PRECARITY @trynabegreen-blog - Tumblr Blog

empcthx:

The towel over their shoulders was going to get soaking wet, but the temporary comfort was enough for Caden to let himself relax. The deflection was so easy to see that it was almost offensive, but Caden was learning very quickly that it was best to just let the words come in their own time, and he simply let his head rest on Green’s, taking in the warmth and heat and comfort that came with being in contact with another body. It was always odd, being grounded by a physical sensation when everything else in Caden’s life was just a whirlwind of one emotion to the next. Odd, but not unfamiliar, and definitely not unwelcome. Especially since he could feel the gradual descent into apprehension, and he pressed all the more closer, both for Green’s sake and to keep himself from getting lost.

He let out a small sigh at the questions, unsure how to respond. He knew… or at least, he’d assumed that the RV that they traveled in now was the same one that Green had arrived in at the Sanctuary all those years ago. It was something of a miracle that they’d managed to go a few days without Grey being brought up. “Honestly? I don’t know,” Caden murmured. He couldn’t lie about this. “But I would think that it’s a little hard to forget given that. Well.” He trailed off before giving a small shrug of his shoulders. “You certainly haven’t forgotten. I doubt Grey has either.” He didn’t know what sort of comfort it would be, but it was the best he could offer.

His words were heard, but Green reacted defensively by pressing his lips to Caden’s again, as if he only listened. The topic of Grey was still an open wound that he didn’t want to lick, despite how often he seemed to circle around it. Truth be told, Green knew Grey hadn’t forgotten - their gross, complex, beautiful entanglement had so deeply shaped him that it was impossible not to think about Grey. He just wanted to hear the words from Caden without really having to dig a little deeper, instead focusing on the soft kisses between them. But the more Green thought about his words... the more the guilt lingered around in the back of his head. Slotting their lips together, he gently pushed Caden against the tiled walls, hands reaching to caress his sides. “Let’s... here,” he said, trying to avoid conversation - the words had escaped him. He was so focused on the tactile sensations when a tiny bubble of jealousy floated through him unexpectedly. The emotion caught him off guard, and he moaned into Caden’s lips. His slow kisses eventually paused, and he bit the pink of his upper lip before pulling back with an honest expression. “Okay, but what if he moved on,” he muttered, his chest tight and uncomfortable. This time, Green didn’t reach for a kiss, instead closing the gap between their bodies, searching for warmth in the cold bathtub water.

#*#✦ chat #✦ con: caden #wound metaphor cw

empcthx:

“I wasn’t making it up,” Caden muttered, though the protest was half-hearted, knowing that there really wasn’t any use in trying to explain the weird feeling he’d gotten from the mirror. Besides, all he had to do was ignore the freaky whatever it was that was coming from the mirror until they got to California. Just for a second, he picked up the familiar sense of displacement, one that he knew wasn’t coming from himself, but the feeling passed, and he let himself give a small smile as he heard Green keep speaking. “Not in particul-” He cut off when the water splashed on his face, spluttering in indignation. “Really?!” he exclaimed, sitting up and retaliating by sending another splash of water Green’s way. Caden sighed and crossed his arms around him, shivering slightly as the cold actually started setting in. He looked over to Green and tilted his head. “You felt weird for a second,” he stated, figuring that he might as well ask. “What is it?”

Green protested, pawing Caden softly at the loss of contact, cold war rushing in his place. The prank was behind him - why weren’t they in his Twin XL with his outer space blanket, some hot chocolate with peppermint, and his collection of Build-A-Bears. He sought out warm and brushed up against Caden’s side, his leg wading through the water before tangling with Caden’s. But not only did he seek out warmth... No, Green sought comfort. He bended forward to grab the nearest towel hung on the wall, draping it over their bodies. Once he laid his head on his shoulder and swayed into his frame, Green finally replied. “You’re the weird one,” he said, trying to deflect.

As much as he was somewhat envious of Caden’s abilities - he always wanted to play with someone’s emotions, maybe just... understand - Green didn’t like being pinned down, especially not emotionally. Hardly anybody understood him - he could count that number with half a hand. But he appreciated it deep down, nodding wordlessly. The more he focused on his thoughts, the more an unnerving uncertainty plumed from his subconscious. It was disorienting, to say the least, now that Caden had somewhat cracked him. Saw his inner machinations. “It’s nothing,” he said softly. As he’d learned these past few weeks, Green really wasn’t the type to process vocally. It’d helped, kind of, but he was a tactile person. Take fusion with Rod, for example. He craved that kind of proximity. Leaning into Caden’s embrace, he pressed his lips softly against the other’s and kissed him gently as his far hand cupped his cheek. It was supple and dainty, and the warmth made him quiver. “What if they forgot about me." He paused. “What if Grey’s moved on?”

#*#✦ chat #✦ con: caden

empcthx:

Sometimes he wondered why he ever thought that a trip in an RV was a good idea. Caden yelped as his elbow hit the edge of the bath tub, and it only served to make him panic and lash out even more. He was hearing words and teasing from Green, and was that a- no fuck that. “What do you mean relax? The mirror feels things and you aren’t freaked the fuck out what the hell-” And then water. Great. Fantastic. “Let me out you asshole!” The empath attempted to shove Green off of him to get out, only succeeding in slipping and splashing water everywhere, drenching them both. But the soak was enough of shock that he realized that now Green was panicking, and he shut his eyes to force himself to take a moment to breathe because this wasn’t helping get him out of this situation at all. Besides, Caden reasoned, he couldn’t feel anything from the mirror now, and he wondered if he’d imagined the whole thing anyways. After a moment of just trying to calm down, he let out an annoyed sigh and shook his head. “I think this may have been one of your worst ideas yet.”

