 2/10

Angel-3/10

I robot you Jane- 2/10

The puppet show- 3/10

Nightmares- 2/10

Out of sight,out of mind- 3/10

The prophecy girl- 3/10

Now season one isn't the best but I'm very harsh on my ratings.

Season 2-

When she was bad- 4/10

Some assembly required- 2/10

School hard- 5/10

Inca mummy girl- 2/10

Reptile boy- 2/10

Halloween- 5/10

Lie to me- 5/10

The dark age- 3/10

What's my line part 1- 4/10

What's my line part 2- 4/10

Ted- 1/10

Bad eggs- 1/10

Suprise- 5/10

Innocence- 6.5/10

Phases- 2/10

Betwitched, bothered and bewildered - 4/10

Passion- 6.5/10

Killed by death-1/10

I only have eyes for you- 3/10

Go fish- 2/10

Becoming part 1- 5/10

Becoming part 2- 7/10 *cried*

I didn't think I loved season 2 as much as I do! It's just full of so many great episodes.

Season 3-

Anne- 2/10

Dead man's party- 2/10

Faith,hope and trick- 2/10

The beauty and the beast- 2/10

Homecoming- 2/10

Band candy- 3/10

Revelations- 3/10

Lovers walk- 7/10 *lil cry*

The wish- 6/10

Amends- 6/10 *lil cry*

Gingerbread- 2/10

Helpless- 3/10

The zeppo- 2/10

Bad girls- 2/10

Consequences-2/10

Doppleganger- 7/10

Enemies- 5/10

Earshot- 4/10

Choices- 3/10

The prom- 7/10 *lil cry*

Graduation day part 1- 5/10

Graduation day part 2- 7/10

Season 3 again full of so much! Starts off abit slow but really picks up.

Season 4-

The freshman- 1/10

Living conditions- 1/10

The harsh day of light- 1/10

Fear itself- 3/10

Beer bad- 2/10

Wild at heart- 4/10

The initiative- 3/10

Pangs- 3/10

Something blue- 7/10

Hush- 8/10

Doomed- 6/10

A new man- 7/10

The I in team- 4/10

Goodbye Iowa- 3/10

This year's girl- 4/10

Who are you- 5/10

Superstar- 2/10

Where the wild things are- 3/10

New moon rising- 6/10

The Yoko factor- 6/10

Primevil- 5/10

Restless- 10/10

Season 4 is full of Riley, the initiative and werewolves and Adam. Not the best season but restless is one of the best episodes and clicks so many past and future episodes together into one. It's pure genius!

I will post the last 3 seasons once I've watched and rated them. I have loved this show since I was a teen and I never thought to rate every episode. If it wasn't for this show I feel like I wouldn't be me.

[trextom]

February 2020 - been doing a full body workout this month. 3 days a week, pushing myself to try and reach new levels. Also trying to eat more so I can actually gain weight but it never seems to work for me. All I can do is try my best, I shouldn't compare my body to others.

[trextom]

This month I committed myself to 30 days of yoga. Trying to go the gym when I can too. I have enjoyed it more than I thought, I definitely need to continue to try and stretch my hamstrings as I can't straighten them. I feel like doing yoga has and will improve my form at the gym and focus more on breathing. Rest is also important so I can get the best out of my body. I want to take time for myself and my mind to become a stronger person.

No picture update as I don't feel it's needed. Trying to find the best routine for myself

[trextom]

Second month at the gym, I know there isn't much difference in pictures but I am trying. Trying to keep on top of technic and still finding what's good for me. Trying to hit the same muscle twice a week. Next year I hope to keep up with this and see some big improvements but I know I have to be patient and the gains will come

[trextom]

Getting back into the gym has been very tough! I have had aches and pains which has made me delay going back for a couple days. I've changed my program pretty much every week as I have been trying to find the right one. I hope to figure everything out and gain strength.

[trextom]

Joined the gym again, thought I'd try and take pics every month and see if I progress. This is me after not really working out for around a year! Hopefully I see a big transformation in a year's time.

[trextom]

Silent bodies in a line,

Destination out of mind,

Blank canvas fresh out of paint,

Deep inside twisted particles,

Split and frayed,

Inside a locked room,

No one wants to see,

The blank canvas that is inside of me.

[trextom]

What are we doing?

I have been thinking alot lately about what we are doing here on this earth.. I am pretty sure no one wants to be here because no one is taking it seriously (me included)

Drinking alcohol, taking drugs, eating whatever we want, people arguing, fighting,murders,suicides,war, global warming,racism,sexism, discrimination..

I don't think we all understand how important life is, how it can be over in any second, your heart beating right now is what's keeping you alive. That banging inside your chest, pumping blood, making everything work the way it's meant to.. why are we doing anything we can to stop it beating. We have one chance to live, so why are we filling out bodies with poison. Why are we hating on people for living there life. Why are we destroying everything around us.

You don't know how much time you have left, you don't know the effects from the posion that could make your life even worse than it is. I understand depression and I understand people have bad times, but I really think we need to open our eyes and see that we have one chance!

Connect with eachother,make people smile, fill your bodies with great things, don't make the mistake of letting a wonderful life go. I am telling myself this because I don't want to be or see life get taken away.

Please listen

[trextom]

3 years and 1 month

Not much has changed, T levels still not settled.

But today I found hairs have been growing on my upper chest, where my neck ends. I have been secretly turning into a bear without me realising! I can wait for these beauties to spread and then I'll fully be a bear! 🐻

[trextom]

Hysto recovery

11 weeks ago I had my hysto, looking back it wasn't a bad surgery and alot easier compared to top surgery.

Around 6 weeks after I went back to work, I work as a baker so it involves quiet alot of lifting, for the first 2-3 weeks they trained me how to make cream cakes and more of the counter side which didn't involve alot of lifting, my stomach did feel some pain now and they after doing any type of lifting but not really during.

This week I have been doing my normal bakery job, trying to take care when lifting but I have had pain mostly everyday, it's not in the center of my stomach but my sides, it feels like a tight pain like something is gripping onto me. Again I don't feel this pain when I am doing the activities,it's after and lasts quiet a long time.

I'm not sure if this is related to my surgery or if it's just because I haven't used them muscles in a long time that it's bringing a strain to them.

The thing is I really want to go back the gym but I am scared that with this pain I'm not really going to help myself. I'm hoping that next week the Pain starts to disappear and I can go back to my normal rate of work instead of trying to take it easy.

[trextom]

3 weeks post hysto

I am now 3 weeks post hysterectomy, the first couple of days home I was in a bit of pain, the ride home was horrible and I felt every bump in the road. Getting in and out of bed was also quiet difficult at first. It wasn't as bad as I expected though. I kept my plasters over my stiches on for around 4-5 days Changing them everyday I probably could of took them off after 2 days or less but I was being extra careful. The next difficult bit was going the toilet, everytime I had a piss I felt like there was more left and kept getting a tight pain in my left side. Then there was number 2s this was so difficult and frustrating, but eventually I got the hang of it and have no problems with going the toilet anymore.

I did have some bleeding and still now and then do, but I went the doctor's and they said it was normal and did checks on me and said unless it gets worse then it's fine, so that's okay I guess.

Now on week 3 I have one of my stiches left which is the belly button stich as the others have fell out (which they are meant to do) I don't have any pain unless I really strain myself. I feel like I could do anything normal but I'm just scared incase I do hurt myself. I have a sick note to last 3 more weeks but depending on how I feel I might go back earlier as I am very bored.