European, mid-twenties, love Troy Barrett, love hockey in general
NHL teams in my heart: San Jose Sharks, Colorado Avalanche, Pittsbourgh Penguins, Montreal Canadiens
last thing i'll say on this tonight but the reason it bothers me is because like. troy's book starts with him being publicly retaliated against for calling out dallas kent for being a rapist. troy does the right thing in calling out this actual irredeemable bastard and he's the one punished for it while dallas is protected. and this kickstarts him actively working to stop hiding behind that homophobic douchebag mask and be a better person. he makes the choice to do it and keep at it whether people forgive him or accept it or not. and it's before he's got any reliable support system- he's not close to his new team or anyone else yet, but he still wants to be better. and he doesn't expect anything from anyone for it. aside from his relationship with harris, troy's entire book is about him working to be a better person. and so many people's first reaction to a character genuinely wanting to grow and change from his past mistakes is "no actually youre worse and irredeemable for reasons i just made up"? that just doesn't sit right with me.
These are some of the main reasons why he's my favourite.
He starts his path of redemption on his own. There is no one that looks at him and says "I can fix him" he wakes up and does it himself.
Also at no point do people forgive him or suddenly start liking him, because they realise he is basically depressed or notice any of his other many issues (like only Ilya and Harris know about the human trash that is his father). They see he is trying and that's the important part.
He chooses to be better on his own, every day, starting off with no support and a shit ton of luggage and grief.
He is doing something incredibly brave, while believing himself cowardly.
Troy Barrett runs Ultra Marathons: A Headcanon
Inspired by Troy Barrett Loves to Run by @lady-bizarre
Troy ran his first half-marathon when he was 16, on dare, and he was absolutely hooked. He upgraded to full marathons when he was 18. He wasn't particularly fast, but he always finished; he's more of an endurance runner.
His first year on Toronto, he ended up running beside a woman around his age who told him she was training for an Ultra-Marathon. He listened to her describe the training process, the struggle, the highs of the race. She told him a story about her hallucinating in the middle of the Utah desert. They exchanged numbers and he signed up that night.
Usually, people take years to upgrade to Ultras, but Troy's love of running and physique as an athlete set him up pretty well for the challenge.
He has run:
The Blues Cruise 30k — his first ultra. he ran it with his marathon friend (Helen) and they shared a pacer. He planned on running the 50k but changed his mind last minute because it was too close to the start of the season. Helen gave him a Blue's Clues patch for his race vest, for the whimsy, and he still has it pinned to his fridge.
The Loup Garou Trail Run — his second Ultra, Helen was his pacer this time. he successfully finished the 60 mile route and he was so proud he almost cried. He & Helen met one of their favorite marathon bloggers around mile 40 and they took a mid-run selfie that is still his Strava profile picture.
The Salt Flats Endurance Run — he DFLed the 100-mile path & it is his greatest achievement to date. he ran it 3 months after quitting drinking for the first time (he's an alcoholic) and credits the success with keeping him sober through the next 7 months, which is his longest stretch before Harris. He fully hallucinated for at least 30 miles
His dream is to finish the Barkley Marathon; he genuinely thinks that with enough training he could finish first try (he is, it takes 4 tries and he finishes it the same year he retires from hockey).
He has DNFed multiple races & he keeps those bibs in the same place as his completed race bibs, because, in a rare moment of self-love, he is proud of himself for trying.
Helen is basically his soulmate. They do not talk abt anything other than running, and they will not hear from each other for months on end, but they run every single ultra together. Helen paces for Troy, Troy paces for Helen. People they run with are convinced they are married; they are known in small ultra circles as Helen of Troy and Troy of Helen. She was Troy's only female friend for a very long time.