Either Green was the one variable in all of his antics, or it was the whole world around him. Everything in this scenario was accounted for: the lights, the escape route if need be, the charm-yer-way-outta-this spiel. And, yet, every single time it had always spiraled out of his control and left him with much more trouble that he needed. It was almost as if people had their own reactions that he couldn’t account for... That certainly wasn’t the case as Green splashed water against Caden. “Red, it’s just a mirror, you’re making stuff up again.” The panic began to subside. Green cozied up against Caden’s body, shivering from how frigid the water was, his clothes clung to the curves on his body. As he lay in place for a brief moment, against Caden and under the darkness of the room, it all felt so... unexplainable. This RV was on its way to California, and everything in his life - running away, the whole sanctuary thing, yadda yadda - had led up to this moment. He pressed a soft kiss to the edge of Caden’s lips looking for comfort and warmth. “Could be worse. I mean, you’re not a horse. You wanna see how I could make it worse?” He smirked before planting another quick peck and splashed the side of Caden’s face with water.

#*#✦ chat #✦ con: caden

empcthx:

Caden tripped over himself as they entered the bathroom, and instantly he felt the uneasiness that he’d come to associate with the god damn mirror. “You’re joking- Green. No,” he managed to say, searching for the door handle. But the darkness only led to some rather uncoordinated flailing, and he turned his head to glare at Green, stumbling back once the phone dropped, and wincing when the light shined right into his eye. “No, it’s not haunted, it’s-” he turned to look over at the mirror, annoyance clear in his expression, and shivered when he felt the weirdest wave of false emotion reflected back at him, and panic coursed through him, sending him searching for the door handle again. “Green let me out let me out now.”

Caden’s panic slapped Green suddenly. So suddenly that he backed right into the door knob, jabbing right into his spin, and he let out a yelp. Combined with the pain in his foot, Green hopped right into Caden, toppling them unevely into the tub. But before the panic could overtake him, he was going to extend this joke the furthest he could. As he lifted himself from Caden’s body, his iPhone light slid over his face, revealing a glare. “I’m gonna haunt you, you lil shit,” he growled. It quickly dissolved into a half-smirk before Caden’s panic imprinted onto him. “Relax, relax.” His voice was trembling. “Red, I made it up -- urf, you’re such a party-pooper.” Scrambling to get up, Green slipped right back onto Caden. His rattled nerves only made him flail wildly. “Caden, stop, you’re making this worse.” Reaching for something to grab onto, he pulled onto the last thing they needed: the bathtub knob, water dousing their sides.

#✦ con: caden #*#✦ chat

♫–@empcthx

He dragged him right into the bathroom. No warning whatsoever - sure, it was a struggle, but Green finally managed to lug them both in get the handle locked, all in one motion. The door was clasped as tight as it could get - sure, it was about to unhinge at any given moment, just as the RV would surely dismantle within days. But under the room’s darkness, the only light from the bottom of the door, it was as if they were locked in. “So,” Green said, his iPhone lights coming over his face as he closed in on Caden. “Rumor has it this mirror is haunted. That if you look in it, it will always glare back.”As he flashed his phone over the mirror, the light blinded him and he dropped his phone onto his bare foot, causing him to wince in pain and stumble onto Caden. “Ouchie, urf. See... definitely haunted.”

#*#✦ chat #✦ con: caden

♫--

How convenient was it that the RV had parked near a vending machine. The whole city was around them, surreal as it was... and yet Green had fixated on this dumb machine. After the whole attack on the Sanctuary, Green found himself missing the motions of inserting quarters. The dull 8-bit noises; the service of it all. The only problem was he was a quarter short from an Apple strudel, crusty and dry as it was. Gazing at the machine longingly - the selection wasn’t even decent - he inhaled deeply before he turned to someone he recognized from the RV. Truth be told, he’d already forgotten most of the faces onboard, but he was sure he hadn’t pulled aside a random stranger. “I need a quarter.” He paused before he looked back at the machine. “Actually, how do you feel about having this ol’ beauty in the kitchen? Think you could give it a lift?”

#motr.starter #*#✦ chat

ENRICO “GREEN” DOMAGAS (Demiboy, él/he), a 27 year-old mutant with BODY SWAPPING/POSSESSION and looks like TYLER POSEY, has joined the Mutant RV en route to California. Considering they are ADVENTUROUS and UNPREDICTABLE, I wonder how they will fare. Either way, good to know that they will help with DRIVING/NAVIGATION as CAPTAIN.

#motr.intro

caden-santos:

He had been given three seconds warning, the realization that Green had come to a decision and then all of a sudden he felt lips pressed against his and the world tilted and he was looking at his face and alright, this was an odd sensation. Caden scrambled internally for a second, reigning back the confusion and panic that had briefly shot up when the switch happened, then grabbed onto (Green’s arms? His arms? Who knew. Who cared), grounding himself back into the physical world. His head was still spinning with the disorientation and he desperately needed the contact to keep from spiraling.

