Woman In Red

Life stories. Real life experiences from the woman in Red.

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If you have ever wanted to understand addictions....read this.

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What It's Really Like To Have a C-section

Canada's c-section rate has increased dramatically in the last two decades. They say now it's 1 in 4 women will have a cesarean. When I was pregnant less then ten years ago it was 1 in 6 women will have one. I was that 1 in 6. I am writing this to raise awareness about cesareans. It's becoming more common and most women are not aware of the real complications that can happen. We should prepare ourselves. Hope for the best prepare for the worst. It can happen to anyone.

I had a healthy pregnancy, baby was healthy and positioned right. No reason to believe or think that I was going to have any issues. Doctors reassured me that everything was was fine, no reason to ask any questions or have concerns because everything looked good so far. So need not to worry.

I was two weeks over due. I was induced. I was in active labor for 28 hours. When I started to push the baby's heart rate dropped dramatically. By this time I was scared and shaking. They started prepping me for emergency surgery. They put a waver in front of me and said I must sign it, even though I couldn't hold a pen and sign my own name properly. This was also my first and only child I didn't know how it worked. So I was rushed to surgery. I went into shock. I was really confused, shaking uncontrollably, throwing up and I could feel all the pressure of them pulling my baby out. It was a downright awful experience. It all happened so quickly.

After five days of staying in the hospital I was discharged. I will never forget that day. The last day at the hospital because I should have trusted my body. I told the nurse I was feeling off like something was wrong and I was feverish. She told me this was normal and I was fine that I didn't know what I was talking about. So I beileved her. I went home.

Less then a day later I was rushed back to the hospital emergency room. I was fighting for my life. I had a bad infection that was life threatening. So bad in fact my incision popped open. My body was trying to push the infection out. It took 3 full months to recover fully. I had a nurse come everyday for those 3 months. Let's be honest it was hell.

My advice to mothers to be is to prepare yourself. This is a reality of bringing a child into a world. This kind of stuff happens all the time and yet people don't talk about it. It can happen to any woman any age and any health condition. I was perfectly healthy. Young woman and it happened to me. I was completely unprepared because I was being told not to worry or to bother with even asking about what could happen. Also my advice is to trust your body. Even if they say otherwise. Stand your ground and trust your gut. The fever was the first sign of infection and I had no idea. I wish I knew that was a first sign I could have been treated sooner and avoided more hassle. I didn't know and that ultimately almost cost me my life. So knowledge is power. Don't stress over what could happen but don't be blind to it either. Just be aware. Try to mentally prepare yourself. Come up with two birth plans. One in case of a cesarean even if you have no reason to believe you need it because you never know. Make sure you have support people to stand up for your rights at a patient when your not able to.

To anyone who says a C-section is easy. You have it all wrong. It's still surgery and with any surgery you risk your life. In the case of cesareans your risking your life to save a life. I survived. I feel so blessed I did. I get to be around to watch my child grow up and they are healthy. It's not always a "breeze" like some put it. Some of us have been through hell just to make sure our babies live.

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What It's Really Like To Work In Bars

I worked in bars, lounges, and restaurants for years since I was a teenager. As a young adult I started working more in bars because tip money always made it worth my time. In my experience there is so much that needs to be done to protect workers more who work in bars. They need to crack down and refuse service more often to those who drink too much. Altough it's law to do this it's not done enough. I've been abused by customers. I've even had to appear in court. I've been sexually assulted. Yet I kept going back because the tip money paid my bills because I was only receiving minimum wage. I was young I was a full time student raising a child on my own. That's how that industry trapped me. Tips.

That's why I get upset at people who are rude to servers because I know the kind of shit those girls have to deal with everyday. Yet their age or experience at that time can't get them a job that pays what they need to pay. Some girls have to pay for school or have young kids or are a single parent. Yet they go to work and get abused by strangers who can't hold their liquor. People who don't know how to behave while they are drinking. It effects your servers.

The very first time I was assulted was during a knife fight between two patrons. One of the men were covered in their own blood and took his bloody hand and smeared it across my chest. Touching my breasts. Flicking blood at us. That should have been enough to make me quit but I didn't. The tips kept me coming back. I had to even appear in court for that. I remember going home and just holding my child tight and thanking god I didn't die. Crying because I felt I didn't have any other skills. That this is what I have to do to support them.

My last bar job. I actually had gotten my certificates in serving alcohol responsibly by that time. My co worker however did not follow it. We had no actual bouncers. I had cut this one customer off. He was causing trouble. Brought him a water because he asked.He was much larger then me. He got up and hit me in the face when I brought it. I was absolutely horrified. I still worked all night. I didn't get home until about 6am. I had to stay up the whole day to take care of my child and go to school. I had to go to the hospital after work. I was so emotional that day. That was the very last time I was assulted at work. I quit the next day. That was the last string pulled. I put up with it for years.

