we stopped here

tee

[tryxeespeaks]

[haleyincarnate]

Even when you can't open your curtains to welcome the sunlight. Even when your heart feels twice as small as it usually is. Even in the deepest dark you know. Especially then.

Inspired by @wetheurban

[chaos-self]

[tryxeespeaks]

Yes, magaling ako sa ibang tao kasi buti pa sila nakakaappreciate at marunong mag pasalamat kahit sobrang liit ng itulong mo. Di katulad niyo. Tiniis ko lahat and still ako pa din may pagkukulang, ako pa din may obligasyon, ako pa din yung madamot. Kaya kayo nagkakaganyan kasi nagbabackfire sa inyo pag-uugali niyo.

[tryxeespeaks]

I'll strive hard and leave this fvcking hell.

Mga taong magaling lang sa'yo pag may kailangan. Isang beses mong di pagbigyan, ang dami na agad sinasabi pero pag nagbigay ka ni isang 'Thank you' wala kang natatanggap, paparamdam pa sayong obligasyon mo 'yon. Wth.

[tryxeespeaks]

At ako pa talaga ang sasabihan niyo ng nagdadamot? Sigurado kayo sa mga sinasabi niyo? Isang beses ko lang ginawa kung ano yung ginagawa niyo sa akin palagi. Tandaan niyo yan.

[tryxeespeaks]

Weekend reset. What is happening???

It's 11:38pm on a Sunday night and tomorrow is another working week.

This weekend is such a huge reset. I planned last Friday that I will be spending my weekend re-planning my team and re-organizing our workload distribution, so my mind will be relaxed and not to stressed out for the coming week. But the heck, yesterday I was up at 11:00am and started cleaning my entire room at 1:00pm. My wardrobe and clothes are fine but I suddenly had an urge to pull everything out and scattered it everywhere. I decluttered some of my clothes and stuff, re-folded my clothes, vacummed my room, re-organized my stuff—basically, a general reset.

It took me until 11:30pm to finish everything, with social media scrolling in between my cleaning, lol. Thought I'm done but nah, I still had the energy to take a bath at 12:30am. I spent an hour cleaning myself and letting the water continuously drip into my skin. Another half an hour doing night time skincare and finally, I went to sleep at 1:30-ish AM.

Sunday is lovers day. Went to vet with my dogs' vaccine. All is well. Joseph drove the car. We had a very late lunch. Stroll the mall, bought perfume, played bingo, went to karaoke, then off to go home. I decided to drive the car cause there's really something in my mind like I want to be occupied and doing something.

By now, I just finished another an hour of taking a bath, skincare-ing, changing my sheets in the middle of the night. And lol, prior taking a bath, I just cleaned my two aquaflask that is sitting quietly on the table like why, lol. I was also starting to reorganize the things in my desk but decided to stop when I saw the time.

Gahd, I have an 8:00am work tomorrow. I didn't touch my laptop to work on my plan. I thought I'll be able to sleep now but dang, I'm still writing this down so I can go back when this happened again. Yes, this episode of mine, already happened before and for so many times. 🙃

Like, what iz happening?

Ok. Bye xx

[perrfectly]

[hel7l7]

I'd like it all to go faster but I can't force my growth

[podencos]

[tryxeespeaks]

Sana iniisip niyo rin na may sarili din akong battle na hinaharap. Di ako perpekto pero akala niyo lahat sa akin madali. I remain in silence. I am depressed in silence.

Deep inside sobrang durog na durog na ako. I still don't know ano na bang mangyayari sa akin.

And yes, wala kayong alam.

[tryxeespeaks]

I knew it. They will never understand you. It will also appear like it is your own fault. They will never think about how they contributed to your burdens. I knew from the start. We're like this for so long. It's a never ending cycle.

[tryxeespeaks]

here we go again. awang-awa sa sarili.

i never thought i will be in this situation again.

[tryxeespeaks]

Here's to my people who became the "biglaang breadwinner" because ikaw nalang yung naiwan sa pamilya niyo na somehow may stable work and good paying salary.

I know every payday you spent an hour dividing the bills you all need to pay and spent another hour in a blank corner realizing na wala na ulit natira para sa savings mo. Everything just evaporates.

I know you're doing your best to stand up and continue this life because you have no choice, there are people who need you. I know you told yourself na babawi ka next time but those next time were turned into void.

Treating yourself no longer feels like a reward, it is more like a stabbed in the back. You get that excited feeling but afterwards you'll regret bakit mo nga ba binili para sa sarili mo.

You are a melting candle but after being melted, you strive to mold yourself back again to continue the light you want to share.

It's okay to cry. It's okay to breakdown. It's okay to feel scared kahit na everyday you're stressin' out dahil walang wala ka na.

We'll get through it. Makakabawi at makakabawi ka sa sarili mo. We'll just wait and work hard. Kaya mo pa yan, wag kang susuko.

[lil-reminders]

recovery can be difficult and can take a lot longer than you expected. don’t be hard on yourself for getting burnt out. have compassion even when it feels like your not recovering “fast enough” or “correctly.” everyone is on their own path.

[tryxeespeaks]

There's no progress. Paulit-ulit pa din.

[bluest-fluff]

Super proud of you if you did something that was really hard for you that nobody else would acknowledge as an accomplishment. If you're struggling to take care of yourself and you brushed your teeth. If you ate some food. If you washed one single dish, or responded to one email, or called your therapist. It all begins with a single step. If all you could manage today was that one step, and you took it, I am so proud of you.