TTM in the City

[ttminthecity]

Hair advice

Hey guys, Haven't been on tumblr in a while but I've been doing REALLY well. Well, mostly. I haven't pulled from my head since September, but I've switched to my split ends. But my problem now is that my head is covered with tiny hairs growing back in that are super curly and crazy and close to my head. And I have this one patch on the top of my head that just sticks up and looks awful. I went to get my hair cut and my hair dresser suggested getting a keratin cezanne treatment (so no formaldehyde) to relax the tiny hairs. She said it would make them smoother and stay closer to my head... Especially as it starts getting more humid and my hair also becomes frizzier. Has anyone tried this type of treatment on hairs that are growing back in? What do you think?? I need advice!! Thanks friends!

[ttminthecity]

8 days pull free

PARTYYYYY

[ttminthecity]

Today I am back in my own cubicle. I have done so well for the last four days, but I know the biggest part of that was my inability to pull. It was such a relief on so many levels to even have the minor privacy of a cubicle back, but that privacy gives me more of an ability to pull. Not pulling this week has been such a freeing experience though. I feel clearer, more focused, happier, more attractive -- I feel better in every way. It doesn't surprise me that people think celiacs and pulling are linked, because the improvements are so similar. It's not one thing that's changed, it's my entire quality of life -- my entire outlook. There were moments this past week that the urge to pull was so strong, it almost overpowered my shame. Even though I touched my hair a lot, searching for pullable hairs, twirled and picked my split ends, I didn't pull. I resisted that last step, which makes all the difference. On the days I pull, I feel like trich is all, or at least most of how I define myself. This week, it has been a small but entirely manageable and not scary part. It has been completely liberating to feel that even though I may WANT to pull, I don't NEED to. For a while there, it was almost impossible for me to imagine my life without trich. Now, it is almost impossible for me to imagine going back.

[ttminthecity]

Four days, no pull

BAM

[ttminthecity]

Day 6

For some reason today is a lot harder than every other day has been. Holding it together.

[tlomb]

[renewedlibrarycard]

Cha-chi-cha-chi-cha! A coodle doodle doo!

[ttminthecity]

3

Third day of no pulling! I haven't posted in a while because things were pretty bleak there but I'm feeling great. I hope and think I can keep this up.

[festgo]

[ttminthecity]

Spent all day pulling my hair. I couldn't stop. Now I feel all spacey and zoned out and also like crying. And my hair looks like garbage.

[ttminthecity]

DAY FOUR

Day 4: Coming out I've been putting this off all morning because I don't feel like dealing with it, but I keep pulling my hair and I need to remind myself why I NEED to stop. Yesterday was really terrible and I want to get back on this. I have been "out" to B about this for a while, but I always try to keep my explanations vague because I don't want him to know how bad it is. Two weekends ago, we were drunk and talking about getting married one day. I have always been VERY afraid of this conversation and usually when we start to head in that direction I'll make a stupid joke or change topics because it makes me so nervous. This time though, I was really feeling excited! And then I started crying. I told him yes, of course I want to marry you, but I can't have a wedding until my hair grows back. And that's the truth. Would we get married tomorrow if I didn't have bald patches? Definitely not. First of all, we're broke, and young, and certainly not in a rush. But what I'm really afraid of is a year, two years, three years from now, if he proposes, and I don't want to say yes because of my HAIR. I'm playing the long game. If I stop pulling my hair now, maybe it will all be back and a nice length in two years. But I need to stop now.

[ttminthecity]

DAY FOUR

Day Four : time to purge! Since most people with Derma/Trich want to improve the quality of their skin/hair to help repair the damage they have done to themselves, we almost always accumulate a bunch of cosmetics, tools and phamacuticals that didn’t work out, but take up lots of space and are only collecting dust! Our challenge is to go through all that stuff and lay out only what you really need; then throw out, donate or recycle the rest. Post a before and after pic of your stash. So, I don't really have any of this. I guess I don't pull much from my eyebrows anymore, and it never occurred to me to fill in the patches on my head (although I would love some tips on that). Mostly I have figured out how my hair should fall in order to conceal the patches, and so I am constantly adjusting it to make sure they're semi concealed. Of course touching my hair all the time just makes me want to pull more so it's a cruel cycle.

[ttminthecity]

DAY THREE (post)

DAY THREE : SIX HOURS OF (INSERT YOUR EXPLETIVE ADJECTIVE HERE) - IT IS SATURDAY, SPEND SOME TIME BEING KIND TO YOURSELF. DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO NOT PICK OR PULL FOR 6 WHOLE HOURS. TELL US ABOUT IT. WHAT TIME OF THE DAY DID YOU CHOOSE? WAS IT HARD TO CONTROL YOUR COMPULSIONS? WHAT DID YOU DO TO COPE WITH YOUR URGES? My parents are in town so I inadvertently competed the day 3 challenge. We went out to lunch, to a board game store, and then to a gourmet food market. In the car at the beginning of the day my mom caught me playing with my hair (even though I didn't pull) and that was embarrassing. But there was definitely a six hour block of no pulling, even if I did pull a little after they left. Mixed success.

[ttminthecity]

Panicking

[ttminthecity]

This job does not make me pull my hair. Trichotillomania makes me pull my hair. I'd still be pulling my hair in Madrid, Istanbul, Portland, or the god damn moon. (Maybe not the moon--space suits and all.) Stop making excuses.

[ttminthecity]

Pulled two hairs. Breathe. It can stop here. I'm going to list some other things I don't like about trich (other than the bald patches on my hair). 1. Touching my hair all the time makes it greasy and ruins my curls. 2. This also makes my face oily. Gross. 3. When I'm pulling my hair it's the only thing I'm focusing on, even if I'm also "working," "reading," or "watching TV." I can't even begin to calculate the amount of hours I've wasted on this. 4. People definitely have seen me do it and that's just embarrassing. 5. My hair gets simultaneously frizzy and flat. 6. I don't want to give up control to this impulse. I think I feel a little better now.

[ttminthecity]

I haven't pulled but I keep twirling. I found one hair that is really bugging me, it's maybe 4 inches - one that has started growing back. There is a bump on the end that makes me want to pull it out. But I won't erase that progress.

[ttminthecity]

Day Two : Post a picture of your damage when it was at its worst. When was this and what was going on in your life? How did you overcome the crisis? I took these pictures this morning.