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@tropicaldepression1
The Geritol Gang
https://tropicaldepression.blog/2017/03/21/the-geritol-gang/?iframe=true&theme_preview=true
While at Safeway, the cashier told me that I had just missed all the excitement. Apparently, a gaggle of kids ran out of the store in an attempted robbery, but with what I thought was the dumbest of items. This event made me realize the items I would have stolen as a youth are vastly differant than the booty I would steal now as an almost 50-year-old.Ā
Fashion While in Eternity
https://tropicaldepression.blog/2017/03/17/fashion-w/
I would like to say that Iām a very spiritual person, but Iām not.. Iām just of the belief that I donāt have the time to wonder where my soul will go after death because my current body and mind have so their own issues to deal with
.Ā
Boys Keep it in your Pants!
https://tropicaldepression.blog/2017/03/15/boys-keep-it-in-your-pants/
Converting to a Farm-Gal
https://tropicaldepression.blog/2017/03/17/fashion-w/?iframe=true&theme_preview=true
Is it Really Better to have Loved & Lost?
#love #loss #relationships #overeating #dating #culture #anxiety #famous quotes #dating #humor
While dealing with a bit of heartache, I was thinking of theĀ quote āTis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.ā Alfred Lord Tennyson authored this little nuggetĀ and contrary to popular belief it was never meant to referĀ to romance. It was the result of his best friend and classmate passing away at age 22. Many people make the mistake of attributingĀ this quote toā¦
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Butterflies...Symbolic or Just Another Bug?
#entomology #butterflies #symbolism #hawaii #spiritual #myths #spiritual
Iām attempting to blog everyday, but make no promises as to the value. Bloggers areĀ supposed to be thinking about āquality contentā so lets just say Iām content with it.Ā I had two butterfly experiences this week, which is what precipitated this post. On Tuesday one of theĀ two dogs I was walking stopped to look up at the sky. I did a double-take and saw a tree that was teeming with Hawaiianā¦
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I recently decided that the toys I played with as a child should have been reserved for those living in padded cells. All this childhood torture was for naught since none of these games taught me ā¦
Next Stop Pam's Vagina
Next Stop Pam's Vagina #shame #embarrassment #mortifying #culture #mom #adolescence #humor
Living in Hawaii has made me confront a shame so unique Iām willing to betĀ this particular problem hasnāt happened to anyone else in the world. If you hear of it, by all means forward the information along to me. Most of the issues that cause me discomfort usually deal with bodily fluids such asĀ gas, mucous or anything that looks mucous-like, pee, number two, wax, and anything related to feet. Iā¦
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My Mixed Eggs and Scrambled Feelings
https://wordpress.com/stats/insights/tropicaldepressionweb.wordpress.com
Help a Dane
Heard a report on NPR today that I thought was both cute Ā andĀ stupid.Ā Apparently the rate of skin cancer among Danes (those hailing from Denmark and yes I had to look up) is quite high. A public service announcement (psa) has been created in an effort to decrease the risks of cancer for the Danes and will air in sunny vacation destinations such as Greece, Italy and France.
The announcement pleads with residents of the above countries to be especially nice to Danes that donāt appear to know about the damaging rays of the sun. It suggests that residents give the Dane in question some water and maybe get him or her to a shaded location. I have zero doubt that if I was a resident of Greece, Italy or France, and I tried to a help a Dane, he would think Iām trying to mug him as I shuffle off into the darkness with him.
I have always believed in being nice to strangers and of course animals in need. I donāt have a problem with offering a Dane some assistance. However, I walk around with the weight of the world on my shoulders and now the Danish government wants me to care for their vacationers? Seriously? Do they really not know that their pasty white skin will fry in the sun?
How the hell would I identify a Dane, I didnāt even know what country these guys reside in. Why would anyone listen to me? With over twenty years of experience working with dogs, I canāt even get my clients to listen to me let alone a Dane. I spent a week in Florida during my spring break from college and was advised by a resident that I was roasting. Instead of thanking them, I said āGreat, Iām hoping to get a tan.ā
GAME CHANGER: I watched the psa below and itās hysterical. I just assumed it would be a cold delivery. I guess this is why Iām not a reporter. Iām a horrible person. I lost the version with the exact translation. The description below the link isnāt funny at all. However, watch the commercial, you will at least smirk.
Help a Dane
Every year, thousands of Danes travel to sunny destinations on holiday. Unfortunately, many of them return home with a sunburn. Sunburns are painful in the short run and they increase the risk of skin cancer in the long run.
This is an appeal for help.
You can help The Danish Sun Safety Campaign prevent sunburns and deadly skin cancer by reminding the Danes to remember shade, sun hat and sunscreen.