He was silent as Green spoke, closing his eyes as he listened to the words, feeling the honesty and relief and guilt and all the emotions that felt heightened without the familiarity of his own body. An accident. That’s what it had been? He opened his eyes to search his (own) expression, holding Green’s gaze as all the words came spilling out, and Caden couldn’t help but feel the pressure building up in his throat that told him that the tears didn’t like being held back. He rested his forehead on Green’s as the last confession came, then wrapped his arms around him and held tighter as he felt the emotions swirl and subside.

“I’d forgive you,” he murmured, unsure what else he could say. But it was true. “It was an accident, so I’d forgive you.” His voice sounded so unfamiliar, using vocal chords that weren’t his own, but he desperately hoped that Green didn’t mind. He wished he could do more, wished he could fix everything, find this ‘Greyson’ and help give Green the happiness that he pretended to have. But this was the best he could do for now, and he gave a resigned sigh as they sat there in the cool night air.

They would have to head back soon, he knew. The roller coaster of emotions had been more than a little exhausting, and the towns people would start to chatter if they stayed out too long like this. It registered in Caden’s mind that at some point he should probably figure out if Green planned on giving him his body back too, but now was not the time. He would let them stay like this for a little longer.

The way Caden murmured his words almost sounded exactly like Grey. A very particular inflection but steady throughout, almost impossible to describe. At the very least, it sent a shivering chill down Green’s back as he wiped whatever tears were lingering at the corner of his eyes to gaze at Caden deeply. To finally hear that he’d been forgiven, even if it wasn’t from Grey... oh, how liberating it felt to have that guilt unburdened from his conscience, at least for a moment.

Green sniveled, chuckling once as he nodded absently. There wasn’t much he could say back, words confounding himself - something that rarely happened. But as a deeply tactile person, he felt so much more, always willed by instinct and what he wanted. And as he looked at Caden, occupying Grey’s body... his heart nearly melted right then and there. His right hand caressed Caden’s cheek, thumbing a circle into the region below his eye, before he leaned forward and kissed him. Soft, supple, gentle. He cupped both of his hands against his face, moving his body closer to the other and closing the gap between them. Green didn’t expect Caden to kiss back or return any of the gestures, just longing for what he could find of the past.

Breathy as he was, moaning against Caden’s lips, Green was caught in the fervor of the moment. Not for a second did it dawn on him that their situation was precarious and weird as it was - he was kissing someone occupying his boyfriend’s body while occupying said someone’s body. He pulled back to inhale and recollect himself, slightly embarrassed for once that he’d let himself be so vulnerable about his past. Vulnerable about what his relationship had been like to someone at Xavier’s. But it felt... good. Relieving for once. “I’d ask you to carry me to your place, but I’m just going to hold your hand,” he whispered softly, overshadowed by another chuckle as he planted a light kiss on Caden’s temple. His right hand twined with Caden’s as he grabbed whatever grocery bags on the ground he could with his free hand. “Usually I like being the little spoon, but I wanna be the big spoon tonight. Hold you, my biscuit.” A dumb expression widened over his face, and Green nuzzled up to Caden, almost throwing them off balance. As they approached Howlett, Green had kept quiet, comfortable in the silence and assurance between them. It wasn’t until they were near the door when he whispered to Caden softly. “Thank you,” he said, planting another kiss on his cheek. “I love you.”

#*#i #x #caden

caden-santos:

Crying was messy, but at least it was honest. Caden could feel all the emotions and negativity increasing and swirling and everything just seemed too heightened. The physical contact grounded him, and for once Caden was grateful for Green’s tactile nature. The pressure on his shoulder and the weight Green’s current body keeping him from completely losing it. But as he listened, the weight changed, and Caden’s focus turned from the emotions themselves towards the explanation.

There was something off about Green’s response. He sensed the uncertainty and the hesitancy and the falseness that just seemed to crash into him like waves. The words didn’t match quite right, and Caden knew, unfortunately, that it had been a lie. The guilt seemed to compound and Caden very nearly had to call a break. But then he sensed fear, and he knew that even if there hadn’t been a good reason, even if it had been a stupid decision with no real logic behind it at all, and even if it had been with malicious intent, Caden understood.

People do odd things out of fear. It’s a motivator that Caden has learned to clamp down on whenever he felt it himself. Panic was different. Panic made people act in situations that they needed to act. Fear made people do everything but. He understood fear, and his chest felt heavy thinking about what could be so terrible to make Green fear to the point of this lie.

Support was all that he knew how to give, and at Green’s question, Caden huffed out a small sigh. It wasn’t a question that he could answer, at least, not for certain. “I don’t know, maybe?” he replied. “I don’t think he’d hear. But Green?” he paused, the weight on his chest telling him that he himself was getting more emotional than was probably healthy. “Don’t lie to me like that? Please? Just tell me that you’d rather not say.”

Once something as tiny as a small, bubbling thought in his head was set in motion, there was no stopping Green. Not words nor emotions could stop him. When Caden raised a concern with lying, the syllables went in one ear and out the other and Green nodded absently in response. As far as he was concerned, Green needed to get his own words off of his chest. Ones that he’d practiced every night, as if he’d get another fleeting chance. This was about all of those shackled up regrets and emotions that were screaming to escape his mind. Green was determined to liberate all of them and get this over with.

