My ttc journey

me:34 years old dh:36 years old. ttc for a little over 2 years. Myomectomy on July 2nd, 2015. Started seeing RE in March 2017

[ttccurvystyle]

Endometrial biopsy #2

I know it has been a long time since my last post. It has been an emotional journey.

We had our first appointment with the RE last month. He basically said that he cannot help us until my BMI is 45 ( current BMI 61). But I will give him some credit he did have me do 3rd day testing and ultrasound.

Can we just talk about for a second how uncomfortable it is to have an internal ultrasound on day 3 of your period? Your bleeding… You have cramps… And a lady is sticking a dildo-cam up your va jay jay. She had to search very hard for my right ovary. I decided the the right must be as sick of this shit as I am. She finally found it after having me laugh like “hahaha” and push on my right side.

I have the results back from the blood work but the doctor has not deciphered it for us yet. From what I can see on the Internet (because of corse I’m an Internet doctor) I don’t think I have PCOS, my thyroid has normalised a bit, and my testosterone is a bit low (even for a woman). I’m also pretty sure there are eggs in the reserve.

The only thing they did tell me was that my endometrium was measured at 6.63 and the normal endometrium on CD 3 should be less than 4. So this brings me to today…

My second endometrial biopsy. I was still spotting unfortunately and I’m sure you can imagine how uncomfortable spotting in stirrups is. My husband came this time which was good because I could hold his hand. This one I think was actually a little easier, probably because this time I knew what to expect and also because of the day in my cycle (my cervix was still kinda open). It was still pretty damn painful. I cried a bit and squeezed my husbands hand. He said he had no idea I was that strong.

Unfortunately the nurse practitioner is not sure she was able to get a sample. There was a lot of blood and she could not see if she got a piece. She tried 3 times and did not want to make me go through it again. She is sending it out to the lab and if there is no sample we will have to do the test again next cycle. I’m hoping she got want she needed.

Now I am just relaxing while my husband does the dishes and cooks me breakfast. Thank god for him! I have some cramps and the lady bits is very sore. I’ll get the results in about a week. Hoping for not having to do it again, no hyperplasia or atypical cells.

[hertohim]

Dr Strange *spoiler alert*

SHE: So, I am going to preface my review with… I don’t read comic books! I actually never even really watched comic book movies until I met my husband.

HE: I’ll be honest before watching Doctor Strange, I had seen the animate version. So, it lead me to be a little biased but I tried to be fair.

SHE: My husband actually prepped me for this movie months ago by making me watch the cartoon.

HE: In terms of the story line, I feel the back story from the animated version was better. It included Doctor Strange’s sister. She was sick and dying and he tried and failed to save her. He then becomes the arrogant person that we see in this film. This story is a little more compelling than the movie verson.

SHE: While watching the cartoon, I spent most of the time playing on my phone (whoops) I really don’t really remember much.

HE: Casting Cumberbatch as Doctor Strange was awesome, loved his character and how he portrayed it.

SHE: I mean it’s Benedict Cumberbatch most of his characters give you that love/ hate thing. He plays a dick. And I don’t mean dick in the sense of good guy/lady whose been through a lot (think Luke cage or Jessica Jones) I mean, this is a dude who would rather let someone die instead of operating and possibility ruin his rep by failing. But he is funny and Rachel McAdams sees something in him so we figure… Let’s see how this turns out. Basically this funny/dick surgeon has an accident and can’t use his hands anymore. He thinks his life is over until he gets tuned in to Chiwetel Ejofor and Tilda Swinton that give him a crash course in magic.

HE: The only problem is that he learned his powers too quickly. I figured they could have spent more time with his growing process, that part felt rushed.

SHE: I got really excited when they started talking about how the body can regenerate by the power of the mind. I was like “mindfulness!” This is actually the future of psychology and where a lot of research is currently being directed. This makes me very happy. I hate when movies make up facts and perpetuate myths about science (think Lucy , seriously can we stop saying we only use 10% of our brains? It’s total bull shit).

HE: Chiwetel playing Mordo was great as well

SHE: Sexy Nigerian man with magic powers

HE: You can really relate to him as you watch his foundation and beliefs fall apart. You can understand him and why he will eventually become a villain.

SHE: loved Tilda Swinton, she is an ethereal goddess leader.

HE: The casting of Tilda as the ancient one, was a mistake. I felt this before seeing the movie and after. I’ll admit it wasn’t as bad as I thought but most people will agree that Cary Hiroyuki Tagawa would have done a better job. The casting of Wong could have been better as well.

SHE: Wong was pretty awesome.

HE: The movie as a whole was well done, the combat and use of magic was definitely accurate.

SHE: I actually paid more attention during the action scenes than I usually do simply because it was like… Fight fight fight, Witty line, fight, magic portal, grey’s anatomy, ghost fight, fight fight, magic portal, Grey’s anatomy, ghost chat, fight fight.