Sign up now to Help a Dane at helpadane.com
Dating a Centaur
I believe my working with dogs has set the bar higher for me in terms of what I want in a man. Iām looking for a guy who shares the most favorable traits of a dog. Notice I said favorable, this is to rule out licking of the genitals, and rolling or eating of poop.
Perhaps what I need is a Centaur, the half-man, half-horse from Greek Mythology. There are many positives that can be gained from a relationship forged with a Centaur.
I would be able to converse with my Centaur because heās half-man on top. He could also stay up on current events, which we could then discuss afterward. If heās a Trump supporter, he will be shown where the barn door is.
Iām not exactly sure whatās safest for my Centaurās tummy, but I know that Iām sure as hell not eating hay, even laced with chocolate. Going out to eat might cause a challenge because his horse ass wouldnāt fit in a chair. However, my human ass is headed in that same direction so we could commiserate.
Because he would have horse feet, I would have to learn to be a farrier. While he wouldnāt be able to farry (?) his own feet, he could still massage mine. Iām also assuming his feet wouldnāt smell, because his feet are really more cuticle than flesh.
I guess we would have to be careful not to exercise too close to eating because of the possibility of his getting bloat. This really wouldnāt present a problem for me as my horse ass doesnāt like exercise.
I canāt get away without mentioning the possible size of his bowel movements. I know what you were thinking, but wait for it. Iām 47 and canāt even admit to p**ping so thinking of the ramifications involved with my beloveds crap is terrifying. The cool thing here is that because he has arms he could let himself out and even pick up his poo. This works out well, because I have shame issues and donāt look forward to sharing a bathroom. Pretty funny to think about my shame compared to an animals whose poop could be the size of a small child.
Certainly if I canāt talk about human bodily functions, sex is off the table, but how can one not address that I could have a husband who isnāt hung like a horse, heās a hung horse. My body can hardly accommodate the smallest speculum at my gynecologist office or a tampon slimmer than my pinky. I experience zero relief when I remember that an infant comes out of there since an infant has never come out of mine.
While I donāt anticipate meeting a Centaur on Oahu because we have limited parking, please let me know if you could think of any additional proās or conās for this particular type of dating.
Naaayyyyy!!
Death, Taxes & Dating
Death, Taxes &Ā Dating
Itās been said that the only two things in which we can depend uponĀ in life are death and taxes. The two things in which I can depend on are death, taxes, and dating. At this point they each remind me of the other. Death There is no coming back from this one save for reincarnation. Some individuals find it impossible to face their own mortality. Every year I say Iām goingĀ to sign a healthā¦
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If the Signs Existed, Would you Read Them?
If the Signs Existed, Would you ReadĀ Them?
Thereās enough traffic on Oahu, that itās become necessary to employ radar speed signs to ensure the safety of pedestrians, drivers and dogs.Ā The combination ofĀ construction work, residentĀ speeders, and sun worshippingĀ tourists have made thisĀ necessary. I enjoy radar speed signs for a bizarre reason. Thereās something profoundly satisfying to me about getting a request correct regardless of howā¦
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Follow Me, Like Me, Twat Me, then Kill Me Please
Follow Me, Like Me, Twat Me, then Kill MeĀ Please
Someone kill me. Seriouslyā¦peck me to death with the Twitter iconās beak, plus me to oblivion with Google Plusās plus sign that I canāt find anywhere on my keyboard. Was there a reason why I spent years in therapy learning how to deal with my problems face to faceĀ if I was only going to spend my senior-hood dealing with individuals digitally?Ā I could have saved thousands of dollars had I beenā¦
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Deja Poo
Had a terrifying thought the other day while performing my duties as a dog walker. With the exception of the times when Iāve saved my clients pets or home from danger, the majority of my time is spent with one or two dogs in tow. I LOVEĀ these dogs otherwise they wouldnāt be clients. Of course they all crap on our walks, some even do it more than once. There are even those who have 24-hour accessā¦
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Is Dating on an Island for the Coconuts?
Is Dating on an Island for theĀ Coconuts?
Despite not having a savage tan or knowing how to swim, Iāve spent my entire life living on two islands. Unfortunately, neither has provided me with the skills necessary to find love. The most profound lesson I learned while living on Long Island, New York is how to speak with in one of the worlds most recognizably annoying accents. I currently live on Oahu, Hawaii and have learned despite theirā¦
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Gracious Mr. Trump - I'm Going to Run for President
Gracious Mr. Trump ā Iām Going to Run forĀ President
Iām smart enough to know that Iām not smart. My IQ (Intelligence Quotient) Ā is likely exceptionally low. When I was younger, I lived in fear that my IQ could be informally tested at any moment. Maybe I would be at aĀ candy store when a stranger would start asking me about trains leaving from different stations going towards the same destination. Get itā¦Swedish Chef? What I do know is that myā¦
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