[childrcnofviolence-deactivated2]

Fear The Walking Dead - Troy Otto throughout season three:

No. I can’t sit down, ‘cause if I sit down, then I’m gonna pass out. And I can’t pass out ‘cause I’m on a mission.

[troyocttos]

justsvrvivesomehow:

“you’re on that again,” he muttered, letting out a little peel of laughter. much as troy might frustrate him sometimes, he had to admit that the man also often made him laugh. he remembered the reference. “i didn’t go into much detail about you, honestly.” he said, an almost teasing smile etched onto his face, curious to see troy’s reaction.

his smile mirroed nick's. "yet again i mention that you love me and there is no denial there. you can pretend all you want, but you love me." the smile faded about as quickly as it appeared when he said he hadn't spoke much about him to either of his kids. of course that was his attempt to fake that he was offended by the confession, but he wasn't able to be too serious in that moment. "so they have no idea they have two fathers then?"

[childrcnofviolence-deactivated2]

You’re not dying here cause I’m not dying here.

[songbvrd]

@troyocttos

[forcestruck]

3x12 || 3x14 

[songbvrd]

@troyocttos

[troyocttos]

justsvrvivesomehow:

did jake believe in any way that those deaths were not on him? no. in his mind, those deaths were entirely on his hands. he had been responsible for those people and he had failed to stop them all from dying. still, he brushed the thought off, knowing nothing they said to each other about it would change a thing. “you’re in another group?” he asked. the next thing his brother said somewhat gave him pause. he wasn’t at all surprised that his brother and the eldest clark had stayed together. what he was surprised about was the language he heard from his brother. “he’s your what…?”

"he's my um— my thing. my person. partner?" he wasn't entirely sure what his relationship with nick was. he was the first male he had ever been interested in, and quite frankly he wasn't sure what the appropriate term was for whatever they had going on. "he's been the only one who has really stuck by me, and he gets me. we kind of balance each other out. his good out weighs my bad."

[troyocttos]

justsvrvivesomehow:

nick couldn’t help but smile at what troy said about clem. he loved clem immensely. the young survivor was tough and strong. family to nick now. “doesn’t surprise me. ‘specially since i wasn’t there myself. and ‘cause i once told her about a guy named troy who tried to kill me and my girlfriend in some basement.” he pointed out, a hint of a smile on his face. it wasn’t funny, of course, but nick didn’t care. he had no real standards of what was inappropriate to say or not say.

"but, you also forgot to mention the fact that you love a guy named troy who once tried to kill you and your girlfriend in a basement. i think if you had started it off that way she would have been less inclined to put a gun in my face." he laughed at the memory of that morning. was probably one of the handful of times troy had been surprised by something.

[troyocttos]

justsvrvivesomehow:

jake’s head flopped down so that his chin rested against his chest when he heard that not only had the others died, but that alicia had had to put them down. he had failed. failed all of them. failed alicia. the older of the two felt a rush of defeat wash over him. he could live as some revived thing. live as a man with only one arm. but that feeling or other people suffering because of him. it was impossible to knock that away. “i don’t,” he finally said. “you and nick, you stay together?” he asked slowly, wanting – at least – to believe that nick might’ve had some positive influence on him. as much as he disliked the older clark sibling as well ( seeing as how it was nick’s actions that had immediately led to his death ), he somewhat respected the man. he was dangerous, like jake’s brother, but he tried.

he took notice of the look on his face and was quick to shut down that guilt. "their death's weren't on you, brother. you tried to stop it and you couldn't. i was the one who led the horde there, so those deaths are on me. let me live with the guilt. i've gotten good at living with the ghosts of my past." he took a step back and nodded quickly at his question. "we sort of stay together for now. the group that i'm with has brought the group that he's with in for a while, so we all kind of stay together." there was no real label on what their relationship was, so troy really had no idea what to say. "he's my— we stay together."

[troyocttos]

justsvrvivesomehow:

nick felt a rush of confusion and concern. troy was right that nick had to decide whether to trust him. he had no lie detector, no way to tell if troy was lying. but he did believe troy that, when push came to shove, he would sooner die than let nick get hurt. the slightly shorter man brushed his hair back and nodded, slowly. “i think i do. no more suicide missions though. i can’t do that to these kids.”

