What if we hung out but It's secretly a trap and I lured you into my home just so I could force you to watch Ouran High school Host Club so you can UNDERSTAND THE TWINS AREN'T BEING FOR REAL. IT'S PURELY SATIRICAL. I SWEAR.
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pairing : ohshc x gn reader
summary : perhaps no one at ouran is more qualified to deal with a broken heart than the host club. with a student’s heartbreak painfully obvious to everyone but themself, the host club takes it upon themselves to remedy that. all against that student’s better judgement.
notes : multi-chapter fic, sfw, doesn’t follow canon plot
word count : 2.8k+
“Tamaki! Wait up! Do you have a second?!”
By the time you caught up with the Host Club’s President, you were already out of breath. He could walk offensively quickly with his long legs when he wanted to.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you wanted to talk to me or I would have waited.” Tamaki smiled at you. Could he just do that on command? Toss out blindingly bright smiles like they were nothing? Most people had to spend their whole lives training an expression like that in the mirror.
“What did you want to talk about?”
You waved a hand at him, trying to get your breath back. “We can keep walking. It shouldn’t take long.”
You fell into step beside Tamaki and the two of you continued walking to the front gate. You were close enough that you could pick up the pleasant scent from him you’d noticed a while ago—fresh linen and flowers.
“So, uh, I have a question for you. As the President of the Host Club and everything.”
“Ask away.”
“If a guest happened to have a crush on you, what would be the right thing to say in that situation?” You didn’t know why you felt embarrassed to have to ask Tamaki. It seemed like such a trivial thing all of a sudden, Mayako having a crush on you.
Tamaki pushed open the front doors of the academy and held them open for you. “Did a guest confess their feelings for you?”
“Yes…?”
“Would you happen to be talking about Iwaizumi Mayako?”
It was incredible how many times your face could heat in embarrassment. “Is that just common knowledge?”
Tamaki sat down on the front steps to wait for his chauffeur and you did the same.
“I think all of the hosts have noticed how much time Mayako-san spends with you. She’s evidently very fond of you, tragic host or not. And after our volleyball practice the other day, she—” Tamaki cut his sentence short. He looked off to the side, seeming to think better of whatever he’d been about to say.
“Anyway. So she’s finally told you how she feels. How do you feel about it?“
“I’m flattered, but to be honest it’s been bothering me.”
“How come?”
“I just … I just don’t like her in the same way. And I feel bad about that because she’s a great person. Funny and smart and really talented. I should feel grateful she even gave me a chance.”
Tamaki looked thoughtful. “Are you holding back because you’re afraid of what your family and friends might say?”
“No. They’d probably love Mayako.”
“Are you holding back because you’re scared of what Mayako’s family and friends might say?”
“Not really.”
“So you just don’t feel the same. That’s all?”
“Yes?”
Tamaki nodded. “I was thinking that you might be too insecure to admit you returned Mayako’s feelings, but if you just don’t feel the same about Mayako, this isn’t as complicated as you’re making it out to be.”
“I know that,” you muttered. “I just don’t know how to tell Mayako I don’t like her back without sounding like a jerk.”
“Pretend I’m Mayako,” Tamaki said, turning slightly to face you. “If she were here right now, what would you say?”
You pressed your lips together, looking into Tamaki’s violet eyes. His gaze was open and earnest. You’d be lucky if Mayako looked even half as approachable.
“Mayako, I think it was really brave that you were able to tell me how you felt, and I appreciate the courage it took to tell me. You’re a great person, and if it were anyone else, I’d tell them they were lucky to have you. It’s nothing about you personally, I just …” You sighed, and for a moment, it was Mayako’s hark hair and eyes you were seeing. Her slightly upturned mouth. “I’m just not looking to be in a relationship right now. I’m sorry. I hope you’ll understand. I don’t want to hurt you, it’s just that I don’t think it’s fair to start anything between us when I’m not in the right headspace.”
Wow. Your heart was pounding. You were in for a rough time if the practice run was this nerve-wracking.
You smiled questioningly at Tamaki. “Was that okay?”
Tamaki’s eyes drifted from your eyes to your mouth and then back up to your eyes. He cleared his throat. “I think that was lovely. I could tell you meant every word you said. You care about Mayako, and she should be able to see that if you didn’t, you wouldn’t spend so much time trying to let her down easy.”
You let out a relieved sigh. “I should have recorded that then. I’m not going to remember any of that when I see Mayako.”
Tamaki looked off beyond the school gates. “In these cases, honesty is the best approach. It shows the other person you have their best interest at heart. Even if it doesn’t feel like it at the moment, they’re trying to spare you from further pain.”
You looked at Tamaki from the corner of your eye. “That’s pretty deep, Boss. Are you speaking from experience?”
“No.” Tamaki laughed softly. “No one’s ever confessed their feelings to me before. I’m just speaking based on what I think.”