He sucked up the snot running from his nose and blinked away the last of his tears, sucking in air as he looked at Caden intently and... genuinely. He gazed deep into the other’s eyes, his eyelids slack, his expression relaxed -- leaning forward all the while. For a moment he held a graze of their noses, hovering over his face and ghosting his breath over the other. And then he pressed his lips to Caden’s. Green had “kissed” his pal many times before, usually on the cheek or the temple. The edge of his lips, if he felt particularly daring. But this - this was the first time he’d kissed him on the lips. Under the cool, post-midnight air, he leaned into him for whatever warmth and comfort he could find. And when that wasn’t enough, he cupped his hands over the other’s face, fingers running across his cheeks as he kissed him a little more passionately.

If he were honest, Caden reminded Green a lot of him.

Maybe that was why he had such an affinity for Caden.

Green pulled back with a dizzy sensation swirling in his head. Usually, he never found himself disoriented by his own power, but this time... it was as if he were back in the RV. The vehicle coasting over the bumpy terrain of the I-30, the ground below them rumbling, the radio playing - Placerville is in turmoil!!! - his hands shaking over his shoulders. They were still wherever they were outside Xavier’s, just outside of the grocery store, but to Green it felt like he were standing back in that RV with his whole frame disoriented. Body swapping hadn’t been something new to the pair, but this one felt entirely different, if only because the rush of emotions had Green feeling like he was temporally displaced.

Before him was... his face. His cute, adorable lil biscuit. Caden, actually, but Green couldn’t help but imagine that it was -- “Grey,” he muttered his name, knitting his brows together. For a moment, all Green thought about was abandoning his words and just losing himself in his lips again, or perhaps just snuggling. That was all he really wanted. But what good to leave the unsaid still bottled up in his mind? He held a petrified expression towards Caden, forgetting everything he ever wanted to tell him. “I just want to say that,” he paused, choking on his words, scared to let them go. “I’m sorry. I’m-I’m so sorry, Grey. I think about what I did to you every day. You don’t have to forgive me. I don’t deserve it. But I want to forgive myself. Because it was an accident. But I think about it every day. How it only happened because I was scared of the future. That I only went through with that prank because I wanted you to stay with me. You would have done great things at college. Like meet so many new people and make new friends. Be an engineer or whatever people do at college. Maybe you’d become a hippie or join a convent. And I would still be at Baldo’s. Only seeing you during the summer, if you still wanted to see me.”

Green paused, trying to hold it together and get the rest out. “I should have trusted that it’d be okay. I should have believed that we’d still be together. And I didn’t. I let you go, Greyson.” He paused, every word genuine and liberating. But as not as much as... “I miss you. So, so much. And... I love you, Grey.”

The familiarity of that phrase felt so foreign on his tongue. Green had said it countless times, almost flagrantly back then like it were a rag doll. But this time, it felt like the most sincere thing he’d ever professed. Overwhelmed with emotion, his buried his face - Caden’s face - into his biscuit’s shoulder, not even able to so much as sob. Instead, he laid there and thought about the good days. As far as he was concerned, he was feeling momentarily better. But, deep down, he wanted much more closure. He wanted to know that they would be okay and that the void within him would close. But, likely, it wasn’t. It was going to be something he was to live with for the rest of his life. And that realization sucked.

#*#i #x #caden

caden-santos:

The confession came as a shock, and Caden had to pause and reboot his brain for a moment as he listened to Green’s explanation, the contact broken and giving him a second to breathe. The two of them had arrived at the institute in the same year, when Caden’s abilities had still been wildly out of control. The constant state of guilt and bittersweet melancholy had been ever present since he’d first met Green, and he’d long ago stopped trying to figure out the reasons for the disconnect between his emotions and actions. But to know that it wasn’t Green’s real face, or at least his first face, changed… nothing. He pulled at his own emotions, searching for some sort hurt or confusion to say that this revelation definitely would change the way Caden perceived Green, but he found none. Maybe it was the fact that reality always seemed to be slightly altered whenever Caden interacted with him.

He only felt the crushing guilt from Green, and all he wanted was to find some way to placate it, because clearly this was the cause of all the storm of emotions. “You’re still you, though,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around Green again and holding tight, obliging with his request. “You took it for a reason, right?” he asked, trying to find something to use to put the guilt to rest. “It’s still tearing you up, so there had to be a good reason to steal it in the first place.”

Humor had always been his coping mechanism. Green had always ran far ahead of his emotions, hoping they’d never catch up to him. But as he stood still in Caden’s embrace, his emotions intensified, the tears choked out from his eyes as he softly wept over the past, unable to crack a joke or make light of his situation. Instead, he rubbed his nose into his friend’s shoulder, taking comfort in the damp pool of tears and snot smudged onto Caden’s sweater. All of the guilt and heartache - it had to leak somewhere. He scrunched his face into Caden’s shoulder, inhaling deeply as he let out a sob.

It was comforting to hear that Caden hadn’t really seen him differently - he was still him. Green finally cracked a smile into his shoulder, pulling back to nod absently at the other. He ran a hand through his nose and his eyes, not even feeling gross at his flagrant display of waterworks. “I took it because I wanted to remember him,” he said, half-lying. Or, rather, he didn’t know. Green had convinced himself over the years that he’d done it to keep a memento, but the truth was that it really wasn’t romantic. All of it was an accident. But against Caden’s words, Green didn’t really have a good reason. It’d just happened in the heat of the moment that he’d stolen his body. And so his guilt intensified. “We were running away from home,” he said, sniveling. “Because we did something bad. But it wasn’t his fault. It was mine. And I didn’t want him to live with the pain. The pain that I’d have my whole life. I couldn’t bare to see him with all that pain. So I kissed him and pushed him out of the car,” he said, choosing his words carefully, as to construct a white lie. None of it was wrong... but it also didn’t feel truthful. The truth was that Green was scared. Scared beyond his mind at revisiting the past. Rather than guilt, shame and embarrassment flooded through his mind.

