I'm so sad. The one person I trusted and I felt safe with fucked me up and its been 4 months and I still love him and I can't get over the fact he did what he did to me

tannertan36
Jules of Nature
Keni

Discoholic đŞŠ

Kiana Khansmith
No title available
$LAYYYTER
Game of Thrones Daily
NASA
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
ojovivo
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Peter Solarz
Not today Justin
Misplaced Lens Cap
YOU ARE THE REASON

â

blake kathryn

Product Placement

Origami Around
seen from Italy

seen from Canada
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from CĂ´te dâIvoire
seen from Qatar

seen from Netherlands

seen from Singapore
seen from Australia

seen from Malaysia
seen from CĂ´te dâIvoire
seen from Germany

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
@ttainted-angell
I'm so sad. The one person I trusted and I felt safe with fucked me up and its been 4 months and I still love him and I can't get over the fact he did what he did to me
Back here bc more SA happened in my life lol but I'm deducting this summer to healing sexually. I'm going to learn to reclaim my body and enjoy things
Red flags for Love Bombing:
The person doing it is someone you met recently (days, weeks, month ago), or they recently decided they want to get closer to you
They decide that youâre perfect (friend, relationship partner, peer, employee, student) before actually taking the time to get to know you
They talk about you as if you know each other for a long time, and make statements about you as if theyâve known you forever
They talk about plans they have for you; theyâd love to be closer, travel together, live together, meet you more often, some will even talk about marriage or some kind of partnership early on even though youâve only met recently
You get a LOT of positive attention from them, to the point where you donât feel the need to get positive attention from anyone else, and you end up giving your full attention to them
You feel like this is the person youâve been waiting for, someone who sees everything good in you, you consider them special and feel flattered and grateful to finally get the attention you lacked for all this time
They always seem to say the perfect things, drop perfect lines youâve been waiting to hear, to the point where it can sound like a movie or very idealized version of reality
You feel intensely reassured about your worth, your appearance, your value, your actions, your pain, it causes a rapid change in your daily feelings about yourself
You enjoy your new perception of yourself, but itâs completely tied to this one person who created it for you, and you donât feel special or interesting or important out of that relationship, your identity is now tied to what they feel about you
You get the sense of âthis feels to good to be trueâ but you dismiss it because you donât want to be suspicious or anxious about one good thing that finally happened to you
Their promises get overwhelming to the point where it doesnât seem like they could possibly deliver them but they give you a chance to indulge yourself in daydreaming and wishful thinking and you hold onto that
You feel tied not only to this person, but to the future theyâre promising, and even if you donât know them for a very long time, you feel intensely about wanting to keep them in your life, do anything to not lose them and to keep the relationship as is
If you believe in soulmates, twin souls, or any new age spirituality, this person will feel like your destined one, or they might even suggest it themselves, that they were sent by an entity to 'fulfill youâ or 'destined for youâ
Your life changed from how it normally was to the point where you feel like you have a life 'beforeâ and 'after youâve met themâ, you even kind forget who you were before them, as you find itâs painful and lonely life you donât want to go back to
With time, you get anxious about their perspective of you changing, because it would shatter everything good youâve started to think about yourself because of them
Itâs very hard for you to think about them critically or in a negative way
If they started thinking badly of you or started mistreating you, your heart would break
Love bombing is a manipulative tactic of getting someone attached and dependent as quick as possible, and itâs done with over-the-top attention and affirmations, future faking, mirroring, and creating an idealized version of you without actually getting to know or understand you. The promises, feelings, gestures, imagined future and compliments are not real, theyâre there so you would be invested enough to ignore any other red flags, to forget to context of the relationship, to bond to the point of not leaving even if it develops into abuse.