The first Ultra he runs after joining the Cens is during the summer, during the Irina Foundation camps. He does not coach his first year (i do NOT subscribe to the Troy/Shane eternal beef hc, but I do agree that he, and Yuna, might be a little hesitant to have him coach his first year, given his reputation and the fact they don't know him yet). He does not tell Harris, who is helping out with the camps, what he is doing; only that he is going to Romania (Harris assumes he's meeting his mom, hes running the Bucovina Rocks Ultra) and comes back 8 pounds heavier and barely standing walking. He is so concerned and Troy is like "oh yeah i ran 114km through the mountains" and Harris' gast is FLABBERED.
The rest of the cens don't find out until, on a whim, Shane and Troy exchange Strava usernames and Shane almost passes out. Troy later drops the lore in a cens Tiktok video and the internet goes crazy. Meanwhile, the Ultra community collectively goes "wait, Troy of Helen is a hockey player???" and start posting their selfies with the famous duo.
Troy's favorite fuel is raw potatoes, waffle cut and marinated in salt water. He eats them by the pound.
I would really appreciate if they could make Troy like property haunted.
I want that boy looking like he converses with ghosts every night (mostly discussed sins of his past) and spends more time in his head than hanging out with people (until Harris, Ilya and the Centaurs drag him into the light of day).
I know it's really funny when the Centaurs are low key horrified by the Hollanov sex in fics, but I really think Troy is completely unfazed by it.
They aren't exactly doing anything he hasn't done before. It's very much just whatever to him. So he gets stuck sharing the wall with them every hotel they stay at. But he comes prepared with earplugs and maybe a white noise machine and sleeps just fine.
Okay, so, I'm having more possible Troy Barret thoughts of him just being completely miserable. And also Ryan Price.
TW suicide attempts.
Like, Troy had sort of mellowed out recently, and price thought it was odd. Of course Troy had always seems like he was following not starting the dickishness, but recently he was barely participating, only if directly dragged into it by Kent.
And sure, Ryan didn't really like Troy, but he could also admit the man wasn't the worst ever. Maybe he was turning over a new leaf with trying to be less horrid.
Most of the team is out doing things after game, and he gets a text from barrett. It starts off making him go..'Oh.. aw' because it's like ' Hey, I know I've been a complete prick, and I don't deserve forgiveness, but for what it's worth I'm sorry. You didn't deserve anything I've said to you, or how everyone treated you. Hiding behind being an asshole wa sthe easiest way to keep myself safe and avoid anyone finding out I was queer' Well that was a surprise.
And then the emotion quickly turns more into oh shit this sounds like a goodbye kind of message 'im not expecting forgiveness, but I wanted you to know why I acted how I did. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I never apologised sooner, but it won't be happening anymore'
Troy has never seemed the most mentally stable man, but that definitely sounded like a fucking suicide note, god Ryan only hope that Troy had manually sent that and not set it up to send later. He was assumedly in the hotel room.
Ryan questions all the guys finding out who was rooming with Troy and convincing them to swap rooms with him so he has a key to the room Barrett is in and gets back to the hotel as quickly as possible, opening the door. Barretts bed is neat, every item of his in his bag.
It wasnt inherently weierd, he was known for being neat, but there was nothing out of his bag, not a charger, not a phone, not his shoes.
Ryan glanced at the bathroom door before bashing his fist against it 'Barrett?" There's a slight noise but no actual answer. 'Barrett!? Fucking answer me!' when there's no proper response again, the door gets forced open.
Troy's sitting, half slumped against the toilet, pale as a fucking ghost. He looks particularly pale due to the red streaking down his arms from several shallow cuts along them. There's a mostly empty bottle of Tylenol on the floor a few measly remaining pills haphazardly scattered on the floor.
"shit! Barret!" Ryan dropped to his knees, grabbing the other man's shoulders and shaking him slightl, pulling off his jacket to press against the arm wounds. Troy seemed somewhat conscious eyes tracking Ryan, clearly confused at his sudden appearance. Ryan stared back down at the bottle, Troy had to have taken like half a bottle. Fuck.