But there was something about being next to Caden that made him feel okay. It didn’t even dawn on Green that this would otherwise be emotionally taxing, but he appreciated Caden’s company. Even if it would never be said. “I never got to tell him one last thing,” he said, pivoting away from his shame. He finally met Caden’s gaze with fragile eye contact, holding his breath. His tongue peeped out, if only to lick his lower lip. Breath ghosting over the other’s face, Green leaned a little closer, eyes tracing the region between Caden’s nose and lips, before he met his eyes again. “Do you think I could talk to him? Tell him those last words?”

#*#i #caden

caden-santos:

Caden’s eyes widened and his throat closed up at the demand, throwing his arms around Green in more of a confused daze than anything else, but he did have to chuckle at the half-hearted attempts to lighten the mood, holding tighter as the feelings of guilt continued to build. It was a little terrifying to sense all these feelings from Green of all people, though Caden couldn’t say that he was terribly surprised. There had always been that sense of dishonesty that he’d come to expect whenever he was near, but this? This was new.

He leaned his head against Green’s, trying to provide any sort of comfort that he could. “Please tell me?” he murmured. “I want to help.” He was desperately trying not to let his own emotions overwhelm him, knowing that his own sadness for Green wouldn’t necessarily be appreciated. So he focused on the guilt that blanketed them and did his best not to pull away.

Green took a long while to blink away the water stinging his eyes. When that only proved to be somewhat painful, he took one long sniveling inhale as he moved into a hug, wrapping his arms around Caden’s body. Warmth. Oh, how assuring. Though Green had always pretended to hate hugs, he was a rather tactile person and always enjoyed lingering into Caden’s embrace when he could. For some reason, he slotted his lips over Caden’s earlobe and pulled it on it softly before before he dropped the box. Gahhhhck, he let out, wriggling in Caden’s embrace to see if he could pick it up with his hand. “Wait, you lil shit, you better not let go of me, you hear. We’re having a damn moment and I won’t let you ruin it because you made me drop my favorite snack,” he tried to kneel to pick up the box, but refused to leave their embrace.

He’d just let it sit on the concrete. Green was still trying to locate the words, his chest inhaling against Caden’s. Though it took nearly a minute, he clung to Caden a little harder as the words began to leak out. “I stole his body,” he said, the words quivering. Immediately, he pulled back to show his face. His wide and red-eyed, runny nose face. “This isn’t my face. This isn’t my face, Red. Does that comprehend? You’re looking at the face of the cutest biscuit in the world with the consciousness of a chicken. I’m the chicken in a biscuit, you shithead. I’m the chicken in the biscuit!” Relief washed through his limbs, but it didn’t help the intensifying guilt that overwhelmed him. Though he was overcome with the sudden urge to laugh, a tear escaped from his eye. Almost instantly, he buried himself in Caden’s shoulder, both laughing and sobbing. “I can’t get over him, Caden. I want to. But every day I look in the mirror, I see him and am reminded that I did something horrible to him. Now hug me harder because I want to be hugged, Red.”

#*#i #caden

fusionsuna:

This felt like an entirely different fusion between them. One that finally felt reciprocal. Rather than fighting to be heard against Green’s nonsensical bullshit, always ignoring Rod’s existence, Rod felt that there were the beginnings of a conversation between them. Even though they were two extremely different people with a rather tenuous history, the fact that they were somewhat on the same page made the fusion feel all the more wholesome and recuperating. When Green’s hands traced over the softness in his chest behind his shirt, sliding over his large stomach and down towards his thighs, it was as if Rod had done those movements himself. Green’s smile felt just as genuine to Rod as it would if he were to do it.

For once, Rod had to admit that he was enjoying being a part of Green.

What he was never going to admit was that he was maybe okay with being fused to him for the whole week. As long as he wanted.

It’d been a long time since he felt a fusion that was this… mutual. Nobody really craved fusion as much as Green did. Or, at least in a while. Everyone as of late had fused for training, in pursuit of power, or just to try an experience. But never because they desperately needed it as much as him. Even though Rod had no actual way to confirm that Green needed it, Rod knew. And of all the people, Rod expected and least expected it most from Green. But, here they were, and only after their twenty or so fusion could this experience happen.

That was the impetus for the kiss. Long time it’d been since Rod had felt so close to someone. Nearly nine or ten or more years ago. As much as Green was Satan’s incarnate, Rod undeniably felt some sort of connection to Green by way of how fucked up they were. That was all there was to it. Rod really had no idea who Green was, much too mysterious and guarded and superficial to seemingly let anyone close. But the very matter that they craved fusion meant that there was something there.

That was the last thing he would tell, however. Give Green an inch and he’d go a mile.

‘What, you’re not going to ignore me like you always do? What’s that phrase you always say. Don’t read into it. It was just a kiss. Now go shut up and enjoy yourself. I want this just as much as you.’

