IN MY BLOOD

blaine devon anderson. but you can call me mr. president. i'm an avid bowtie collector and coffee connoisseur ruling mckinley high with benevolence and pride. catch me tearing up the turf on the lacrosse field this spring and don't forget to check out my covers on soundcloud! – help me. it's like the walls are caving in. sometimes i feel like giving up; no medicine is strong enough. someone help me. i'm crawling in my skin. sometimes i feel like giving up but i just can't. it isn't in my b l o o d .

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FINN: you're my other favorite part of it.

FINN: well i appreciate being the best looking one.

FINN: oh i remember. but this isn't a birthday present. it's like uhhhh idk just cause i was thinking of you. it's not fancy.

BLAINE: Trying to make me blush I see.

BLAINE: As much as I love surprising others, you know I can't take the anticipation of awaiting a surprise myself. What is it? Spill!

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PUCK: I guess man. or you could just take a shot and say fuck em all. pretty much where I’m at. since that day I got slushied 4 joining glee club, I’ve been rethinking this whole “gotta be popular thing”. People r dickheads. u ever think about joining?

PUCK: im not ready to get shanked or sumthin coz I didn’t keep my mouth shut. besides, u were pretty cool about not telling ny1 I was stealing pot from brett’s Locker anyway. i still have some if u wanna share. he gets that expensive shit.

PUCK: no. thought I probably would have thrown you in a dumpster or something by now tbh. but after that dinner party thing, I realized u weren’t really that annoying ass weirdo president guy u pretend 2 be.

[...]

PUCK: glad we’re like...good tho. I like talkin 2 u. N chillin w u.

PUCK: people seem 2 dig it. i think it looks pretty badass. glad u like it 2 tho. U ever thought about wearing a skirt? much easier to grope through than chinos

PUCK: there was light coming under the door asshole. not my fault u kept your eyes closed

BLAINE: Thought about it. Until you all lost Regionals.

BLAINE: It's high school, not jail, Puck. But I appreciate the sentiments of loyalty. I'm not one to partake usually but perhaps I'll take you up on the offer sometime soon. Could be a good way to relax. Especially if we do it up at The Ridge beneath the stars.

BLAINE: How cliche. If you tried to toss me in a dumpster you'd get your teeth knocked out, man. We've boxed together. You've seen my form. Did I really come off as an annoying weirdo before you got to know me? I didn't realize that was the energy I put out into the universe.

BLAINE: That's quite the fantasy. I mean, I've given some thought to going out for the Cheerios but I doubt Sue would have me in a skirt. The pants hug in all the right places if that's any consolation.

BLAINE: Who keeps their eyes open during a kiss?

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PUCK: ok I mean cool, like thnx n shit, but like, it’s not that serious man. we all go through some shit sumtimes. u deserve to be pissed 2. you can’t be happy all the time. ur still cool. u got my back n I got urs

PUCK: bc I ain’t no snitch.

[PAUSE]

PUCK: n I like u I guess. idk.

PUCK: just bc u like my nipple ring don’t mean u gotta look 4word 2 seeing me anderson. ive had enuff hookups to kno it don’t always rock n roll

PUCK: bc I saw ur face when I did it at ur party. can’t trick my radar

BLAINE: I know, but it makes more sense to play unbothered in order to save face. Right? I have to appear unshaken otherwise I will have truly lost every ounce of status I worked so hard to gain.

BLAINE: Interesting how you actually subscribe to the "snitches get stitches" philosophy. You see a lot of backstabbing to get ahead in the circle my family runs in. Colleagues will rat each other out if it means one gets a promotion over the other.

BLAINE: Did you ever think we'd end up here? Being friends and stuff?

BLAINE: We definitely rock n roll. Don't you think? Never get rid of the nipple ring btw. Super fun to play with.

BLAINE: You must have night vision considering we made out in a closet.

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FINN: do you know the best part of summer is that we don't have school and can just like hang out all day?

FINN: well except the days i have to work. gap still hasn't fired me. i'm the only one tall enough to reach the back shelves.

FINN: and uh i got you something.

BLAINE: Wow. Twins. That's my favorite part of summer too! ☺️

BLAINE: That's as good a reason as any to keep you around. Plus you're the best looking sales associate they have on staff. Can't lose the eye candy.

BLAINE: My birthday was in April. You were there, remember? We kissed. You gave me a watch.

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PUCK: What's that supposed to mean?

PUCK: ...yeah. just uh didnt kno it went both ways or whatevs

PUCK: Boo. We both kno u that u wouldn't kick lil ol me outta the house. besides, u like ur curls tugged. trust me, me 2.

BLAINE: I'm no better than either of them by talking to you like that just because I'm feeling mopey. I have to deal with the consequences of my actions in healthier ways than lashing out at one of the few people who has had my back through all of this.

BLAINE: You weren't going to rat me out and then Rachel caught both of us that night. You were going to keep my secret. Why?

BLAINE: Don't be stupid. Nothing about whatever the heck we're doing is one-sided, Puck. Besides, if anyone should be nervous about this changing on a dime it's me.

BLAINE: What makes you so sure I like the tugging?

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PUCK: nah, ur fine. i was w/ fabray for a while and i've been ride or die with lopez for years. words can't get 2 me.