HE: Most people would agree that some of the action scenes, like when the buildings merged, it felt like inception.

SHE: Basically I would say this movie is a mix between Grey’s anatomy, ghost and Harry Potter.

HE: This is an origin story and as a fan it is a thrill to watch the character come to life on the big screen. I still maintain the civil war is the best Marvel movie to date, in fairness it had more characters and a better story to tell.

SHE: I actually really liked this movie. I love how Marvel can make a super hero movie that does not take itself too seriously and it could have been really hard to pull that off in this case.

HE: I’ll probably watch Doctor Strange again when it comes out on DVD or blue ray. I can’t wait for him to meet up with the avengers. Can you imagine Tony Stark about Doctor Strange together?

SHE: I like the character development and I am actually pretty excited to see where this story will take us.

SHE:All I will say about the extra scenes are “magically refillable beer stein where do I get it?” And sexy Nigerian man power trip.

[madisonnaomi2012]

Sending prayers of strength and hope to you ladies out there to get through tomorrow 😌

[ttccurvystyle]

My plan. … hide in my house and watch drag race. I just can’t today. If I go out and anyone wishes me a Happy mothers day I may break out in tears. I know it’s not their fault and they only mean well. .. but it hurts.

I’m on a cycle currently without clomid and I’m on day 16 and have not had a positive okp, not even close. We have an appointment on 5/20th to find out the next step. I’m going to stick to my diet hardcore so that the doctor cannot find any excuse not to give me clomid again.

I can’t even go on Facebook today. Everyone showing pictures of their babies or their mothers. I don’t have either in the traditional since. I don’t want to get into the not having a mother thing today but it’s a hard day.

[fertility-matters]

Words That Hurt People With Infertility

[ttccurvystyle]

HSG

So I had my hsg yesterday and I want to start of by saying it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Not as bad as the endometrial biopsy. I arrived about a half hour early and went to register. There was a long wait and I was so nervous. I felt like I was sitting there forever. Eventually my name was called and I was greeted with a hospital bracelet with my name on it. (It always seems more serious when you have a bracelet). After registering I walked down to radiology and was told to go in the changing room and remove everything except my undies, socks, and shoes. Then I had to sit in the waiting room… in a johnny… with other people around. Thank goodness I was able to keep on my undies or I would have felt even more exposed. After about 10 mins the radiology technician came and let me know that they were just waiting on the doctor because she was busy delivering a baby. The tech obviously knew what this test was for because she decided that it must be good luck and that I would be next to have a baby. I liked her optimism immediately. I waited for about another 10 mins and then was called in (must have been a quick baby). The technician then told me to go in the ladies room and take off my “undies” (she actually used the word undies) and to use the bathroom if I needed to. I went in the bathroom took off my undies and said my prayers. The room was a big white room with a high table, xray equipment and a large monitor. It’s kinda intimidating I’m not gonna lie. The doctor came in and introduced herself to me. She was a tiny, older, asian lady with a thick accent. She had me sign the consent forms and asked me how long I’ve been trying. She reminded me that for the next 3 cycles I would be very fertile. I think it was her way of saying “the pain is worth it”. They had me get on the table and scoot with my butt on the end. (I’m sure we all know how this is ladies) the doctor showed me the speculum and told me she would be using lidocaine jelly. She placed the speculum and then explained that she was cleaning my cervix. This felt weird but not painful. She then did something to my cervix and I started to get crampy (like moderate period pain). I thought “wow that’s it? Catheter is in? That’s not that bad” then I hear the doctor say “we’re going to place the catheter now”. I remember thinking “what the bleep did you just do?” I felt the increasing cramps of the catheter and then the tech (who had been rubbing my arm through all of this) told me that when I “feel a strong cramp it means the catheter is in the right place” not even a second later I let out a yelp. (It felt like a minor labor pain and then went right back to moderate cramps). As soon as that happened the tech ran out of the room to get the radiologist and the lights were turned off. The radiologist came very quickly (thank god) he was a slightly graying man in his early 50s with a big smile. He introduced himself and his student, then started positioning the equipment. So yeah basically at this point I’m laying on my back with my knees spread, speculum inserted, catheter sticking out of my vajayjay and four people running around me throwing on medal vests and protective equipment, but at this point I really didn’t even care who saw as long as it was over quickly. The tech then grabbed my hand and told me to squeeze. (I knew this was going to be the hard part) I didn’t feel the dye right away. .. then I felt it. .. I can only imagine that it is what labor feels like. But I swear it took about a min. The doctor yelled “all clear” and the tech said “honey did you hear that?” and I just cried and nodded. It was over and my tubes were clear and open. Then the lights were back on and the radiologist and his student were gone. I was still feeling dull cramps (like period pain), the catheter and speculum were still in. The doctor then removed the catheter and put more antibiotic cream on the cervex and checked for bleeding. She then took the speculum out and I took a deep breath. While I was still laying down she showed me my uterus on the screen and my tubes and explained how conseption happened at the overies then traveled down the tubes (which I already knew but liked listening to her explain it). She then helped me sit up and asked me how I felt. I actually felt surprisingly good, no dizziness, no nausea, just very mild period like cramps. She had me sit for a while and gave me some tips on conceiving. She never once spoke of my weight. Which is refreshing. She then helped me stand and was rubbing my arm the whole time. The tech handed me a pad, they explained that ink can leek out and warned me what color it would be (brown and yellowish). As I walked to the car I could feel the leeking, I was thankful for the pad. I felt a little crampy that day, but my hubby took good care of me and made me a yummy supper (rice, salmon and plantain). Today I just feel relieved! Tubes are clear! No scar tissue! No blockages! This relief is worth the 10 mins on that table.