Something about fusion made him feel full-er. As he checked himself out in the mirror, rather than feeling self-conscious - which he never felt - Green just felt some sense of admiration towards his body. It was too queer to describe. Even though he’d fused countless times, every time he so much as turned to gaze at his body from a different angle or pat his belly he was filled with the same feeling of admiration and... appreciation. As if he was rediscovering himself all over again. That was an addicting feeling, one that he couldn’t experience outside of fusion. Hell, after fusing so many times, being without Rod made him feel worse sometimes. Like he was starting to feel uncomfortable being alone. Anxiety coiled in his stomach, similar to the one he felt the first few weeks arriving at Xavier’s.

It didn’t settle in until this interaction with Rod that he needed fusion much more than he thought. That he was... alone. Hardly anybody suspected that of Green. They’d all thought of him as someone who didn’t care being a lone wolf, who could roam around by himself. And Green could care less. Maybe he did want to be thought of as someone who was independent and could be on his own. But deep down, Green wanted to feel wanted like everybody else.

He enjoyed feeling full.

“I knew it,” Green said aloud towards Rod, smirking proudly. “You like me, old man. You have a crush on me and you want to marry me. You want this way more than me.” A loud string of chuckles burst from his lips before he wrapped his arms around himself, as if to give himself a hug. “God, you’re so fucked up, Rodrigo. But...” Green catwalked his way over to the training room facility exit, kicking the doors open. “I will go enjoy myself, thank you very much.”

#&& idk we can end it here and continue the plot elsewhere ! &&#*#i #rodrigo

caden-santos:

He nearly made a remark about the odd phrasing that Green had used, but something told him that if he’d made a quip about it now, the tentative bridge of honesty would be broken, and then there was no telling how long it would be before he would open up again. So Caden kept his silence, his expression filled with concern. “I promise I won’t,” he answered, knowing that while the demand had been made jokingly, it was always nice to at least hear the affirmation.

But when Green continued to speak, confusion was the only thing that Caden felt. They were approaching dangerous waters now, and Caden could definitely feel all the guilt and turmoil whirling between them. “Him? Someone from before the Institute?” he asked gently, letting Green know that he was listening, not wanting to pass any form of judgement yet.

Green paused to hear the late night ambiance, crickets and warbles under the still air. Xavier’s never sounded the same, but there was something that made him ponder on his recollections of home. Which brought him back to... “Yeah,” Green muttered softly, chewing his upper lip as his eyes traced along the concrete. Air filled his ribcage, and he let out a rather long exhaust, clinging the Chicken in a Biskit close to his chest. After a long pause, he forced the words out form his mouth. “My b-b-boyfriend,” he whispered, almost buried under the night. As quiet as it was, his heart was pulsating - thumpthumpthump - guilt, regret, and gloom overwhelming him. Green’s eyes watered as he tried to blink it away, turning to face the trees and not being able to look Caden in the eyes. It was the first time in his ten or so years here that he’d been able to speak his truth and never before had he felt so... vulnerable. He sniveled once before he threw his shoulder at Caden, expecting comfort. And if that wasn’t enough--“Hug me, you lil shit, I want to be rewarded for being emotionally honest.” A small chuckle escaped from his lips as he rubbed a fist into his eye, still holding back tears. The memories he had with him flooded through his limbs, and he angled himself into Caden’s body to feel his warmth. Wanting so badly to find him wherever he could. Truth be told, Caden reminded Green a lot of him in many ways. “I did something bad to him. He’s probably angry and mad at me and so, so confused. And I feel guilty. Because I stole...” His voice disappeared halfway through the sentence as he felt himself shaking into Caden’s frame. Green was doing his best to keep his emotions suppressed, but the more he spoke about his past the more it just wanted to burst out. “Hug me harder, you shithead. I want to be squeezed like I’m a Costco teddy-bear strangled by a little girl having a nightmare.”

#*#i #caden

fusionsuna:

Back in his own body. A huge sigh of relief washed over Rod’s conscience. His eyes fluttered shut as he remembered the familiarity of breathing in his skin. It wasn’t that he was opposed to the idea of body swapping – not after all this time with Green, and especially considering fusion – but there was something secure and comforting returning to his own. Like it were a childhood blanket, or coming home to desayunos y pupusas de mamá.

Of course, his peace had to be interrupted by such frank language. Green’s rather instigatory choice of words, crossing the line whenever possible, deeply unsettled Rod. Less so how inappropriate it was and more, like… it felt like Green was in his head, always one step ahead of him. In this case, Green was extremely off about a lot of things – Rod could never see them as a couple – but he’d captured the annoying sentiment that Rod had almost become dependent on him. So, so dependent.

It was such a deep low but, the more he thought about it, the only conclusion he could draw was that Green was just as fucked up as him. He would come back every week, so insistent on keeping Rod fused to him for as long as possible. And for what – to fuse and make himself whole? Slowly, the gears began to turn as Rod worked through this logic. They had one huge, conspicuous commonality between them and that was they always came back for fusion… could it have been that Green wanted fusion to recuperate a part of himself?

The more Rod thought about it, the more he believed his own theory.

Now Rod felt like he was a step ahead of Green. And it felt good. Damn good.

Green still absolutely vexed him, but at least Rod had some empathy for him.