“Really? Suoh Tamaki, the prince of the Host Club, has never gotten a love confession?”
“Is that ironic?”
“You think? Maybe I’ll give you a confession just so you can fit the prince type better.”
Tamaki ducked his head. “I’d never ask that of you unless it was genuine.”
This was a new side of Tamaki, you realized. He was always earnest and kind hearted during club hours, but it was cast in a new light when he toned it down. It was kind of adorable, how bashful he could be.
“That would be my ride,” Tamaki said as a car pulled up in front of the gates. You got up when he did, suddenly tongue-tied when he glanced at you.
“Uh, get home safe. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“I hope so,” Tamaki said with a lopsided smile. “You get home safe too.”
With that, he skipped down the front steps and then strode to his car.
“Tamaki!”
Tamaki paused. Looked back at you.
“Thank you. For the advice. I really appreciate it. You can actually be pretty smart when you want to be.”
“It was my pleasure,” Tamaki called back. “Anything to help my tragic host.”
You watched him leave, wondering how he had made “tragic host” sound like a compliment.
You'd polished off half of the Honey's box of bonbons but he didn't seem to mind. In fact, he had hurried off a few minutes ago to grab you another box. Honey was probably the best person to have a crisis around because he could supply you with a nearly endless supply of sweets.
There was nothing quite like drowning your sorrows in chocolate.
The hosts all drifted warily around, not sure how to deal with you. You had caught them just as they were wrapping up host activities for the day. Right as Kyoya had been about to chastise you for missing a day without any prior notice, you’d thrown yourself into the nearest settee, flung and arm over your eyes and let out a long, low groan. The action was sudden enough that Kyoya actually sounded concerned before he remembered to hide it.
“Y/N? Are you alright?”
Your eyes were squeezed shut under your arm. You weren’t going to cry, but the misery clamoured to be released.
“What’s up with you?” Hikaru asked.
“All the guests are gone, you don’t have to act tragic,” Kaoru said.
Haruhi: “What’s wrong with Y/N?”
Mori: “They’ve been like this since they came in.”
Kyoya: “They had better have a good excuse as to why they didn’t come in today. They’ll have to work twice as hard next week to make up for their losses.”
Haruhi: “You always act like this is a job, Kyoya.”
The twins: “It might as well be.”
Renge: “Try elevating their feet. It helps with blood flow.”
Haruhi: “I don’t think—”
Tamaki: “Oh, Haruhi! You should get some of that cure-all medicine you commoners use! It must have something to help Y/N!”
Haruhi: “Except we don’t know what’s wrong with them.”
Honey: “I got more chocolates, Y/N-chan!”
After much cajoling from the hosts, they managed to unspool the entire, miserable story from you.
For a few days after your talk with Tamaki, you had diligently prepared what you would say to Mayako. You’d practiced in the washroom, on the ride to school, under your breath during classes and in between volleyball practice and host appointments. You were determined to be nothing but eloquent and well-composed when you saw Mayako. The two of you would part on amicable terms and you’d be able to put this behind you without regret.
Today had been the day. You had everything ready, down to the exact tone and self-deprecating smile you’d punctuate the monologue with. You found Mayako after class and asked her to meet you on the lawns behind the academy (because if nothing else, Mori was right about the quiet).
It was the strangest thing. You had mastered your speech and here was Mayako. All you had to do was talk. All she had to do was listen. But then Mayako gave you the strangest look. Amusement bordering on excitement. Maybe a little bit of fear. Her hand found your arm, and with that one touch, everything flew out of your hand.
Your stutter-fest was spectacular. You were frankly surprised that Mayako had even recognized your words as Japanese. You just kept going on and on, and in the end, Mayako had to put you out of your misery by squeezing your arm and telling you she understood. Your throat was burning then, and you barely heard what Mayako said about not holding things against you and still being friends. As soon as you could, you stumbled away from her and lurched back into the school.
The embarrassment was crippling. No one had seen or heard you, but your pride was now halfway dead in a ditch somewhere. Unable to think of what else to do, you had staggered to Music Room 3, ready to make it your final resting place.
The twins found your plight hilarious. Honey, Mori and Haruhi were sympathetic. Renge was furious and Kyoya was a little exasperated at your melodrama. Tamaki stayed uncharacteristically quiet, but it was hard to say why over the twins’ cackling.
“You practiced all the time for what?” Hikaru wheezed. “Where’s your monologue? Lemme see it.”
“Give them some space, guys,” Haruhi said. “You’d be really upset too if you were in this situation.”
Kyoya sniffed. “I don’t think there’s much of a situation. Y/N was able to tell Mayako the truth, and it seems that she took it well.”
“But no girl wants to be rejected like that!” Renge exclaimed.