If youâve fallen for it, do not feel guilty; this is designed to get your defenses down and to make you feel fulfilled to the point where your reasoning turns to mush and you grasp that break from being devalued and neglected all of the time like itâs a lifeline. Itâs often impossible to resist the strong emotions and relief at being offered, however fake, positive attention. Previous victims of abuse, neglected children, mentally ill, autistic, or in any way vulnerable members of society are very susceptible to this, because theyâre often the ones starved for attention and will not question the kind of attention they get because they need it too badly. Whoever uses this tactic is aware of this, and is ready to dangle affection in front of you in order to trap you into abuse. You are not responsible for falling for it, doing this to you is criminal. This is what a start of an abusive relationship looks like.
Relationships with unresolved trauma are so hard.
Sex is hard, their kindness is hard, and you just don't want to make them feel bad or burden them. Crying when things get intimate and apologising because you're not being 'useful' isn't fun for anyone. I want to marry this man but maybe he'll be better if we're separated
This was abt a man that was grooming me yikes. I'm in a much healthier relationship now and navigating things are still hard but things are better, easier, and safer
pro tip, if youâre ever feeling overwhelmed or upset for no reason, check the holy trifecta
have i eaten?
have i had water?
have i showered?
these questions will literally change your LIFE. if youâre feeling icky for no reason, thereâs a 90% chance itâs one of these.
This tag is way funnier than it has any right to be.
Would you joke around with your friends at school? Would I sing you to sleep each night? Would you call me âmotherâ, if they hadnt ripped you out of me? (You will always be my daughter)
âYour trauma made you stronger, it got you to where you are today!â
No, I could have learned to be strong just like everyone else. I could have learned how to deal with grief, pain and trauma like everyone else. I could have grown up like everyone else but no, I had to lose my life before it even began and now Iâm here, today, with a body the age of an adult and the brain the age of a child who doesnât know how to survive without constantly hurting themselves!
Hey guys :) anyone want my Instagram or anything? I'm making a gc for csa/cocsa survivors there :)
It's not just to vent tho, just to have a safe place in general
My Instagram is
@lung.fungus
Unrecognized signs of abuse
This list includes signs I exhibited while being abused and afterwards, as well as signs Iâve seen other abused youth display, all of which are less commonly recognized for what they are: red flags in disguise.Â
Being described as a âperfectionistâ or having an extremely competitive attitude to the point of experiencing breakdowns if you are not âthe bestâ
Developing a habit of locking the door to every room you enter, especially when at friendsâ houses or your own home, or other places you would be expected to feel safe and welcome at
Excessive daydreaming or fantasizing which may be accompanied by restlessness, pacing, or listening to music, and will often last for hours at a time, and may interfere with daily functioning
Experiencing an inability to relate to your peers which may lead to you creating pseudo relationships or obsessions with fictional characters to replace your lack of social interaction
Refusing to look at yourself in mirrors in public, especially when buying new clothes or going into fitting rooms
Showering in the dark because you are ashamed of your body
Experiencing intense feelings of guilt when someone does something nice for you
Hyperfixation on a hobby such as drawing or writing, which is often used as an outlet and a way to escape the abuse
Purposely making yourself appear unattractiveÂ
Being known as the shy or obedient child who never acts out
Possessing an unnatural amount of maturity for your age which many adults may have praised you for
Not knowing how to live, having an âI can survive with the bare minimumsâ mentality
Hoarding food or other objects in your room such as toiletries so you do not have to leave your room. This may be as severe as going to the bathroom in bottles or cans, or having months worth of dishes piled up around your roomÂ
Having an anxiety attack if youâre woken up abruptly or if you wake up to loud noises in your house
Never experiencing sexual interest in others, never going through a âboy phaseâ or a âgirl phaseâ; alternatively, being hypersexualÂ
Intrusive violent thoughts about small animals or children
Having no sense of belonging since you were a toddler, never feeling connected to your childhood town or house, and feeling alienated among your family members
Feel free to add more to this list. If you or someone else has experienced at least half of these signs, itâs very likely you or them has been through some form of abuse.
Trauma symptoms caused by childhood abuse
Early symptoms (childhood and teenage years):
Inability to show pain and vulnerability to others
deep belief that you âhave to be toughâ, secretly fearing that youâre weak and pathetic if you ever shed any tears or break down in pain
personality changes from outgoing and social, to isolated and quiet, trying not to be noticed
feeling like thereâs something deeply wrong with you, deep belief that youâre some kind of monster who deserves to be punished