But, God, the more he thought about it, the more he was sick at the thought that the only person who felt like he understood him and far beyond that was the asshole standing before him. Green didn’t understand the magnitude of trauma and everything Rod had been through, but to insistently come back every week… what they had was intensely personal and intimate. Rod could feel both disgust and respect for Green pluming inside him. Everything in him wanted this revelation to be gone, wanting to go back to hating every bit of Green, but now it was permanently burned into his mind. If there was no way to get rid of it… it had to be shared between the two… right? Rod glared Green down before everything slowed down around them, and Rod found himself kissing Green passionately on the lips. It’d just… happened. The last thing he remembered was aggressively biting down on Green’s lips as he felt the warm touch of his stomach grazing against his own, their hips like magnets, all before Rod pushed into Green’s frame and the two fell to the hardwood floor, bodies pooling into one.

Everything happened so fast up, as if Green were swept up in a whirlwind. So fast that Green felt rather than registered, and focused on the immediate sensations: their bodies fusing. He remembered moaning into Rod’s lips as their skin grazed together, their stomachs rubbing in slow, tantalizing circles before the trainer began to melt into his body. Warmth flooded through him and coursed through his veins. While Green hadn’t opened his eyes, the sensation of the kiss had never died down, and when he no longer felt Rod’s lips on his he was alone before the training room mirror. There Green was, his jeans banding love handles, a round belly hanging on his form, his chest pushing tightly against his shirt. He traced the curves of his torso with his right palm, running it down to his thighs. And then he made eye contact, gleaming out what he could see of Rod in his pupils. He had to exist somewhere in there, right?

Not a second at any time did Green flinch, but he slowly began to process what had just happened in the past thirty seconds. Rod had kissed him. And Green had been so sure that he felt Rod bite down on his lips, as if to assert his dominance. A deep breath let out as he maintained eye contact with himself. While composed and calm on the outside, their brief yet long-lasting kiss looped and drawled in his head.

And to think that Rod didn’t have any surprises.

What felt like minutes breezed past him as he thought deeply about that kiss.

It made him feel... whole and complete. Not just the kiss, but knowing Rod was with him. Though Green deeply repressed it, he’d been running from the eternal feeling that he’d be alone, all because he feared confronting his past.

Per the trainer’s usual mantra - inhale / exhale - Green inhaled deeply. His chubby cheeks parted to make way for a beaming expression that surfaced over his face in the mirror. That - that was a shared smile, right? Did he have to say words, or did Rod know - or, better yet, feel? They’d fused countless times and it was only now, on the twentieth or so encounter, that he’d finally thought about fusion on a deeper level. “I knew you’d come around at some point,” he teased, poking his tongue out at himself and winking. A weird sight to behold for the stray straggler. But Green hardly cared about what people thought - he was curious as to why. Not that he’d been surprised... but a part of him was. The kiss was almost completely unexpected. ‘You want to talk about that kiss, don’t you. I know you do. So let me just say: a straight five out of ten. I’ve had better. So what’s on your mind, old man? Or my mind, if you wanna say that instead.’

#&& whAT THE F$%& I AM CAUGHT OFF GUARD ??? &&#*#i #rodrigo

caden-santos:

He tried to ignore it, the brush off telling him that it wasn’t something that he wanted to touch, at least, not here. Which was probably good, since the grocery store would not be a good place for Green, or anyone really, to start spilling prose about their past. So Caden did his best to shove it all into the back of his mind. But the tension and confusion and melancholy continued to float around. Ignorance wasn’t bliss, at least, not for Caden.

It was more than a little unsettling as they went through the checkout line, and Green seemed to be in a bit of a daze. So before the cashier could ask to scan the box, Caden waved her off and simply told her the price to add. While skeptical, she seemed to be able to see the odd expression on his face, and simply let them continue. By the time they reached the exit of the store, the artificial pressure on his throat was nearly suffocating, and Caden wasn’t sure he could put it off any longer.

So when Green bumped into him, he turned and focused on what exactly his friend was seeking, curiosity and concern clear in his expression. He nodded halfheartedly at the offhand comment about their band, then tilted his head. “Are you-” he cut himself off, shaking his head. “No, you’re not okay. What’s wrong?” he asked gently, unsure how exactly to extend his help.

An unease settled through his limbs as he looked at Caden earnestly. To say that Green had never been productive with his emotions was an understatement: he rarely, if ever, confronted them head-on. He’d always approached them sideways, of the many ways mostly by dicking around Xavier’s to distract himself with harmless pranks. But there was something comforting about their chiptunes-piano duo band that allowed Green to say it all without having to say anything - he’d learned how to play a keyboard just to get his mind off of stuff. But now, at Caden’s question, Green had no idea how to respond.

He chewed on his upper lip, trying to find the words. “I’m the chicken in a biscuit.” Almost instantly, his free hand covered his mouth, and a weightless chuckle burst out from between his lips into his palms. From those words, a mixture of relief and guilt flooded through him. Relief at having finally said something out loud, and guilt... well... Green wanted to laugh against his confusing surge of repressed, trying to force something out, but no luck. Instead, he stopped to knit his brow to try and draw the words out, dragging his hand from his mouth to his side. “I want to tell you, Caden, I’m just... embarrassed, okay.” Green couldn’t believe he’d uttered those words, and firing back from them he had to add a few more. “But as embarrassed as I am, you better not be a lil shit and think of me differently, you got that Red?” It came off not as a threat but rather just an outburst of humor, trying to cope with the discomfort. He paused for a long while before muttering: “I haven’t gotten over something bad I did to... him.”