My advice for everyone who wants to go out and drink is to know your limits. Don't abuse your servers. Just because they don't work some office job doesn't mean they are any less valuable. It's not as easy as people think it is. It's a very high stress job and you don't get paid enough to deal with that much stress.

So yes they forgot your drink or messed up your order. Think of this bullshit. Nobody should have to be abused at work in anyway. Not by the employer. Not by the customers. Just because your a customer doesn't make it okay to treat the workers like shit. People who are customers need to step back and think. Is this how I would treat a stranger sober?

My advice for people working in bars is don't let them get under your skin too much. Reconize when to cut customers off. Talk to your employer about making it safer for you. Making sure there bouncers or security. Don't be afraid to stand your ground if you're being abused. Don't let them walk over you like I did. I put up with it for years and years and really I should have made a stand at the beginning. I thought this was how bars are. I've since seen better bars that don't have those problems as much and it's a much better environment. Some places are getting better. However if your one of the unlucky ones, work to make a better environment for you self and Co workers. Or do what I did when I had enough and simply just quit. Your always going to be good at something but it doesn't mean you sell yourself short by letting yourself be abused for it. Talk to your friends about how they treat servers even. Share it.

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I Used To Be An Anti-Cannibis Believer.

I use to be like most people. I believed marijuana was bad that it was the “gateway” to drug addictions. That it made people incapable of being members of society. After all, this is what my school was teaching us. This is what I honestly believed because I was told this was the truth.

I made it through highschool without falling into the traps of pure pressure. I didn’t smoke or do drugs. I tried to follow the rules and do as I was told. Be perfect. I broke up with boyfriends and ended friendships because they smoked pot. I didn’t understand at the time what it actually was and what it could actually do. I just believed it was not good for us.

So let’s fast forward some time after highschool I became a mother. After I had my child I had many health complications. Which led to years of unanswered questions and frustration. I was back in school and raising my child on my own. During this time I was in and out of the hospital. I was prescribed anti-anxiety meds, anti-depressants, morphine, naproxen,T3’s and the list goes on. I couldn’t function or think straight. I was high on pills and so I tried not to take my pills at all unless I absolutely had to.

So 10 months in, from when the pain started before I was diagnosed. I wasn’t able to keep food down. I didn’t have an appetite. I wasn’t sleeping well. I was in constant pain. The pills hurt my stomach even more. Made me less hungry. So I had all these horrible symptoms from the pills on top of my already pending health condition. They didn’t know at the time what they were dealing with so they just kept giving me all kinds of pills. So not actually helping me at all actually making it much worse for me. I ended up just not taking them at all and enduring the pain just so I could do my homework and still be mentally here for my child.

My friend came over one night to help me. I was really struggling that day. I couldn’t move. She walked in my suite and I was curled up on the floor crying in pain feeling absolutely defeated. She said “I can’t stand seeing you this way anymore. We are going to try something different”. She helped me up and held my arm helped me to the deck. At first I was confused but then I realized what she was suggesting. So I sat down and she handed me a joint. I decided I would try anything because I could not take anymore and pills didn’t help me. I was like “what do I have to lose, I’m in pain I just want it to stop” After a few short puffs It felt like the pain was melting away. I started sitting up straight. I was feeling normal and hungry. I remember tearing up and having that breath of relief that to my surprise it was making me feel better. About 30 mins later I was eating and not throwing up and in pain. I even cried when I ate because I was so surprised. That night I slept so good. I remember thinking “was I ever wrong, who knew this could have helped me all this time” I felt pretty ignorant. How could I have been so ignorant towards something that grows in the ground and does less damage then pills. All those times I told people they were wrong for saying it helped them. I argued and said “it’s a drug” . I was the one who was wrong. Until I needed help myself I didn’t understand.

Today it’s been 7 years since the first time I tried marijuana. It has replaced all of those pills. I’ve been surgery free for 6 years. I’ve been able to accomplish so much in that time because I have a way to cope with my condition and mental health. It doesn’t require man made pills that only made me more sick. I was wrong. Everything I was taught to believe was wrong.

Today I am still in hiding because I’m a mom and society believes it makes you bad parent. I use to be like them so I know how judgemental people can be. I use to be ignorant. Marijuana ables me be the parent I want to be. What other parents who don’t need cannabis to manage health problems need to understand is this. Without it I’m physically confined to my bed. I can’t just go play at the park. So many things we take for granted. Don’t. We don’t know what cannabis smoking parents are dealing with and we shouldn’t judge them. Listen to understand. Try to understand what it can really do. It doesn’t make you a criminal or a bad person.