fear that if someone finds out about whats happening to you, they will blame you and hurt you worse
anxiety around adults, always being scared youâll annoy someone and be hurt for it
very low attention to your needs and wants, feeling pride in neglecting your own well being, even neglecting your pain
belief that your value is tied to how much pain and mistreatment you can endure
urge to self harm, or outright hurting yourself
feeling like you want to disappear, or not be born at all, contemplating suicide
self hatred, feeling extremely negative about yourself and feeling like things would be better if you didnât exist
spending phases of time being emotionless, feeling like a zombie and not caring about anything
foreshortened sense of future (belief that you wont live for much longer, inability to see your future or plan for it)
not feeling the consequences of events in the real time, or not at all; for instance, being completely unphased by a violent outburst or screaming, not feeling pain when youâre hurt, or not feeling the exhaustion when youâre clearly overworked
strong urge to not think about certain topics or events, or inability to do so
fear that your body is wrong and disgusting, anxiety about anyone seeing it but desperate need for validation that youâre normal
deep sense of shame in yourself, your actions and your appearance
strong investment in finding excuses for people who do bad things, always trying to see things from their angle and to forgive them
feeling like the blame for any bad thing in the world can be put on you
not feeling like a human being, belief that youâre less than human
feeling like your home is not here and you do not belong on this planet
feeling uncomfortable being touched and wanting people to back off
uncontrolled ourbursts of rage
looking for anything to soothe your pain or distract you, indulging with obsessions or drugs
early development of anxiety disorder, depression, insomnia, ocd
trying to regress your age and force yourself to stay younger than you are, because you feel like your value is dropping with age and nobody will care for you anymore
trying to desperately take control over some aspects of your life, which can result in overdoing or completely neglecting school, losing yourself in virtual life, eating disorders, self harm or magic thinking that enables you to believe you can control your circumstances
in case of a sexual trauma, innapropriate sexual behaviour, deep shame tied to your body, indulging in sexual interactions even before puberty, feeling like youâre meant to be used, violent or forceful sexual fantasies accompanied with shame, fear of touch, fear of anyone finding out, reaching out for pornographic material to put your experience into perspective
feeling desperate to appear normal and clinging very strongly to the perception that your childhood is normal
Later symtoms, can develop anytime after puberty, can be in 20s or 30s or even 50s:
Emotional
Flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, freezing up in terror, beyond average amounts of fear and dread
Trust issues, either trusting without suspicion even when you shouldnât or trusting nobody and feeling completely alone in the world
Episodes of re-living traumatic events from childhood or later in life; emotional meltdowns
Being unable to leave the past and feeling frozen in the moments of trauma
Emotional flashbacks, feeling the events from past as if theyâre happening now, except this time you feel it thousand times stronger and completely fall apart from the horror of it
Feeling unstable, ashamed for not being able to control your emotions, fear of being judged, mocked or humiliated for it, trying desperately to not feel it, using distractions or drugs
Self doubt, struggling to know what is real and what isnât, doubting your memories and emotions, trying to only feel what you believe is obliged from you
Questioning the past over and over again, trying to find sense and who to blame
Trying desperately to put your relationship with your abuser(s) into perspective, feeling both guilt and obligation towards them, but also rage and desire to take over control from them
Self harm, self-destructive behaviour, suicidal behaviour, wanting to die to end the pain
Deep and overwhelming grief over loss of childhood and loss of trust in people you believed wouldnât hurt you, or believed they were doing it for your good, which now proved not to be true
Depression, loss of joy in anything you used to like doing, loss of optimism in life
Losing the courage to try anything, regardless of how much it would benefit you, if thereâs even a slight chance of getting hurt in a way you find impossible to endure, living passively
Feeling irreparably damaged and ruined
Getting lost in maladaptive daydreaming, fiction, or the virtual world, feeling unable to face reality, falling to obsessions or addictions to endure the pain
Feeling other peopleâs feelings as if theyâre your own, especially feelings of pain, anxiety, fear, nervousness, anger or grief; trying to soothe them and especially having strong reactions to anger
Feeling overwhelmed whenever around people, feeling the urge to self-isolate and to be completely alone