#*#i #caden

fusionsuna:

This asshole. Honestly.

Rod had done his best to keep it together. He really did. But his frustrations began to leak out. A scowling expression. Grinding his teeth. Coiling his fists. A deep inhale, released through the nostrils – the last one, in particular, was a surefire way to tell that he was annoyed. What made the whole situation absolutely infuriating was that he knew well that he’d walked right into one of Green’s traps. Rod never thought he could be annoyed with his own damn face and the obnoxious smirk currently perched on it. At this point, he wouldn’t even be surprised if Green ruined his own face for him the next time he so much as smiled in a mirror.

And same went for Rod’s own voice. Green’s in-your-face, sarcastic, witty attitude grated on him. “I’m not interested in conducting science experiments with us right now. So we until you put me back in my body, no fusion for Green.” Rod wasn’t in the mood to make this any more complicated and messy than it had to be… at least for today.

But Green’s last sentence struck Rod particularly hard. It made him feel both vexed and… defeated. As much as his selection of words was a completely inaccurate assessment – Green wasn’t wrong. And that frustrated Rod even more. If he really wanted to, he could tell Green to fuck off, find a new trainer, quit his job altogether. But… Rod wanted this just as much. Deep, deep down. It was a way to feel whole again.

God. Rod wished Green had wrestled with their separation anxiety, as if it were a shared bond between them. Maybe he did. Green wasn’t the type of person to wear those kinds of statements on his sleeve, but Rod felt that to be true. And that scared him to think that he was just as fucked up as Green. “Look, just switch us back and we can fuse, okay?”

Music to his ears. The scowl was dark and tired, so much so that Green hardly recognized his own face, as if he were talking to someone who’d been sleep deprived and in a bad mood for centuries. It was like watching masterful cinematics. A slow raise of the eyebrow. He could take this farther, zig-zag between them and leave Rod disoriented, begging for fusion. “We’ll leave science experiments for next week then,” he shrugged, now even more intrigued by the idea since Rod had shot it down. If he weren’t lazy - it always came back to laziness - Green could instigate a little further, but... as far as he wanted to push Rod over the edge, Green had already gotten what he’d come for: to get a rise out of Rod. Superfluous as Green was, he’d been itching to fuse, and would leave pushing the limits for another day.

Why was less important than why not.

In a half-second, they’d forcefully returned to their bodies, no warning whatsoever. Green patted himself down, observing his forearms of all places before rubbing his chest with his palms. To think that Rod had just inhabited his meat-suit of a body only moments ago. It really put into perspective the fluidity of consciousness and the precarity of life. Not that Green ruminated too much on it - only in the moments of waiting for Rod to get his act together did he have time to think. “I’m ready to dad-bod up, you’re ready to get inside me. You know, we’d made a good, fucked up couple, wouldn’t we, Rodrigo? We should just start dating. That way we wouldn’t have to limit our little fusion dates to one hour a week.”

#*#i #rodrigo

caden-santos:

He chuckled a little at the protest from Green, but when the other had managed to escape, Caden accepted the smart water without much complaint, only screwing the lid back on and putting it back in the cart for safekeeping. “I’m not your servant you absolute walnut,” was the empath’s only protest as he went over to grab the Gushers that Green had asked for.

For some reason, they had been found in the next aisle over, and when Caden returned, there was a spark of awe from Green, and he poked his head around to see what had grabbed his attention. “Are you kidding me?” he muttered, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He dropped the gushers into the cart and pushed it over to where Green was standing. As he got closer, the emotions started to sharpen, and the teasing quip that he’d been about to say was swallowed down when he felt the massive wave of some sort of bittersweet emotion. It was starting to get clouded by desperation of some sort, and Caden wondered if that was towards him or some other reason.

“We can get that,” he said, his voice a little gentler than before. “Good memories?” he questioned, wondering just how much information Green would share, or if he’d share at all.

The only time Green could ever feel open about his emotions were in the privacy of his quarters, alone, the most a stray pigeon or two pecking at the window. His emotions had been long suppressed. It wasn’t that Green wasn’t open, but... well, Green really didn’t have a clue as to why it took nearly nine, ten years for him to finally feel like he could lower his walls. And in a grocery store, of all places. How affective. The luminescent lights slid across the speckled tiles, almost a little overwhelming as he continued to gaze at the damn Chicken In a Biskit in his hands. Green solemnly turned to face Caden, trying not to make eye contact as he swished his mouth around. “It’s nothing,” he responded, obviously lying. While Green was always tangled in a lie, the difference between this and any other one was that it was clear he wasn’t even trying to cover it up or put any effort into it.

Green didn’t even want to put the box in the cart. Instead, he trailed behind Caden, still fixated on the box’s blue and white hues. He struggled to find his usual humor, wanting to say something particularly Green-y, but the words escaped him. Instead, he remained quiet, hoping Caden would pick up and try and comfort him. It was far from Green to seek validation, but this was the one day in his nine or so years of being here that made him want someone to check up on him. Not exactly sure how to ask for him, he audibly inhaled and exhaled before strategically bumping right into Caden’s back. “I’m sorry,” he said, the first apologize he counted in his lifetime. “Hah, we’re going to, uh, make some good music tomorrow, aren’t we?”

#*#i #caden

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