Ryan didn't think before shoving his fingers down Troy's throat making the man gag and squirm slightly. Ryan did it again and Troy actually vomited this time coughing and gasping as a mostly white vomit came up with chalky bits of half digested pills falling into the toilet. Ryan made him vomit again until it mostly seemed to be stomach acid coming up. When he'd think about it in a calmer headspace, making Troy vomit wasn't the most sensible, he could have choked, but it was all he could think of.
Troy was physically shaking in his arms, face wet with tears and spit, blood soaking Ryan's jacket.
"what the fuck Barrett!?"
Troy fully broke down crying at that.
IMPORTANT NOTE do not make someone over dosing vomit, they aren't exactly going to follow best practice.
You know what is my absolute favourite thing in fanfic currently?
Troy having real friends who love him and support him and accept him for who he actually is. Him just hanging out with any of the Centaurs is literally top tear content.
This should go without saying, but please please for the love of God (or whatever else you subscribe to) do not post hate about the actors. Don't go to their social media pages and comment hateful shit. Etc.
They are people who got a role.
I don't care if you don't like them as these characters. I don't care if you don't like the characters themselves.
For everyone who hasn't seen Julie and the Phantoms (a lovely show btw), Charlie Gillespie has a real talent for what fanfic writers would call a watery smile.
Troy is the adult person every child, that knows him, calls for help when they are in trouble or think they've fucked up.
They know he won't judge them and will do his best to help. Because he's been there. He had hit rock bottom and believed no one would want him, but was proven wrong, so now he does his (very awkward) best to make sure other people have a safe place to grow too.
I sense the need for some nice Troy Barrett (& Harris Drover) things so here are some of my personal headcanons:
- He isn't the best baker by any means, but he is learning how to make any and every apple dessert recipe he can get his hands on. Obviously Harris is his official taste tester. The recipes that turn out best get taken to the next Drover family dinner.
- He started learning more about dog breeds (because Harris wants dogs and Troy wants dogs with Harris) and turns out that stuff sticks in his brain really easily, just name a breed and he can probably give you a rundown of ever from basic care like diet and grooming advice to what kind of health issues you might want to prepare for (Harris watches him infodump about dogs with the biggest heart eyes)
- Additionally, his favorite dog breeds are giant ones that could stand two heads taller than him on their hind legs. Basically his ideal dog size is "could crush him on accident"
- Whenever he's away for games, he has cookie dough ice cream delivered to Harris just before the game starts
- He still flees from awkward/difficult conversations but after some work in therapy, if you just sit down and wait a few minutes, he'll come running back with an awkward apology and at least attempt to finish the conversation. Sometimes he ends up running away again but he's trying okay
- He loves to get presents for his friends when he comes across stuff he thinks they would like, but he is bad at physically handing gifts to people so it becomes a thing among the centaurs that sometimes a wrapped box will turn up somewhere in your stuff and you just know its from Troy. You can try to thank him for it but he will (badly) pretend he doesn't know what you're talking about
I love many different troy x harris dynamics in the bedroom but i gotta say, i am a fan of the canon dynamic of "if troy is topping then he's fucking like a pornstar and harris is yelling harder" and "when harris is topping its the sweetest most intimate sex troy has ever had and he cries" like YES baby those are my BOYS
Okay, but as much as sex is not my thing, this is one of the things I love about them.
They are both willing to give the other what they want/need. Harris hates being treated as weak or fragile and likes rough sex. Troy on the other hand had never really experienced much softness and has learned to bury his emotions.
So through sex they give each other space to be themselves.
I don't want to complain too much on this blog, but Dear Lord Almighty did I just see another stupid take that surprise surprise included the words 'I have never read the books'.
Like everybody is entitled to their own opinion, but the only reason why I'm not arguing with them is because it's fucking useless and I don't have the energy for that (and because on occasion I can arse myself to be the bigger person).
