HOGWARTS EXPOSÉ

THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH YOU CAN BURY, BECAUSE I AM NOT DONE WITH YOU YET. YOU'RE IN FOR A RECKONING, EVERY DIRTY SECRET YOU'VE HIDDEN, EVERY LIE YOU'VE TOLD, EVERYTHING YOU THOUGHT WAS SAFELY TUCKED AWAY, WON'T STAY HIDDEN FOR LONG. SOME CALL IT REVENGE, I CONSIDER IT JUSTICE.

[triwzardgossip]

are their any relationships you're hoping to see in the future?

- ̗̀  SPEAKING — i don’t know about any future relationships, but my current number one is isadora and her chastity belt.

[triwzardgossip]

oh merlin, please dont let it be #teamharrison vs #teamteddie thing... hogwarts has more than enough drama as it is!

- ̗̀  SPEAKING — unfortunately, i do make any endorsements to anyone other than #teamdrama.

[triwzardgossip]

i have a feeling brooklyn fortescue is going to break at least one heart during the year. is it bad that i'm waiting for it?

- ̗̀  SPEAKING — nothing brightens my day like a good break up, but you know what’s even better, revenge sex. could you imagine the dirty dancing harrison and teddy could get up to?

[triwzardgossip]

Do you forsee any blooming relationships or impending break-ups between anyone yet?

- ̗̀  SPEAKING — g and v, but we’ll wait till they break the sexual tension again, and defile whatever closet they find themselves digging around next. brooklyn and harrison might have a cute first date, but something tells me that girls got a few teddy-bears hidden under her bed. apollo will break hearts, but that boy was not built to settle down. who knows, perhaps asher will grow a pair, and make a choice that surprises us all!

[triwzardgossip]

i have to confess that lilian snow is too cute for words.

- ̗̀  SPEAKING — i’m almost positive the girl shits rainbows in her freetime. absolute sweetheart. but not to worry, little dove, scandal will find a way into your life soon.

[triwzardgossip]

Pretty share Daphne is on the dark side. ☠️ Stereotypical Slytherin 🐍

- ̗̀  SPEAKING — what a shame she was born a baelish, innit? just think, the peak potential that her bitchiness could have reached, had her family actually mattered.

[triwzardgossip]

curious to know what your opinion is of the ones coming out of the woodwork recently? where have they been hiding and why?

- ̗̀  SPEAKING — well, between you and i — i’m betting it’s some sort of sexual revolution. perhaps instead of bras, we’ll see panties or relationships burning in it’s wake.

[triwzardgossip]

have you heard about harrison asking that fortescue girl out on a date? she seems to be making quite the impression at hogwarts.

- ̗̀  SPEAKING — she’s definitely out of his league, so that leaves us with two reasons why she might have said yes. the first, he’s packing big time in his trousers, second, his money. harryboy you’re cute, but blonde hair, and boobs that perky, that just doesn’t come that easy to a boy so focused on hitting the balls that come flying at his face.

[triwzardgossip]

so i have a crush on this girl from another school. she's way out of my league... any advice on how to fix that?

- ̗̀  SPEAKING — a bottle of firewhiskey and your left hand.

[triwzardgossip]

Just because I'm very curious, what do you think about that Daphne character? She seems like trouble.

- ̗̀  SPEAKING — roses are red, violets are blue, i love trouble — what about you? if there is something tournament needs, it’s a side of unabashed trouble. though, we can’t quite be sure it stems from. i wonder if it’s daddy issues or daddy issues, if you know what i mean!

[triwzardgossip]

who else do you think had a chance to be chosen for the triwizard tournament other than the ones already chosen?

- ̗̀  SPEAKING — everyone i’ve paid attention to far is simply petty to the point their head is up their backside, or just bait to die. i suppose jørgen might have a chance, but i really just want to see what’s hiding under his robes.

[triwzardgossip]

who do you think has the best hair?

- ̗̀  SPEAKING — lilian snow, hands down. she’s cute as a button, and probably won’t bald until her mid 100′s.

[triwzardgossip]

what do you think about all of the older protective brothers? maybe they should give their younger sisters some air.

- ̗̀  SPEAKING — you’re telling me. little lestrange and malfoy, if there ever comes a time you need someone to hide your scandelous tracks, let me know. i promise i won’t tell the wrong people.

[triwzardgossip]

i've heard rumors that the malfoys are glad it wasn't apollo, since he's the carrier of the family name

- ̗̀  SPEAKING — the heir and the spare, a practice purebloods have been following for centuries, i’m not surprised to say the least. however, i wonder how poor apollo sleeps with the guilt at night.

[triwzardgossip]

thoughts on the malfoy's little situation about their sister, artemis?

- ̗̀  SPEAKING — she is missed by us all.

[triwzardgossip]

if you already have, spill the details and help a sister out, homegirl. i want some of that durmstrang daddy for myself

- ̗̀  SPEAKING — listen, there are two hotties in durmstrang and i am so here for both of them. between kjell’s hair and jorgen’s...jorgen, they are just so hard to choose from!

[triwzardgossip]

sorry to crush your dreams but you don't even have a chance with that zadari guy, he seems too guarded

- ̗̀  SPEAKING — you literally have no idea who i am, how can you be sure i haven’t had a taste of his cherry chapstick.