PUCK: yeaaaa probably not. better to live and let die or whatvs

PUCK: ...Ur excited 2 see me?

PUCK: u know i would never promise that, man. ther tuggable. but i will throw back a shot for your mom ;)

BLAINE: Seems you have a type.

BLAINE: We both know you know it's "live and let live," Puck. Stop it!

BLAINE: Is that really so surprising? Aren't you excited to see me?

BLAINE: Fine. Tugging is permitted in certain contexts at my discretion. Any funny business and I throw you out and keep the bottle of Grey Goose for myself.

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PUCK: well fuck man when u put it that way.

PUCK: u get over it with enough alcohol and pot. now i ain't friends with hudson, q is giving away the baby, and i'm still just the way i was b4 all of it, but with a nicer guitar thanks 2 schue. u'll get better, probably

PUCK: maybe. i let her put one of those little umbrellas in the back of the speedo. she told me it was good i was tryin not 2 litter or some shit.

PUCK: it looks real good tho.

[PAUSE]

PUCK: so do ur curls. leave em down.

BLAINE: Sorry. Reading the text back I can see how my tone might have come off as inconsiderate. You're a good sport for putting up with me when I'm like this.

BLAINE: You know, it's been long enough now. I think you and Finn should give rekindling your friendship a go.

BLAINE: Let's table that conversation until later though because I'm actually really excited to see you. It'll probably be the first time I smile today so let's not argue before you get here.

BLAINE: Thank god for Pam and the itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polkadot bikini bottoms you strut around in that have given us this opportunity to drown my sorrows with top-shelf vodka.

BLAINE: You promise not to tease me and tug on them?

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PUCK: u sad or sumthin?

[PAUSE]

PUCK: i'm a few blocks away. wat if i just stop by?

PUCK: i've got some grey goose? u said u like that 1

BLAINE: Is this how you felt? You know when you got your best friend's girlfriend pregnant and then joined the lamest club in school? Was it all so crippling that it felt like you may never come back from it?

BLAINE: Puckkkk. You know how I feel about you seeing my curls.

BLAINE: How did you manage to afford that? Pam give you a nice tip again for wearing those trunks you know she likes?

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PUCK: what u up 2?

PUCK: u free 2nite or something?

BLAINE: Fiddling around with the arrangement for Birdy's cover of Skinny Love on the piano. I've found that the chords really capture and express my inner melancholia.

BLAINE: Melancholia is a noun meaning deep sadness or gloom.

BLAINE: Other than that, I'm free. If you'd like to make plans I'll need some time to get ready. I haven't gelled today.

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imessage ✉ blainter

hunter: you were into it?

hunter: counter-proposal: we go get a pizza together?

blaine: does that surprise you? you praised my leadership, were complimentary of my looks, and kept me laughing.

blaine: "i'm not tipsy. i'm hunter" is gold. what could have been a cringe-worthy interaction was actually sort of enlightening. it was nice to see you drop your usual serious attitude.

blaine: that sounds like a fair compromise. 😊🍕

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FINN: it requires us being in the same room so you better carve out a nice chunk of time for me and i can show you.

FINN: i'll send her a mother's day card thanking her for you then.

BLAINE: what is it about you being demanding that gets me going? i'm used to being the boss, not being bossed around. and yet, i like it.

BLAINE: it's a real shame i've got a king size bed and no one to share it with. and an even bigger shame we've yet to have a sleepover.

BLAINE: what a sweet gesture. "dear pam, nice butt! thanks for passing it down to your son!" let's not do anything to turn the anderson legal team against you.

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imessage ✉ blainter

hunter: fuck... was I trying to drunk sext you??

hunter: on second thought, I don't want to know the answer

hunter: I'll buy you five pizzas if we never speak of this again. do we have a deal, anderson?

blaine: that would appear to have been the case.

blaine: deal. make it six and i'll pretend i wasn't slightly into it.

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FINN: yeah it's kinda hot when you get like feisty and testy. makes me wanna remind you that you ain't the only hot shit.

FINN: it pays off.

BLAINE: and how do you plan to do that?

BLAINE: i probably owe it to my mom's genes and my lack of self control around carbs but i'll take the credit.

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FINN: using my own words against me. i like it.

FINN: and your ass? how do you like get it to look like that?

BLAINE: yeah? you like when i throw it back?

BLAINE: i do squats. 😊

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FINN: well i don't know what tacky means so that can't stop me.

FINN: https://66.media.tumblr.com/3b112e59b6414c7df4f105621899105d/tumblr_inline_pqr81hWjSo1tz1d3l_1280.jpg

FINN: i won't delete yours.

BLAINE: https://66.media.tumblr.com/3a1de59e43b6a2de5e1cc6214fe30854/tumblr_pqr983gjnh1xsodq9o1_1280.jpg

BLAINE: baadabingbadaboom.

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FINN: that does seem like the next step in sexting. you say it's not your ego. i say it's not my ego that needs stroking either. i send the dick pic. you send the ass shot. baadabingbadaboom.

BLAINE: ah, so that's how that works. isn't sending nudes considered tacky nowadays?

BLAINE: i wouldn't delete yours, though.

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FINN: oh i don't count stroking your ego as sexting. that's just a given.

BLAINE: this is the part where i say, "it's not my ego that needs stroking." right?