Being hit with extreme amounts of rage and struggling to process it; worrying about misdirecting the rage or acting on it, violent fantasies
Getting stuck in a mindset of a child and barely able, or unable to do any grown-up tasks
Struggling to achieve even minimum function, or not functioning at all
Losing the will or the energy to participate in any activities you used to enjoy
Fighting or indulging the urge to normalize what happened or make it ânot that badâ, trying to re-live it in a way that wouldnât be traumatic, especally with sexual trauma, needing to perceive it as if it would be normal only if it was âconsensualâ or more controlled and trying to find a way to frame it as ânot that big of a dealâ and denying itâs hurting you
Beating yourself up horribly for still being upset and traumatized by events that happened long ago
Inability to have friends or form connections with others, high alert for betrayal and manipulation
Avoding places and people connected to the trauma, getting easily triggered and forced to re-live something that needs recovery time of days or weeks
Losing your sense of reality; not being sure where you are or what year is it for some periods of time, feeling like youâre going crazy
Only being able to focus on surviving a short amount of time (just trying to get thru the day or week)
Physical
Extreme anxety; trembling, spending prolonged amount of time tense and expecting danger and pain at every second, inability to calm down, limbs not working properly, fainting out of fear
Continually activated âfight or flightâ response, always feeling endangered, trouble digesting food because your body shuts down your digestion in order for you to be able to escape faster, vomiting, stomach pains after eating
Hyperventilation, problems with breathing, feeling thereâs âno airâ in small or crowded spaces
Chronic exhaustion, feeling heavy weight over your body, having difficulty moving at all
Chronic pain, tension in your body never leaving, physical pain appearing when youâre experiencing emotional pain, chest pain, heart palpitations
Problems with blood pressure, fainting easily
Dissociation (feeling detached from your emotions and/or body, feeling numb and unreal, your body not feeling yours, feeling outside your body or like youâre stuck in someone elseâs body)
Memory issues, not being able to remember whole parts of your life, weak short term memory, not being able to look back on your life in linear way or put the events in they order they happened in, mixing several events into one, remembering feelings but not events
Increased sensitivity to noise, getting very upset at any non recognizable sound, reacting with irritability or rage to background noises, or with terror at loud noises; needing complete silence, or constant soothing background noise
Extreme sensitivity to stress, having to block out stressful things from memory, having physical reactions to stress, like shaking, your hair falling out, feeling incapable of dealing with even minimally stressful tasks
Dry mouth in the night, overheating during the nightmares, getting so distressed after sleep you canât move from the bed for hours, not calming down for days
Not being able to control your body, falling down and shaking uncontrollably, even trashing around as your body processes violence done to it
Not being able to relax or calm down without experiencing physical pain, feeling addicted to abuse and indulging in self harm, or letting someone else hurt you so that you might gain a moment of not feeling tense, stressed and scared
Feeling sensations of pain or discomfort on your body even when nothing is happening to it, especially the body parts that have been violated in some way; in case of sexual trauma it would mean private parts, in case of overworking yourself or break yourself with effort, pain in all muscles and joints
In case of sexual trauma, reoccurring memories of it, trouble figuring out your sexuality, wanting to escape your body or perceiving it in a distorted way, urge to repeat the trauma to get desensitized to it, hypersexual behaviour or complete lack of interest in sexuality
Weight gain or loss, hatred of your body and desire to change or hurt it, or complete neglect over body, lack of any self care of even acknowledging you need it
Difficulty sleeping or being awake, feeling too high alert to fall asleep or dropping out of consciousness from overexhaustion
Inability to focus or finish tasks, procrastinating or feeling sick just knowing there is a task you have to do.
 If you struggle(d) with 5 or more of early ones, or 5 or more of later ones, youâve been dealing with trauma.
I feel like a freak because I miss being abused and I don't know why. Is this even normal?
Hey anon,
You arenât a freak. Itâs fairly normal to miss being abused. Abuse alters the way you view attachment and relationships, so it can be hard to connect with people outside of abusive situations. Abuse also includes âhoneymoon periods,â which are often times where the abuser makes you feel great, and itâs possible to miss those as well.
What youâre going through is normal, anon. You will get past it, you are strong.
âroboraptor