"fair enough. i don't think i'm ready to deal with hordes of any kind anymore." troy filled the gap that lingered between them, his head falling back against the wall once more, as his hand come to rest on nick's knee. "i don't think that one kid of yours likes me very much. clem...i think their name? nearly put a bullet in me when i left your room."

[troyocttos]

justsvrvivesomehow:

“i was a kid myself, troy. you’re so quick to blame me, so quick to blame me for what you became. i would’ve done anything for you troy, and i did try. but it wasn’t that simple and you know it.” he paused, taking a deep breath. “i’m sorry i couldn’t save you. i am. that doesn’t take away any of the guilt you should feel over what you did to me. but don’t delude yourself into thinking i don’t have guilt too.” he shook his head. “i was just another kid living in the same toxic and bullshit situation. it took me a long time to figure out wrong from right too.” he looked away. “walker and crazy dog. the others? our people?”

as much as he didn't want to admit it, troy felt guilt over jake's death every day. he could blame him for the past, and it was easier to do that, but if it came down to it neither of them could help how their lives turned out. they were kids forced into a world of hell long before the entire world shut down. they were products of their enviornment, and there was nothing either of them could do it about it now. "most of them didn't make it. died of carbon dioxide posioning after one of the vents in the celler stopped working. alicia put them down." troy came forward until there was no space left between the two, both of his arms wrapping tight around his brother. "i'm sorry. i wish i could have taken your place."

[troyocttos]

justsvrvivesomehow:

nick let out a deep, shaky breath. ‘you said you wanted me with you’. nick stood by that too. as twisted as he and troy both were, as fucked up as they both were, nick knew, in his heart, that troy was perhaps the only person who didn’t look at him and see a monster or a liability. someone who was just a risk to them all. they might not be good people, but together, he and troy were survivors. “cut from the same cloth…” he repeated, “like i told you, i need to know that my family would be safe with you around them. that my kids would be safe.” they weren’t his kids, of course, but they were. for all intents and purposes, they were now.

"what more do you want me to tell you? i told you i wouldn't hurt your kids. i'm not going to wake up one day and hurt them, or you for that matter. you are all i have left. the only thing i have left worth fighting for." he looked away. "i know i have to prove that to you, but you gotta fucking drop this wall and just let me in. i mean...i ate a fucking brain steam, or whatever the fuck it was for you." the memory of that night, or what he remembered of it, brought a smile to his face. "you can trust me."

[troyocttos]

justsvrvivesomehow:

“you’re always telling other people what they did wrong, y’know that? i was stuck with them too, y’know? i grew up with that fucked up family too. and i’m sorry, i’m so sorry that you were subjected to that. i tried to protect you. but without getting a degree and a job and a chance, i couldn’t do that. i couldn’t protect you.” he snapped, shaking his head. “i didn’t want them to twist you into some monster, troy. i tried for so long to get you back… but… i couldn’t. i would’ve put you down that day. you almost got everyone killed. for all i know, you might have. did they make it out? alicia and ofelia and the others? did they survive?” his tone softened, saddened. “i was willing to risk it all for you, right up until you tried to get us all killed for a lost cause.”

"no...i know what i did wrong, and while you were taking your dirt nap i came to terms with that. but you lived with them, sure, and it was hell for both of us, but you were always the favorite. you were always going to have a better chance than i did. you were smarter, you had the will and the smarts to get out alive. i just wish you would have taken me with you. i would have worked from sun up to sun down if i had went with you." he cut himself off when he asked about alicia. "alicia made it out. last time i saw her she was going to the cabin you told her about. ofelia made it out but she got bit and had to be put down. crazy dog and walker they all survived. so i guess i wasn't as successful as you thought i was."

[troyocttos]

justsvrvivesomehow:

“you’re really confrontational for a man who just kissed me,” nick pointed out, semi sarcastically, his brows raised. the truth was, nick had no damn clue what to think about troy or how to respond. their situation was so strange and so dysfunctional. nick paused, “something already has happened.” he said slowly, “i guess the real question is whether either of us want it to happen again. “i think you know i didn’t see that coming. any of it.”