“It’s not like I meant to,” you groaned. “I just tripped up. I swear I meant for it to be as straightforward and pleasant as possible.”
Honey squeezed your hand comfortingly. Mori cleared his throat.
“I don’t think you should beat yourself up about this. You did your best. If I were Mayako, I would appreciate the fact that you put in all of this effort at all.”
The hosts murmured in agreement. Renge was still a little affronted, but you think she could tell you had only meant well.
You only remembered Tamaki was there when Renge went over to whack him on the back of the head. He let out a startled yelp.
“Don’t you have any words of comfort, Your Highness?”
Tamaki rubbed the back of his head. “I don’t think there’s anything to say. Mori is right. I think Y/N’s behaviour is very commendable. Most people would find it difficult to have a conversation like that face-to-face.”
You met Tamaki’s gaze and something passed between the two of you. Understanding. Maybe even a bit of gratitude on your part.
You swung your legs off of the settee and looked at everyone in turn.
“There’s something I wanted to ask you all.”
“Yes, you are painfully average looking,” Hikaru said, and Kaoru elbowed him.
“How long is this going to go on?”
Tamaki frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I mean about me being a host. You said it was only until my heart was healed. Has that happened yet or…?” Catching the conflicting expressions on everyone’s faces, you added, “I don’t want to overstay my welcome. I’m not really a full-time member of your club and I don’t want to mess up any of your plans. Also, volleyball season is coming up so I wouldn’t be able to commit much anyway.”
The hosts exchanged glances. You had expected, especially from Kyoya, in particular, to have a concrete time of when your time as a host would be over. A few days or a week maybe. You had thought everyone was eagerly counting down the days when the Host Club would be back to normal.
It wasn’t that you wanted to leave. You just didn’t find it fair for them to be making so many exceptions and work-arounds for you when you were just a casual host. You weren’t as serious about the club as the other hosts and Renge. At some point or other, volleyball and other commitments would take over. You might as well straighten things out now before they got muddled up later.
“It’s fine if you don’t know,” you said, feeling the silence start to press down on you. “I think Mori or someone said this was the first time you’d done something like this. I actually have an idea for you, if you want to hear it.”
Hikaru wasn’t scowling but he was close. “I just don’t get—”
“Let’s hear it,” Kaoru butted in. “What’s your idea?”
“I mean, you don’t have to agree, but there’s a little event my parents are hosting next week. They’re really big on displaying local talent, so they have a gala-type event every year with local artists. It’s this big competition. Everyone is welcome to submit a piece, and once the judges decide on the winners, they each get a cash prize of 300 000 yen. There’s always a really big turnout from Ouran students. My parents were wondering if the Host Club might want to help with hosting the event? Welcoming guests and making conversation and things like that. Something about them wanting to include the youth more or something.”
You were rambling. You told yourself to shut up and looked at all of the hosts expectantly.
Honey was the first to speak. “I get it! It would be like your last party as a host before you pass on!”
Haruhi winced. “Honey, that makes it sound like Y/N is going to die.”
“Yeah, pretty much. Like I said before, you guys don’t have to agree. It’s just an idea. We could just set my last day as next week and call it a day. That is, if my compensation is complete?” This was directed in Kyoya’s direction. He cleared his throat before consulting his black notebook.
“As a matter of fact, you finished your compensation two weeks ago. It’s really just a matter of what you prefer.”
“I need a minute alone with the Host Club,” Renge declared. “Y/N, plug your ears.”
“I’m not going to—”
She rounded up all of the hosts and brought them to the far room in a huddle. Sighing, you sat back on the settee to wait. You hoped you hadn’t given them the wrong impression. You had just thought your parent’s art gala would be a nice last hurrah with the Host Club. And anyway, you would still visit them afterwards. It wasn’t you’d be barred from Music Room 3.
Right?
Eventually, the hosts returned from their huddle. You found yourself getting a little nervous. You told yourself it wouldn’t be a big deal if the Host Club said no. A little sad, sure, but definitely not anything tot—
“We’ll do it!” Tamaki said brightly. “It sounds like the perfect opportunity for the Host Club to get involved.”
“If we use it as an advertisement opportunity, we could see an uptick in guests over the next few weeks,” Kyoya added.
“And it’d be nice to see what kind of art everyone displays,” Kaoru said. He looked at his brother pointedly but Hikaru only shrugged.
“Really? That’s great!” You said it louder than you’d meant to and couldn’t seem to control the smile that overtook your face. “It’s going to be so much fun. I’ll tell my parents tonight. We could decide on a theme and get our costumes together!”
The hosts seemed surprised at your enthusiasm. You were too, but you couldn’t help it. Maybe you had been more afraid of everyone saying no than you’d thought.
Haruhi let out a laugh. “You’re really excited about this, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, I am.” You grinned and for a moment, everyone seemed at a loss for words.
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