[the-fashion-alba]

[ttccurvystyle]

Life goals

[ttccurvystyle]

Clomid challenge day3 and day 10 testing

So I am super excited my day 3 and day 10 blood tests came back normal. Yay! I have eggs! So that basically this means that worst case we can still use my eggs. I still have to do the hsg next cycle but I'm really hoping that with clomid there will not have to be a next cycle. Currently on cd 14 and it looks like I have not ovulated yet. I have my husband bding every other day at this point, just in case.

[ttccurvystyle]

Here goes nothing

[ttccurvystyle]

Big news

So we are currently in the middle of a clomid challenge. I had my day 3 testing on Thursday and I just took my first 2 clomid pills. I'm sitting out front my husband's work and I'm already pretty sure he will be driving home. Feeling kinda sleepy. I don't know if it is the pills or the time. On Wednesday I will have my hsg and then on Thursday is day 10 testing. I'm so nervous. I keep crying off and on thinking about what the results of the tests may be. Wish me luck.

[ttccurvystyle]

Day 3 after last progesterone pill

Still no period. But I do have good news. My ob/gyn finally agreed that it is time to sit and "make a plan for pregnancy". This is big news! The appointment is on feb 29th and my plan is to lose as much weight as possible so she will at least be able to say that I'm on the right path.

[ttccurvystyle]

Progesterone number 2

I realize I have not posted for about 2 months or so, I have just been so aggravated. I'm currently on cd 68 and I take my last progesterone pill tonight. I'm so sick of my body not doing what it's suppose to do. I'm also sick of my obgyn not caring that im not getting cycles. I sent her an email today saying... hey think it might be a good time meet and figure out the root of this problem. I haven't heard back yet, but if she writes back that is because I'm obese I'm switching doctors. I'm fine with you telling me to lose weight. .. which I have 50 pounds and counting, but I'm not ok with some one who is not going to help me or even run a test until I do. And so ends my rant for today. I'll let you know how it turns out.

[ttccurvystyle]

Yay I finally got a period

So I officially got my period without progesterone. It didn't happen till cd 42, but I am thankful that it was only 5 days long. So it would seem I o'd very late (cd31) But I'm totally ok with this as long as I'm o'ing. Bd yesterday at cd 6 for fun, so happy that 1. Got my period without assistance since last cycle lasted over 90 days. 2. My period lasted 5 days, before the myomectomy I would be bleeding for 20 days out of the month, and 3. Symptoms show that i most likely o'd. Over all not a bad cycle. My husband did have to remind me that this is progress, I had my normal monthly depression when af came that was followed by beer and sushi. But all and all I'm now I'm now feeling pretty positive.

[ttcbabywest]

Do you ever just rub your belly as if a baby will magically appear?

[ttccurvystyle]

Test #6 this cycle

Welp, bone white again. So frustrated! Cd 32, no af and no bfp. I have a feeling we ate dealing with another non ovulation cycle. I still have a week and a half before I can take the progesterone again so i guess I have 10 days to obsess. .. gurr

[ttccurvystyle]

Test number 5 this cycle

So here I sit at cd 31 no af and 5 bfns. Why is it that every time I see that bone white second line I feel like a failure? I currently have seriously sore boobs and lot of lost faith. I’m at that point where you just want one or the other… Af or bfp. I just want to be able to move on… But I know test number 6 will come tomorrow morning.

[ttccurvystyle]

Starting to give up hope

Cd29 and about 12 dpo... I don't even know what to say. No positive test yet and no af. I'm super worried that this whole cycle will be a wash. As in I am not pregnant and I won't get my af on my own. I have a ton of pregnancy/pms symptoms such as sore boobs, weepiness, dizziness, bloat, and nausea. I'm staying to get to the stage where I just want to get mad and throw things and all my husband will say "we will have a baby when God wants us to". Unfortunately this is not helpful.