"yeah, and you seem pretty confused for a guy who kissed me back." he turned to fully face nick. "i think you do want it to happen again. i wouldn't mind if it happened again. regardless if you want to admit it or not we are cut from the same cloth. we're similiar in so many ways, and deep down i know you feel that pull that i feel every single time i'm with you." his head fell back against the wall behind him. "ball is in your court, nick. you said you wanted me with you. don't be like your mother and give me false hope. i've had enough of that."

[troyocttos]

justsvrvivesomehow:

“no, it is on you! it is! you and dad, all your people returning to their own bullshit, all your murder and anger and wrath! you left because you had to leave. because you were dangerous to all of us. i didn’t want to lose you, but you were lost a long time before they told you to get out.” he hissed. “you are the killer. and it is your fault that i died. whether you want to believe it or not. i was not weak for not wanting to kill my brother. stupid, sure. but not weak. one of us had to die because you were too damn destructive. if it had to be me, that’s fine. but that doesn’t make it any less your fault.”

"you left me with him! you act like i come out the womb being this goddamn lost! while you were off in college and you were awarded the freedom to be or do whatever the fuck you wanted to, i was stuck there, taking care of a bitch of a mother who didn't give a damn about me even on her death bed. i did everything i could to please them, to please dad, but i was never you, and after a while i didn't want to be. you wanna blame someone for your death, blame dad." he looked at his brother, hand clutched tight against his weapon. "the real troy died a long time ago. you should have put me down when you had the chance."

[sharman-debnam]

[troyocttos]

xbloodiedhandsx:

“When I said I wanted to be alone, I meant it. I went to the place Jake told me about, stayed there for a bit but then left. Supplies were running low and I didn’t want to go back to our people.” She shrugged. “Seems like I’m more capable than you thought. Traveled across the country by myself.” Alicia was happy to know that her brother was alive, that he was safe. It gave her a feeling of relief, one she didn’t think she needed. “You both joined a group then? Well, I’m glad he’s safe.”

"i guess you were. your brother will love to know that you made it all this way on your own." the smile on his face widened as she mentioned him and nick both being in the same group. "not exactly. he's part of a group called alexandria. his group is in a partnership of sorts with the group that i'm with, and for the moment we're all staying together. we're working things out— trying to figure out what route we want to take."

[troyocttos]

xbloodiedhandsx:

Alicia had just finished putting down the last walker when she heard the familiar voice coming from behind her. It had to be some sick joke, right? She was on the other side of the country, she wasn’t supposed to come across anyone familiar to her. Turning around she saw Troy and shook her head. “Troy? What are you doing here?” She lowered her knife, letting her rifle hang from her shoulder as she looked at him. 

"i think the better question is, what are you doing here? the last time i saw you, you were firing bullets at me and nick. i have to admit i had my doubts. i didn't think you'd survive a week by yourself." the minute she lowered her weapon he did the same. "but to answer your question, i'm with a group that's held up not too far from here. your brother is there as well."

[troyocttos]

xbloodiedhandsx:

It wasn’t her favorite thing in the world, but Alicia had gotten used to the whole killing the infected thing. When she could, she would sneak past them if there were a big number of them, usually more than six or seven was her limit. If there were less, she would put them down, as quietly and quickly as possible. And that’s what she was doing now. Alicia had found a building she wanted to explore, even though she was mostly certain that it would be picked clean. Either way, she put down the walkers wandering in front of the building, focused on the job that she didn’t hear footsteps coming from behind her.

so much had been going lately. it was becoming too overwhelming for troy, so more often than not he was out on his own in attempts to clear his mind. something had changed in the past couple of months, he was beginning to see things a lot clearer than he had before. while out on his own, much like he was once or twice a week, he heard the sound of a struggle not too far ahead. he hadn't seen anyone for miles of the sanctuary, so when he heard there was someone else he took it as a chance to pick them for supplies; that was what he was used for after all. as he grew closer and caught a glimpse of the familiar face, he lowered his gun. "alicia?"